Monthly Archives: October 2008

Foodie Friday: Happy Halloween!

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I had a couple of ideas for longer food-related post ideas for today, but then I realized that 1) It’s Halloween and

Tigers for Halloween last year

Tigers for Halloween last year

2) I am completely exhausted from our craptacular week this week (someone recently questioned whether this was a real word—believe me! He would not have done this had he lived my week this week). I will summarize by saying that at my house there is a sad little 18 month old girl with an infected split lip that hurts too much for her to eat. And Miss Abigail is really very fond of her food. It makes for sad, crabby times.

And wizards this year

And wizards this year

Anyway, I wanted to invite those of you who are creative in the kitchen to share your fun Halloween recipes with the rest of us. Do you make spiderweb cookies or tombstone cookies? Or pumpkin cupcakes? Or are you looking for a use or two for those leftover candy corn? 

To those little trick or  treaters out there—have fun tonight! I think we’re skipping the festivities tonight and having a early bedtime for tired little ones and a glass of wine, or two, for tired big ones.

Ask the Moms – How Mommy Got Her Groove Back

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Have a question for the HDYDI moms?  Ask away in the comments or on our Features page.

What about reintroducing intimacy into your relationship with your husband – physical and emotional? How to be romantic when you worry about chores, finance, sleep deprived and the kids are sleeping in the next room? Early “physical” limitations (post-C-Section, vaginal birth, breastfeeding).

Oh yes.  The nookie.  Those of you rare few who were breaking rules and getting back in the saddle well before your postpartum appointment… this isn’t for you.  It’s for the rest of us.

So, OK, you drag yourself (with or without babies) to your six-week postpartum OB checkup.  Your doctor says all is well, and you’re clear to resume sex.  And just as soon as you stop laughing, she actually has the nerve to ask what you want to use as birth control!  Um, did she forget that time six weeks ago when she pulled two small people from your body?  Hahahahaha!

But sex is a serious topic, people.  And one we’re all about here on HDYDI.  For as much time as we spend as devoted moms, we are also (among other things) the beloved spouse/partner of some other grownup.  And I’m going to come right out and say it: I think physical intimacy is a really important part of that kind of relationship.  But, good lord, how is that supposed to happen with two needy newborns, zero sleep, and a body that has been through a war?  Here’s our advice…

Talk, talk, and talk some more

Communication can very easily break down in the first weeks and months of being a new parent, especially with two.  In addition to the mind-addling lack of sleep (and showers and meals that can’t be eaten with one hand), mama’s got some serious physical stuff to deal with.  You’re healing from delivery, your hormones are more volatile than the stock market, your boobs are leaking milk all over the place, and your belly resembles a lump of raw pizza dough.  You’re stressed and tired and trying to figure it all out, and sex is the farthest thing from your mind.  Well, guess what?  It might be lower on your beloved’s list than you think.  Maybe you’re on maternity leave but he’s gone back to work already, only to come home and help out with the night shift.  He’s tired and stressed too, so maybe postponing the return to the marital bed is just fine with him.  Or, maybe he’s more eager than you are.  But the only way you can understand each other is to talk about it.  If you don’t feel up for it, he needs to know that.  If he misses that aspect of your relationship, you need to know that, too.  But keep talking.

Make a choice, make a date

You may find that you both want to get back in the saddle, at least theoretically, but motivation is low and timing is poor.  But if you’re both in agreement: make a date.  Make several.  Make the choice to carve out time to re-connect, both emotionally and physically.  You don’t need to go anywhere, you don’t need to find a babysitter.  Just decide that you’re going to light some candles and sit down at the table for dinner.  Turn off the TV, don’t answer the phone. Open a bottle of wine. Maybe it leads you back to the bedroom, maybe it takes a few times. Maybe you just make a totally concrete, un-romantic decision to jump back into bed.  That’s OK. You have to start somewhere. The psych majors among us should think about behavioral therapy: set the behavior first, if you need to, and the emotional part will come along.  If nothing else, you’ll be glad you made the time for each other.  And I’m not kidding about that bottle of wine.  I’m all for (consensual) enforced relaxation.

Don’t rush, and don’t expect it to be the same

Everyone has their own timeline.  Some people are so looking forward to reconnecting that they go for it right after they get the green light (or some just decide to get that first time “out of the way”…).  Plenty of people don’t feel physically or emotionally ready for several more weeks or even months.  Don’t feel like you need to rush into anything that you aren’t ready for.

