Four-letter words

I have a potty mouth.  It might not be reflected accurately in my writing, but it is not uncommon to hear some really choice phrases come out of me.  Especially when driving.  Or when I stub my toe really hard.  Or, really, any time I’m worked up about something.

But now that I have a pair of toddlers who take great delight in repeating nearly everything I say, I’m trying to watch it.  Everyone makes their own choices on this issue, of course, but I do not want to be the one with the kids ranting that something “sucks,” or worse.  That’s just not how I was raised.  I remember being somewhat shocked the first time I heard my own mother swear, and I think I’d just as soon my kids held the same illusions about me.

My husband and I have been working on a good replacement word for our four-lettered friends.  Something you can say in your moments of stress without worrying about the kids saying it right back to you.  Our current choice: Awesome.  For instance, when following a typical Massachusetts driver, it might sound something like “Find your awesome turn-signal, jack-awesome!!”  Or, after our delayed flight home from Chicago in December, when we were waiting and waiting at the nearly-abandoned baggage carousel at 2AM, “let’s just get our awesome bags and get the awesome home.”

There was just one side to this whole obscenity thing, though, that I did not anticipate: colorful toddler pronunciations of otherwise harmless words.  Daniel, in particular, has a few favorites that just aren’t quite right.  At the moment, he loves to point out trucks.  Except, for some reason, he prefers an “s” to the “t,” so there’s a lot of shouting “sucks! sucks!” from my back seat.  He also is a big fan of letting you know, with great enthusiasm, if there is a clock nearby.  Except, well, he just drops the “L.”  So that’s… special.  And then there’s one of his very favorites: flag.  He really loves to see flags flying high in the wind, or the several dozen when we pass the cemetary.  With the dropped L and the G sounding more like a K…. Honest to God, it sounds like my son drops the f-bomb every 5 minutes.  I swear… it’s not my fault!  I was being so good around them!

Skeptical

Though, just the same, I guess I should stop listening to the Avenue Q soundtrack while they’re in the playroom.

What about you, dear readers…. what is your choice for curse-word replacement? Have your kids repeated something you wished they wouldn’t?

19 thoughts on “Four-letter words

  1. I haven’t slipped up on the cursing except for CRAP! They use that one a lot. But I still obviously vent my rage.

    Recently we were stopped on a sidewalk and this car was taking forever to drive through the crosswalk. I must have had “that” look on my face because Nate yelled at the top of his lungs “MOVE IT BUDDY! LET’S GO!” And it’s nice here so the people had their windows down.

    Nothing like getting yelled at by a 2 year old!

  2. My brother also had a problem with truck – replace that T with an F and it sounds a lot like you-know-what. And as the wonderful big sisters we were, we always pointed out trucks to him, especially in front of company. Ha! I’m sure I’ll get some karma pay back for that one…

  3. A friend yells “you funny casserole!” when driving so if he slips and yells “you f*cking a**hole”, he will just tell his kids that they misheard him. ;-)

    We had the same truck mispronunciation as Nicole’s brother. I always said “yes, that’s a truck!” so people wouldn’t think my son was swearing.

  4. Thanks for making me laugh out loud (I was having a really frakking day)!! Yes, I’m trying to sub “frak,” from Battlestar Galactica, for my oft-used favorite phrase. DH still hasn’t gotten with the program when it comes to driving, so I think I’ll tell him about “you funny casserole,” as that also sounds like his favored expression. Our b/g twins aren’t actually talking yet, but they are really starting to ape sounds, so I guess we really need to be more careful.

  5. I agree, you’re getting off easy with suck for truck, as like most kids, my boys swapped that “tr” for an “f”. And you know just how often, and at full volume, kids love to point out all the 10 zillion trucks they see on a regular basis.

    I blogged about a year ago about my favorite mispronunciation, in the library, of Percy from Thomas the Train. My boys, for quite some time, would swap out the “rc” for “ss”. Sooooo loudly, in the silence of the library. Of course, it probably speaks volumes about my dirty mind that it never occurred to me that strangers might just assume they were talking about cats…

  6. I’m not big on curse words in general…but Crap, Crappers, Crapalapdingdong, suckamonkey, and pain in the arse is as bad as I get. My kids constantly say “What the” That’s it. Just “What the” I’m quick to add heck b/c that’s as bad as I want them to ever be. Yep, my eyes are rolling too!

