Some Of The More Interesting Comments I've Received

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Categories Other people, Pregnancy

Never having been pregnant before, I wasn’t quite prepared for the onslaught of unsolicited advice and commentary that folks would feel inclined to impart on me. Following are a few of the more memorable ones.

“Oh my gawd, you’re fat! How far along are you?”

Back when I was 20 weeks pregnant, I went to get a haircut at a place close to my office. It was the second or third time EVER going to this stylist, which made the comment – THE ONE YELLED OUT FOR ALL TO HEAR – even more shocking. The crazy thing is that that wasn’t even the worst thing she said.

“What is your weight gain goal?”

O.K., so in certain circles this question is benign and legitimate, particularly as it relates to a multiple’s pregnancy. Say, circles of…WOMEN. So you can imagine why it is that I threw up a little bit in my mouth when my MALE CO-WORKER asked me this. AT LUNCH! I gave the guy an opportunity to crawfish out of this one, but he didn’t take the bait.

“Wow, twins! One for each of you!”

Sure, I get the sweetness in that, but the way I see it, they’re BOTH for both of us. And we’re both for both of them.

“How perfect: a boy and a girl. Your family is complete.”

After we knew I was pregnant with twins, one of the most anticipated moments was finding out the sex. Somewhere around 19 weeks it was determined that I was pregnant with a boy and a girl, although earlier in pregnancy – at the time of a nuchal translucency ultrasound – it was thought to be two girls.

As far as ‘completeness’ is concerned, I think that the “boy child + girl child = complete” is a residual extension of the “mom + dad + white picket fence”, buoyed in tradition and the affinity for balance and even numbers. And people like it even better if the boy child is older. Like in our case where that is true, people’s response has been “oh, good.” Like they are relieved. Why is that, anyway? The truth is, had I been pregnant with one child, or two of either sex, it still would have been perfect, just as it is perfect for any combination of loving parent(s) and the children they are blessed with no matter how they arrive.

“So you’re done, huh?”

Do other twin mom’s get this question? I haven’t heard this question asked of mom’s who have a singleton and then another singleton. Apparently, it’s not beyond reason that they would have more. I’ve definitely heard it asked of mom’s who have had however many followed by multiples. My uterus, however, gets the same rebellious attitude about this question as a teenager told that they’re grounded the night of a big party – the one where they were going to get drunk for the first time. And you know how disappointing that can be.

For those that are currently pregnant with multiples, or if the multiples are already on the outside, what are some of the more outrageous questions or comments you’ve received? And what was your response – whether out loud, or in the case of intending bodily harm, in the silence of your imagination?

Rachel’s personal blog can be found at RaJenCreation.

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38 thoughts on “Some Of The More Interesting Comments I've Received”

  1. My favorite doosey of a comment was around five months ago. I was in line at a shoe sale waiting for the store to open when a woman said “Oh my god I would kill myself” Then preceded to laugh and point at me. By the way, my five month old twins were sleeping in their stroller while her three kids were running around like someone just spiked their juice with crack. I just stood there speechless.

  2. With triplets I got told that I “got it all done at once” and after knowing they are all girls I get asked if we are “trying for a boy.”

    People don’t know how to filter between their brain and mouth.

  3. Oh did we ever get the “Your family is complete,” “Once and done!” and “Instant family,” over and over and over!

    Much to the delight of strangers, indeed our he-child is a few minutes older — and extra pleasing to those same folks, BIGGER — than his she-child twin.

    The comments just evolve. Now whenever folks ask me how much older our son is (he’s gotten MUCH bigger than his “little” twin sister), and I respond, “Seven minutes,” invariably I’m told, “But they’re not twins!”
    (Hmmm….I’m pretty sure they are… 😉 )

    Welcome, RaJen! Great post!

  4. Just today (I’m 36 weeks) I got my first “WOW – you’re huge, when are you due?”. I have to admit that I’ve actually asked women (once they tell me how far along they are) if they are having twins if they look really big.

    The other one I hate – are they “natural”/does it run in your family?

  5. I am not a mother to twins but I am a twin. I have a twin brother.

    We are still, to this day, asked if we are identical.. We usually just smile and explain that he has a penis and I have a vagina. But in my 27 years I still get asked maybe 85% of the time when people find out that we are twins..

