Monthly Archives: July 2009

Marriage and Multiples – Follow up

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Earlier this month, I wrote a post about marriage and multiples which included a link to the MOST (Mothers of Supertwins) survey about Divorce and the Multiple Birth Family.  After gathering survey data for a month, the preliminary results are available.

2,849 parents and guardians of multiples completed the MOST Divorce and the Multiple Birth Family survey.  Most of them were mothers of multiples from the United States.

While divorce rates are often said to be around 40 or 50%, the survey results showed much lower divorce rates among survey respondents.  Here are some of the details:

  • That 4.3% of respondents divorced during the pregnancy or following the birth of multiples (indicating that the divorce rate among this group may not be as high as many have speculated.)
  • Over 95% of the marriages were intact.
  • About 82% of the respondents reported an overall positive level of marital satisfaction.

Specifically, the divorce rate was:

  • 3.6% for parents with twins
  • 5% for parents with triplets
  • 9.2% for parents with quadruplets
  • 4.2% for parents with quintuplets/sextuplets or multiple sets of multiples

Among those who divorced, the majority of their multiples were between the ages of 1 and 5 at the time of divorce.

To find out more about the survey results at the MOST website.

Another mother of twins and I were talking about how to find time for your relationship with your partner when you have young twins (our are both under 6 months old). The challenges of time, energy, money and childcare all making it difficult.  How do you manage these challenges?

One-On-WHAT?

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3 days in a petri dish
36 weeks in utero
3 months in the same crib
11 more months spending their lives side by side.

And then BAM!

5 days spent 3,000 miles apart.

My cousin recently had twins* and I’d been chomping at the bit to go see them. Originally I’d planned to go on my own. My mom was going to watch the Littles during the day, and my husband would have them in the evenings. But my mom’s got a bum knee, and even without that, two toddlers is tough duty. (I’ll pause while our readers nod their heads and give a big ole “Mmmm Hmmm”) PLUS my dad and most of his side of the family lives near the new twins and I was told that my plane would be turned back if I didn’t bring at least one kid along for the trip.

This seems to shock everyone, but once it was decided that I’d be bringing a baby along with me, choosing which one was just about the easiest decision I’ve ever made. We’ve got one baby we call “The Ambassador” and one we only semi-jokingly call “The Project”. Who do you think got the nod? Of course, Butts, our Family Ambassador. He is just always happy wherever we go and easily inserts himself into every situation. Sass, on the other hand, needs an adjustment period for most new environments. He’ll go to anyone, she tends to prefer me. And thankfully, she’s recently been digging my mom. As you can imagine, the choice was a no-brainer.

I was taken aback, however, at how many people were surprised that it was so easy for me to pick. It wasn’t about who I like better, or fairness (Hello, they’re 1!) or anything but practicality. Who would do better there and who would do better here? And of course, who would do better on the plane? Let’s face it, who’s gonna get me an upgrade, Sir Flirts-A-Lot, or Madame DeathStare?

As it turned out I chose very well. Sass ended up with her first ear infection and was extremely unpleasant to be around. Butts, on the other hand, glad-handed his way around Central New York like he was running for office. It’s hard to know if Sass missed her brother at all because she was in so much pain, but Butts definitely missed her. We stayed with my dad and since they’re his only grandkids, there are giant photos of the babies hung all over the place and every morning he would come down and want to touch her picture. SO CUTE! And he loved looking at pictures of her on my phone.

I think it was great for him to have this time on his own, and for us to bond even more than we have already. The other cool thing is that during those moments when he was happy and not needing anything, I could just watch him “be”. I didn’t need to worry about what Sass might be doing or needing or destroying. It was a really peaceful feeling, and one that we multiples moms just don’t get to enjoy all that often. I had recently spent a short afternoon at an outdoor concert with Sass and had a brief snippet of the same feeling. (Once her hour-long adjustment period was up, of course!)

Can I recommend to you readers to spend some one-on-one time with your kids? With such limited whole-family time these days, it might seem hard to justify, but I promise it will be SO worth it. You take one kid to the park while your husband takes the other to run some errands. A couple weekends later, switch it up! You’re not going to be able to do it all the time, nor might you want to! I just hope you’ll find the time to do it every once in a while. You’ll all benefit, I promise.