Speaking of getting things out of the way… know that the first time post-kids, nobody’s socks are getting knocked off.  Maybe the first few times.  It’s unlikely going to be the sexual highlight of your entire relationship, so don’t build it up in your mind.  It may be awkward, it may be a little painful, there may be some seriously leaky boobs. Keep your sense of humor about you, and know that it’ll get better/easier.

Another important bit of expectation-setting is this: your relationship with your significant other has now changed.  Your lives and priorities have changed.  This is neither all-bad nor all-good.  It’s different.  New stresses, new demands on your time.  New ways to connect, too, and new shared passion.  But it’s different.  As for what frequency of sex is “normal?”  There’s no such thing.  Some may find the time once or twice a week, some are not entirely sure they had sex for the entirety of September (or October…?). You have to find the balance that’s right for the two of you.

To the partners out there, I offer two important tidbits that I’ve picked up (the studies I, of course, cannot find right now, or I’d provide the links).  Tidbit 1: a study was done that showed that women who perceived that their partners did a “fair share” of housework and childcare were more likely to be interested in sex.  Laugh all you want, it’s true.  We stress about these things, about how many loads of laundry need to be done or whether the dishes are clean.  The more you can proactively take this stress off of your wife/partner/beloved, the more amenable she might be.  Not in a quid pro quo kind of way, but more as a general stress reducer.  Which brings me to tidbit 2: I read somewhere that, in general, men like to have sex to relax while women need to be relaxed to have sex.  Think about that.  Some men may want to have sex as a way to unwind after a stressful day.  But, I assure you, your wife is likely to need a lot more winding down (and maybe a few glasses of wine) before she’s ready to join you.

Don’t forget the birth control

If you’re not planning on trying to get pregnant again anytime soon, please do not neglect your birth control.  Don’t assume that breastfeeding will take care of it, don’t ignore it just because you figure you won’t be having sex all that often, anyways.  Remember what you learned in sex ed: it only takes one time. Research the methods (pill, “mini-pill,” IUD, condoms, etc…), and pick one that you will be able to use as directed.  Or, if you are all about continuing to expand the family, more power to ya!

There you have it, a few words of collective wisdom from the moms of HDYDI.  Sex after kids is real, it’s possible, and frankly, it’s important. When you’re ready, go for it!

For additional reading, see HDYDI contributor Cheryl Lage’s book, Twinspiration.  Also, a great entry by Dooce on the subject.  Or, check out what our readers have to say!  Comment, people, comment!

Making Baby Food

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In the interest of time – that being that I don’t have much of it – I have shamelessly plucked this post from my personal blog. Because sometimes, that’s exactly How We Do It: we double up or skip something or use something twice for the sake of efficiency. Enjoy!

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During Ike, we started each of the kids on rice cereal, but that’s just because we had time to kill being evacuated in San Antonio and what better thing is there to do than to video your kids eating food so you can post the clips for the Internet to see?

However, we didn’t officially start the RJBs on rice cereal until October 4, around 5 ½ months. We were in no rush to start them on solids because we’re just beginning to enjoy the time of feeding them without projectile vomiting, covering ourselves in towels, and in general, having the house wrapped up like the quarantined cloaked and hooded mess in the movie ET before ET finally found his heartlight, let it shine wherever you go, let it make a happy glow for all the world to see, Amen.

Three days after their 6 month birthday, and two days before their 6 month appointment, we gave them their first solid: sweet potatoes. Up until that time, we had been giving them their solid at mid-morning and mid-afternoon, starting with 1 tablespoon once a day and moving up to 3-4 tablespoons twice a day and not as runny. At our doctor appointment, though, he suggested giving them their solids when WE would eat solids – breakfast, lunch, and dinner – so that as time passes and they drop bottles, what’s left is regular meal times.

INFANT FEEDING SEATING
As an aside, I address here, for purposes of relevance, a question my good friend Meg asked about the chairs we use for the kids. We use the Chicco Hippo Hook-On Chair. They retail for a totally-worth-it $49.99 each. Our house is small and narrow and there is no space for two traditional highchairs. The Hook-ons are best used on tables that are well grounded with four legs (not the tables with one central ‘leg’ which become a tipping hazard). The seats are very secure after installation and the fabric is removeable and washable. And with messy eaters like Mateo, that is SO HANDY. To keep the table clean, we use Tiny Diner Placemats by Kiddopotamus. They wash and wipe easy and the little scoop is pretty invaluable.

