Mommy Vows: Back to School Edition

Posted on
Categories Household and Family Management, How Do The Moms Do It, Older Children, Parenting, School, School-Age, Time Management4 Comments

My twin girls are starting second grade this week.  On the eve of the beginning of their third school year, I realized I was giving myself a bit of a pep talk.  Having two years of school under my belt, I am going to TRY to learn from my hardships and do a few things to give myself an easier time of it.

DSC_0012
The first day of first grade!

1. I will carve out time over the weekend to do some food prep for the upcoming week.

While I would love to spend every ounce of the weekends hanging out with the girlies, it makes my life much simpler to put together some make-ahead recipes on Sunday.

2. I will invite the girls to help me in the kitchen when I do food prep.

I have done a pretty good job of this this summer, but it’s easy to get into “get it done” mode during the school year.  I’ll feel better about “taking away” time from the weekend for food prep if I can count it as quality time with the girls.

3. I will make lunches the night before.

I’m bad at this one.  I get so tired by the end of the day, I often wait until the morning to assemble lunches.  I’ll enjoy more of my mornings if I’m not rushing to peel cucumbers at 5:50am.

4. The girls will clean out their own backpacks each day.

We get busy in the afternoons, and I want to spend down-time with the girls as much as possible.  This often leaves the task of cleaning out the backpacks to me.  I already have an adorable in-box in place.  I’m going to try to break this habit!

5. The girls will load their backpacks for the following day (with the exception of their lunchboxes) before bedtime.

See #5.

6. I will have the girls in the car by 7:30am.

That’s actually a tiny bit more time than we need to get to school at 7:45, but that allows me to run back into the house for whatever it is I forgot that day.  (It’s seemingly inevitable, at least once a week…might as well plan for it.)

7. I will fix the coffee pot before I go to bed.

What a great treat it is to get up in the morning with just one button to press between me and that sweet elixir!

8. I will blog at least once a week.

I feel much better when I sit down, relax, and write.  It’s so easy to get out of the routine, but I feel much more like “me” when I stick to it.  I’m hopeful that I’ll have time in the mornings here and there…since I’m saving myself time on lunches and coffee prep, mornings are going to be a breeze, right???

So here’s my game plan…

A. Get Hubby’s buy-in…

…in the food department.  I don’t exactly need (or want!) his help in the kitchen most of the time, but he can help facilitate the Sunday afternoon schedule for me to do that.

…in the management of backpacks.  He’s home with the girls in the afternoon, and I’ll ask him to help reinforce our new outline.

B. Keep the girls on task with a fancy list…

…to remind them of their backpack chores each afternoon.

…to provide a checklist of their morning duties to give us the greatest chance of success for that 7:30 departure.

C. Cut myself some slack, when necessary…

…to allow for the occasional pizza night or PB&J two days in a row.  Even the best-laid plans don’t always pan out.  We will survive!

What am I missing on my list?  Any tips and tricks you Multiple Mamas can share that make your days run a little more smoothly???  

MandyE is mom to 7 1/2-year old fraternal twin girls.  She blogs about their adventures, and her journey through motherhood, at Twin Trials and Triumphs.

Share this...Share on FacebookTweet about this on TwitterShare on Google+Pin on PinterestShare on StumbleUponShare on TumblrShare on RedditDigg thisShare on LinkedInEmail this to someone

Kids Who Can’t Play at the Playground… By Design

Posted on
Categories Special NeedsTags , 1 Comment

My girls and I have been going to local playgrounds since they were newborns. Wood chip ground cover was a nuisance when it came to getting around with my double stroller. I remember wondering how parents in wheelchairs managed.

I used to leave one twin at a time in the stroller while I held the other in my lap. We slid down the slide to the sounds of peals of baby laughter. As soon as they were walking at about 12 months old (10 months corrected), my daughters toddled out onto the wood chips. Twin B was a little suspicious of this stuff under her feet. Twin A dived into it with gusto.

These new walkers are all about the playground! Kids with special needs may not be able to even reach the equipment when wood chips are in the way.