    Geezzzz…

  6. “Are they real twins?”
    Response going through my head: “No, their fake.”

    “Since you can’t drink anyway, you can be the bartender at my party next weekend”. A friend came to my defense and said “She’s pregnant with twins, she can’t stand behind a bar!”. Rude girl said, “Well we just put in a padded floor and I’ll get you a bar stool to sit on”. I think this is the most angry I was during my entire pregnancy.

    33 weeks pregnant and HUGE: “Are you pregnant?” (asked by a teenage girl).
    Response: “No, I’m just fat” (hormones may have played a part in my answer)
    I was obviously pregnant and the girl’s friends all started laughing at her for asking.

    Asked by a family member a few weeks ago: “Do you take both of them with you when you go out every morning?”
    What I should have said “No, just my favorite.”

    Many random people who I had never met before asked if I was breastfeeding. I just didn’t think this was an appropriate question for a stranger.

    I also ALWAYS get the “Oh, a boy and a girl, so you’re done!” Would I go up to someone with 6 children and ask “Hey, why did you have those 4 extra kids??” :-)

  7. Ha! I love this post. I’m 28 weeks pregnant with twin girls… 5 foot 2 inches and feeling HUGE. It’s amazing how people can say things that make you feel bad– even though it’s such an exciting time.
    i ALWAYS get, “Twins?! Do twins run in your family?” I did IVF, but don’t feel the stranger at the grocery store needs to hear my fertility problems, so I just say, “No.” and let the awkward lull hang… you know they want more information. ha ha.

    My other fav: “Twins?! You don’t look like you’re carrying twins! how far along are you?” Once I tell them (this happened when I was 5 1/2 months TWICE) they said, “Oh…” as if they take back their comment because really I was big for 5 1/2 months. :)

    People have no idea… is there an ‘etiquette/how to treat a pregnant lady class’ anywhere for the world to partake in??

  8. Amen to hating the “are they natural question” our’s are fertility drug babies and I am pretty open about it but I can’t imagine how tormenting that question could be to people that choose to remain more private about it. Who’s business is it anyway.

    We have 2 girls and my favorite series of questions goes like this:

    “Are they a boy and a girl?”

    I say “no, both girls.”

    “They must be identical.”

    If you first think one’s a boy and one’s a girl, they’re probably not identical.

  9. Wow, that hairdresser story is… spectacular.

    I get the “perfect, now you’re done” or some variation ALL. THE. TIME. Not to mention the whole people being somehow relieved that my son was first and the bigger (by far) of the two. Whatever. People are crazy as hell. And twins bring out the crazies like nobody’s business.

    Oh, and a friend of mine who had a daughter and then had girl-girl twins exactly two years later… EVERYONE asks her if she’s going to “try for a boy.” Her response: “we wanted two kids, now we have three. I think we’re done, thanks.”

  10. Oh how I would love to have a bitchy come back to all the stupid comments. I did say one time (after a lady asked me if they were identical) “yup until I change their diaper” she looked at me like I had 4 heads. I love the look on people’s face when they say “boy and a girl, your done” and I come back and say “NOPE WE’RE HAVING MORE”.
    If I learned anything about being pregnant and HUGE it’s to never never stare or ask anyone who is pregnant how far along they are or better yet don’t even assume they are pregnant.
    Shelley I am cracking up at the 4 extra kids comment. 😀

  11. It’s amazing how there are just crazy insensitive people everywhere! I’m 34 weeks now and we’ve been speculating about when the girls will arrive. From my MIL: “Well you can’t possibly get any bigger.”

    And then there are all the ones that equate my twin pregnancy to their singleton pregnancy or my upcoming parenting of twins to having two kids close together. Those drive me absolutely batty.

    Favorite work comment was when one of my co-workers stopped me after he’d been traveling for a few weeks, “Wow! You really look pregnant! A few weeks ago it looked like you just had a Fogo de Chao gut, but now you’re really out there.” I was 18 weeks pregnant.

  12. I’ve gotten the “I’d kill myself” more than once. It used to bother me, but really, people just have no idea where you’re coming from unless they mave multiples. They really don’t think before they speak, so I just try to let it roll off my back. That said, I do try to avoid eye contact and keep my head down in public to cut down on these encounters..

