What Was I Afraid Of?

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Categories Family, Infants, Pregnancy, Singletons

When I found out I was pregnant again after having multiples, I panicked. I cried. I stressed.

Did I mention the multiples were only 8 months old when I got the news? And my “big” girl had just turned 3? And some amount of bedrest would be all be guaranteed with my history? Yup. Scary stuff.

My husband talked me down off the ledge. I had the support of an amazing family. I had a job with wonderful benefits and an incredible amount of understanding. I mean, it wasn’t fun telling my manager that I was pregnant again when I hadn’t even been back five months from the last maternity leave, but the conversation went more smoothly than I could have ever dreamed.

Now that the baby is four months old — and since Goddess specifically asked about it this week — I’ve been thinking: is it as hard as I thought it would be? Would I do it again?

Yes and yes.

I won’t lie: going through a higher-risk pregnancy with multiples SO young was treacherous. The boys didn’t walk until the last six weeks of my pregnancy so they needed to be carried around. A lot. I was told to lift “nothing”. Hmmm… The boys also didn’t sleep through the night until the same time. I needed more sleep than ever. It was hard. THEN came bedrest.

I kept telling myself, if I could just make it through the pregnancy, things would only get easier with every passing day after that. And, for the most part, THEY DO. Sure, kids get sick and there are the normal daily challenges. But really, now that my body is my own again, it’s easier to take all that in stride.

There are certainly things that are more difficult, but in dealing with them, my husband and I find our own positives. We’ve had to face some really hard facts and make some hard choices. The biggest issues, of course, revolve around money and time and how it seems we never have quite enough of either. But, the process of making these big decisions has really brought us together. Our relationship is stronger and we are better parents for it.

One thing I had been excited about was the chance of a “do-over” with a singleton baby. That has been wonderful. I find I am so much more relaxed with this baby. And I am able to really savor and enjoy little things like going out with just a single stroller. Or not having to run home from an outting to breastfeed because unlike the days of tandem nursing, I can modestly feed one child at a time in public.

We’ve also noticed that Aaron and Brady are treated less like “twins” with the addition of the new baby. The focus from the outside world is no longer on the fact that they are multiples. When strangers meet us, they almost always focus on the family as a whole rather than singling out the boys — at the inevitable expense of their sister —  which I love.

Aaron and Brady are also incredibly loving and accepting of their new brother. I really believe that the fact that they are multiples plays a part in this. In their whole lives, they’ve never been the “only child”. By definition, they are accustomed to sharing — their parents’ attention, their stuff, their space.

So, more kids after multiples. Clearly it is an issue for you to take up in your own family. But for this family, it was the greatest give we could have received. It’s challenging. But then again, was life really easy before? No. And it’s a whole lot more rewarding now.

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20 thoughts on “What Was I Afraid Of?”

  1. Love reading about your family. Congrats!

    Having been surprised by twins our first pregnancy, my husband and I are hesitant to try again. Your post helps me get happy about what I think we both really want to do.


  2. Rookie moms did a post about victory babies… reminded me of you! Very good explanation of what it’s like to have another kid after multiples. I’m 99.99% sure we’re done but I love hearing how other people manage it.

  3. Cynthia, THANK YOU SO MUCH for your post! I have a 4 year old daughter and almost 9 month old twin boys and am expecting #4 at the end of August. This pregnancy was a complete shocker to us. Having undergone years of infertility and fertility treatments to have our 3 children, we never thought we’d ever get pregnant on our own and considered ourselves “done” with 3 kids. Needless to say, I had mixed feelings when I saw that positive pregnancy test. I’m still trying to get the boys to sleep through the night, recover from daily exhaustion and keep the house together. And now have to think about a newborn this summer. Holy moly!! How will I manage? Thank you for your insight and positive perspective on your situation…I am starting to see the light at the end of this tunnel, although dimmly lit, I can at least see it there ;).

  4. wow…did you take this post and pull it right out of my thoughts? My twins were 18 months when I found out I was pregnant again (big surprise!) and I was quite terrified – I wasn’t sure I was ready, I wasn’t sure how the twins would handle it, I wasn’t sure how I would handle them all!!

    Baby is 3 weeks old now and life is much better than I thought it’d be at this stage. I have already said several times – this baby was like my ‘do over’. my ‘second chance’. my ‘happy ending’…I’m enjoying this baby so much more than I thought I would. I’m enjoying this stage so much more than I did with the twins. I don’t feel like I”m living in a fog.

    Delivery was easier. Recovery was easier. breastfeeding has been TONS easier. daily routine. easier. confidence. easier. everything…easier!

    Maybe this baby wasn’t in MY plans…but it was apparently in someone’s plan and they were right…I just didn’t know it!

  5. You almost make me regret getting a tubal when my twins were born. I say almost because I remember how physically/emotionally draining it was for me to get pregnant (I’m 38 and did IVF), and how exhausting it was to be pregnant. But reading your post made me yearn for all those wonderful parts of pregnancy and a chance for a do-over. Do we ever really loose that little part of us that wants to have another baby?

  6. Wonderful that all turned out so well for your family! I think a lot depends on whether your twins are your first babies, or your second and third – it changes the perspective. I love that I was able to experience both! As a twin momma – you’ve been there-done that- double time – great that you are relaxed this time around!

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