I wrote a post two weeks ago about how 1% of me wants another child. That post has been the topic of many conversations in my personal life since then. Most of my friends were shocked because I wasn’t exactly the poster child for pregnancy or the newborn period. And I’ve been very adamant that we are done, finished, and complete.
Writing that post made me realize I have a serious case of singleton fantasy. I don’t mean that I want to give up my twins (who are 28 months today!). I want to experience life with one baby. I have fantasies about how easy it would be. Breastfeeding would be successful this time, unlike last time. I would shlepp the baby everywhere, taking her out to peaceful dinners with my husband instead of being trapped inside with one colicky twin who screamed in his car seat. I would improve on everything I did wrong with my boys. I would be able to relax and enjoy the experience because I wouldn’t have the same preemie and health worries. I would have so much more patience, and get so much more rest. The boys would gaze lovingly on their new little sister and quietly play independently while I tended to her needs.
Oh yes, it is a complete and utter fantasy. And I am quite honest with myself that it is a fantasy. Life is crazy in my house with two 2 1/2 year olds, so adding another child into the mix would make it even crazier. But having twins first is bittersweet some days, because I will never know what it is like to have just one child. Each stage is here once and then gone, which is both a blessing and a curse. Putting fantasies aside, Jon and I are the best parents we can be when we have two children and that is why we are done with two.
And a big fat PS – I’ve read enough of your blogs to know that if I tried for another child, I might end up with twins again, so I wouldn’t even get my fantasy!