Maybe My Twin Mommy Blog is a Little *Too* Honest

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Categories Development, Infants, Mommy Issues, Other people

As a first-time mom, I got my butt handed to me with twin newborns. It was a hard year. Once we got past the four month mark and we saw some things getting easier, cold and flu season started. My boys were/are in group day care. They were sick all… the… time. RSV, ear infections, vomiting viruses, random fevers, colds, they caught it all. And then there were the worries about developmental delays and Alex’s extreme plagiocephaly. I wrote very openly about our experiences on my blog and was even more honest about the difficulty of twins with my real-life friends.

Now I’m feeling like a butthead. While I’ve always been very honest, I am not a gushy person. I’m not the type to say, “Being a twin mom is the BEST thing to EVER happen to me EVER!!!” But that’s what I think. I believe having twins has been the biggest blessing of my life. Some days, I am stunned at how much love I have in my heart for both my boys. Sometimes they hug each other or laugh together and I can’t believe this is my life. I hear them call each other “brother” and I feel all melty and weepy and I wish everyone could see the instant replay in my head. Because having twins RULEZ.

LauraC fears that her honesty about the challenges of twin parenthood have masked its joys.

One of my real life friends is going through fertility problems. Her number one question about every option is – what is the multiple rate?  I feel horribly guilty because I am sure I’m the one that scared her about twins. I’m sure hearing my daily battles with sleep regressions, illnesses, and the general insanity of twins has been a large part of scaring her. And I am a jackoff because I should be talking about the many positives of twins as much, if not more, than the negatives. I need to stop being real and start being gushy.

Here they are, LauraC’s Favorite Things About Being A Twin Mom:

  • There is always someone in a good mood. Inevitably if one kid is having a tantrum, the other is being an angel. Mommy’s little angel.
  • One pregnancy (albeit ROUGH), two babies. Only one childbirth, one childbirth recovery, and one newborn sleeplessness period, and you get TWO kids out of the deal.
  • Baby interaction. Oh goodness, I miss two babies crawling, chasing each other around our kitchen island and laughing. Those are some of my favorite memories in my life. They would chase each other forever, giggling and panting. Best ever.
  • I pretty much feel like I can accomplish anything after surviving that newborn period. Bring it, 3 year old tantrums.
  • Listening to the boys talk to each other over the monitor after they go to bed has lifted me up so many times when I’ve had a rough day. Their sweet little voices talking about their toys and their day, oh man it makes my heart overflow.
  • Not sweating the small stuff. I simply don’t have time to do it. I’ve tried my entire life to accomplish this.
  • Jon is a much better father for having played such a large part in caring for the boys as infants. If I were a singleton mom, I would have been a much bigger control freak about my baby.
  • Memories of nights, sitting with Jon, each of us holding a baby and talking to each other while we fed them. Imagining what our life would be like when they were boys instead of babies. Having twins brought me and my husband together in a way I can’t explain. We’re in this for the long road, together, every baby-feeding-puking-cleaning-up-poop-crying step of the way.
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21 thoughts on “Maybe My Twin Mommy Blog is a Little *Too* Honest”

  1. Oh my gosh I absolutely LOVE this post – each day gets better but I have scared more than one person with my twin stories!

  2. I agree that dads are way more hands on with twins – they have to be. It makes him appreciate (sometimes) what I do with the kids and the house.

    I think your blog (since I read all the back issues when I was pregnant) is actually very, very positive and when I was going through some tough times the first few months I re-read the post on BF and I wanted to hear more about managing sleep deprivation and eating issues. Sometimes I think about all the agonizing I’ve written about – BF, etc. but then I think it is totally fair to remember how horrible the first few months are so I can truly enjoy all the wonderful time I have with the kids now. Plus people learn (hopefully) from the blogs – how to let guilt go, tricks for managing two, etc. I tell all my “singleton” mom friends that despite the difficulties I would never trade 2 babies for 1. They think I’m supermom and when all the stars are aligned and we are all giggles on the floor of the playroom I tend to agree. :)

  3. Well said. I have to be careful at our monthly MOT club meetings when there are pregnant women there. It’s sort of a support meeting, so we all roll our eyes and have horror stories about every age. Sleep, solid foods, breastfeeding, tantrums, hitting, biting, etc. And sometimes it scares the bejeezus out of the women who come, all bright and shiny and 20 weeks pregnant. We all have to pause and remember to tell her all of the super awesome things about having twins, and that she won’t regret it. It’s hard hard hard hard. But it’s also awesome, and I don’t think any of us would trade it.