Breakfast

We haven’t gotten to the point of having to seriously attend to the rug under the table (since they are not yet feeding themselves), but after polling my local Mom’s of Multiples group, suggestions include clear office mats, oilcloth purchased from a fabric store, plastic floor protectors from Ikea, splat mats from Land of Nod, or a Mimi The Sardine mat which I’m told can also double as table covers for arts and crafts. Sure those last two are cute, but the sizes seem awfully small, particularly for the price. Two feet by three feet? Add some velocity to the wingspan of my kids and that will be no match, even if it does have cute ladybugs on it. For now, we use the purchased-on-clearance towels that are no longer protecting the couch from barfing.

INFANT FEEDING SCHEDULE
As for our infant feeding schedule, every care provider and parent is different, but we’re doing the following:

  • Breakfast: 2 cubes solid + 2 tbsp rice cereal, followed by bottle if still hungry
  • Mid-Morning Snack: bottle only
  • Lunch: 2 cubes solid + 2 tbsp rice cereal, followed by bottle if still hungry
  • Mid-Afternoon Snack: bottle only
  • Top-Off Bottle: this is something we have the daycare do at 4:00p.m. because if the kids had to wait from 2ish to 7 to eat, their heads would spin off the axis of their necks. We have seen this happen and do all we can to avoid it.
  • Dinner: 2 cubes solid + 2 tbsp rice cereal. No bottle. Mostly because they just had a bottle (anywhere from 2-7 ounces) at 4:00 p.m. and dinner is around 6:15 p.m.
  • Night Snack: Bottle only – they get this after their baths.

MOTIVATION
I am by no means an extremist: I’m not a vegetarian, I don’t buy only organic, I do use disposable diapers, I do get my kids vaccinated, I do use tap water (though filtered through the refrigerator) for their bottles, I do use generic formula from Costco, I do use formula instead of breastmilk, I do use cleaning chemicals in the house and not just vinegar and water, I don’t grow my own vegetables, I do store food in plastic containers, I do not compost food scraps, I do recycle for the most part. Basically, I’m right down the middle when it comes to being environmentally conscious and responsible within reason for the kids. And I say because I am making their baby food (so far), but I don’t do it simply for green or health reasons. I also do it because I enjoy cooking and being in the kitchen.

RUNNING THE NUMBERS
In my first batch, I made TEN DAYS WORTH OF ORGANIC FRUITS AND VEGGIES FOR TWO BABIES FOR UNDER $22.00. For this post, I ran some numbers and discovered that 16 packs (servings) of Stage 1 food in a container that is 2.5oz each would run an average of $10.50. (and would probably include some waste because the kids are not yet eating 2.5 oz solids at each meal yet). For two kids then, $22.00 worth of containered food would get me through roughly 6.5 days.

Ok, so yeah, there’s the time factor (5 hours over three nights, including prep and cleanup, split up that way because we also wanted to watch TV or needed to do laundry, etc.) and the gas-factor. And I could go around justifying this dollar and that trip and whatever, but the fact is I love being the kitchen, don’t find it stressful, and am rather enjoying it. SO MOM, IF YOU ARE LISTENING, I AM NOT TRYING TO BE A SUPERMOM OR SUPERHERO OR TOO EARTHY, IT’S JUST A NON-ISSUE FOR ME SO BACK OFF BECAUSE MY STUBBORNESS CAME FROM YOUR SIDE OF THE FAMILY.

MEAL PLAN
The first batch included sweet potatoes, pears, apples, butternut squash and carrots.

DSC_8165

This week, I’ll make cauliflower, peas, mangos, watermelon, and zucchini. I’m mostly running through the veggies first, but there will be enough stored to last us (including what they’ve already eaten) through the end of November. Not bad.

RECIPE BOOKS
To be honest, I could have just as easily found some basic information from the internet and gone from there. For example, an old Young Life Wilderness Ranch Staff buddy recommended Wholesome Baby Food and I am sure there are countless others. I know of some readers who love the Annabel Karmel website. But since I had purchased or received these books from my registries prior to the Vomit Months, I’ll go ahead an list them here:

Baby Blender Foods – decent book. Tells you what can be frozen, gives some recipies, etc.

Anne Karmel’s Top 100 Baby Purees – pretty pictures, better information on freezing/serving, but hugely skimpy on the first foods, and some of the multi-ingredient recipes are just flat out frightening.

METHODOLOGY
Step 1: Depending on the vegetable or fruit, I may have to peel or cut prior to cooking. My favorite peeler is the Swiss Kuhn Rikon, first recommended to me by Chef Randy Evans, the executive chef I spent the day with during my fabulous 33rd birthday present.