My major frustration with the wood chips that lined nearly all the playgrounds near us was that my daughters liked to chew on them. Other children, though, find wood chips to be an impassable obstacle. It keeps them from being able to access the equipment at all.

Marissa‘s son A has a variety of special needs. He has already overcome every expectation doctors set for him. They didn’t think he’d survive. When he proved them wrong, they didn’t think he’d be mobile. Untiring parents, committed therapists, and A’s will of steel keep showing us that the sky is the limit. A uses a walker to get around.

A uses a walker to get around. Cement isn't an ideal playground surface, but it's more accessible than wood chip mulch.

When it comes to playgrounds, the edge of the wood chip ground cover marks the limits of where A can get around easily. Cement playgrounds aren’t ideal, but they are walker and wheelchair accessible. Wood chips catch on A’s walker, and he recently suffered injuries from a park fall.

A, who uses a walker to get around, was injured in a wood chip covered playground, which is not accessible.

Here in the Austin area, the Play for All Park in Rabb Park is an accessible playground that is designed with kids like A in mind. It has a swing for wheelchair-users and ramps onto the playscape, tactile surfaces for blind kids, and the ground is covered with a firm but yielding foam-like surface. There are a few areas with wood chips, but much of the playground equipment is accessible.

The Play for All Abilities park in Round Rock TX accommodates kids with and without special needs side by side.

Unfortunately, nothing like this is (yet) available where Marissa and A live.

Today, the Americans with Disabilities Act is 26 years old. If you can, please contact your local parks and recreation department and ask them to consider playground accessibility. Even paving part of a park would make it more accessible to kids like A. It’s a quick call for you, but a world of inclusion for A and children like him.

If you have any photos or videos of a friend or family member trying to navigate wood chips, please email them to Marissa at hdydiblog@gmail.com. She will be using them to advocate for accessible playgrounds in Utah.

Share this...Share on FacebookTweet about this on TwitterShare on Google+Pin on PinterestShare on StumbleUponShare on TumblrShare on RedditDigg thisShare on LinkedInEmail this to someone

Explaining Being Black in America to Children

Posted on
Categories Diversity, Parenting, PerspectiveTags Leave a comment

Lester Davis’s 6-year-old twin boys and 4-year-old daughter had a fun opportunity: they could bring water guns to school. What’s better than a good soaking on a hot summer day? They were excited.

However, the Davis family is Black.

Lester had to have a very difficult conversation with his kids about how Black people are perceived, one he describes as a “right of passage” in many minority homes. He told them about the death of 14-year-old Tamir Rice, a child with toy who was perceived as a man with a gun. He eventually let the kids take the water guns, but these little ones are now a little more aware of how the world may some day perceive them.

This is parenting at its best.

On Parenting | Why this dad didn’t want his kids to play with water guns

A father struggles with whether to allow his three black children to take water guns to camp.

I’m not Black. While I am a minority, the worst stereotype I’ve had to deal with is “Indians are all good at math”.

I am good at math, so it doesn’t affect me personally. However, I am aware of Asian kids with dyslexia and other academic challenges whose access to services was delayed because of their teachers’ assumptions of their abilities based on their race. Even positive stereotypes can hurt.

As I was saying, I’m not Black, but my daughters and I have had the same conversation Lester had with his children. Changing attitudes, preventing the shooting of another Black 14-year-old with a toy, that falls on all of us, not just Black parents. Thank you, Lester, for giving us an example to follow.

You can find Lester’s wife, Tanika, blogging at Davis Family Chronicles.

Share this...Share on FacebookTweet about this on TwitterShare on Google+Pin on PinterestShare on StumbleUponShare on TumblrShare on RedditDigg thisShare on LinkedInEmail this to someone

Should You Go to MommyCon? Yes!

Posted on
Categories Community, ProductsTags 1 Comment

What exactly is MommyCon?

MommyCon is an entirely unique event: part trade show, part kid gear market, part mommy meetup, part parenting course. I went in without expectations, and came away thinking, “I have to tell everyone about this!” MommyCon is ideal for expectant parents and those with little kids (infants and toddlers) seeking community and solutions. I found plenty to hold my interest for the full day even though my kids are older. If MommyCon has an event in your area, I strongly recommend that you go.

