The "in" group

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Categories Infants, Mommy Issues

So, over the past year, I’ve been accused of being a bit of a snob. People come up to us all the time when we’re out and make all sorts of comments. Some are friendly, “Aren’t they cute?” “Isn’t she the prettiest baby?” (why, yes, yes she is!) Some are a bit more annoying, “Double trouble” “I bet they keep you busy!” “Where did she get that red hair?” (Seriously, what is the correct answer to that? I’m assuming “the mailman” is not what people are looking for).  And some comments just send me over the edge “Are they identical?” “‘Do twins run in your family?”.

But, the one person whom I rarely find annoying….the fellow mom of twins. They come up to us everywhere and I love talking to them. The older moms, with twins in their 50’s or 60’s, the fellow moms of babies, out on walks or in baby class…they’re all fun to chat with.

 A couple of weeks ago, we went to the pediatrician (ear infections for each…fun times!). As we were waiting for the pediatrican to call in the prescription for antibiotics, we killed time wandering into the local bagel place for a smoothie (for me) and a bagel (also for me–yum). The woman behind me held the door open for the double stroller and then began to tell me about her twins (now age 19). We chatted about how much they’d weighed at birth (four pounds each), the double strollers that were available 19 years ago (not as good) and sleep. Ah, sleep. The favorite topic of twin moms. We said goodbye to the nice twin mom and ventured on to CVS, fortified by a strawberry smoothie. At CVS, we had to wait for the pharmacist to mix the medication. The woman behind me started chatting with me, and told me that her twins were 22. She then mentioned that she had a son a year later (big surprise to her!), and was pretty busy for a while (you think!?). We bonded about the fabulousness of babysitters and how great it was to be able to run errands without two (or in her case, three) babies with you. We chatted about sleep (I said it was a popular topic), babies and how fun twins are (when they’re sleeping well). We finally got our prescription (how long does it take to “mix medications” anyway?) and waved goodbye to twin mom #2.

So, I’ve realized there was this whole world out there all this time, all these moms with twins, who don’t mention them to strangers in line at the bagel shop or CVS (or Target or BJ’s or wherever we are) until they see a double set of small babies and stop to chat. How funny that I didn’t even know all these moms were out there, until this year, when everytime I go out I have my own double set with me.

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10 thoughts on “The "in" group”

  1. So, so true. I think one of the things I like about talking to the twin moms is how the conversation changes. We know what questions to ask. How many weeks were they? How much did they weigh? Any NICU time? None of the stupid questions, just knowing nods. Hooray for the secret society of twin moms!

  2. i find when i go out without mine i have a tendency to look for doubles and tell them about mine. i am constantly surprised by how many MOMs i have met in the last year. it is reassuring to see the ones with 3 or 4 year olds that look petty put together and normal and to talk to the ones with young adults that nod knowingly when they hear the age of my boys. it is such a cool thing to be part of this crowd, especially considering i have been a bit of an outsider throughout life.

  3. It is such a kindred feeling, isn’t it? Now that my twosome are so contrasting in size, when I approach moms of younger twins, I have to often clarify that mine are indeed twins before I receive the acknowledging “secret handshake” smile of acknowledgment! 😉

    Something to look forward to: For all the talk of “they don’t want to be viewed as twins,” occasionally, they do! We were out to eat and a gal came up and said to Darren, “I’m guessing you are 7; and your sister is 5.” Hell hath no fury like a petite twin who felt scorned…she piped up, “WE’RE six, and we’re TWINS!”

    Whereupon one of our sisterhood rose to her feet and told me of her teen twins…. 😉

  4. It really is amazing how many people do have twins. I seriously think in the past 15 months, maybe 200 people have asked about them and said…i have twins or my child has twins etc. It’s amazing to be a part of the gigantic club or ladies that KNOW what we’re going through.

    Sleep deprivation is STILL on my list of things i want to forget all about one day! Oh, how i want to forget about it…but we’re just not quite there yet. ONE DAY!

  5. I love being part of this super-secret society, but it often reminds me how fortunate I am to have two healthy toddlers. On many an occasion the random MoM in the store has said “Oh, I was expecting twins, but only one survived” or something equally heart-breaking. My mother-in-law and a friend had their twin grandbabies at about the same time, but one of the friends’ succumbed to SIDS. I am always thankful for my girls’ wellbeing, but all the more so after one of these encounters.

  6. how true! i never realised there were so many MoMs out there before i found out i was going to have twins. i always enjoy meeting other parents of twins and exchange ‘common’ stories. it’s true, it feels like we’re in our own ‘exclusive’ club.

    p/s: i cried and couldn’t sleep for weeks when i first found out i was going to have twins. i always thought that this was one of those things that will ‘only happen to other people’. now i’m so thankful that God has decided to give me this gift! :)

  7. I love to meet MoMs too! However, I’m even more excited to meet MoMs like the one you met at CVS! I have twins plus 1 fourteen months later! It’s definitely rare to find others who can relate! It’s a busy time, but I LOVE it! (And I love being in the “in” group!

  8. Can I ask, why does it bother you so much when people ask if twins run in your family?

    People are fascinated and interested in learning about twins. It’s not usually to see two people look alike everyday (well, with this day and age, there are more multiple births than ever). I’m a twin. I get asked that question and I don’t mind. I was conceived naturally,

  9. Didn’t get to finish writing and hit the send button by mistake,

    I was conceived naturally and am identical. My cousins are twins as well and they were conceived naturally and are identical as well. My family has no previous twins in our family history from what record we have. It’s very strange, but it does happen. It’s a very harmless question I think.

    I guess when people ask that question they want to ask if you had help in conceiving your children but did not want to be rude and just come out and asking “So you had fertility problems, but you’re now blessed with twins.”

    Another thing is why does it annoy you that people say “I bet they keep you busy”? I have a toddler and people tell me the same thing and I don’t get annoyed by that. Even with twins I don’t feel annoyed by that remark. It’s a normal reaction.

    I just feel you’re being harsh on people who don’t know and can sympathize that it is a difficult job to have a child, let alone two or more.

    Just my random thoughts.

  10. I love talking to other mothers of twins too! I was just at the doctors today and talked with a women who had 18 year old twins and I have to be honest that I too enjoy talking to mothers of twins. There is just an understanding and a look that passes between us that says it all. I appreciate everyone elses fascination when I only have the twins with me but it makes it very hard on my 2 older singletons when everyone goo goos over the twins. And the older ones don’t respond by being well behaved rather the exact opposite.

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