I picked up the Swiss Kuhn Rikon peeler at Sur La Table , they’re super inexpensive and super sharp. I know this because I accidentally peeled half my finger nail off in one stroke while peeling sweet potatoes. They’re no longer on Sur La Table’s website, but I know they sell them there.

Step 2: Because steaming food preserves the nutrients, has less nutrient runoff from water, and I can also use the same water (with nutrients still in it) to thin the food item in the food processor, I mostly steam the food. But let’s get real here, I steam the food because it gives me a chance to use my lovely Dr. Weil™ Spring® Healthy Kitchen 2-Tier Steamer that I love almost as much as Mateo loves his Wubbanub Penguin and as much as Harper hates to take naps. I tend to make enough of the vegetable to cover dinner(s) for Jen and I and at least 4 days worth per food item for the kiddos. (Some families do far less than that between introducing new foods, some go a whole week. This works for us.)

Step 3: I’ve had a Cuisinart® Pro Classic 7-Cup Food Processor a very long time and am only now appreciating its usefulness. I can puree in seconds, or later, chop just as quickly.
My food processor just recently asked if it was getting a pension for all the use I’m giving it now.

Step 4: After letting the puree cool, I pour the wholesome goodness into the ice cube trays directly from the food processor container. For somewhat thicker puree’s, I use a collapsible funnel that I picked up at Bed Bath & Beyond quite a while back.

For ice trays, I really like my “Perfect Cube” Ice Cube Trays. Each cube, when filled just below the top (so you don’t spill) is approximately 2 Tablespoons = 1 fluid ounce = 29.5736 Milliliters. You can order them online from Target, but I ended up purchasing mine from Sur La Table because they were, surprisingly, less expensive there and there’s a storefront not far from home. A “serving” of baby food is usually about 50ml, so there.

Step 5: I cover the ice cube trays with plastic wrap and stack them in the freezer over night. Usually by the next morning, and most definitely by the next evening, I can pop out the cubes from the trays and store accordingly.

Step 6: The majority of the food cubes, particularly since when I am making baby food, I’m making it in bulk, gets stored in the freezer using my Foodsaver Food Sealer Vacuum. FoodSavers keep food up to 5x fresher than traditional ziplocks and risk of freezer burn is close to the chance of Mateo not drooling for a whole day. I purchased mine from Bed Bath & Beyond about two years ago, and it’s in their stores, though not on the website. I just gotta use those 20% off coupons that come in the mail.

Apples & Sweet Potatoes

Step 7: I leave out and/or take out of the freezer 24-48 hours worth of food at one time. I store these in serving portions in The First Years Take-N-Toss Bowls with Lids containers which my sister suggested and I now love. They come in a pack of 7 for around $3.50. I bought three packs so there’s enough for two kids for a day’s worth to be in the dishwasher, the refrigerator, and daycare. I made labels (we have to label everything for day care) and have containers labeled Breakfast, Lunch, and Dinner. So no matter who is feeding them or whether it is at home or away, there’s no question as to what and how much to feed.

I’m not willing to say that I’ll forever make their food, or even that I will not use jarred food. I’m not averse to using jarred food in a pinch. If parenting has done anything to me, it has made me a much more flexible, this-is-somewhat-our-plan-but-we’ll-see-how-things-go kind of person. For now, it works, and it gets me back in the kitchen, doing a thing that I love to do, and knowing that I’m participating in providing my entire family with nutritious foods.

Organic

Reasons to join a singleton moms group

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A lot has been said on this website about joining your local multiples group. In addition to becoming involved in my multiples’ group, I also joined a new moms group through my hospital. When I showed up the first day, I was bummed to find I was the only mom with twins. Now that I’ve been part of the group for over two years, I would highly recommend this strategy to every mom expecting multiples. Reasons:

1. When their one baby is sleeping, their hands are completely free to help you with your two (or more).

2. Hearing “I don’t know how you do it” on a regular basis can be a much-needed ego boost during those early months with multiples.

3. Singleton parents often have more time to do research, read parenting books, and help get advice from experts during those crazy early months. They are also more likely to get out of the house on a regular basis, so they can help you scope out baby-friendly places. They are a great, underutilized resource.

4. If you ever find yourself in a complete bind, they can leave the baby with their partner to help you.

5. Having a network of new moms can help you see that being a new parent is hard on everyone, not just on parents of multiples.