Expect a large exhibit hall where you can browse products, go shopping, and chat with product representatives. Nearby, find lectures and group discussions on all aspects of parenting and womanhood. I hear that the talk on sex while breastfeeding was a huge hit, although I didn’t attend. I enjoyed chatting with other MommyCon attendees, especially when they were breastfeeding their little ones or taking a snack break. While most of the folks I met were local, some had come to Austin from as far away as Dallas and the exhibitors were from all over the country.

MommyCon is a gathering of mothers, brands and parenting experts designed for babywearers on the lookout for high quality products and parenting insight.

I’d never even heard of MommyCon before Penny over at Foster2Forever mentioned that it was coming to Austin in a local bloggers’ Facebook group. I went ahead and entered Naturepedic’s ticket giveaway and didn’t think much more of it. Lucky me! I won the giveaway. And lucky you! Most of the goodies that I picked up will be coming to HDYDI readers in future giveaways.

If you’re near Washington, D.C., you may even be able to land a pair of free tickets of your own for the July 23, 2016 MommyCon event in town. Naturepedic is giving away tickets! MommyCon also comes to Texas, Florida, and California, with a total of 10 events a year.

Who should go to MommyCon?

MommyCon is definitely targeted at the babywearing, cloth diapering crowd. The products available to try or buy are generally for expectant mothers and those whose kids who are still in diapers. However, there is plenty to do and learn for those of us whose children are older.

The best thing about MommyCon, in my opinion, is how kid-friendly it is.

At @mommycon. So impressed by the @babyganics changing station.

A photo posted by Sadia (@hdydiblog) on

Unlike most other mom events I’ve attended, MommyCon actively accommodates children, providing toys and diapering supplies. Most importantly, every single person there welcomes children into every part of the event. We all understand full well that kids are going to cry, run around, interrupt, and push the occasional button. While the crowd was overwhelmingly female, there were plenty of babywearing dads and expectant fathers, tending to kids, joining in parenting discussions, and shopping.

MommyCon features awesome products and an involved, interested group of parents.

When my twins were infants, I had a baby carrier, but wouldn’t describe myself as a baby-wearer. I used the carrier only when both my babies demanded to be held and I needed a spare arm. I liked the idea of cloth diapers, but my children were in daycare for 11 hours a day. Disposable diapers were the only option, at least on weekdays. I felt completely at home despite being a working mom whose maternity leave ended when my babies were only 11 weeks old… a decade ago. Much as I had wanted to wear my babies back in 2006, I used my single baby Snugli carrier quite rarely.

What kind of products does MommyCon feature?

If it has to do with mom or baby, MommyCon probably has it. I chatted with a local Baby Sign teacher, checked out adorable clothes and toys, looked at all sorts of safety supplies, ate the most delicious yogurt in history, and even tried a better tasting infant iron supplement. MommyCon is a great opportunity for boutique shopping for yourself and baby.

Baby carriers

As far as I’m aware, baby carriers designed for twins weren’t even on the market back in my day. I finally got to try the TwinGo carrier I’ve been drooling over online in MommyCon , where the exhibits include a phenomenal wrap and carrier library where you can try on tens of different baby carriers to find the right one for you and your brood.

The TwinGo carrier lets you wear two babies at once, but can also be separated into two separate carriers, one for each parent.

The TwinGo is genius. It doesn’t just allow you to safely and comfortably wear both your babies at once. It also comes apart into to separate carriers so that you and your co-parent can each wear a baby. If you’re expecting twins, add it to your baby registry now. Really. I can wait.

In addition to the wide array of carriers available to try out in the babywearing area, a number of company representatives manned their own tables. Jess Mann at the Moby Wrap was particularly helpful. Although the company does not promote wearing two babies in a single wrap, Jess did acknowledge that many parents of multiples do so. I really appreciated her taking the time to lament with me the challenges of a top-heavy mother trying to wearing tiny babies.

