For Now

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Categories Infants, Toddlers

I’ve been seeing a lot of newborn twins recently. While out and about with my 15 ½ month old twins, we’ve seen quite a few Snap N Go Doubles with little ones snuggled in their infant seats, pushed by frazzled looking moms who are trying their best to put on a happy face for the world. I smile when I see them. I once was that frazzled new mom. I remember those days. And while they had their good moments (between all the crying and just trying to survive), I’m glad we’re beyond them.

Sometimes I’ll catch a new MoT’s eyes and she’ll notice that I have my own double stroller in tow. She’ll smile back, and we’ll chitchat for a bit about our kids. But I’m always careful not to say the words that still echo in my mind on a daily basis: It gets so much easier. If I had a quarter for every time someone has said this to me…

The first few times I heard those words of encouragement, I actually felt reassured that better days were surely to come. But when things continued to get harder and harder during weeks 6-8, I had to grit my teeth to keep from shouting, “But it’s hard NOW!” And it was. With little help, and even less sleep, I was pushing myself through the tasks of each day just trying to make it to tomorrow and those easier days that I had coming to me.

Now, for those of you with newborns, I will not even try to pretend that my dealings with 15 ½ month olds is even remotely close to what you’re going through. My kids take two hour+ naps each day and sleep through the night. I get to shower each day, and I can’t remember the last time I missed a meal because I was too busy caring for my children. However, there are still plenty of difficult moments, and those moments happen almost everyday- someone’s crying/screaming/whining, someone’s throwing food, someone’s making a scene in a public place, someone’s trying to wiggle their way out of a stinky diaper change and making an even bigger mess than I already had to clean up, and the list goes on and on. While this may be easier, it’s not quite what I had in mind when I thought of things becoming much easier.

But, just like every mom out there, I love my kids. Even through the tough parts.

So while I’m chatting with that MoT while her newborns gurgle, coo, or squawk in the Snap N Go, I do not tell her that it gets so much easier. Instead, I tell her that everything she’s describing- feeding ‘round the clock, getting very little sleep, no time to eat, shower, or go to the bathroom, dealing with babies who sleep all day and fuss all night- is right on par for those early days/weeks/months with newborn twins. And then I try to paraphrase some of that Avenue Q song that gets me through the tough parts of our days:

Nothing lasts, Life goes on, Full of surprises.

You’ll be faced with problems of all shapes and sizes.

You’re going to have to make a few compromises…

For now… For now… But only for now…

So what about you? Experiencing those promised easier days or still trying to make it through the tough parts? What words give you hope for the future?  

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18 thoughts on “For Now”

  1. Things don’t really get “much easier.” They just get different. Those words see me through. It won’t be “easier,” precisely, but it will be different.
    It helps, me, to know that I don’t face the precise same challenges day in and day out for months. Things change.
    Today’s delight fills me with tomorrow’s dread. The kids rolling over is so wonderful today, tomorrow it means they roll when I change them.
    The kids crawling is so wonderful today, tomorrow it means that I have to put up baby gates throughout the house.
    The kids eating solid food today is wonderful, tomorrow it means that I have to clean up new and interesting messes.
    At 8 months, I look forward to the first standing on their own, the first walking, the first talking. These mean wailing for help to get down and falling, things having to be put further and further out of reach, and the never ending cry of “Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!”
    Today, I want those things, tomorrow I’ll deal with the consequences.
    Things don’t get easier, but they do get different, and I cherish it.
    .-= Janel´s last blog ..Boy clothes need a home =-.

  2. Well put! People always ask me if things have gotten “easier.” Honestly? Parenting is hard. I suspect it might get a bit easier when they’re, you know, maybe 25 or so. In the meantime, my stock answer is now: “hard is always hard, but good gets better.” There are always hard parts to every age. But the good parts are so much more fun now than they were in the early stages.

