Never having been pregnant before, I wasn’t quite prepared for the onslaught of unsolicited advice and commentary that folks would feel inclined to impart on me. Following are a few of the more memorable ones.
“Oh my gawd, you’re fat! How far along are you?”
Back when I was 20 weeks pregnant, I went to get a haircut at a place close to my office. It was the second or third time EVER going to this stylist, which made the comment – THE ONE YELLED OUT FOR ALL TO HEAR – even more shocking. The crazy thing is that that wasn’t even the worst thing she said.
“What is your weight gain goal?”
O.K., so in certain circles this question is benign and legitimate, particularly as it relates to a multiple’s pregnancy. Say, circles of…WOMEN. So you can imagine why it is that I threw up a little bit in my mouth when my MALE CO-WORKER asked me this. AT LUNCH! I gave the guy an opportunity to crawfish out of this one, but he didn’t take the bait.
“Wow, twins! One for each of you!”
Sure, I get the sweetness in that, but the way I see it, they’re BOTH for both of us. And we’re both for both of them.
“How perfect: a boy and a girl. Your family is complete.”
After we knew I was pregnant with twins, one of the most anticipated moments was finding out the sex. Somewhere around 19 weeks it was determined that I was pregnant with a boy and a girl, although earlier in pregnancy – at the time of a nuchal translucency ultrasound – it was thought to be two girls.
As far as ‘completeness’ is concerned, I think that the “boy child + girl child = complete” is a residual extension of the “mom + dad + white picket fence”, buoyed in tradition and the affinity for balance and even numbers. And people like it even better if the boy child is older. Like in our case where that is true, people’s response has been “oh, good.” Like they are relieved. Why is that, anyway? The truth is, had I been pregnant with one child, or two of either sex, it still would have been perfect, just as it is perfect for any combination of loving parent(s) and the children they are blessed with no matter how they arrive.
“So you’re done, huh?”
Do other twin mom’s get this question? I haven’t heard this question asked of mom’s who have a singleton and then another singleton. Apparently, it’s not beyond reason that they would have more. I’ve definitely heard it asked of mom’s who have had however many followed by multiples. My uterus, however, gets the same rebellious attitude about this question as a teenager told that they’re grounded the night of a big party – the one where they were going to get drunk for the first time. And you know how disappointing that can be.
For those that are currently pregnant with multiples, or if the multiples are already on the outside, what are some of the more outrageous questions or comments you’ve received? And what was your response – whether out loud, or in the case of intending bodily harm, in the silence of your imagination?
Rachel’s personal blog can be found at RaJenCreation.