The founder of Kanaluti carriers was also at MommyCon and made an excellent recommendation: check with your pediatrician before wearing your babies, especially if they’re fragile preemies like mine were. A number of other carrier companies were present, but I didn’t stop at all the booths. My 10-year-olds are a little beyond baby carriers these days.

Car seats

I’m kind of a car seat nerd, so I spent a lot of time chatting with the car seat folks. I stopped by the Britax booth and thanked them for the wonderful information about car seat safety I’d used to educate myself before my daughters were born. I swear to this day that the Britax Marathon gets all the credit for keeping my children entirely safe in the one accident we’ve been in. I was pleased to see that they’re now selling some narrower seats. Despite my loyalty to their brand, I had to switch away to fit three kids in the back seat of my sedan.

I was blown away by the Kiddy brand car seats, which are new to the US market. I’ve been frustrated by boosters sliding around on the seat. The Kiddy seats have a retractable LATCH attachment that allows the seat to push up flush against the back of the car’s seat. They’re also designed to absorb the impact of a crash so that the child’s hips feel less of it.

In addition to safety, Kiddy engineers have thoughtfully designed their seats accommodate children of different sizes. My own girls being in the 1st and 3rd percentiles for height and weight, I’m fully aware of what a challenge it can be when things are designed only with the average person in mind. The Kiddy car seat I looked at expands up, sideways and even forwards to fit longer legs. Some of their seats take kids up to 110 lbs; while I weighed only 2 lbs more than that when I got pregnant, I know that there are kids who because of age or maturity need to be in car seats at that size.

Kiddy is a new brand to the US car seat market. The seats adjust to children of different sizes. The seats even stretch forward to fit long legs.

I’ve been through the expense of car seat expiration before. I asked about their expiration period, and was pleasantly surprised to hear that the Kiddy seats can be good for 8 years. Or was it 7? I should have taken notes!

Strollers

I confess that I didn’t spend much time at all with the strollers. I was, however, deeply impressed by the SCOUT car attachment. This simple smart solution lets you attach bulky (and often filthy) jogging strollers to the back of your car. No more wrestling a jogging stroller into the trunk while your babies scream. No more having to buy a new car because the trunk isn’t big enough.

The SCOUT jogging stroller attachment lets you keep your jogging stroller on the outside of your car!

I had a lovely conversation with SCOUT’s inventor and his wife, and briefly even met one of their sons. This product is lightweight and simple, and it was clear to see how much love and thought had gone into designing a solution to make an outdoorsy family’s life a little easier.

And tons more

The goody bags that they hand out at MommyCon are, of themselves, worth the price of entry. Here’s most of the content of one:

  A photo posted by Sadia (@hdydiblog) on

I’ll tell you more about the eating supplies, cleaning products, body care products, jewelry, and accessories in future posts, since I’ll be giving away most of the stuff in the photo above to readers.

MommyCon Lectures and Discussions

At MommyCon Austin. I went to a great talk on preparing our daughters for their first period by the perfectly named Leah Love. Even though there were no other twin moms present, the entire room weighed in with thoughtful answers when I asked how to handle any awkwardness that might arise if one twin hits this milestone before her more competitive sister. I cried during the Q&A portion of Chasity Boatman‘s talk, where she covered both her experience of post-partum depression and her successful exclusively expressed breastmilk feeding relationship with her son. That talk alone was worth making the choice to go to MommyCon.

Let me just share with you the discussion schedule. These are top notch presentations. I understand that other locations will have some overlap in content, but quite a bit varies from city to city.

Considering whether to go to MommyCon? The talks are well worth it, even without the swag bag and industry experts.

So, yes, you should go to MommyCon

MommyCon is targeted at baby-wearing, cloth diapering moms and moms-to-be. It’s definitely most relevant to parents with little children, infants and toddlers. However, the event has plenty to offer to parents who follow all sorts of parenting philosophies. If you have the chance, go to this entirely unique event! (And then send me a note to let me know how you enjoyed yourself.)