  3. I don’t think we can spend all our time waiting for things to get easier. I’m sure the challenges will change as our children grow, but there will still be challenges. Our little ones are now 5.5 months. We’ve got a better sleep and feeding schedule, and things are manageable. I’m worried things are going to get harder. Having two little ones crawling or running or climbing seems a lot harder than having two babies who stay where I put them!

  4. I HATED being told “it gets easier” during the newborn days because when you’re in the throes of sleep deprivation, reflux, and colic it feels like this is going to be your life forever. Of course, now that my twins are two I look back at those days and it seems like they were over in a blink of an eye.

    I give people an answer similar to Goddess in Progress–it doesn’t get easier, but the good parts get so much better.
    .-= Flesworthy´s last blog ..Things I Never Thought I’d Say, And Then I Had Kids: Part III (Special Animal and Foot Edition) =-.

  5. I think those are great lyrics to keep in mind! It’s probably personality differences, but I DID find it reassuring when people said it gets easier. Things like, breastfeeding is easier when their mouths are bigger. When they can sit up they won’t cry all the time. And also when people said that things I feared weren’t so fearful. Like, yes feeding them real food is work but it will be so much fun. Yes, it’s scary when they’re walking but they’ll be so joyful. Those first 6, maybe 12, months were SO HARD that having people tell me it would be easier did help. I try to love the current stage and at the same time look forward to some future abilities or changes.

  6. People always want to know “when it gets easier.” My answer: there are always different challenges. Am I glad we’re done with the newborn stage? Heck yes, but these toddler days can really trip you up. Everyone tells me that at age 4 a “magic switch” is flipped and my daughters will suddenly be out of the tantrum phase for good. Come see me in about three months and I’ll let you know!
    .-= Quadmama´s last blog ..Toys for Boys and Girls =-.

  7. We are at 7 months and I have to say that this is way easier than any other time so far. They are finally sitting up so its easier for them to play with small toys. They nap great and eat well and sleep through the night. I know there will be rough patches ahead and throughout their childhood but I think its these “easy” patches that get us through.
    .-= Nicole´s last blog ..Makes My Monday: Twinvasion!! =-.

  8. i was just thinking about this concept the other day and what awful advice i’ve found it to be. i remember specifically other POT’s saying that you just had to get through the first year, and then it gets so much better because they entertain and play with each other. YA RIGHT! my kids are almost 2.5 and i am just starting to really see this – and then after the first few minutes of play-bliss, they start fighting and screaming over the other grabbing a toy, etc.

    my stand-by words for the tough times: “it changes as fast as it changes.”
    .-= Tracey´s last blog ..new house…happy! =-.

  9. I have to admit I’m guilty of saying it gets easier, but I try to be very specific of why or what get’s easier as they get a little bit bigger. S&J are 9.5 months now and are mobile, etc. which has a new set of challenges, but it doesn’t seem like everything was a crisis like it was in the first three months. And I’m getting sleep now and EVERYTHING is better when you have at least 7 hours a night.
    .-= Lisa´s last blog .. =-.

  10. I can vividly recall the day another mom with older twins stopped me in the grocery story to give me words of encouragement. I was so thankful I almost cried. I was approached by more parents of multiples offering encouraging words then I can remember … they were always welcome … and always the same … the first year is the hardest … hang in there.

    I agree that the hard parts just change … but for me, I’m so thankful I’m beyond the first year. Mine are 2-1/2 now. I was never a fan of the infant stage … I like it that they are talking, walking, and getting in to all sorts of things … this is the fun stage for me … but yes still diffficult.

    If my older daughter, who just turned 4, is an example of how most 4 year olds act … I can hardly wait for the twins to turn 4 … she is absolutely, and totally fun and easy right now.

  11. First of all, I am envious. 15 months, two naps, and sleep the night? Ha! Meet TallTwin, who slept his first night through at ge 3. Still, it was already much easier at 15 months than at, say, 8 months, with TallTwin wailing every half an hour through the night and ShortTwin failing to reach even the 3rd percentile of weight, and refusing every kind of food known to mankind.