    Case in point: when sick Daniel was crying today and Rebecca (totally unprompted) came over and gave him a kiss and handed him some juice. Sweetest damn thing I’ve ever seen.

  4. It’s so easy to be open about the rough times and take all the good moments for granted. Now that my daughters are a little older and a little less snuggly I try to really revel in all the sweet, happy things they do. Whenever people make comments such as “you’ve got your hands full” and all the other things we multiple moms hear, I simply smile and say it’s worth every minute!

  5. WOW, thank you for writing this post. I have tears in my eyes from reading it!

    I am smack-dab in the middle of the new mom of newborn twins, sleepless nights, everyone seems to be sick all the time, cannot figure out how to shower, someone is always crying phase. Your post just sent a huge dose of encouragement my way on a very needed day.

  6. You brought tears to my eyes :) The time goes so fast! I loved the double babies crawling everywhere too. It is so exhausting in the beginning that I’m sorry I didn’t write it all down when I had the chance. Be proud that you did!
    And I’m listening to the twins in bed playing their ‘go to sleep game’. The whole roller coaster ride has been amazing – wouldn’t trade it for anything- just wish I could remember more of the early stuff!
    Thank you for posting this
    Kim

  7. This post is perfect timing for me. My husband and I are throwing ourselves a HUGE pity party lately. While I totally appreciate your wanting to put the positive out there (we remind ourselves to do the same every day) I don’t think you should ever apologize for being honest. I remember after the birth of my first ( a single) I was so surprised at how life-altering labor and delivery was. As I was recuperating, I remember many women in my life saying, “I didn’t want to scare you” as their reason for holding back some of their experiences. I vowed never to do that. I would have felt better knowing what I was up against.

    We have 21-month-old twins and I’m sure I’ve completely scared my childless friends to death. But it IS really really hard, and I have been more depressed and anxious and frustrated than I have ever been before. Does that mean I don’t love them? No. Does that mean I wish I never had them? No. It just means I’m human and have limits.

    My husband is taking a course on stress and is doing his paper on the stress of parenting multiples. Last night he started his preliminary research and all the scholarly articles say the same thing: parents of multiples experience more depression and anxiety and social isolation than parents of singletons. We also get to experience the really unique joy of seeing our kids bond to each other and that is precious too.

    I know when my girls are older and they ask about what it was like when they were young, I will always be honest with them and say, “You kicked my ass daily, but I loved you more than anything!”

  8. Those of us who look to this site and your blog for advice/more seasoned experience with twins appreciate the honesty. It is a mixed bag raising twins. So hard but so rewarding. FYI- never once did I doubt the sense of amazement you have for your boys in your blog.

  9. Love your list of the favorite things about being a twin mom! It’s my license not to sweat the small stuff.

    My mom, who cares for my twins during work hours, was so worried during my pregnancy. But it didn’t take long to win her over; she tells everyone she knows how wonderful twins are. We’re now at a year and the girls are at a particularly fun age. High on life.

    I’m guilty of glossing over the tough times when talking to other people. So I’m glad you’re even handed and honest, discussing the highs and the lows.

    Wouldn’t trade twin parenting for anything!

  10. It’s interesting….I’ve been thinking about the positive/negative slant on parenting twins and I think in part it comes down to who you are. I’m pretty sure I would have been a better parent if I had had just one child at a time. Less yelling, less stress, an easier time combining work and staying at home. I don’t think parenting two kids at a time, especially those first six months, gave me as much time to just sit and enjoy my kids as I would have had with one. There were just more REALLY hard days.

    I wouldn’t undo having twins, but I do think, at least for us, there are plenty of negatives that come along with the positives. It’s pretty fun now, at 22 months, but there were a lot of times in that first year that it wasn’t fun. There are certainly times I wish we had just had the more traditional experience of having kids—try for a while, have a baby, wait a bit, try again, baby #2—instead of infertility and IVF and multiples.