Share this...Share on FacebookTweet about this on TwitterShare on Google+Pin on PinterestShare on StumbleUponShare on TumblrShare on RedditDigg thisShare on LinkedInEmail this to someone

How to talk to kids about the Orlando shooting: 5 musts

Posted on
Categories Anger, Community, Fear, Grief, How Do The Moms Do It, Mental Health, Older Children, Parenting, Talking to KidsLeave a comment

I felt like I was falling. My immediate reaction to learning of Sunday morning’s Orlando tragedy was visceral. I felt my stomach and heart drop before my brain could catch up to put words to my feelings. Grief. Anger. Fear. Above all, confusion. How could someone be so evil? Why would anyone bring a gun to a place of joy?

I quickly confirmed that everyone I knew who had even the most remote possibility of being at the scene of the massacre was safe. They were. My entire focus then turned to my daughters. How was I going to talk to my kids about the Orlando shooting?

Like so many parents, I’ve wrestled over whether to talk to my children about the horrific murders committed by a single deranged man. My daughters are 10. They interact with other children during the day. If they were going to learn about the shooting, I wanted them to learn about it from me, in a way that was honest, age appropriate, and non-sensationalist. I thought long and hard about how I would talk to my kids about the Orlando shooting specifically and mass shooting in general.

The way our morning went Monday, I only got around to talking to one kid. When I picked the kids up from camp, she was the one to encourage me to talk to her sister about the Orlando tragedy.

“Something really bad happened yesterday,” I started.

“49 dead? 53 injured?” she interrupted.

It turns out that she had read about the tragedy in Orlando on the news ticker. There was sports programming playing on TVs at the day’s field trip destination.

I wished I had spoken to her before she’d read those details, but she didn’t seem too traumatized. I got the impression that my willingness to discuss the matter did a lot to counter the children’s fear of this act of terrorism. Their confusion mirrored mine.

My willingness to discuss #Orlando with my kids did a lot to calm their fear. Click To Tweet

My daughters are as goofy and energetic as 10-year-olds come, but they are unusually mature. They, like me, feel empowered by information. You know your children better than anyone. If they are at a stage where they still think that everything that happens is because of or about them, they may be too immature to handle the news. Protect them from the television, radio, newspapers, and unthinking adults. You need to decide for your family, for each individual child, how to talk to them about the Orlando tragedy.

I knew that my daughters needed to talk this horrific event through. I explained that a very wrong man went to a place that is specifically intended to be a safe place for gay people to meet and hang out.

“That’s a great idea,” my daughter interjected. “It’s nice that there’s a place where gay people can know that all the not gay people will be nice to them.”

Obviously, my kids were already familiar with the concept of homosexuality. I told them that boys could marry boys and girls girls when they were toddlers. They’ve since noticed a number of lesbian and gay couples among my friends and met kids with two moms.

“But,” my little girl continued, “that makes the bad man even worse. Because he picked a place that’s nice to be mean.”

She was right, I told her. There were five massive ideas at play in the Orlando shooting, as I saw it. She had already identified two: terrorism and homophobia. She brought up 9/11 and we talked about the parallels between the two events for a bit.

It was then easy to segue into the religion part of the discussion. I told my daughter that a lot of people associate terrorism with Islam. A lot of our Muslim friends and family feared hatred from people who painted all Muslims with a single terrorist brush. I confessed that a small part of my choice to keep my married name after divorce was to avoid a recognizably Muslim name.

“But mostly to match us?” she asked. Yes, I mostly kept my married name to match my kids.

“But Mom,” my daughter realized out loud, “Christian people do bad things sometimes, but I’m not a bad person and I’m Christian.”

She was spot on. “What does it mean to be Christian?” I prompted. “If someone hurts a bunch of people, is that following Jesus’ example?”

“No,” she realized, “and he wasn’t very good at being Muslim either.”

Whenever I can, I let my children draw their own conclusions. I learn far more from them than they do from me.

“That’s three things, mom. You said there were five.”

The other two things were mental health and gun ownership. We have depression in the family, so we’ve talked in the past about chemical imbalances in the brain. I told my daughter that there was probably something very very wrong with the shooter’s brain for hmm to even imagine what he had done, much less follow through.

Next, we briefly touched on gun rights. Her father is a soldier, so she’s familiar with responsible gun ownership. I told her that my personal belief is that guns should be treated like cars, with training, licensing, and insurance required.

