Ask the Readers: Transitioning multiples to toddler beds in the same room

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Categories Ask the Moms, Preschoolers, Safety, Sleep, Toddlers

Last week’s Ask the Readers post went so well, I thought I would ask readers for help for a friend! If you’ve transitioned multiples of cribs, these questions are for you, so please stick around and help if you can.

One of my closest friends in real life has fraternal twin boys a week older than my fraternal twin boys. We met through our multiples group’s listserve because our boys have such similar temperaments. We have been helping each other since our boys were 4 months old, and the advice we get from each other is advice it would be hard to get any other way. Yet another reason to join your local multiples group!

My boys transitioned out of their cribs around 16 months. The first month was tough, then we had bliss for 4-5 months. That period was the calm before the storm. Shortly before they turned 2, sleeping together became nearly impossible. After we caught Alex sitting on Nate’s head bouncing up and down, we got a video monitor and instituted a “no getting out of bed” rule. In our situation, we felt the boys could not be trusted alone together, so we needed to not only watch them, but teach them to respect each other’s space. At naptime and bedtime, we watch the video monitor and give them warnings then time outs if they get out of bed. After a couple of weeks of this, they now stay in their beds and we’re back in a blissful state.

My friend just transitioned her boys a month ago and it’s been chaos in her house. At first, they refused to nap completely, but it’s clear they still need a nap. Now they do exactly what my boys did – one is the instigator and bothers the other one who is trying to sleep.

So dear readers, please give us any and all advice you can! Did you keep your multiples in the same room? Did you split them up? If you kept them together, how did you stop them from fighting? If you split them up, why did you decide to do it? Any helpful hints on the transition to beds?

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68 thoughts on “Ask the Readers: Transitioning multiples to toddler beds in the same room”

  1. No advice, obviously….but I can’t wait to hear what others have to say as this will be our next step.

    The boys do fine with whatever stay-on-your-cot magic they put in their pre-nap sippy cup, but I don’t even want to think about the terror that will amount when this is duplicated at home.

    We’re thinking of buying one of those camera monitors so we can have eyes and ears in their bedroom, instead of just ears.

    Thanks for posting this, LauraC!

    Reply

  3. We have b/g twins that are almost 4 1/2 years old. We had to separate them from their shared crib at about 3 months of age… they were just moving too much and waking each other up. They stayed in the same room, but in two different cribs (putting the cribs close by, though, making an L shape). I am thankful that our kids never attempted to climb out of the crib. I loved keeping them “in” and was in no hurry to transition to a toddler bed. The cribs kept them safely contained until I decided to get them out in the mornings (most days they would wake up and start “talking”, but not necessarily need to get up to eat or change diaper, so it helped to know they were safe and not getting into anything).

    When they were 3 months shy of being 3 years old (yep, that’s pretty old I know), we moved to a larger house where they still shared the same room, but they transitioned over to toddler beds. They did fine for the most part. Since they were always in the same room, we continued to occasionally have problems with them talking to each other after the lights were out at bedtime, but after a couple warnings they learned the bedtime routine. I was afraid that they would have problems with their new found “freedom” and get up at night and play with their toys, but they listened really well about that. They talked a lot more than they played. We just recently (like in the last 3 months) stopped using a baby monitor to listen to them at night, so we always acted immediately if we heard one of them getting up to play with something or opening their door. We kept their bedroom door closed, because I wanted to be able to hear them open it if they did get up at night. Otherwise if the door remained open at night, they could get up and go who knows where in the house and end up getting hurt. In their room, I started off arranging the beds exactly like their cribs were (in the L shape), but later on I ended up moving one toddler bed against one wall and the other against the opposite wall, and they did fine with that arrangement as well.

    I think the transition for us went so well because I talked about getting them toddler beds several days (maybe weeks) beforehand. We would tell them, “soon we can go shopping and you can get your own big kid bed”. We tried to build it up to be something they were really going to look forward to. They were so happy and excited about their “big kid beds”. We took them shopping with us when we bought them, so they got to help pick them out which helps a lot, I am learning (by increasing any sense of independence possible).

