Reasons to join a singleton moms group

Posted on
Categories Activities, Mommy Issues, Other people, Relationships

A lot has been said on this website about joining your local multiples group. In addition to becoming involved in my multiples’ group, I also joined a new moms group through my hospital. When I showed up the first day, I was bummed to find I was the only mom with twins. Now that I’ve been part of the group for over two years, I would highly recommend this strategy to every mom expecting multiples. Reasons:

1. When their one baby is sleeping, their hands are completely free to help you with your two (or more).

2. Hearing “I don’t know how you do it” on a regular basis can be a much-needed ego boost during those early months with multiples.

3. Singleton parents often have more time to do research, read parenting books, and help get advice from experts during those crazy early months. They are also more likely to get out of the house on a regular basis, so they can help you scope out baby-friendly places. They are a great, underutilized resource.

4. If you ever find yourself in a complete bind, they can leave the baby with their partner to help you.

5. Having a network of new moms can help you see that being a new parent is hard on everyone, not just on parents of multiples.

Of course, there have been gaps in communication along the way. I think some of the moms thought my twinproofing was a little extreme. I cried when our group had a discussion about games to play… with your two month old. (My games were “watch mommy shower” and “watch mommy eat.”) And to get by while keeping my sanity, I frequently “broke the rules” by letting one kid sleep in a Boppy or feeding the boys right out of baby food jars. But overall, I think being exposed to different ways people parent helps us think about why we parent the way we do. Being part of a singleton moms group has opened my eyes to how many different ways there are to be a good parent. And seriously, there can never be enough extra sets of hands in those early months!

Share this...Share on Facebook0Tweet about this on TwitterShare on Google+0Pin on Pinterest0Share on StumbleUpon0Share on Tumblr0Share on Reddit0Digg thisShare on LinkedIn0Email this to someone

8 thoughts on “Reasons to join a singleton moms group”

  1. Good points Laura! For me I definitely think hearing “oh my goodness, how can you do it with 2, I’m barely surviving with 1!” helped me feel saner. Though there were also moments where I was SO JEALOUS of the things they could do with one that there was no way I could do with 2, like leaving the house regularly, etc.

  2. So true! Number 5 really reminded me of such an OMG moment when my kids were all of 3 weeks old. I attended a BFing support group and was the only mom of twins. I was struggling with BFing, but it could have been worse. And this meeting SO reminded me of that. There was one mom with a colicky 3 month old who literally screamed ALL DAY LONG. This poor child, and by extension, her mother, was absolutely miserable. Mom was just in TEARS. And it reminded me that no matter how hard I’ve got it, thank G-d, my two are relatively easy going and happy. Here she was a singleton mom who literally just could not cope. I tucked that reminder in the front of my brain to remind myself when things got hard that having one at a time is no assurance of an easy time.

  3. funny, i did join the twin group in this area, when the boys were about 6 months. i have to say, i just never bonded with any of the woman. the having of twins did not seem to overcome the differences in parenting and personhood. it was brought home a bit at our halloween party this weekend. again, not in a bad way, just in a way that made my husband and i realize we just do not totally fit with their crowd.

    but on the singleton mom group front, it is where i found my best ‘mom’ friends. i see them a lot because it is truly local (my town group) and i have found 2 moms that really gel with me and my kids. and the extra hands always rock. the only draw back is the singletons do not always know what hit them when my duo come charging at them

    the other thing i should mention is the current group that run the club all have 3-5 year olds so the focus is very different for the play dates and the outings. that might be part of it too. then again, it just might be me. :)

  4. Yeah, I think that you have nicer singleton mom friends than I do. I really do like them, quite a bit, but I tend to get LESS help from them, not more. They are too overwhelmed and centered on their one baby to notice me struggling with my two. That said, I did find a nursing moms group to be very helpful in those first few months. I think it’s all about trying a few different social outlets and finding one that fits with you. As Mamie said, you might not be a good fit with the twin moms who have kids your age or you might be annoyed by the singleton moms you know—-it’s all about the individuals you meet! Apologies for any snarkiness in my comments here—we are having ANOTHER cranky, crabby day over here, times 3. Exactly when do those go away?

  5. My first new mom class was all singletons except me. Now, they have a new-twin-mom class, but I’m glad it didn’t exist when my kids were born. I liked the ego boost of people being “impressed” by doing it with two at once. That said, I was also glad that I already had twin mom friends at that point. The bit about games to play with two month olds totally hit home. I remember someone swearing her 7-week-old “loved books,” and I wanted to die a little bit. But my twin mom friends brought me back to reason and told me it was OK if they slept in their carseats or hung out on the playmat for a while.

  6. I really agree with this post, and have wanted to write about this more myself. I have one good friend with twins that I met in the twins group, but the rest have not been very helpful at all. I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE my mom’s group so much. All of them, too. They are so supportive and helpful. I never would have thought it! I’m so glad to have found them because once our kiddos get older, the less twin-issues prevail, and it’s really just about being mothers in general. great post!

  7. We weren’t suppossed to feed them right out of the jar?!

    I only have one real-life friend who is a twin mom. And she has 4 kids total. All the rest have had their’s one at a time. I found that I really like having my internet twin-mom friends, but I already had a great network of friends pre-kids and it is all I can do to stay in touch with all of them. Thankfully, even we infertiles got pregnant around the same time, so all of our kids are similiar ages.

    And yes, I thrive on everyone thinking I am a superhero!

  8. I just wanted to offer a little support to those who, like I did, cried a little bit at the quality time the singleton moms were getting to spend with their babies and feeling totally inadequate. I had the same experience and then I noticed about a year later that these same moms would come to our playgroup and complain about what a difficult time they were having with never being able to check their email or run a load of laundry because their child was always begging them to play. They looked ready to burst into tears themselves when I said that my twins loved playing with each other so much that I actually was finding I had ample time for “me time”. Of course I love playing with my boys but who couldn’t do with just one less game of Candyland in a day. It gets so much better, ladies!!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

CommentLuv badge