*For all those people (like me!) who always want to know all the deets about twin babies here ya go:

2 boys
33w6d
5lbs 2oz and 5lbs 3oz
2 to 3 weeks in the NICU, no major issues, both home on the same day

More CAN Necessarily Mean Better

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Around the time my boy/girl twins were sitting up, we started looking for toys for them to play with. Nothing fancy, and nothing expensive. In fact, the majority of our acquisitions come from mothers of multiples garage sales, Craigslist, or the classified section of our neighborhood parent group forum.

A friend offered for me to have a preview of the items she’d be selling and what I noticed was several toys that had their own identical twin. What a waste, I thought! I asked if I could buy just one of them and she said that was fine, but that I might consider buying two of the same for some items, said with a knowing side glance, brow raised. Her twin girls were 19 months at the time.

Nonsense, I thought. Economies of scale, people. An opportunity to teach about taking turns and sharing. When mine are that age, they’ll be models of civility and be equitable in their play, calm music in the background, and happy birds frolicking in the trees. Chirp, chirp, chirp.

When the kids were 11 months, I indulged in the purchase of one of those cute little toddler cell phones (in an effort to keep my son away from my blackberry). Ten bucks, I thought. No biggie. But boy was it ever! BECAUSE I ONLY BOUGHT ONE. Of course, after we purchased a second one, our mistake was that they were different colors.
NOW the problem was that one was blue and the other was orange. Whoever had blue wanted orange, and whoever had orange wanted orange. Or the other way around.

Toybox

We don’t have too much repetition, but they do have their own small ball, their own travel suitcase (a lunch tote with a handle) for their toys, their own cell phone, their own ride-on toy (birthday gifts from friends and family), sunglasses, and their own keys.

Hear me well: it is sometimes worth it to obtain two of the same item. Slight variations are acceptable, but good luck with that. And no need to double the item for every toy or object. When strategically selected, though, it can buy you an extra five or ten minutes of peace and maybe even a little quiet. To me? That’s worth the premium at this age.

What about you? Have you managed to refrain from owning duplicate toys/activities? Do you have two of anything? If so, what made you decide to get more than one?

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Rachel is a mom of 15 month old boy/girl twins. You can read more about their adventures on her blog.

Yes, She is my Real Mother

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In light of recent events in the news (here, here, and here), the topic of race in America has been heavy on my mind. Please bear with me as I deviate a bit from the norm.

When I was in first grade, I had a conversation with my mother that ended with both of us in tears. I came home from school, convinced by my peers that I had been adopted. I told my mother that the kids at school had explained that she couldn’t be my real mom because her skin was white and mine was brown. My mother tried to explain that I was, in fact, her daughter, and that my skin was brown because my father (who lived almost 2000 miles away) was black. I refused to believe her, insisted that I was adopted, and told her that I would like to meet my real mother. Around and around we went until we were both reduced to tears.

The next day, my mother combined blobs of white and brown Play-Doh to show me how my skin color was a mix of both hers and my father’s. She taught me the meaning of the word biracial, and I proudly taught the word to my classmates.

But it was never easy to be biracial in a community that was predominantly white. My mother and stepfather were both white, and all of my friends were white. It didn’t take me long to realize that people felt differently about black people than they did about white people. The handful of black students in my class seemed to be punished more severely than the white students (a black girl was made to sit in the corner for saying libary instead of library), and my friends’ mothers would lock the doors of their cars when we drove through the black neighborhoods of our town. Still, I always felt I was treated the same as my white peers.

And then, one day in my 6th grade math class, the teacher accused me of cheating on a test. When I tried to explain that I had done my own work, she screamed at me and called me the n-word in front of everyone. I was completely mortified, but I was way too embarrassed to tell my mother. That night after I went to bed, the phone began ringing off the hook. I may not have told my mother what happened but every other kid in the class did, and all their mothers were calling to find out how I was holding up. And that night, I wasn’t the only one trying to stifle cries under the covers.

