Things I could do in my sleep since becoming a mother

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Categories Mommy Issues
When people get pregnant and ask for advice, I think my biggest tip is going to be “enjoy your laziness while it lasts.” Never again will you get to do so little.
 

In the last 2.5 years, I have done the following things so frequently I think I could do them in my sleep. I mean, I literally think I could close my eyes and perform these entire motions while dead asleep:

* Empty and load the dishwasher. Even the bottle and sippy cup parts.

* Wash, dry, and fold laundry. I might even be able to sort it.

* Wipe noses.

* Hit the light on the clock so I can see whether Alex is waking at a reasonable time or an unreasonable time.

* Change a diaper. This one is so obvious I almost excluded it from the list. In fact, I’m pretty sure I have done this asleep or at the very least, fallen asleep while doing it.

* Say, “We don’t do xxx. We do yyy.”

* Purchase an item related to kids. Toys. Clothing. Bottles. Sippy cups. Silverware. Wipes. Formula. Baby food. Bibs. Books. I might even be able to research feedback on Amazon in my sleep.

* Pat a back and say “Shhhh. It’s ok. Mommy’s here.”

* Recite Hand Hand Fingers Thumb, Goodnight Moon, or Brown Bear Brown Bear. Bonus points for signing all the words to Brown Bear.

* Day care drop off and pick up. The driving while asleep might be kind of tricky though.

* Write a fairly uninspired blog post that somehow sounded a lot better and more interesting in my head.

 What did I forget? What other tasks do you feel like you do every day as a parent?
Cross-posted today at my personal blog, Laura’s Mommy Journal.
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7 thoughts on “Things I could do in my sleep since becoming a mother”

  1. I could do all of this while asleep: Take out the garbage, filled with smelly diapers, say “Jonathan! Don’t hurt your sister!”, and fill up sippy cups.

    I don’t know the Hand book…but I am seriously growing weary of the books we do have!

  2. Okay, I second the ‘Mommy’s here’. One of my guys is going through major separation anxiety, and I literally say it about a hundred times a day.

  3. I can dress them in my sleep. I can say “you’re okay” over and over again because they always cry when they fall. I can kiss boo boos. Second the diaper changing – I too have done more than my share of these when I was probably actually sleeping. Fix and heat two bottles. Fill and disperse sippy cups. Put them in their car seats. Gosh I could go on and on and on. After mothering twins for only two short years I am convinced that there is NOTHING that I couldn’t handle. Oh – how about eat, talk on the phone and soothe a cranky baby at once???? Since the girls came I eat so fast I often don’t even remember that I ate – I just know that I am no longer hungry! We are PROS aren’t we????

  4. Make three bottles with my eyes mostly closed. Oh, and changing diapers. Its so programmed into me that I don’t even really remember doing it, I just KNOW it did it.

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