  13. hmmm, now i get people questioning me if they really are twins….after i tell them they are. they then say…but he looks so much older than him. i am still waiting for the ‘are you sure?’ to come up.

    the winner was when i was in line with them and another mama of twins (boys, about 8) asked me if they were 1) twins 2) girls (they are super cute but i was under the impression it was not of the effeminate type, 3) maternal or identical. another mother of twins, people. my favorite by far. by far.

  14. Love this post – after going through pregnancy and now that my girls are here, I expected I’d be used to the comments but people still manage to surprise me. A couple of my faves:

    I was getting a pedicure the night before I was sure I was going to be put on bed rest (I was right) and the lady was asking me about my pregnancy. As hard as I tried, I could only understand half of what she was saying but she was happy for me that it was twins. I thought we were finished with the conversation and she says “How you have twins?” I asked “How am I going to have them??” she says “No – how you have twins in the first place?” I know the look on my face said it all…….did the lady doing my pedicure just ask me how I came to have twins? Really?!?!?! I was surprised when I thought she was asking me how I was going to deliver twins – ha.

    My most favorite response…..I’m not extremely private about our infertility experience but I do feel like I should know your name before I answer personal questions……..I had someone ask me “Twins…..wow. Did you have help?” My response…..”Why yes….my husband was a huge help.” She turned really red and the conversation was over!

  15. i’m 28 weeks pregnant with twins…i also have a 15 month old daughter. i have received all sorts of comments like the ones above…
    however, my personal favorite was from another mother of twins…(i tend to carry more inside and don’t stick out that much…yet). she told me that i was too small…there was something wrong with my babies and i needed to get them checked out.
    i just smiled and said…okay…knowing that my babies were measuring just fine…since like every other mother of multiples we have more doctors appointments/ultrasounds than we can count

  16. I love this post. While I think I have been asked most of the questions above- I love some of the answers everyone gives.

    My favorite- since we used a donor is- “Do they have the same donor?” I don’t even know what to say to stupid people…”here’s your sign.”

  17. Love this post. People still make funny faces at me when I tell them that my boys are not identical – like I must be crazy. When I was about six months pregnant, a check-out lady at the grocery store asked me how much longer I had to go. When I told her three months, she took one look at me and said, “oh, no, you’ll never make it.” Thanks for the support, crazy stranger.

    I am currently 7.5 months pregnant with our third. People CONSTANTLY make comments like, “Oh, boy, will you have your hands full.” Thanks. Also, when they find out this one is another boy, they either look at me and say, “Oh, that’s too bad” (Really? I should just send him back then) or “Are you going to keep trying for a girl?” Who are you and why is it any of your business??? Oye!

  18. Ah yes, comments from strangers, aren’t they wonderful! The hairdresser is something else.

    I got so sick of stupid comments I was glad to be on bed rest for the last 3 months. One of my stupid friends came over when I was 5 months PG and HUGE, and told me I wasn’t very big. I responded with “I wasn’t this FAT before”. When the boys were in their baby ‘bucket’ seats still and a double stroller someone asked if they were twins, my hubby replied “No they are 3 months apart” and we kept walking.

    Now that we have 3 and a triple stroller (that is just a bad thing to take out anyway) we get the, wow she has her hands full comment all the time. My response is “better full than empty”.

    And why is it they ask if Twins run in the family? I am with some of the others, what business is it of theirs.

    I always love the ones that make the comments to their husbands just so you can hear it but you aren’t supposed to. I always want to respond when they do that! I am not deaf quite yet, although with the high pitched little voices here I might be some day! :)

  19. Oh gosh, I get the identical thing All. The. Stinkin. Time. Uh, do you not understand the word “identical”??? One penis and one vagina do not make identical (not to mention you can barely tell the kids are related, much less twins).

    The worst comment was a cashier at Cracker Barrel when I was obviously pregnant enough to either be having multiples or an elephant. She asked if these were my first and when I said fifth and sixth she pulled the most awful grimace and said “I’m sorry”.

    Erm, scuse me?

    You’re SORRY?!!? !

    Who the hell says that to a pregnant woman?