The next day, my mother took me to school early to talk with the principal about what had happened. The math teacher was brought in, and she apologized to me. But my mother insisted that she apologize again in front of the class- she’d sworn at me in front of my peers, and I deserved an apology in front of my peers. The principal was there to witness the apology and reported back to my mother. I never had trouble with that teacher again, but the damage was already done. Understanding and accepting my racial identity was something I would struggle with for years.

baby girl 16mo.So, how does this relate to me raising twins? Well, when my twins were about 9 months old, my husband and I took our daughter to Children’s Hospital for an appointment. The receptionist who checked us in asked a series of questions, including, “What is the child’s race?” I told the woman, “She’s biracial- Caucasian and African American.” then turned to my husband, who nodded his head in confirmation. The woman gave me a look that seemed to say she looks white to me then continued on with her questions.

And that experience has made me wonder if race has more to do with how other people see us- our skin colors and facial features- than our genetic make up. Is Obama the first black president because black is what people see when they look at him? Or is he the first black president because he identifies himself as a black man? (I’ve never heard anyone, except my 11 year old niece, refer to him as the first biracial president.)

buba 16My children are roughly 75% Caucasian and 25% African American, so they’re pretty fair skinned. Does that mean they’ll be spared some of the discrimination that I’ve experienced and witnessed? Does it mean that they’ll have to explain their brown-skinned mother the way I had to explain about my mother’s white skin? How do I prepare them for that? How do I prepare myself for that?

Fortunately, this is not a topic that consumes my mind on a daily basis. Their experiences are already far different from mine. At the young age of just 16 months, their small circle of “friends” already includes several children of various racial backgrounds. Of course, they don’t care. Because to them, kids are just kids. And I hope that they’ll see it that way for a long, long time.

The First Year

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The past few days, I’ve been flooded with feelings… how do I describe it?  It’s excitement, but also a bit of shock or it might even be denial?!  You see my twins will be O-N-E in about a month.  Many of you have been there-(I loved Laura C’s post a few months ago about Birthday Emotions… I’m beginning to relate!) I can’t pinpoint the exact reason it’s so emotional for me- maybe because we have all survived a YEAR of craziness or because my precious tiny miracle babies are growing up!  It really hit me this last weekend when we went to the NICU reunion.  OH how I loved showing off my big, healthy baby girls, but it brought back a flood of emotions too. 

After a long road with infertility and IVF, we were elated to be pregnant and with TWINS- we had no idea what was in store for us!  :)  I had a normal pregnancy and never would have guessed I would have had them so early.  On September 4, 2008, I went to my scheduled perinatologist appointment.  The doctor told me/showed me that Twin B (Riley)’s blood flow was not sufficient through the umbilical cord for some reason.  She was suddenly significantly smaller than Twin A (Reese) which had never been the case before, so the dr wanted the girls and me hooked to heart monitors… to be monitored.  The nurse brought me to another room, hooked me up and just left me there.  Everything was kind of in slow motion, but I just kept thinking it would all be okay.  All I could really think about was that I hadn’t eaten and was STARVING.  While watching the print out of my babies’ heartbeats and dreaming about Chick-Fil-A, I noticed the bottom line (Riley) dropping really low.  Not good.   I suddenly realized the extent on this little “problem” when my OB walked in.  When your perinatologist calls your OB from a different office building completely, you KNOW something’s up.  Dr. H was so sweet, cool, and calm as she explained to me that it would be better for the girls if they came into the world for care due to Riley’s dipping heart rate.  And since I was only 30 weeks, we needed to deliver at a hospital with a Level 3 NICU, which meant she could not do the Emergency C-Section and I could not deliver at my hospital.  WHAT?!  Not a moment you want to experience and especially not alone! My hubby came to pick me up and bring me to the hospital.  We were so scared.

 

We got checked in (after asking directions to this unknown hospital) and I was given a steroid shot for my twins’ lung development.  We learned that with every contraction I was having (I think they were just Braxton Hicks??), Riley would get MAD and her heart rate would drop.  They gave me a shot to stop the contractions, but no such luck.  Within two hours and only 1 steroid shot in my system , Dr. Owens, whom I met minutes before, said it was time to get the girls out… at 30 weeks and 1 day.  Due to my Harrington Rods (surgery to correct scoliosis in 1995), the anesthesiologist attempted an epidural SIX places, but had no luck (QUITE painful the next day), so I was knocked out while my hubby waited outside.  Reese Abigail was born at 5:29 PM weighing 3 lbs and Riley Grace was born at 5:30 PM weighing 2 lbs 3 oz.  