Of course, there have been gaps in communication along the way. I think some of the moms thought my twinproofing was a little extreme. I cried when our group had a discussion about games to play… with your two month old. (My games were “watch mommy shower” and “watch mommy eat.”) And to get by while keeping my sanity, I frequently “broke the rules” by letting one kid sleep in a Boppy or feeding the boys right out of baby food jars. But overall, I think being exposed to different ways people parent helps us think about why we parent the way we do. Being part of a singleton moms group has opened my eyes to how many different ways there are to be a good parent. And seriously, there can never be enough extra sets of hands in those early months!

Rosie the Virus

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Ah yes, our good friend Roseola paid us a visit this weekend.  It was only my daughter (so far), but that was plenty.  From KidsHealth.org:

Roseola (also known as sixth disease, exanthem subitum, and roseola infantum) is a viral illness in young children, most commonly affecting those between the ages of 6 months and 2 years. It is typically marked by several days of high fever, followed by a distinctive rash just as the fever breaks.

Rebecca was textbook on this one.  She was warm all day Friday, but it seemed to come and go and I blamed it on teething as she was drooling and chewing way more than usual.  And super cranky.  But by shortly after bedtime, when she woke up quite unhappy, we realized something was up.  She was hot to the touch and bright red, and the thermometer jumped up past 103 degrees.  Off she went with Daddy to our local hospital, since it was way after hours and that’s what the on-call doctor would have had us do, anyways.

A diagnosis of roseola is often uncertain until the fever drops and the rash appears, so the doctor may order tests to make sure that the fever is not caused by another type of infection.

Indeed, the poor, tired thing got the whole workup.  Checked for an ear infection, even the dreaded catheter to rule out a UTI.  Three hours later, she was back home and we rotated Motrin and Tylenol and she spent a very out-of-character night in bed with mommy.

The viruses that cause roseola do not appear to be spread by kids while they are exhibiting symptoms of the illness. Instead, someone who has not yet developed symptoms often spreads the infection.

God only knows where she got it.  We spend plenty of time around other kids, and I’m just not a germ-phobe. Not that I would intentionally let them get sick, but frankly a little virus here and there just isn’t a battle I’m going to fight.  Thankfully my kids are a fairly robust pair, so aside from the flu shot and general good sense, I don’t take it all that far.

A child with roseola typically develops a mild upper respiratory illness, followed by a high fever (often over 103° Fahrenheit, or 39.5° Celsius) for up to a week. During this time, the child may appear fussy or irritable and may have a decreased appetite and swollen lymph nodes (glands) in the neck.

Fussy?  Irritable?  Bwa ha ha!  Cranky as all get-out.  Screaming.  Over-tired. Fever with shivers. I’m sure generally feeling crappy.  Oh my lord was she a cranky girl all weekend.  Sleep was all kinds of messed up, which obviously didn’t help the cranky factor.  And poor not-sick Daniel was almost as cranky, since his weekend was no fun, either.  And Mommy and Daddy?  Let’s just say we weren’t at our shiny best this weekend.  Short on sleep, nerves frayed from being screamed at by a sick little girl… not a recipe for marital bliss.

The high fever often ends abruptly, and at about the same time a pinkish-red flat or raised rash appears on the child’s trunk and spreads over the body.

The fever stuck around all weekend, still getting as high as 102.5 between doses of medicine. Thankfully, by this morning, things seemed relatively back to normal.  The tell-tale rash is on her little shoulders, but the fever is gone and she’s eating like a normal toddler again (mediocre, at best, but better than Saturday).  I’m just glad it’s over, and I’m hoping against hope that Daniel lucks out and doesn’t get it.  Granted, I did nothing to really keep them apart, and they still stole each other’s toys and sippy cups per usual.  But hey, maybe we’ll get lucky…

The Candy Tax

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In an effort to keep my readers informed, I am going to spend some time today explaining an important, but often overlooked, law that will affect all of us in the near future.

I’m speaking of the Candy Tax. Not only is this a Federal statute, I think it is worldwide. I believe this law will soon be put before Congress for a vote to amend the Constitution.

Simply put, the parents of any youthful recipients of large amounts of candy are entitled to a percentage of said candy. This percentage is up to and including any and all snickers bars if they constitute 10% or less of the total haul. Candy that has been collected in pillowcases or other outrageously large containers is subject to a 15% Candy Tax. This covers the time and stress of the parent having to manually inspect each piece upon re-entry of the youthful person into the home.

In the case of really awful sour candy being the sole form of candy collected, the candy recipients may petition for a deferment of the candy tax until such time as they receive a form of candy acceptable to the candy assessor. For example, if at Halloween the recipient returns home only with awful sour candy, they owe the parent the ears and feet of the next chocolate Easter bunny they receive.

