Birthday emotions

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Categories Celebrations, Mommy Issues

The week before my twin boys turned 1, I was an emotional mess. I couldn’t stop thinking about their birth. I couldn’t stop remembering the emotions of our week in the NICU, so worried about my little boys.  I mourned the normal pregnancy, normal childbirth, and normal newborn experience I would never have. I was also ecstatic because WE MADE IT! through the first (very hard) year. Yet I was still so exhausted, so tired, and so overwhelmed.

The week before my twin boys turned 2, I was emotionally strong. I finally felt like we had our heads above water, and having twins complemented our life rather than dominated our life. I no longer mourned for experiences I would never have because I loved our life. Our life finally felt normal, and things felt easier as the boys gained more independence.

My boys turn 3 on Saturday and this week I am an emotional mess. This is the first birthday I’ve realized how very fast time is slipping through my fingers.  I see how limited my time is with my boys at home and it makes me sad because this has been an amazing ride. Usually I would try to get myself to snap out of it, but this feeling of life slipping away is helping me live in the moment and enjoy these times. In a short period of time, my babies turned into boys. As they turn from boys into adults, I want to be present in the moment.

Throughout my childhood, I clearly remember my mom crying on my birthday every year and I never understood it.  I get it now, mom.

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6 thoughts on “Birthday emotions”

  1. My boys will turn Two on June 2. In the busy-ness of daily life with three kids and a job (my older son is 7)… I realized just last night, I have not even planned any birthday party for them (yet) as June 2 approaches!
    The day might just blow by without a proper celebration if I don’t get my act together and make plans. Their baby books are woefully empty of details as the rush of daily life prevents marking and recording all those milestones. But lately I AM making real effort to live IN the present with the boys, during all the crazy Ups and Downs.
    This means I’m not lamenting mistakes of last week, but I’m not planning for next month either.

    Their second b-day is a HUGE milestone, I will throw together some kind of party and yes, tears will be in my eyes appreciating how very far we’ve come as a family. Tears of joy for the blessing of my healthy boys.

  2. I have thoroughly enjoyed every birthday until the one that’s fast approaching. My daughters will be 4 in September and I’m already trying to keep it together. These are most likely the only children I’ll have and I can’t believe my babies are growing up. I’ve been making an effort to really savor every moment… so if they want to play dolls with me and I need to fold the laundry, well, the laundry is going to have to wait. Sometimes it’s easy for me to become caught up in the day-to-day things that need to be done and I’m trying really hard to step back and really enjoy being a mom.

  3. When I get down or overtired (more overtired than usual) I always end up thinking about the whole birth process that you described. It helps to know I’m not the only one that 8 months or a year later still thinks a lot about it, and I’m glad to know that you move on too.

  4. Wow. Maybe we shouldn’t come on Saturday. As the girls are 6 months older than Nate and Alex, you’ll see how much more grown up they get between 3 and 3 1/2 even. I was just talking to someone at daycare about it how much they’ve changed even since January. They’ve grown 3 inches since their 3rd birthday.

    That said, I’m looking forward to a messy party not at my house :)

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