DSCF1228

Reese when she was 3 days old

DSCF1231Riley when she was 3 days old

The NICU was amazing- the nurses were so kind, reassuring, and knowledgeable.  The doctors were amazing as well.  By the grace of God, my babies were not born with any health issues.  They had to learn to breathe outside the womb and stayed awhile in order to learn and master the “suck, swallow, breathe” reflex- eating and breathing are quite important!  So after many tears from mommy and daddy (it’s scary to see your babies so small and sad to leave them each night), bacterial infections, staph infections, blood transfusions, Riley (who was named the “feisty one”) pulling out her feeding tube at least twice a day, jaundice, weight gains and losses, and finally mastering feeding after 38 days for Reese and 55 for Riley, we were finally home with our angels: Reese 4 lbs 9 oz, Riley 3 lbs 11 oz.  I couldn’t believe that we were allowed to take them home! :)  I have to admit we were terrified.  

They’ve come a long way this year (and so have we… we kinda know what we’re doing now) and it was a joy to see those nurses and dr at the NICU Reunion, so they could see with their own eyes- the fruits of their labor!   I will never forget September 4, 2008, Reese and Riley’s birth day, as “blurry” as it feels.  It was the day my life changed forever- for the better.  As a year is approaching, I’m so thankful, have fallen more and more in love with my husband watching him with his girls, and my heart melts daily when Reese and Riley’s eyes light up when they see ME, their mama.  Their first birthday will be a CELEBRATION of how far they have come and what little miracles they are!  I guess that’s why I have been so emotional… it’s thanksgiving.  Overwhelming thanksgiving.  

DSC03117

Reese when she was 309 days old (She now weighs 18 lbs)

DSC03072Riley when she was 309 days old (She now weighs 16 1/2 lbs)

Discipline

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Ok, let’s state the obvious – life with one child vs. multiples is, well – completely different.  I have to say though that as a parent, I’d always felt pretty confident in the area of discipline.  I have a general approach or style of parenting about which I have great conviction – a happy medium that falls somewhere between ‘because I said so’ & merely treating my kids as peers & allowing them to run the show.  It’s a delicate balance and takes work & commitment, but ultimately, we’re quite pleased with how our eldest is turning out!  And then, there are the triplets…

Part of me feels silly for using the word ‘discipline’ when referring to 14 month olds, but I must confess that I’ve been feeling a little anxiety about the whole thing.  It’s not to say that my first didn’t give me any trouble at all but man, I really don’t remember it all being so draining!  Again, keeping in mind that we are just entering the toddler stage here, I completely accept that most of what we’re dealing with here is ‘typical’ for their age.  It’s just that with our eldest, I never felt that I was dealing with so much redirection & repetition so soon.

‘No, don’t touch that!’ ‘No! No pulling hair.’ ‘No – no throwing.’ ‘Do nice.’  Are the triplets just simply not as well behaved as their big brother?  No, I know that’s probably not true.  So (for my sake) let’s put it in perspective…

The fact is, I AM repeating & redirecting a lot more – after all, three is more than one!  For that matter, there wasn’t a pint sized playmate for our eldest – someone whose hair was begging to be pulled, someone who would fight you for a toy, someone with whom you had to share mommy & daddy’s attention.  And so with multiples, there is more, shall we say, antagonism for them to deal with.  Ok, got it.

It was very validating to discover that there’s even a name, a very formal name for one aspect of this – it’s called TES or Twin Escalation Syndrome.  Can you guess what it is??  That’s right – it’s “the tendency of multiples to intensify & expand their behaviors in reaction to each other”.  We’ve all been there.  Little Susie starts banging her cup on the highchair & so Little Bobby bangs his…only louder!  Little Joey throws a toy into the coffee table & Little Annie throws hers too – until all of the toys have been emptied out of the play area.  The list goes on & on…

Then there’s the whole concept of having a captive audience.  Why pay attention to mommy’s reprimands through gritted teeth when my little buddies over here are laughing at me???  I’m funny!  And hey, mommy’s giving me her undivided attention!