  20. Great comments! One of the oddest questions I got while pregnant with my girls and people found out I also had a boy just under 2 was “What are you going to do?” Hum, have them? Raise them? I’m still not sure what they meant by that question.

    A funny store from one of the OB’s I saw while expecting. After he asked the standard “Are done?” question I said my usual, “oh, we’re not sure.” knowing we want 4 kids, so no we’re not. (I grew up in a family of 7 so that’s a considerable downsize!) He found out I am a Mormon and said “oh, you’re good for couple more.” I still laugh at that comment. :)

  21. I am actually stunned by the comments you have gotten from people. I have gotten many but mine are nowhere near as “good” as yours.

    My least favorite really is “Do twins run in your family?”. I’m open about IVF, but don’t really feel like talking about it to someone in BJ’s. However, these comments have decreased over recent months as the kids get to be small toddlers and not two itty bitty babies in infant carriers. They are much less obviously twins now, and thus we get a lot less attention.

  22. When I was pregnant, a woman at my gym asked me if they were conceived naturally. Now, if my close friend had asked me this, no big deal. I didn’t even know her first name. She was just always there when I was. I told her, “Yes, we had sex.”

    Another woman argued with me at Costco that my girls couldn’t be twins since one of them was bigger than the other. What do you say to that? I told her that I was sure they were inside of me at the same time. She just shook her head.

    Wow.

  23. Love this post…. just had a funny situation happen Sunday. I had my 9 month old b/g twins with me at the grocery story. Eva was in my infantino front carrier and Reid was riding in the cart. Now, keep in mind he’s 21 lbs. and she’s maybe 17 lbs. A lady said, “oh, look at the baby… and a toddler too!” When I said, actually, they’re twins, she had this look of shock, and walked away. She didn’t say anything else!!

    I also get the ‘are they natural?’ question alot. Yes, we did have some help (IUI) but that’s very personal to us. Fortunately, the first question we get is usually the ‘do twins run in your family.’ It just so happens my Mom is and identical twin. So, all I say is ‘ my Mom’s a twin.’ Shuts them up right away….. even though we in the ‘know’ know identical’s don’t run in families….

  24. I cannot believe your hair dresser would say all that. But most of them do gossip quite a bit. I guess asking nosey/inapropriate questions is how they get all that stuff to talk about.

    I am 23 weeks with b/g twins, and have a son that will be 2 next month. I get the same comments. I actually had to explain genetics to a relative because she kept insisting that b/g twins could be identical. She’s not a complete ninny; she has cousins that are b/g twins and were in the same sac. I had read about that and told her it was extreeeemly rare, but they still aren’t identical.

    I also get “Do you watch Jon and Kate Plus 8” at least once a week. As if having a singleton and twins is the same as having twins and sextuplets.

    I do think the comments about how huge I am are the worst though. Especially when it comes from someone that has been/is pregnant. You would think they would know better.

  25. The best I received:

    Nosy aunt who claimed she knew I was having twins because I was SO BIG at three months, it couldn’t have been just one. Not so big that the OBs had any suspicion, but my Aunt, yeah, she caught it!

    And then near the end of my pregnancy. A store clerk asked me how many I was having? Quads? That’s before I said anything about having more than one. Nice.

    But my favorite in a good funny way was running late one morning, I had to go through the metal detector line at court. A really nice guy let me cut way ahead so I could run in and ask a question. But first he wanted to know how far along I was, he didn’t want to have to deliver the baby right there. I was just over 6 months.

    Now, I get the skeptical looks when I insist that my girls are fraternal. Like the strangers know better that they must be identical. How can they look alike and not be?

  26. “I don’t know whether to offer condolences or congratulations!”

    “Two for the price of one” (From a man)

    And then there’s the staring while you’re pregnant as if they’ve never quite seen anything so mammoth and they are afraid you just might give birth right there in line behind them.

    That said people have also been very kind in offering credit. Two moms with babies passed me on the bike path and did the “we’re not worthy” bow as I passed.

    One thing’s for sure- going out in public is NEVER dull!

    I’m curious if anyone’s male partner gets way more attention and kudos when with both children in public?

  27. I definitely got a lot of ‘I’m sorry’s and ‘better you than me!’ Yup, that’s right, better me than you! My boys are awesome and super easy going. They are the best thing ever!

