Sorry my first guest post is a little late on Thursday. As if highlighting some of the issues I will be posting about today, I had several crises at work the last few days that kept me on my toes instead of providing content for your fine site.
In any case, my name is Jay (Gydyon is my “screen name” for you more Internet-savvy types). I am Krissy’s husband, Jonathan and Faith’s dad, an attorney, and poker enthusiast (my blog is updated less than we change the clocks for Daylight Savings, but nevertheless it can be found at http://gydyonsmash.blogspot.com/). I am pleased to be permitted to post on your site today, and I hope I can present a perspective of a twin dad that you find worthwhile (at least worthwhile enough that Kris lets me do it again).
Krissy thought it would make sense for me to answer some questions she’d posed, and I think that’s as good a start as any, so here we go:
What is the best part of being a twin dad?
Naturally, the celebrity status I get in a mall when I am giving Mom a night off. 😉
How stressful is it to be a twin dad?
I don’t do well on little sleep, and for some reason when the kids were getting up several times a night I developed the obnoxious trait of getting nauseous when I had slept for less than three hours at a time. So, yes, I was nauseous for at least six months straight. Yippee.
Now that the kids are sleeping through the night, I find it to be a constant struggle to keep being a good employee (when I really need to be home to get the kids to bed), husband (when I need to plan ahead for date nights and giving my gal a break of her own), and father all at once. I’m managing, but I find my natural introverted state is magnified, and I truly need a relish time to myself. Of course, that’s even more rare these days, but I’ll take what I can get.
Do you ever wish you were the stay-at-home parent?
No, never. Ever. No. Next.
More seriously, I am so glad that we have been blessed enough financially so that Krissy was free to make the choice to stay at home with the kids. I respect those who choose to work or who have to work, but since Krissy has dreamed about being a full-time mother for a good portion of her life, I am so happy that I’ve been put in a position with my career to let her be free to do that. Frankly, I can’t fathom how she keeps it all going — I simply would not have the patience and the strength to manage our household (as evidenced by any pictures of the house that remain from my bachelor days). I sure don’t have the skill set for it!
How do you think being a first time twin dad is different than being a first time singleton dad?
I never used the term “singleton” before about April of 2007. Seriously, we couldn’t come up with something better?
The interesting thing about my life as a twin dad is that I have no idea what it would be like to be a dad to just one (and oddly, never will). So it really is only what I think, and not what I know, which blows my mind sometimes.
Frankly, I think the main difference, especially for a guy like me, is that I am forced to step up as a twin dad more than I might be as a singleton dad. There’s not always enough of Krissy to manage both little ones, and I can’t in good conscience hide from my duties as a parent. I’m not saying that singleton dads are slackers — what I am saying is that I might be one if I was not thrown into the frying pan with two kids!
What has surprised you about being a twin dad?
How much I could grow and change.
How much more I could grow to admire and respect my wife and her amazing skills.
How certain I am that I can be a good dad, despite my fears and uncertainties.
How much I would love both of my kids, but how different that love would manifest itself. Jonathan and I have a neat father-son bond — we horse around, and I am the one to “tire him out” for bed most nights, but nevertheless I am the one he wants comfort from when he can’t sleep. That’s pretty fun (except at 2 am or after my semi-monthly poker night).
Faith doesn’t usually need me for comfort — she’d prefer that from Mom. But she melts my heart twice a day — when she claps when I get her up in the morning and when she claps when I come home at night.
Yesterday we went to a picnic for a group of Krissy’s friends and their kids. I arrived late because of work issues. That little girl, surrounded by toys, swings, a jungle gym, babies, bigger kids, food, and Mama saw me across the park, dropped everything, and ran to me saying “dada, dada”.
I hope and pray that my little girl will always run to me. I hope to earn that trust and love every day of my life as a dad.