Keeping the romance alive…

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I have to admit that one of my biggest fears (among many) when I first found out we were expecting multiples was the suffering that my relationship with my husband would endure.  I know how much stress a new baby can place on any relationship, especially a marriage, so I was concerned that 3 new babies would do triple the damage.  And they did…sort of.

After the first couple of months of having 3 premature newborns at home, the sleep deprivation began to take its toll and each evening would find our family in a funk, often with my husband and I snapping at each other over the tiniest little things.  And then it got to the point where I was becoming more and more needy and my husband was becoming less and less present…which of course led to an enormous disconnect between us and very little satisfaction.  But, thankfully we recognized that things weren’t quite right and we made a decision to do something to make things better.  It took quite a bit of work, but I can honestly say that our relationship now is better than it has ever been.

We now try to go out once a month, alone.  No kids in attendance, no kids in conversation.  We don’t always make that goal, but we do try.  And our biggest relationship saver has been that we set aside every Wednesday night (our older daughter heads off to Nana and Grampy’s for the evening) after the babies go to bed for date night.  They aren’t always glamorous evenings, but it brings back memories of our early days of dating and the days before the triplets were born.  Oftentimes, we make dinner together, enjoy a bottle of wine and play a game of scrabble.  Or we stick in a movie and snuggle on the couch with some popcorn. Sometime we just spend the evening talking about the things we don’t have time to discuss in our day to day chaos. But it helps to know, that no matter what, we have at least one night to ourselves, when we can be a couple instead of parents of multiples.

I am curious to know if other MoMs experienced the same funk, and if so what have you done (or do you do) to keep the romance alive?

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3 thoughts on “Keeping the romance alive…”

  1. I think it’s just natural to get into that funk after a baby, let alone 2.
    We live far from family (4 hours +) so our funk lasted longer due to baby coverage.
    Finally after a few years, yes, I said years, we caved in and got a sitter. We would go out on ‘date night’ 2x a month. We’d usually do the things we did when dating: movies, mini-golf, dinner etc. And of course, totally kicked myself in the arse for waiting almost 2 1/2 years to get a sitter.
    Now my mom lives w/us so the built in babysitter is awesome!…..though in the 2 months she’s been here we’ve only had 1 date night. What is wrong w/us? Well, now that my mom is settled in…..I’m gonna have to reinstate the ‘date night.’
    On a side note: we try to stay clear from going to movies b/c we tend to …. fall asleep! I’m so ashamed!

  2. We definitely hit our funks in this house. The pregnancy was a surprise 12 weeks before our wedding and then the twins an even bigger surprise. We have to make a point to reconnect every now and then. We do a lot of date nights and have gone on three trips w/o the girls in the first year of their lives. We are very lucky to have family around to take care of the girls so we can have adult time. Our relationship is too important.

  3. Most of my friends do date night. They protect it at all costs. My DH and I don’t yet have access to a date night babysitter, but I think it’s important to once in a while be able to be together as a couple, without the distraction of kids. A friend of mine went on vacation with her DH (w/o kids) and it was awkward, initially, without the buffer of kids. “Who are you?” she joked. They did reconnect, but it brings to mind how much of our daily activities as a couple is wrapped around managing kids!

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