So it really is a unique dynamic…one that is challenging & potentially quite stressful.  I’ve been disappointed so far at the lack of information available ‘out there’ that addresses this issue for parents of multiples. Although these articles were somewhat helpful:

http://www.twinsuk.co.uk/resources_tips.php?cat_id=16&id=9934011

http://multiples.about.com/cs/familyissues/a/twinescalation.htm

http://multiples.about.com/gi/dynamic/offsite.htm?zi=1/XJ/Ya&sdn=multiples&zu=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.twinshelp.com%2Farticles%2Fdiscipline.html

In the meantime, simply reminding ourselves that it is a challenge & that it will get easier can begin to take the edge off.  (It has already for me!) Perhaps this falls into the category of so many other things related to life with multiples – things that we have to keep in perspective & take in stride.  They are learning & so are we. 

I’ll be attending my first twins/triplets club toddler meeting later next month, where the topic will be discipline.  I’d be happy to share any other pearls of wisdom we discover there.

So what works for you?  Are there any resources specific to multiples that you’d recommend?

Easy

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103This weekend, we attended two lengthy family celebrations. In years past, these sorts of celebrations filled me with dread. Where the normal person sees a relaxing cookout, I see an eternity of chasing kids, sweating, breaking up fights, prying hickory nuts out of small slobbery mouths, etc. Definitely not relaxing.

This weekend was different. My twins will be five in a month, and for the first time at one of these events, my husband and I were both seated and eating at the same time.

We still made many, many runs to the bathroom, and the buffet line is still a bit tricky, but there’s no comparison to the holiday meals and picnics of 2008 and earlier.

We travel light now, too. Potty accidents happen so rarely that we don’t pack extra clothes. The baby is still in diapers, but she’s 2.5 and can last a long time without a change. We don’t have to bring bottles, or baby food, or look for a comfortable place to nurse. We don’t need a stroller, feeding seats, pack and plays, or any of the other gear that goes along with having multiple babies.

So, hang in there. All you have to do is get your kids to 59 months, and you too can enjoy a cookout!

What should you know?

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I have decided to step outside of my normal blogging trend today to post this “guideline” of questions to ask for those of you who are fairly new to your pregnancy with multiples.  I did not ask many of these questions myself simply because I did not know.  I have compiled this list after two years of reading message boards and hearing other MoM’s stories.  Of course, I will need to throw in my own experience (or lack of) as well.

Can I stay with my OB or do I need to see a  Peri/MFM?

Many women want to know if they can stay with their OB or if they need to see a Peri or a MFM simply because they are pregnant with multiples.  This could be argued either way until the cows come home.  There are many women who have stayed with their “regular OB” and delivered their twins or triplets without issue.

I called my doctor a “high risk” doctor.  That is what everyone at the hospital referred to him as.  No one ever said, “He’s a MFM and this is different from an OB because…”  I was seeing him before it was discovered that I was pregnant with triplets because of the stillbirth of my first baby.  I didn’t even know what a MFM was until AFTER my girls were born and I joined the wonderful world of message boards.

A MFM is a Maternal-Fetal Medicine specialist.  An OB who practices maternal-fetal medicine is called a Perinatologist.  So in basic terms, a MFM and a Peri are essentially the same.  These specialists have training in high risk pregnancies and have been credited by many women for discovering problems and saving the lives of their babies.  The best advice I can give is to ask questions.  How many patients has this doctor seen who have had pregnancies similar to yours?  If you are pregnant with one or more babies sharing a placenta or amniotic sac, you will want a doctor who has had much experience with complications related to such.

Those pregnant with identicals will want to discuss twin-to-twin transfusion.  How will the babies be monitored?  If your babies do start to show signs of twin-to-twin transfusion, what will be done?  Do they have contacts with specialists in this area?  Across the country?

How often will I have appointments, ultrasounds & n0n-stress tests?

You should be able to map out your appointments with your doctor.  How often will you be seen?  How often will ultrasounds be performed? 

Near the end of my pregnancy, I scheduled to go three weeks between ultrasounds.  At that point, my girls had never shown any signs of twin-to-twin transfusion and they were developing on schedule.  I felt very uneasy about waiting three weeks for another ultrasound, especially considering my previous loss and the fact that the excess fluid in Baby B’s brain was being monitored.  I expressed my concerns to my doctor and without issue, he scheduled me for an ultrasound.

What should I do if there is an emergency or concern?

