It's MY Family Planning

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Categories Mommy Issues, Other people, Pregnancy

Forgive me for re-hashing a topic that’s been covered here before. But as my pregnancy becomes more and more obvious to the general public, I’ve been put in a position I’ve never been put in before. I am having to defend my choice to have another child when I already have two children still in diapers and unable to walk.

When I am pushing the double stroller into the OB-GYN office with my very obvious baby bump following behind, I expect a little eyebrow raising from the other patients in the waiting room.  I am generally annoyed but usually tolerant of their invasive questions. Because when it comes to strangers, I have no qualms about a) being a smart-a#$ in my reply or b) outright ignoring them. I’m never going to see them again; who cares? But generally, if they are curious and not mean-spirited, I’ll provide a succinct and honest answer.

No. My problems come from family, friends and co-workers who are, ahem, less than supportive. Yes, I already have a set of twins. Does that automatically mean that all future reproduction should cease? No, it doesn’t. Nor does it mean that I’ve been “so busy with the twins” that I’ve somehow forgotten how conception happens and/or how to prevent it. Seriously people? Do we need to have that conversation?

I was recently at a baby shower where an old family friend exclaimed upon hearing my HAPPY news: “Wow – now that’s not family planning, is it?” May I mention this woman has NINE children of her own. Yes. Nine. Have I ever judged her before for her “family planning”. Not in a million years.

So, while the people I’m frustrated with are not the ones reading this post, I still needed a spot to vent. How my family grows and changes is the business of my family. Yeah, we have our hands full with two 11-month olds and a 3-year old full of attitude. But does that mean we should all be deprived of another special addition? I don’t think so. We were blessed to be given this little gift and we’re very thankful for HIM.

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14 thoughts on “It's MY Family Planning”

  1. Vent away! There’s no avoiding these comments, but we can offer our whole hearted support.

    My husband and I haven’t made that decision yet. I love my girls, and the idea of being done with pregnancy and babies in one go is a little sad to me. But however we end up going, we’ll always be able to respect your choice.

    Congrats!

  2. I admit, we did make jokes like this to my cousin, who had four kids under the age of six (all singletons). The joke was “aren’t you practicing birth control?” Response: “practicing, sure, we just haven’t gotten the hang of it yet.” :-) I think two or three of those kids were conceived while on the pill.

    Still though, at least in our family, a bit of good-natured poking fun is expected, and there’s no question as to whether or not we’re glad, we always love more babies! And my dad’s one of nine, so hard to throw stones…

    I hope people were just misguided and joking. I think it’s super exciting!

  3. Maybe it is just my pregnancy hormones, but I woud be tempted to tell people to shove it (family or not). Or maybe make some snotty comment like “Well we sure planned this baby and have enough love to go around. Hopefully you do too” and try to avoid muttering “asshat” under my breath.

    We don’t know the sexes of our twins yet and people keep making comments like “Hopefully it will be one of each so you can be done!” like they get to make that choice for us. I usually try to just smile and say “We haven’t made that decision yet” and walk away.

    Good luck not employing the asshat method of dealing with them and being calm, and venting in safe places is always a good place to do that! And, of course, congratulations on your expanding family!

  4. You go girl. I can’t believe that people would ever say anything to you! That’s (a) incredibly rude & (b) none of their biz!

    After surprisingly little discussion, my hubby & I decided that 3 kidlets were enough. He even went through the, uh, necessary steps to ensure that we only have 3.

    I’ve got to say that I’m still sad about never being pregnant again, etc. But I plan to live vicariously through the pregnancies and newborns of others.

    Keep your head high and your belly out!

  5. People suck. Really, none of their business how many kids you have or how close together they are. Vent away—you’ve earned it! And, in a few months when #4 arrives, feel free to complain about having three in diapers. Just because you’re happy about #4 (a little boy? Did I read that right?) doesn’t mean that you can’t complain if it gets hard sometimes, either.

    And for the person who commented above about b/g twins and people saying “You’re done”—yep, we get that ALL THE TIME. From strangers. From neighbors. From the cashier at Dunkin Donuts.

  6. I only have two, 19 months apart, ages 3 & 2, and I’m not pregnant, and I get a lot of comments like “You’ve got *your* hands full!” Much of the time, people don’t even see the boys and they make that comment. (But, yes, it’s true — I *do* have my hands full!)

    The best come-back I’ve ever heard to “Don’t you know what causes that?!” (meaning, pregnancy), is, “Yes, I do. And I must say I like it… don’t you??” And smile your biggest, most innocent smile. That was said by a mother of six. In our church, we also have a family with 9 children (all about 18 months apart in age), and two families with 5 children — none of them twins. Our pastor is one of 11 children, and on his mom’s side has an aunt with 9 children, an uncle with probably 7 or 8; and on his dad’s side, an aunt with 6 children, and two aunts with 3 children each. His dad is a pastor as well, and in their church they have several families with 5+ children. No weird religious beliefs (there are also many families with just 2-3 children); just that children are a blessing. :-)

    Congrats on your pregnancy!

  7. Amen sister! I have a 13 yr old, 7 month old twins and the hubby and I are already planning for another one when the babies are about 2 or so.

  8. I’m expecting two girls any day now and I’ve had people “ask me” throughout my pregnancy if this means we’re done, as in “so, you guys are going to be done after this, right?”. Nope, probably not!

  9. People were dubious when we announced we were expecting no3. Then when we moved on to number4 they were outright rude and would actually say things like “Don’t you have a TV”. Once we got to no6 I thought I’d heard it all until a ‘friend’ of my husbands came up to me and said “What do you two do you – just f**k all day long?”

    Good on you for choosing to have a big family. And close together too. It YOUR choice and no one else’s.

    I wonder how other people would feel if we said “What, are you ONLY having TWO children? Did you forget how to make babies?”

    Uh-oh, I’ve got started now…… better take my rant somewhere else!

  10. I have 3 (one singleton, and a pair of twins) and when I tell people that I’m not ‘done’ people seem to go like, ‘what..??’ and ‘what if u get another pair of twins?’. The truth is, my twins just turned 1 recently and I don’t know yet if I’m ‘done’. Something that I never admitted to other people tho, is that I don’t really mind having another set of twins..I did once, actually, and the reaction I got was some kind of disbelief, so I never did it again…

  11. Congratulations on your new little boy! I have four…almost 5, just turned 3 and almost 9 month old twin girlies. While I am done (4 was what we wanted even though we didn’t know we’d get 2 at once ;)) I think it’s so rude for random strangers to inquire or assume anything about your reproductive plans. Even worse then that is to make judgments about intelligence and how capable we are. People are frustrating sometimes! I think my favorite and probably the most stupid thing I’ve heard so far is…”Wow, you’re crazy!”and “You’re brave” Like I woke up one morning and said “hey, I think I’ll pop out some twins”. I like to think God thinks very highly of my abilities as a parent and that’s why he gave me two at once. (and sometimes I think he may have got me confused with someone else). Well congrats again! Big families rule!!!

  12. Thank you for your posts on this….my twins were 9 months when we got pregnant again and they’ll be 18 months when this one is born (around Christmas)! I just can’t wait until I’m showing a little more and I start getting those comments-it’s going to be loads of fun! I’m glad to hear anything you have to say about this-thanks again….
    -Gina

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