  11. Thank you so much for this post. My girls just hit three months and I returned to work, it’s exhausting and mostly not rewarding right now. So reading this put my vision back in perspective. I love my girls and would trade either one of them for the world, but sometimes I do wish there was only one. This post was a great reminder that it WILL get better. Thanks for your honesty.

  12. OMG Laura! There is NOTHING wrong with being TOO honest! NO ONE told me how hard being a first time Mom was going to be – let alone how hard it was going to be with twins. I remember calling one of my singleton Mom friends and saying “how come you didn’t tell me how much this was going to suck?” and her reply was that she didn’t want to scare me. Thank GOD I didn’t blog during the first 15 months of my life because you all probably would have called DYFS on me. I was a WRECK! Not only did I have untreated PPD for the first 11 months but I was totally NOT prepared for what was going to happen. I often beat myself up about not being mentally “there” to bond with my girls the way I wanted to for the first year.

    A pregnant girl approached me in Target when the girls were about 6 months old. They were still in the double snap and go. She asked if they were twins and I said yes. She replied – while smiling and rubbing her belly – that she was 6 months pregnant with twins. She asked me how my experience has been and without even batting an eye I replied “well I spent the first five months on the nursery floor in tears.” My mom was with me and she actually hit me when I said that! When I saw the horror on her face I started backpedaling and saying that it was rough but it gets easier (a TOTAL lie at that point).

    I don’t think people are honest enough about how HARD raising twins – especially the newborn phase – really IS. Now, looking back, I have SO many regrets for now cherishing that time more. BUT – I’ve also learned not to beat myself up about it. I did the best I could. And my girls are blissfully happy, smart and well-adjusted. I can’t imagine my life without them.

    Thanks for an awesome post. Oh…your comment about you and your hubby totally brough back memories. J and I sitting on the couch together in the middle of the night doing a feeding and nudging each other as we would fall asleep to keep each other up. Sometimes we would put the girls in the car, get McDonald’s from the drive thru and just drive for hours because the girls would sleep and we could talk like human beings!

  13. You are doing nothing wrong! My boys just turned one (today!), so I have course spent a lot of time looking back at the last year. The first few months were so, so hard – as all (or most) of you twin moms know. But NOW….I so love having twins. I think it’s just par for the course with twins. The first few months are harder for us, but after we get over that hump, the joy is even greater.

  14. My boys are eleven months now, and already I miss the newborn phase – when I could cuddle and love on them without the little boogers squirming out of my arms.

    There were definitely some hard times and low points in the first six months (the first 24 hours home was the hardest day of my life. Hands down.) But I truly have also found some time every single day to love being a twin mom.

    The babies are just the best thing ever.

    At least until they start walking.Yikes! ;-P

  15. Oh my gosh, I am sniffling up a storm- this post totally made me cry! Don’t feel bad about the honesty. Motherly honestly is beautiful, as beautiful as the memories you wrote about. We should all try and dole both out in equal measure.

  16. I guess the thing I get sick of is people acting like they pity me, as if our extra-special situation is less than perfect, which is why I’ve tried to be more positive in my reaction when people ask the all-too-common question, “How is it with twins?”. Having twins is hard, but it sure has its rewards, and while I wish I knew then what I knew now, I sure wouldn’t trade this experience for anything!

  17. Great post!! Sometimes we really do go overboard with the “horror” stories.. but it’s usually because we need to vent it out. But the great stuff is always good to concentrate on.

    I like your blog… keep up the great posts!

  18. i don’t think you were being too honest but being honest is what you were being, i agree with some of these postings, that most people don’t know how HARD it is raising twins, the sleepless nights, nights when we thought sleep acutally never exsisted and ran away from us. but yes there is a lot of joys to having twins and i have been doing it alone all their life, my twins are 1 years old now and i wouldn’t have wished it any other way, i feel VERY blessed to have twins, you are right TWINS RULE and only a selected few get to have twins, there is a lot of horror to having twins, and there is a lot of joys of having twins, but if someone ask how it is having twins, we don’t want them to think it was easy so we do need to share the horror stories with them so they know its NOT easy…love your post…

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