    This past Christmas, we actually moved the kids upstairs to their own rooms (so they were almost 4 years old at that time)! That was a big transition for us!! They did fine, but I was so worried. I didn’t like the idea of them being upstairs while our room was downstairs. I worried about the stairs, mostly. They had “practiced” going up and down for the entire first year we were in this new house, but I held off on moving them upstairs. The biggest thing with that is just teaching them that they ALWAYS have to hold the rail and not to race each other up or down the stairs— to go slow instead. I also wanted to wait to move them into their own rooms until they could reach and have a good grasp to the rail. We have had a few little falls so far, but thank God nothing too serious (enough to scare them, though, which helps make them more compliant about holding the rail and going slow). They LOVED LOVED LOVED the idea of having their own room. I don’t think they ever had any issues with sharing the same room because that’s what they knew from the beginning of time, but once they had their own rooms, they felt like they were all grown up. Being the age they were, of course, having their own space and feelings of independence/ownership was a big deal, so waiting that long worked to our advantage. We had decided that “Santa Claus” was going to bring the kids their new bedrooms… but they didn’t know about that. We had decorated each of their rooms and had a few of their toys in there. Christmas morning after we opened up all the presents, we told the kids to go upstairs, where they found their OWN room decorated in very “boy” and “girl” themes (so they knew whose was whose). Another concern I had was if they would have issues with not wanting to sleep in a room apart from one another, but they did fine with that too. In the beginning Nathan would go wake Maegan up in the mornings in her room and they would come downstairs together, rather than just coming down by himself. Now he has learned to let sister sleep in and he can get some extra time with mommy or daddy (don’t we all crave those one-on-one moments)?

    I just try to make every transition fun in some way and support whatever developmental stage they are in. Some things are much harder than others, of course, and as you MoM’s know, it varies from day-to-day and even moment-to-moment sometimes! What works for one may not work for the other and what worked yesterday may not work today. It’s very frustrating at times, I know. Hope this helps someone! Good luck!

    Reply

  4. My twins moved into toddler beds around when they turned 2 since they kept climbing out of cribs. They did fine at bedtime each night but they played and wrestled at every naptime. I put a pack and play in my bedroom and told them that the first person I caught out of their bed would have to go sleep in the pack and play for their nap (the “baby bed” I called it) and not in their big kid beds. Until I followed through on this threat (with many tears and screaming from the kids) a few times, they didn’t belive me, but eventually they got the hint and it improved the behavior somewhat.

    But then a few months later we moved and put them in their own rooms and everything was so much better! No more nap battles! They (at age 2 1/4) loved having their own rooms, helped pick out some new sheets for their beds, and still love to go into their room and tell their twin to stay out. I figure they need a little something that is private and just theirs in this crazy world of twins.

    Reply

  5. I’m less than a week into this so I can only speak for this time frame. My girls are 2.5 exactly this week. They, of course, think big girl beds are very cool and are getting in and out A LOT. I can understand that feeling of no longer being caged.

    So, I let them get it out of their system a time or two by leaving the room after story time, etc.

    But, I return — or DH returns — as many times as necessary to return them to their beds, the final time being the last time and we just sit in our chair until the instigator is practically asleep. This doesn’t usually take too long. It’s later than usual, but it’s working.

    I also have threatened to remove all stuffed animals, etc. for each time they get up.

    I want to down the road, when they understand money better, offer a penny a night if they stay in their bed. If they get up, I take a penny. If they stay in bed, they keep it. I read this some place a long time ago and it stuck with me.

    I’m considering starting a reward system of some sort in the meantime. Like stickers. Give them a sticker … but not sure how that will work. ???

    Reply

  6. I just hit this stage with my girls (22 months) about two weeks ago, when one of them learned to climb out of the crib. We kept them in the same room, because our other bedroom is becoming a nursery for the new baby-on-the-way, and while I wouldn’t exactly say it’s been awful, it hasn’t been perfect either.

    Basically, we’ve given up on any hope of keeping them in their beds. We tell them it’s time to go night-night, take them upstairs together, put them in their beds, and close the door (their room is childproofed within an inch of its life). They play for a while, sometimes an hour, and go to bed when and where they fall asleep. Usually both of them are in one bed, but sometimes they’ll both be on the floor. We move them if they seem really uncomfortable, but often they just cover them up.

    Naps are harder, because they often just play the whole time and refuse to fall asleep. We probably skip naps two or three days out of a week, which results in afternoon crankiness and early bedtime, but in all honesty, they were starting to have napless days anyway. I’m thinking that in a month or two, naps will be gone for good.

    Maybe it’s not stellar parenting, but I honestly don’t know what I could do. You can’t MAKE them go to sleep, and they are a little bit too young to understand that they should stay in their beds, or to resist the lure of playing with Sister. They’re getting adequate sleep overall, and eventually they will figure out that sleeping in their own beds is more comfortable. As long as they are safe and not obviously unhappy, I’m good with letting them work it out for themselves. As with many aspects of parenting multiples, sometimes you have to pick your battles.

    Reply

  7. We transitioned in January from cribs to toddler beds at 25 months. Those didn’t last long at all because the boys flipped off the mattresses, turned the beds over, climbed them, jumped from one to the other, etc. We went from there to twin mattresses alone on the floor and a room stripped pretty bare. We don’t have the room for them to each have their own room, so we stuck it out trying everything in the book to get them to sleep. Turns out time was what they needed. It took 4 full months of vigilence, some broken furniture, broken blinds, and a bloody lip before we were able to put the boys to bed in the same room and walk away.