It was a great conversation, although one I wish we didn’t have occasion for.

“I understand the five things,” my thoughtful child told me, “but I still didn’t understand.”

I told her the truth. I didn’t understand either. No one would ever understand. There was nothing sensible, logical, or comprehensible about what this man had done. The families who are smaller today will never understand why their loved ones will never come home. The big question – WHY? – would always be out there confusing us all.

My daughter accepted my answer. She was old enough to get that this story wasn’t going to wrap up neatly. She asked me to spend the night in her room, because she was sad. We snuggled up in shared sadness, confusion, and complete love and trust.

Share this...Share on FacebookTweet about this on TwitterShare on Google+Pin on PinterestShare on StumbleUponShare on TumblrShare on RedditDigg thisShare on LinkedInEmail this to someone

The Death of a Twin, Through the Eyes of a Child

Posted on
Categories Grief, Loss, Perspective4 Comments

It was a Christmas party, all jollity and camaraderie. I was an elementary school kid. Our parents introduced me to the pre-teen children of my father’s work friend. The boy and girl were twins, one or two years older than I. This was my first experience with multiples. At the time, I remember being confused because they were fraternal, not identical, twins. They looked more to me like “just” a brother and sister, but I was still enthralled with the idea of those two people as a unit.

We spent most of that first meeting playing with He-man action figures and other toys upstairs while the parents talked and chattered with their clinking drinks downstairs. I also remember reading some of my new friend’s Choose Your Own Adventure books. Eventually, after many rounds of snacks and drinks, and after a well-timed visit from Santa, it was time to go home.

We met once or twice again throughout the year, attending a BBQ or two with the family and hanging out poolside that summer. But it was the following annual Christmas party that I remember most vividly. I recall the twin sister falling down the long carpeted stairs of the house, while I looked on, unable to help. Amidst the confusion that followed, I learned that she was actually quite sick. She had a brain tumor that would occasionally make her dizzy, confused, and disoriented. This invisible invader had likely caused the fall.

If this one doesn't touch your heart, nothing will! Zyana reflects on how the death of a childhood friend, a twin, has shaped her perspective.

Her parents fought to save her as hard as they could, and she fought as well. I learned of their visits with countless pediatric specialists and more than a few late-night visits to pediatric urgent care centers and the E.R. In the end, she succumbed to her cancer a few months later. I wouldn’t consider us close friends of the family, but I do remember that the mother gifted me all her daughter’s books, the same ones that I has enjoyed reading the year before. I found that notion very hard to digest.

I always wondered what it was like for the remaining twin, to lose both his sister and twin, to a fatal disease for which they were unable to find a cure. I know it must have been painful for the whole family to go through, but especially hard for him. I imagine he experienced a roller coaster of emotions from guilt, to confusion to anger to sadness, and everything in between. Eventually I know that the family was able to make their peace with her death and move forward though life, but the shadow of the pain always remained.

"[#Twin loss] taught me to love my family despite their flaws." Click To Tweet

Years later, after all of us “kids” were married, I learned that the brother twin was blessed with twins of his own. That must have been an amazing full-circle moment for him. It must have brought up buried memories of grief, but the moment would also be made golden by the joy of meeting his own beautiful twin boys, whom I am happy to say are healthy and thriving today.

Parents of twins, and twins themselves, often speak about the beautiful bond that their children share. For those of us who have not yet been blessed with the experience of twins in our lives, it can be hard to understand all the challenges and celebratory moments. But whenever I see twins or triplets now, I think back to my first experience meeting this duo of real live twins. I marvel that they were around to share each other’s company and love for as long as they could.

This experience was formative for me. From a young age, it taught me to love my family despite their flaws. I learned to give extra care and love in the hardest moments. We don’t get to choose what challenges life hands us, but we do get to choose how we react to them. I now know that even in the face of the most excruciating circumstances we can always choose to respond with compassion, love, and grace.

