No One Told Me It Would Be Like This

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Categories Infants, Mommy Issues

Like many women, I dreamed of being a Mom from the time I was very young. In high school, I mentally calculated when I would need to get married and start having kids if I was going to have X number of children by X age. When I met the man that I knew I was going to marry, I was shocked that he wanted to wait for a couple of years before having children. Didn’t men long to be dads just as much as I wanted to be a mom?!

We waited, but met in the middle on the time line. I am so thankful that we did. How was I to know that an intense period of infertility would take over our lives for a time? Yet, on we soldiered, marching toward our goal to become parents.

We are beyond blessed to have Jonathan and Faith in our lives. They mean the world to us, and I don’t think either of us regrets our decision to become parents. Even in the worst parenting moments, (see today’s post at ) we recognize how much more full of life our lives are now.

But here is what confusses me. In all of the childbirth books, twin book and infant care books, everything I read lulled me into a false sense of control. I thought that if I followed the rules, kept the kids bellies nice and full, if their diapers and clothes were dry and comfortable, if the temperature was too their liking, if they got lots of cuddle time, and the appropriate amount of stimulation, that they would be HAPPY!

Instead, what I have come to learn in a short 11.5 months, is that my kids could be on schedule, rested, well fed, dry, physically comfortable and entertained, and they could still be unhappy! Seriously? What is up with that?! Sometimes I find myself reasoning with them…or thinking that one or both of them must have a mysterious incurable plague, because surely, children this young should not be screaming and pouting for that long without something being very awry.

Oh well, Lesson Number 1,537 on Mothering: You Can’t Make Your Kids Happy All the Time.

We at HDYDI would love to hear about the lessons you have learned as parents! Comments welcomed!

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7 thoughts on “No One Told Me It Would Be Like This”

  1. Let’s see, as time goes on I’ve learned that silence can be a very bad thing. If twin toddlers are not sleeping, I think the quieter they are the more mischief they get into.

  2. Sounds like you are VERY prepared for toddlerhood with this information. ha ha. But the same goes for adults, some days I just wake up on the wrong side of the bed even the sun is shining.

    The lesson I’ve learned lately (meaning the 18-24 month phase) is: the “twin bond” includes lots and lots of fighting.

  3. Hmmm … I’ve noticed that the parents who have always dreamed of having children struggle more when it’s not fun. My husband was the one with the biological clock ticking, and he gets frustrated on the more trying days with two 2-year-olds. I, on the other hand, never particularly wanted kids, and embarked on this adventure in a very calculated and pragmatic way. I hardly ever get phased by fussiness, and am instead constantly amazed by how much fun I’m having and infinitely deep my love for my daughters is. It may also help that I had a taste of parenthood, helping to raise a sister 11 years my junior, but the trend I’ve mentioned is one I’ve seen with many of my friends.

  4. So, so true. Even though I might have technically “known” otherwise, I remember feeling like everything had a solution. Fussiness was just an indicator that something was wrong or missing, and once I fixed that, all would be well. Ha! Hahaha! Sigh…

  5. The most valuable lesson that I keep reviewing over and over in my head lately: Live for the moment and only focus on what’s in front of you.
    I know, that’s so Oprah, right?
    All too often I am catching myself wrapped up too tightly in GUILT over parenting choices, or hung up on my anxiety about all the ‘what if’s’ for their future. It is only recently that I’ve realized that the single most rewarding lesson I can learn, I could’ve learned from my children.
    Consider this: Toddler and babies do not stress about the future or worry about their mistakes yesterday. They only live for each moment as it passes by. That is what makes them so innocent and full of such joy and contentment.
    If I try to tell myself this everyday I find myself relating so much better to them and simply allowing myself to enjoy being their parent.

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