    We have every intention of letting their sisters now 1 year stay in cribs as long as absoluetly possible.

    Reply

  8. My triplets decided by themselves when it was time to move into toddler beds – one of them climed out of the crib, fell, and broke her arm – so the decision was made for us, at the time they were about 2.5 years old. They are now nearly 4 years old and we are going to put them into “big” beds next month. They all sleep in one big room and I have to play “policeman” every night, there is always one instigator keeping the other two awake. I am considering putting them each in their own room – they are very close and therefore I am hesitant to do this right now maybe when they are older.

    Reply

  9. Hello, ladies. I know I do not have multiples but I do have three under three. Forgive me if I am intruding. The youngest are “Irish” twins and the oldest two are 15 months apart. Last week we bought the girls (the oldest two) a big girl bed w/ a trundle as the room held two cribs nicely but two twins would not fit. This has been their 1st experience sharing a room. It has been an awful experience. The youngest of the two (20 months) has a severe speech and language impairment and is non-verbal. However, she has this high pitched scream that she does and it wakes the entire house and her sister all night long. She does this because she is excited. No one has slept in our house since this transition. Finally I had to put the baby back in our room for naps so that everyone could at least get a good rest at nap time. The girls have been literally awful as they are so tired. My oldest is a really good girl who makes good choices but has been unbearable. Any suggestions???…I greatly need some advice.

    Thanks!

    Reply

  10. Oh God, I am having the worst time with this guys. Our pediatrician told us that the kids should go to toddler beds when they were 18 months old and I thought that his word was golden. Looking back, I wish I waited longer. Right now, my husband and I are in the throws of hell trying to keep our twins (boy and girl) in their big kid beds. At first, they’d grab their blankets and we’d find them passed out on the floor together around 8:30 (bedtime is 7) so we’d put them back in their beds. Then our son would stay in bed and we’d find Maddy curled up next to him every night when we check on them. THEN ALL HELL BROKE LOOSE. They decided that they like playing in their bedroom at night. At first it wasn’t horrible. We had it baby proofed and their we’re hardly any toys (just their comfort toys like her dolly and his whatever-he-was-into toy). They’d play and we’d have to come in a few time to sooth whoever was crying for whatever reason. Then Madison discovered how to take her diaper off. They somehow got into the diaper garbage and emptied it all over thier room. There was crap on the walls and all over thier bodies. It was so quiet too. The only reason we even went in there was to grab a baby swing out of thier closet for our newborn. We figured out a way to keep the diaper garbage closed up tight and we move the changing pad off of the changing table so they couldn’t rip it apart anymore. But it’s gotten so bad anyway. Madison will take her, and her brother’s diaper off as soon as the door closes so we can’t close the door anymore. I tried putting them in onesies and rompers but they figured out how to undo them. Now we keep the door open because we can see them from the living room. At first that worked (for about a week) and now it’s back to being horrible. They jump out of thier beds and run all over the place. We’ve tried everything. Yelling at them to get back in bed, not talking to them and just putting them in bed, bedtime stories, sitting in there, EVERYTHING… I cried my eyes out today. I can’t take the stress. We’ve got a 3 month old who’s still not quite sleeping through the night, I’m the stay at home mom (thanks to getting laid off and baby #3 surprising us) and I’m so fed up. I feel like they don’t respect my husband and I and I know we must be doing something wrong. I have no answers. I hope against hope that this is just a phase but I watch nanny 911. Those kids are like 10 years old and bouncing off the walls at night time. What can I do?????

    Reply

  11. Linda-
    You are doing everything you can, it is so hard. My twin boys are 27 months and naps and bedtime have been a nightmare since transitioning to big boys beds. They had to have a crib tent by 11 months because they could climb out of the crib. They slept like that until about a month ago because they just outgrew the crib. We’ve had to lock them in their room for safety reasons (second floor bedrooms) otherwise they’d be running out constantly. Twice they’ve taken off poopy diapers and made a mess in their room, so gross. We don’t have another bedroom to separate them, so naps are pretty much over even though they need to rest. I’m frustrated also and I don’t think we are really doing anything wrong, it is difficult when there are two of them to be mischievous. Their room is as baby-proofed as possible and today, one (or both) had taken off the heat/ac vent and shoved his diaper down it. I’m scared to see what they come up with when I put them in there for naps. I’m so spent during the day, I don’t have anything left to give at night when they throw tantrums and want out of their room. My husband has been going in the room to put them at ease but he is forgoing sleep to do so. I don’t have any advice but I can relate and I guess things will only get better with time.

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