Share this...Share on FacebookTweet about this on TwitterShare on Google+Pin on PinterestShare on StumbleUponShare on TumblrShare on RedditDigg thisShare on LinkedInEmail this to someone

The Summer Childcare Quandary

Posted on
Categories Childcare, How Do The Moms Do It, Older Children, School-Age5 Comments

Like most people with full time jobs, my work hours remain the same during the summer when school is out. Like the other 12 million single parents in the US, finding childcare for my children falls solely to me. Technically, the girls’ father has summer visitation privileges, but I need to have a plan in case he doesn’t show up. I also have to choose between missing registration deadlines or forfeiting deposit payments if he does decide to spend time with the children.

Given the enormous variety of summer camps available here in suburban Texas, you might assume that the only challenge for summer childcare for my elementary school children is our custody situation. You’d be very, very wrong.

Most day camps sold as “full day” camps run from 9 am to 3:30 or 4 pm. After-school childcare programs suspend for the summer, so those of us who work fairly typical hours (8 am to 5 pm in the US, plus commute time) are out of luck. Some companies, including mine, can accommodates shorter hours in the office to allow us to work from home to make up the balance. However, that’s not an ideal solution, either. When I’m home with my children, I want to be actively with them, not simply physically present but mentally at work. My daughters aren’t huge outdoors kids, so shooing them out into the Texas heat to play only buys me a few hours per week.

Ever year, starting in March, all the working moms I know begin our summer care hand wringing. It never gets better, though. Given that stay-at-home motherhood is no longer the only norm in our society, I really don’t understand why we haven’t come up with better solutions. Year round school would work. Full day summer camps would be great if their hours mirrored daycare programs for infants and toddlers. After camp care, similar to after school care, including transportation where necessary, would be enormously helpful.

I must acknowledge that most of these options don’t account for how out of reach summer camp costs are for many single parents, often around $150-200 per child per week, more for extended care. I know. This is quite a bit less than infant care, but it’s still a major stressor for families. I know of kids my daughters’ age, 10 years old, who have been staying home along during the summer for years. While that may have worked in past generations, when free range parenting was just called “life”, it not a sustainable way to keep kids out of trouble in 2016.

Childcare for elementary schoolers when school lets out for the summer can be a nightmare for the working parent.

I’m very thankful that we have a full day gymnastics camp only 15 miles out of our way that always makes room for my girls. My boss is open to my leaving an hour early every day to pick the kids up before they close. Neither of my daughters does gymnastics during the school year, but they enjoy the program for the summer. In all honesty, they’d rather attend others, but I can’t meet registration deadlines because of visitation challenges. In a pinch, teacher friends will watch my girls, but I can’t expect that for the 10 weeks school is out.

Any great ideas for fixing our summer childcare culture?

Share this...Share on FacebookTweet about this on TwitterShare on Google+Pin on PinterestShare on StumbleUponShare on TumblrShare on RedditDigg thisShare on LinkedInEmail this to someone

Multiples Arithmetic

Posted on
Categories humor, Infertility4 Comments

This is how I entertain myself.

I had an ob/gyn appt today and here’s how the conversation went with the nurse who was gathering my information:

Her: How many pregnancies have you had?
Me: 5.
Her: Any pregnancy losses?
Me: 3.
Her: How many live births?
Me: 4.
Her: Okay… wait, 5 pregnancies total and 3 losses?
Me: Yes.
Her: And how many live births?
Me: 4.
Her: Did any of those children pass away after birth?
Me: Nope.
Her: Something’s not adding up. How did you have 2 pregnancies that resulted in 4 live births?
Me: Two sets of twins.
Her: You could’ve just said that in the first place.
Me: I could have but where would the fun have been in that?

Something's not adding up. How did you have 2 pregnancies that resulted in 4 live births? #twinparenting Click To Tweet

I haven’t been blogging lately, but you can get another laugh by checking out “What good is being married to a computer geek if i can’t take advantage of him?” or cry with me at “The desperation of infertility“.