Who should you call in case of emergency or if you have questions?  Do you want to go to the local ER or would you rather be seen at the Labor & Delivery unit of the hospital where you will delivering?

Most women that I know see a doctor with a practice that uses a hospital for deliveries.  My situation was a bit different in that the hospital I was deliver at had it’s own team of doctors.  If I had a question or concern, there was a number I could call 24 hours a day and I always received a prompt response.  I made two trips to L&D due to dehydration and the staff did a thorough job of checking the babies, my contractions, etc. 

Will I have to go on bedrest?

This is the million dollar question.  When I had that first conversation with my doctor after my triplets were discovered, I remember asking when I would be placed on bedrest.  The misconception amongst those inexperienced with multiples (like I was) is that you will HAVE to go on bedrest.  This is not always the case.

There are different variations of bedrest – from full out, in the hospital bedrest to modified bedrest.  My doctor did not believe in bedrest unless there was a medical reason for it.  Being pregnant with triplets was not a medical reason.  I eventually ended up just staying off of my feet.  My doctor knew that I was doing so and reminded me of it.  I listened to my body and knew my limits.

I should note that I have heard of doctors that will place their patients on bedrest at a certain point in the pregnancy simply because those patients are pregnant with multiples. 

Will I need a cerclage? 

A cerclage is when stitches are placed in the cervix to keep it from opening.  With many pregnancies, cervical issues arise suddenly and emergency cerclages are needed and are sometimes not effective because the cervix has already been compromised.  You should discuss with your doctor their procedures for monitoring your cervix and what will be done if any issues arise. 

If you are considering a cerclage, you should also discuss and research the risks and benefits to this type of procedure.  Although not seen very often, there are doctors who will want to perform this procedure on all of their triplet patients “just in case.”

Will the hospital be able to care for my babies if they are premature?

Ask many questions as to the NICU and other nursery services at the hospital where you will deliver.  You cannot assume that you will make it to the point of having take home babies and I’m sure the last place you will want to be is a hospital different from that of your babies. 

In addition, there are hospitals that do not offer an “overnight” nursery.  This means that, assuming no NICU, your babies will be rooming with you the entire time.  Not that this is bad but you may want to be prepared and expect to ask for and/or need help. 

What will happen if I go into pre-term labor?  

We all know that there are drugs out there that can stop/slow down pre-term labor contractions.  The question you should be asking is what is your doctor’s position and what actions will be taken?  Again, the risks versus the benefits need to be weighed.  Since delivering my girls I have read several articles where my doctor opposes the position taken by another ”famous” doctor of mulitple pregnancies in Arizona in the usage of tocolytics.     

How early is too early?

This is something that no one wants to think about (and I don’t even like to write it) but you need to know at what gestational age the hospital will try to save your babies if they are born too early.  Most hospitals are at 24 weeks. 

How long can I carry these babies?  When will delivery be scheduled?

For a “standard” triplet pregnancy, you are looking at 36 weeks, give or take a few days.  You may want to discuss this with your doctor.  Don’t assume that what you read on the internet will apply to your situation and/or doctor’s position.

There are some doctors that may schedule your delivery weeks in advance to hold the date.  My doctor would not schedule anything until I reached 34 weeks.  Even then, the delivery date of 36 weeks and 4 days was moved up by 5 days (at the very last minute) due to scheduling issues. 

Will I have to have an amnio before delivery?

This may sound far-fetched but there are some hospitals (probably only a handful) that require an amnio be performed to check the lung development of the babies before a c-section will be performed if that c-section is to occur early.  What is early?  Usually before 37/38 weeks.  I agree that this is somewhat odd in that a women is not going to carry triplets to 38 weeks and will have to deliver regardless of lung development but for some hospitals, this is a standard procedure and those triplet moms have had to have an amnio.

Although highly unlikely, I mention it here because over the past two years I have heard of a handful of women who were quite surprised to learn of this late in their pregnancies. 

Will I have my own hospital room?   What accommodations will be made for my spouse/partner?

Although not as important, this may be something you will want to know.  I knew about the possibility of room sharing but it did not sway me from changing hospitals.  I have to tell you though that sharing a room that first night after my c-section was absolute torture.

I am sure I have missed some items.  Does anyone want to add any or tell of their experience?  What do you wish you had or had not known??