    Currently, with 5-month-old boys and a TINY belly compared to the mammoth I was, it makes me crazy when people ask me if I am pregnant again. No, idiot! I had 39 week, full-sized TWINS 5 months ago!

    People. Are. Stupid.

    Oh, and with the ‘natural’ question… they are identical and there isn’t a way to make that happen, which is usually my response, but if it is someone annoying to me I just give them a deadpan look and say ‘that is a really personal question.’ Shuts them right up.

  28. My b/g twins were born an hour apart on either side of midnight giving them their own birthdays. People who find this out then proceed to ask are they still twins? Also are you sure they are not identical they sure look alike. The only thing these two have in common is mom and dad. One is a petite girl, blue eyes, auburn hair, fair skin the other a solid boy, dark hair brown eyes and olive skin. Now tell me where the resemblence is?

    At least all of the comments we get are entertainment that parents of singletons don’t get!

  29. Since I’m still hauling mine around in baby carriers I get a LOT of “wow, you have your hands full.” Also, are they identical or paternal (they are identical, but as far as I know it’s FRA-ternal). And a lot of “Do twins run in your family” which much of the time is a ploy to find out if we used ART (we did). I also had one guy in an elevator tell me I was hard core. Ooookay. But fortunately I’ve had more people tell me how lucky I am – and I appreciate those comments SO much because some of the others are so mindless! Great post.

  30. I have two sets of b/g twins. The most annoying question I get asked is, “Do you watch Jon & Kate Plus 8?” I think the number of times I have been asked that actually surpasses “Are they identical?” Although now with not one but two sets of boy/girl twins, my 4 year olds get asked if they are identical and when told no people will turn to me and ask if my 11 week olds are…

    And the best response I have ever heard to the ‘do twins run in your family’ (aka are these fertility babies) is “Nope we did it twice in one night.” That has a way of shutting people right up=)

  31. Thanks for this post.

    I have a 2 yr old boy and 4 mo twin girls. People are seriously stupid. I get the “you’ve got your hands full”, “are you finished”, “are they identical” (obviously not – one is noticeable bigger with dark hair, the other is blonde), “do twins run in your family”, “do you watch jon & kate plus 8”, “two for the price of one” comments all the time. I don’t understand the “two for the price of one” comment – I want to say “two for the price of two”. The only thing I only had to pay for one of was the pregnancy – and even that was more expensive cuz I was high risk.

    The one thing that has really amazed me is how everyone feels the need to tell you how they know of someone that is either a twin, has twins, or is friends with twins. I like how everyone wants to connect, but I don’t know how they expect me to respond to the constant comments of “my (fill in the blank) has twins”.

  32. Oh yes, the two for the price of one thing makes me crazy. My MW was kind enough to just charge me for the extra supplies but we paid for a bunch more ultrasounds, an extra assistant, another car seat, a bigger van to fit all six children…on and on. And I still had to give BIRTH to both babies. In no way shape or form was my twin pregnancy like getting two babies in the same way I carried and gave birth to my singletons! I PAID for those two babies plenty, thankyouverymuch!

  33. I get the “how cool, you are all done” thing all the time and my response is “well we always said we wanted 2 or 3 so we’ll see” I usually get a concerned look and then they bring up john and kate + 8 or say “oh my god what if you have twins again?”… duh… we will have 4 then wouldn’t we? Oh and like all of you I get the “do twins run in your family?” question and when I say yes they do they look almost shocked or disappointed that they weren’t a result of fertility treatment. And when people ask how far a long I am I’ve gotten both “you don’t look big enough” and “you are going to get so HUGE” The other thing was after telling a female waitress of a place we frequent that I’m having twins she said “that’s so cool because you can pick their birthday” and I gave her a look of confusion and she said “It must be so nice to know you are going to get a c-section” I was in shock, in my mind c-section is not the ideal birth.

    The most disturbing so far (only 21 weeks here) was a stranger said “that baby sure is growing” to me a few days ago, he didn’t say anything else, just blurted that out while he passed me.

  34. “oooo, double trouble!”
    or
    “boy you’ll have your hands full”
    or
    “were they concieved naturally?” (uggg)
    or
    “are they identical?” without even looking at them

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