  7. One of my daughters used to say the b-word a lot. Well, she wasn’t actually saying THAT word but I have no idea what she was trying to say. She doesn’t say it any more so whatever it was she was saying, she has figured out the correct pronunciation. I do a lot of “oh sh….ucks.” I think it’s great because at least I’m catching myself.. right??? Hubby used to say “frack” from Battlestar Galactica but we realized that’s probably not a good substitution.

  8. This isn’t a swear word thing, but today I was teaching Faith to say “lawyer,” as in “Daddy is a lawyer.” And she would diligently say “Daddy warrior!”

    I think Jay will really like that one!

  9. My nephew loves peanuts, but he doesn’t hit the ‘t” very often. It makes me laugh so hard when I’m with him. He goes on and on about how great the peanus are.

  10. If you or anyone else says a swear word or anything else you don’t want your kids to process, immediately yell out “Scooby Dooby Doo!” with as much enthusiasm as possible. They totally forget what came before it and just start laughing and saying Scooby… instead.

    Yes, it really works.

  11. I am a stickler for no cursing in front of the kids, but the other day my 4 y/o was jumping off the couch onto a pillow (because that’s allowed in our house – NOT) and I repeatedly told her to stop, but couldn’t physically stop her because I was chasing my 9 m/o twins in 2 different directions. Anyway, she missed the pillow and yells “Oh S*it!”. I correct that, make her stop jumping and then turned around so she couldn’t see me laughing. I SWEAR I didn’t let that one slip in front of her, but I am always slipping with “damn it”…I know she got that one from me because she has my tone down perfectly. While I am not thrilled with the language use, at least we got to 4 before it began. And with just one correction she stops saying it. Now we just have to wait for the f-bomb to rear it’s ugly head.

  12. Scooby Dooby Doo! LOL! I’ll have to try that.

    My twins aren’t old enough to talk, but my 2yo… Why is it that he says monny instead of mommy, but can repeat swear words with perfect clarity? When I catch myself I usually just end up grunting. “The light’s green you…urgg!”

  13. My husband doesn’t swear but he is really dry and never saying the truth – very sarcastic. I keep telling him the kids are going to believe him when they start understanding language. He hasn’t changed yet though so they might have to learn sarcasm early.

  14. OMG, I’m totally laughing out loud. These comments are great too!! Scooby Dooby Doo … I’m totally using that! And you funny casserole!! HAHAHAHAHA Wonder if I’ll remember in the heat of the moment….

  15. the ‘funny casserole’ is going into the car with me from now on.

    and the ‘scooby do’ might save my life.

    i am horrible but my kids are worse…almost every thing skews towards an inappropriate sounding word, plus they love to name their ‘butt’ ‘penis’ and ‘boobs’. hmmm, home schooling is sounding better and better.

  16. for a while both girls were saying ‘oh shi…uh-oh!’ whenever they dropped something. Now when Z is having a dramatic moment (i.e. she can’t reach her blanket or cup or green crayon) she laments ‘Oh God!’ and the other night I was treated to a rousing round of ‘I holb it, friggin’ blanket!’ courtesy of my mother who was searching for aforementioned blanket.

    poor DH predicts the teachers at school will discuss them in the breakroom as ‘those twins’ I told him their foul language will have no affect on this.

  17. The “clock” thing is AWESOME! I had to tell my co-workers why I was laughing so hard!

    I have a horrible potty mouth as well, although I have been really trying to tame it the past year. I don’t particularly say anything in substitution, I just try to catch myself…although after reading some ‘subs’ (funny casserole!), I might have to try them out.

    The boys say, “Oh MY GOD!” all the time when they drop something or what have you. Also, Brook listens to, what I refer to as “crap music” (though some of it is rather ‘catchy’). He usually does the morning school drop-off and blasts music for the boys in the car. Finn and Reid’s current favorite saying is “boom boom BOW, those chickens jackin’ my style!”, which I guess is from a Black Eyed Peas song. But they say it ALL the time—sometimes leaving off the “boom, boom, BOW” part and just letting me know that I am totally “jacking my style”. I never anticipated my 2 year old children telling me that I am jacking their style when I put on a shirt that they don’t approve off. Like you said…awesome.

  18. Curse in another language. My husband’s native language is german, and nobody was any wiser when my lovely toddler girl started saying “Seisse” (she didn’t manage the sh sound yet).

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