Additional taxes may be levied in the case of a parent creating a homemade costume. Because said costume was created in an effort to assist the Candy Recipient in accumulating more candy, the parent may collect up to and including all snickers, 3 Musketeers, and Hershey bars in compensation for their time.

The payment of the tax is at the sole discretion of the parent, and may include substituting Reeses for Snickers if they so desire.

Candy eaten on the way home from trick-or-treating still counts towards the total haul, and parents should take into account not only the number of pieces of candy, but the number of wrappers present during candy inventory.

If the candy tax is not promptly paid, the candy may have to go on time out on a high shelf in the kitchen until such time as the parent can properly inspect it and collect the tax.

You can meet my little tax deductions over at Lit and Laundry

Foodie Friday: Holidays and food allergies

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Food is such an integral part of our lives…..and around the holidays, it seems to take on an even greater importance. Holiday traditions often revolve around food–Christmas cookies, the Yule log (our Christmas Eve dessert), latkes on Hannukah, turkey and stuffing on Thanksgiving, pies, sweets, cranberry sauce….the list goes on and on. And if one of your children has a food allergy, well, then these fun holiday traditions are full of potential issues, tantrums or epipen moments.

My babies get wheat for the first time. Yum, gluten.

My babies get wheat for the first time. Yum, gluten.

We have been lucky, so far, to have kids who are allergy free except for an issue with amoxicillian. However, we have close family members with Celiac’s and a constellation of other allegies, including eggs, nuts, peanuts, peas and chickpeas. Seriously, who knew people were allergic to chickpeas? But I digress. Now, our Thanksgiving dinners have gluten (wheat) free stuffing (not as good, but the sausage is a nice touch). We can’t add chestnuts either due to the nut issue. And pies are out for the Celiac. I once ate a gluten free, egg free, nut free, dairy free cake at a toddler’s birthday. It wasn’t the tastiest cake I’ve ever had (ok, not even on the top ten) but it had a pile of frosting and candles and the birthday boy in question didn’t seem to notice a difference. Meatloaf gets made with rice as a binder, instead of egg & breadcrumbs (not bad at all). And, did you know you can buy dairy free, egg free cookie mixes? Or dairy free margarine?

I’ve learned a lot about allergies in the past six years or so. For those of you dealing with food allergies, what are your tricks to getting through the holidays? What recipe can you not live without? What food substitution works well for you? How do you make tasty holidays meals for everyone in your family?

Delighting In Your Children

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My children, as are your’s, are growing up too fast.

We are very near to being “one and a half,” which is practically ancient in baby years. So many milestones have come and gone…breastfeeding, weaning, first solids, nap schedules, sleeping through the night for the first time, switching carseats, walking, teething, first haircuts, first words…so very many firsts. My babies aren’t really babies anymore. I was struck by this realization as I picked up my son from his crib last night. He has been sick with a fever the past two days, and I wanted to make sure he was okay before I went to bed. He is so heavy and the mattress is as the lowest setting, so it was very hard to lift his 27lb sleeping body out of the crib, while on my tip-toes in the dark. I settled into the rocker, and he snuggled up against me, skin hot too the touch, breathing quietly, his little arm wrapped around my neck. We sat like that for almost half of an hour, him sleeping, me rocking. Eventually, my arms started to get tired, and I realized that I need to get a bigger lap! His little legs were hanging off of my lap, and we barely fit in the embrace that we both know so well. Yes, he is a pretty big little boy, but it struck me that I will never know ahead of time when my last time rocking him like this will be. It will just happen.

I am a very practical person, and a highly sentimental mom. These two personality traits tend to be very conflicting. My desire to accomplish, finish and complete chores, lists and tasks usually wins out in the day to day dance of motherhood. But when the house is clean, quiet and dark, I realize that I have a limited amount of time with my children, and I want to delight in them, not just tolerate their toddler behavior and say at the end of the day “Well, another day done.”

The key for me, is to have one-on-one time with my children. When they are together, it is loud, messy and my job as referee and nurse does not exactly leave me feeling warm and fuzzy toward my children. But running errands? With one kid? I am not kidding when I say it is truly delightful! Yesterday I took my daughter to the post office with me. And since it was just the two of us, I let her walk. Oh! The joy emanating from that little body! She was so happy to walk along side Mama, and because it was just the two of us, I had all the time, patience and energy in the world to focus on my little love. I was able to watch her interact with another little girl, with out worrying about what her brother was doing to unpaid for merchandise. I didn’t worry about losing her, about a tantrum, and I didn’t get impatient with her when she picked up a discarded wrapper from the floor. To outsiders, it was just a quick errand. To me, it was an opportunity to delight in my little girl, to learn about her, to focus on her, to bond.

