After entering the contest to become a new How Do You Do It contributor, I got a little worried. What if I win? Don’t you kind of have to know what you’re doing to join a panel of writers telling folks how they do it? I spend half my life in the proverbial weeds, people! How do I do it? No clue.
Recently I was asked how I go to the grocery store. I’ve heard of these people who push the stroller, pull the cart and happily get it all done. They probably go home and make a freaking pot roast, too. Yeah, not me. Here’s how I “do” it.
The store is just two blocks away, which sounds convenient, but really it’s more of a pain since it means I’m there more often. I can’t justify driving since it’s so close and because the thought of putting the kids in the car seats for a 2 block drive, just to put them in the stroller, then lugging a cart behind me while shopping, most certainly knocking over several displays of canned goods, then putting them BACK in the car seats, then driving home and unloading it all…oh my god, I need to stop. I’m on vacation right now and this is killing my buzz!
Ok, so I walk. I throw my hair into a sloppy bun (not the cute sloppy, either), change from my housepants to something more appropriate (dog-hair covered yoga pants) and load the runts into the double BOB. Once at the store, I rest a basket or two on the handlebar. I way overfill the basket(s)* and put milk where the kids’ feet go. It’s only a matter of time before their feet are long enough and strong enough to boot the milk to the curb. (No idea what I’ll do then. Maybe get a cow for the backyard?) After being stopped by every single person in the store to discuss my children, I finally reach the checkout where I fill my reusable bags WAY too full with stuff and sling those over my shoulders, and then carrying the plastic bags in my hands my pathetic parade makes its way home, with Grand Marshall Me sweating profusely and losing the circulation in my fingers.
Oh, and I usually bring the dog along, just to make my life really difficult. Many days it’s her only walk. 4 blocks. Whoop dee doo. Once I forgot her and was almost home before I remembered. I seriously considered not going back.
Oh and one time I got home to find out that I had poo on my sleeve. That was special.
People who see me like this must think, oh man she must be having a tough day. Maybe her nanny called in sick or something? But no, this is my every day! Every day I have frizzy hair, nearly exploding fingers, poopy sleeves and a whole host of other issues.
If I ever pull it all together and figure out a smooth way to do this, or any other twin-related task, I’ll be sure to post about it. For now you readers will just have to make do with these snippets of my reality. Hopefully I can at least make you feel better about your life!
*None of the food I buy ever seems to add up to a meal for my husband and I, though. Argh.