Share this...Share on FacebookTweet about this on TwitterShare on Google+Pin on PinterestShare on StumbleUponShare on TumblrShare on RedditDigg thisShare on LinkedInEmail this to someone

Respecting Boundaries

Posted on
Categories Independence, Individuality, Mommy Issues, Older Children, Parenting, Perspective1 Comment

Last night, I scrubbed the girls’ bathroom from top to bottom after tucking the children into bed. I then took a little break on the couch, eating a piece of chocolate while watching part of an episode of Turn on Netflix. Next to me lay my daughter’s sketchbook, closed. She had once again failed to put it away.

I was tempted to peek.

My daughter turns 10 in a few days and her artistic abilities are impressive. Her classmates commission drawings from her. She entertained a 4-year-old a waiting room for an hour the other day, drawing what the littler girl demanded: a ballerina performing on a stage in front of an audience. The perspective was spot on, the stage curtains elegant and heavy-looking, the dancer light on her feet. Some of the seats in the front row were empty, the audience members a mix of children and adults. The kid can draw, not professionally by any means, but well.

I am tempted to share her drawings with you.

I didn’t peek. I don’t share her drawings with you until I get her consent.

image

My daughters have boundaries and I choose to respect them. My little girl will let me leaf through her sketchbook when she is ready. She has shared some drawings with me but says I need to wait to see others.

I am allowed to hug her, but the bedtime kisses on the nose have been banned for a few months now. She was feeling poorly earlier this week and wanted snuggles. I forgot myself and kissed her on the top of her head, then apologized. “It’s okay,” she told me. “Feeling better kisses are okay.”

She shares with me her thoughts on school, life, family, and friendship. I feel like I know what’s going on with her.

She knows that I will respect her boundaries, despite temptation. This is how I keep boundaries from coming between us.

 

Share this...Share on FacebookTweet about this on TwitterShare on Google+Pin on PinterestShare on StumbleUponShare on TumblrShare on RedditDigg thisShare on LinkedInEmail this to someone

Twins and another, and another

Posted on
Categories Fear, Pregnancy, Singletons, Twinfant Tuesday1 Comment

I realize a post about adding to your family when you already have multiples is probably better suited for the toddler section, and not ‘Twinfant Tuesday.’ I happen to agree that, if you’re smarter than I, you would probably not even dream of adding another baby to the mix anytime after surviving the first year with twin babies. Enough’s enough, amIright?

Ah, but what good comes with predictability? As twin moms, we all learned at one point or another to just give in, surrender, let the chips fall where they may and just try our best. So, when I stood in my bathroom looking at a positive pregnancy test over lunchtime, having left my husband downstairs feeding our twin 7-month-old identical girls and older 3-year-old, I was somewhat…gobsmacked. I felt a little like an irresponsible teenager: how did this HAPPEN? I was still pumping breastmilk five, six times a day! For two babies! Who just started sleeping through the night?

The numbers continued to perplex me: Three under three, four carseats, four little bodies growing and eating from my body at once (two nurselings, a fetus and my own). I was 26 years old, scared, overwhelmed and experiencing a new level of humble pie, faced with the prospect of another baby already.

That baby is two and a half now, and from the other side of that craziness (it was, no doubt about it, a chaotic time), I have some thoughts for moms of twins who are expecting another or thinking about it.

  1. Savour it. Chances are, your twin pregnancy was coloured in themes of panic, concern, fear, amazement and a sooner-than-expected delivery. This time, if it’s just one bean in there, slow down and take it all in.
  2. The guilt is real. Twins require so much of us from the very beginning. More than we felt they ever got, and not nearly as much as they deserve. Bringing another baby into the picture can spur guilt from the onset (it did for me!). Que cera cera. Your babies will know love from you, whether there are two of them, six of them, spaced apart or all born close together.
  3. You have veteran status. You have successfully brought two babies from birth to wherever they are now, and that was no easy feat. This is just one! You can do this! What’s one baby waking up hungry? Pssht, child’s play.

I promise, you’ve got this, mama. Now, if you’re the planner type, my advice is: Don’t rush to have a baby 16 months after twins! I mean, it’s doable, but oh, I still feel that time period aged me five years.woods2

Share this...Share on FacebookTweet about this on TwitterShare on Google+Pin on PinterestShare on StumbleUponShare on TumblrShare on RedditDigg thisShare on LinkedInEmail this to someone