Faith running errands with Mama.

Faith running errands with Mama.

Last week I left Faith at home with her grandma and took Jonathan to the pediatricians. He too was treated to the hand-holding-walking, rather than the stroller, which he loved. It was a pleasant visit to the doctor’s, no screaming, no tears, no stress. After that chore was complete, we went out to lunch, just me and my little buddy. He drank milk from a straw, and helped me clean up when we were done eating. We walked out, hand in hand, he was ready for a nap, and I was feeling so grateful that I got to spend the afternoon with him, at an age where he still adores me.

Capturing Jonathan's joy at the duckie game.

Capturing Jonathan

Twins seem to have a type of synergy. Together, they are a sum greater than just two babies/toddlers/children. They are a force to be reconned with. Some days, I don’t handle that stress too well. I become unhinged, get irritated and angry. I know that everyone has bad days, but I hate admitting that I do too. It makes me feel badly that I don’t feel recognize and remember the significance of these years at all times. That is why I love to experience my children as individuals. I think that it will become a tradition in our family that each child will have one-on-one time with Mama and Daddy every week.

Are you delighting in your children? How do you find time or make ways to see your children as individuals rather than multiples? Are you a practical or sentimental mom? What are you currently feeling guilty about regarding this journey called parenting?

Ask the Moms – Solo Newborn Survival

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Oh, hi there!  Remember Ask the Moms?  Yeah, sorry ’bout that.  We’re back now.  I apologize for the slacking.

If you have a question for Ask the Moms, please leave it in the comments, or on our Features page.

Today’s question comes from a new mom of twins:

I’ve read some of the great posts on the site about being a SAHM with twins, but it seems like all the posts address older children, and finding the right balance of activity and schedule. My twin boys are only 6 weeks old, and my husband just went back to work. I only just figured out how to (bottle) feed both of them at the same time, never mind leaving the house (or a shower everyday). My question is: how did all the other moms of multiples make it through these early days and keep their sanity?? Ideas for dual feedings, what to do when both are inconsolible and feed/sleep/play schedules would be great!

Ah yes.  The newborn days, when all of the help goes back to work or flies home to Florida.  It can be a very sad day when the extra hands are gone.  But, freak that I am, I also found it kind of empowering and liberating.  Truly, now it’s just up to you, in a good way.  You’re the mommy, you make the decisions.  Following are some of our sanity-savers, tips, and tricks for those very early newborn days when you’re all by your lonesome.

Double Bottle-Feeding

We all have had some variation on the bottle-feed-two-at-once trick.

LauraC's hubby shows us how it's done.

LauraC's hubby shows us how it's done.

Prop ‘em up in two Boppies, sit them in the bouncy or car seats, or have one little head resting on each leg.  In the very earliest (pre-rolling) days, lots of us did it on the couch.  Or on the floor, back up against the couch.  Get the babies situated on a stable incline and hold both bottles.  I for one have a near-permanent butt-print in the center of my couch, with two slightly rubbed spots on either side where the boppies lived for months on end.  Is it the cuddly and snuggly image you always dreamed of?  Maybe not.  And sometimes you might have a situation where one is ready for a bottle while the other isn’t, and you can get your snuggle on.  But most of the time, it’s all about efficiency when it comes to food.  Snuggles can come when their bellies are nice and full.

When Both are Ballistic

As my friend and fellow HDYDI contributor Rebecca put it at our twin club’s cope meeting last night, sometimes the bad parts are exactly how you pictured them.  Both babies red-faced and screaming.  It’s no fun for anyone, and it does sometimes happen.  We each have our own triage methods.  Some just go with whoever seems the most hysterical at that moment.  Some first attend to the one that is known to be easier to soothe, so that baby can be quickly calmed and then you move on to the trickier one.  Some just try to rotate who gets picked up first.  Whatever you need to do, you do it.

Do not fear tools like the swing, the bouncy seat, or pacifiers.  My son would only nap in the swing for the first five months of his life. There were times when I’d have them both in bouncy seats on the floor, and I’d bounce them both with my feet so that I could actually eat something (or just get my ears a few more inches away from the screaming).  And definitely, if you haven’t already, watch the Happiest Baby on the Block DVD.  Swaddling, shushing, swinging… a mom’s best friend.