    Fastforward to today. The twins are 6, and they are spending a week at some relatives’ house at the seaside. They sleep through the night, play together happily all day, and recently finished their first school year with great results. They get invited to more playdates than I can keep track of.
    Did I mention that they look absolutely gorgeous? The only hard part is explaining to PrincessFirstborn why _she_ doesn’t get to have a twin sister (viewed that she also looks gorgeous and has better school results than either twin).

  12. When I was in the throws of newborn twinsanity / sleep deprivation another twin mama chatted with me in Babies R Us. She said “it doesn’t get easier – it gets different.” That’s usually my stock response when I come about a frazzled mom of newborn twins. But I clarify a bit by saying something along the lines of Goddess as well – the good parts get MUCH better -even though there will still be bad parts. But like so many other moms above said – once you start getting sleep anything is more manageable. I just try not to scare them – because I’ve been scared by stupid comments in the past :-) Now that my girls are 2.5 there are days that I would love to get in my car and drive away to a spa where no one knows where I am. But then there are the days / moments where I look at the little people my girls have become and my heart almost bursts because of all the love they have filled it with!
    .-= Marnie´s last blog ..i need help! =-.

  13. The best piece of advice I have received, and now give, to MOTs was “It’s not as hard as they tell you it’s going to be. Everyone who tells you that only has one!”

    And it’s true. My mother swore I “wouldn’t be able to handle it”; that I had “no idea” how hard it would be. My twins are now 7 months old and I have loved almost every minute of it. Is it hard? Heck yeah, but I didn’t expect parenting, of twins or just one, to be easy! Sometimes people try to be nice by “warning” you of how hard it’s going to be..when all we need is a little encouragement!

  14. So I’m in the “it gets easier” boat—-while 2 is challenging, is it so much freaking easier than say, 6 weeks. Or 8 weeks. Or 3 months. The sleeping is great, the activities are fun and we can get places by just holding hands and walking. That first year, maybe only that first six months was ridiculously hard. Now, while there are hard moments, life feels like it’s mine again. I mean, with a lot less free time and a lot more Curious George, but still…

  15. I had so many parents of twins tell me, “Look out, it only gets harder!” and that could nearly bring me to tears when I was working from home with twinfants and a two-year-old. I am one of the annoying people chirping about how it gets easier, because my twins’ early months/first year were really horrid, and I was so exhausted and miserable.

    As far as I’m concerned, yeah, it gets easier. That’s not to say it isn’t still really hard, but it isn’t the kind of hard like the early months, where you’re bone tired and it seems endless. Mine are 4.5 now and they are *spirited* but I am not worried about every little cold, and about their weight gain and my milk production and falling asleep on the freeway driving to work in the morning.
    .-= Jen from Diagnosis: Urine´s last blog ..the blog name finally begins to make sense =-.

  16. At 5 weeks with twins I am a little nervous about the 6-8 range, but given how hard the early months were with my first child, I do know it does get easier eventually. I think the whole “it will get easier” advice is both calming and useless for any new parent. The kind words from parents of older twins are appreciated by this mother of newborn twins.
    .-= nonlineargirl´s last blog ..Pata-Pata =-.

  17. I can without reservation say that 11 month old twins are MUCH easier than twins at any younger age. Yes, there are challenges and problems, but NOTHING compares to the sleep deprivation, frantic worry, and hell of the first few months. I actually look forward to coming home from work now, instead of dreading it. :)

  18. I guess I’m guilty too because I just told a mom yesterday that it gets easier. She had 10 week old twins and a 2 year old. Anything is easier than the first 4 months, in my opinion. I wanted to hear that it gets easier because I could not handle hearing anything different. Mine are now 5.5 years old and I love having twins. They are learning to read and making new friends. I can’t imagine not having twins. What a blessing they are. It’s their 3 year old little brother who is making me crazy. =)
    .-= kp´s last blog ..He’s a Rare One! =-.

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