One typical, crazy morning

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I planned to write a coherent, reflective, thought provoking review of Dr. Marc Weissbluth’s new book about sleep and multiples, but it will have to wait.

Instead, I’m going to write a self-indulgent, hopefully humorous, look at a recent day in my life.

Just to provide some background… at the end of June we decided to sell our house.  We want it on the market by the end of July and my husband won’t have a day off this month since July 6 to 31 since he’s taking a course every weekend.

So, I’m very busy getting everything clean, packed and organized, which is part of the reason my blogging is suffering.

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Here is a numerical look at one morning this week…

Getting Going

Number of errands I planned to accomplish: 4

1. Drop 2.5 year old at the babysitter’s, after getting him up, dressed and fed
2. Grocery store,
3. Paint store,
4. Children’s consignment store

Number of babies I had hoped to have in their pajamas when we left – that’s easier than dressing them: 2 little girls

Number of babies still in their pajamas when we left: 1 little girl

Number of babies who spit up all over as we got ready to leave and needed to be changed before we could leave: 1 little girl

Number of noisy toys that 2.5 year-old son insisted on bringing: 1

Amount of time I was willing to take up arguing about it: 0 minutes

Number of trips to get the car loaded: 4

1. 2.5 year old with his noisy toy,
2. Diaper bag and one baby,
3. Purse, water bottle and other baby,
4. Double stroller

Number of phone calls I made on the way out the door: 1 (to the babysitter to tell her I would be arriving late)

Number of minutes I was late leaving to drop off 2.5 year-old at the babysitter’s: 20+ minutes

First Stop

Driving time to first stop after the babysitter’s (grocery store): less than 5 minutes

Number of available parking spots: lots and lots and lots as my 2.5 year old would say

(Note to self: grocery store isn’t very busy at 8:45 on Tuesday morning)

Number of babies sleeping when I put them in the double stroller: 2 little girls

Number of babies sleeping by the time I got inside the store: 1 little girl in pajamas

Amount of time it took to get refund on purchase from Sunday: 5 minutes

Number of times I had to answer questions about twins while getting refund: 2

Number of white candles I bought to give our bathrooms a “spa feeling”: 9

Number of cream candles I bought because they were the closest colour to an “earth tone” I could find: 3

Types of white towels I had to examine in order to find a “fluffy” set: 3 (obviously a white towel, isn’t just a white towel)

Number of white towels and facecloths I bought to create the same “spa feeling”: at least a dozen

(Hopefully, I can return the extras… I have no idea what I’ll do with a dozen white towels and 3 children under age 3!)

Amount of time I spent looking for two items that I never found (garbage bags and training underwear for the 2.5 year old): probably only 5 minutes, but it felt like longer with all the stuff I was carrying and pulling

Number of people who stopped me to ask about twins: 5+, most of them were store employees

Number of people who offered to help while I carried a basket of candles and towels, and pulled a double stroller with a bag of groceries on it: 0

Number of important discoveries I made: 1 – It is easier to pull a double stroller while carrying a heavy basket than it is to push a double stroller while carrying a heavy basket

Number of babies asleep at the end of first stop: 1 little girl in pajamas

Number of babies starting to fuss by the time we got to the car: 1 little girl in a dress

Amount of time I spent wondering whether I should bother with next 2 errands: as long as it took to get to the car – if I put it off, I’ll have to bring 2 babies and their older brother with me next time

Amount of time I spent panicking when I thought I locked my keys in the trunk: 5 seconds, then I realized they were in my purse

Number of times I wondered if there was a drive-thru close by to get a snack without getting out of the car: 2, or 3, or maybe 4 – hey, I’m a hungry, breastfeeding mom of twins

Second Stop

Amount of time to get to next stop (paint store): less than 5 minutes

Number of babies who are still awake a second stop: 1 little girl in a dress

Amount of time spent wondering whether it is worth it to take out the double stroller to walk from a parking spot right in front of the door in to the paint store: 15 seconds divided as follows:

Amount of time spent calculating that I would be carrying 25+ lbs of baby, plus two car seats while opening the door: 14 seconds
Amount of time spent deciding if it was worth it to get out double stroller: 1 second

Number of paint samples I need to buy to do touch ups in our house: 2

Number of paint chips I had to go through to find the right colours because I’d left that information at home: Lots and lots and lots