A baby carrier can be a good friend, even if it only contains one baby.  If you have a fussier baby that wants to be close all the time, why not put that one in the Bjorn / Ergo / Sling?  Then you still have your hands free to grab a sandwich or pick up the second baby.  Don’t worry about the happier baby being neglected.  You can’t make a happy baby any happier.  So if one is calm and content, do what you need to do for the other.  The happy baby will get their share of the love, I promise.  (And, at some point, will likely swap personalities and become the fussy baby…)

If Mama Ain’t Happy…

Your sanity and, dare I say, happiness, is extremely important.  As moms, it’s easy to start neglecting ourselves.  But there has to be a balance.  Some people just plain do not feel human until they’ve had a shower in the morning.  If that’s the case for you… guess what, Daddy is on baby-duty for the whopping 10 minutes it’ll take you to wash your face and your hair and get that spit-up smell off of your shoulder.  Or, if there’s no other adult who can watch them, they’ll really be OK if they sit in their bouncy seats inside the bathroom (or just outside the open door if there’s no room), or even rest in their cribs for a few minutes so that you can hop in the shower.  Just make sure they’re in a safe and secure place.  If they start crying, it’ll be OK.  No need to leap out of the water with your hair still lathered.  They’ll be OK for the whole 60 seconds it takes to finish what you’re doing.

Activities and getting out of the house are key for your sanity, and good for the kids, too. Even if they’re still little and can barely see past the handle of the carseat, it’s OK.  Get out of the house, get a little fresh air.  Take a new mom class.  Meet other new moms, and especially meet other new moms of twins (have you joined your local twin club yet?!)  Take advantage of the first month or two when they’ll sleep any time you rock the carseat, and go out for lunch with a friend.  Look around for local movie theaters that often have a once-a-week mommy movie, where they show a non-kid movie at a baby-friendly time.  That way you actually get to see a recent release, and no one else minds if you take up four seats and have to change a diaper or breastfeed most of the way through the movie.  Getting out on your own with two babies can be intimidating… until you’ve done it a few times.  You’ll get the hang of it quickly, and then you can just let everyone you pass be in awe of your capabilities. :-)

Schedules are a good thing, and many (most? all?) of us here at HDYDI are big fans.  But newborns can’t read clocks.  More important at the newborn stage is routine. See our previous post on that subject for more details.  Routines are good, predictability is good.  But don’t expect a true nap schedule until closer to 5 or 6 months.

Finally, remember that those newborn days are not a sprint, they are a grueling marathon.  Do what you need to do to power through, nourish yourself (yes, that means make sure you get to eat and sleep), and survive.  Roll with the punches, get out of the house even for a short walk around the block.  Somewhere in the neighborhood of four months, the haze will lift and you’ll start doing more than simply surviving.  That’s when it gets good and interesting…

I think 2 1/2 may be my tipping point

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I know a lot of readers of this blog have much younger multiples than mine. Next month, my boys will be 2 1/2.  For those in the newborn stage with multiples, 2 1/2 may as well be 13. I’ve been in that crazy newborn period with twins so I know how far away it can seem. I’m writing today to provide hope and a definitive answer to the question “When does it get easier?”

I think 2 1/2 may be my tipping point – the point at which I REAP the benefits of having twins. At this age, a lot of my singleton parent friends are starting to have their second child. And universally I hear stories of transitions, lack of sleep, and planning their day around a baby. Not me! My transitions are over. My extreme lack of sleep is over. My days of planning around baby sleep schedules are over.

Sure, my boys fight a lot. But they’ve reached the stage where they also hug a lot. Sure, there are two of them. But they nap at the same time, eat the same food at the same time, and go to bed at the same time. Sure, they may wake up with nightmares or due to illness. But 99 nights out of 100, they sleep 11-12 hours.

Our entire evening last night was so easy. All four of us ate the same meal at the same time. The boys helped clean up after dinner. We decided to go to a toy store to check out tricycles for Christmas and I didn’t pack anything. Nada, nothing, zip, zilch. We keep a bag in the trunk for emergencies so I didn’t need to pack a thing. The boys walked around the store, so we didn’t need a stroller. I put the boys to bed on my own so my husband could pack for a work trip, and the bedtime routine did not involve any tears or gear.

I am in no way, shape, or form saying parenting twin two year olds is easy. It is hard, and I often write about the emotional challenges on my personal blog. But those labor-intensive years where everything was so baby-focused seem to be fading away. Everything feels so much more manageable now and I can truly say I would not have it any other way. To me, that defines my tipping point. What about you? Have you reached your tipping point?