Number of paint samples I need that the store had in stock: 1, but they’ll call me when the other colour comes in

Number of people who ask about twins: 2, both store employees (the paint store is also very quiet on Tuesday mornings)

Number of people who offer to hold the door while I maneuver my way out with a double stroller: 0

Third Stop

Amount of time to third stop (children’s consignment store): less than 1 minute, it is about 3 doors down

Number of bibs I plan to buy for babies: 2 or more so I don’t have to wash them so often

Number of bibs in stock: 0, the cashier suggests I go to Wal-Mart instead

Amount of time spent considering going back to Wal-Mart before going home, and unloading and reloading the car to find 2 bibs inside the Super Center which I’ve never visited before: 2 seconds, I can wash the bibs they already have

Amount of time spent considering whether to buy a double jogging stroller that I see for sale: long enough to walk over to it

Amount of time spent considering whether to buy same jogging stroller when I see that it costs $350 second-hand: 0 seconds

Number of teething soothers I decide to buy since I’m there and they have some in stock: 2, otherwise this trip would have been a complete waste

Number of customer appreciation stamps I would get for my purchase if I had my card: 1

Number of stamps that the cashier put on a new card for me: 1

Number of cards that I have at home with one stamp each:  I don’t even want to guess, probably lots and lots and lots

Number of people who ask about twins: 0 (they see lots of babies in the children’s consignment store)

Number of people who offer to hold the door while I maneuver my way out with a double stroller: 0

Number of babies who are awake and getting noisier: 1 little girl in a dress, and 1 little girl in pajamas

Going Home

Amount of time it takes to get home: 15 minutes including getting babies and stroller in car

Number of trips it takes to get everything in the house: 4

1. Unlock door,
2. Babies, – two car seats – one in each hand
3. Groceries,
4. Diaper bag and other purchases
(I left the stroller in the car)

Recap

Total time to make three stops: almost 2 hours

Number of hungry babies when we got home: 2 little girls – and one mommy too!

Number of ideas I have about what to feed them: None, but I have to find one pretty quickly

Number of things I didn’t find on my errands: paint, 2 items from grocery store, bibs

Amount of time I was home before paint store called to say my colour had arrived: less than an hour

Amount of time before I have to pack up 2 babies to go to the babysitters to pick up 2.5 year-old son: 5 hours

Number of things on my “to-do” list for those 5 hours: lots and lots and lots

Number of things I actually get done: not very many

Number of smiles from two happy, full, clean, and (finally) dressed baby girls: lots and lots and lots

15 Minutes of Manners

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Parenting is hard. Really, REALLY hard.

I often tend to focus on the negative aspects of parenting, without acknowledging the really great times. And there are a lot of really amazing aspects of our days…it’s just that they come in small bursts and tend to get overlooked by the tantrums in Target and constant sibling rivalry!

So, Jonathan and Faith, I dedicate this post to you. I urge you other mama’s to chime in and brag about your kids! Let it be an encouragement to the rest of us when we are having a particularly difficult day!

15 Minutes of Manners

On Tuesday of this past week, I took my two 2-year-olds to Panera for breakfast. We arrived sans stroller, sippy cups in hand. The kids stood in line with me while I ordered a cinnamon crunch bagel and a blueberry bagel. I asked them to run them through the bread slicer, and they presented me with a tray of neatly sliced and easy to eat bagel pieces.

I asked Faith to pick a place for us to sit, and she ran to an open table and scampered up. Jonathan climbed into his seat, they bowed their heads for prayer, and we started chowing down. They calmly and politely ate all most all of their bagels. I told them to stay in their seats and I walked back up to the counter to get a to-go bag. I nervously checked back a few times to see if they were in their seats-and THEY WERE!

I had to wait in line no more than 2 minutes, but still! They remained in their seats! I packed up our leftovers for munching in the car, we threw away our trash, and left Panera holding hands, and I know my face was beaming with pride.

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I won’t comment on the rest of the day, in order not to tarnish this lovely story of my children’s obedience. But once in a while, don’t you think we need to cut ourselves some slack and say, “I’m not too bad at this MoM thing, and my kids are pretty amazing little people?!”

Please share your encouraging story of good behavior and/or manners!