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3 days in a petri dish
36 weeks in utero
3 months in the same crib
11 more months spending their lives side by side.

And then BAM!

5 days spent 3,000 miles apart.

My cousin recently had twins* and I’d been chomping at the bit to go see them. Originally I’d planned to go on my own. My mom was going to watch the Littles during the day, and my husband would have them in the evenings. But my mom’s got a bum knee, and even without that, two toddlers is tough duty. (I’ll pause while our readers nod their heads and give a big ole “Mmmm Hmmm”) PLUS my dad and most of his side of the family lives near the new twins and I was told that my plane would be turned back if I didn’t bring at least one kid along for the trip.

This seems to shock everyone, but once it was decided that I’d be bringing a baby along with me, choosing which one was just about the easiest decision I’ve ever made. We’ve got one baby we call “The Ambassador” and one we only semi-jokingly call “The Project”. Who do you think got the nod? Of course, Butts, our Family Ambassador. He is just always happy wherever we go and easily inserts himself into every situation. Sass, on the other hand, needs an adjustment period for most new environments. He’ll go to anyone, she tends to prefer me. And thankfully, she’s recently been digging my mom. As you can imagine, the choice was a no-brainer.

I was taken aback, however, at how many people were surprised that it was so easy for me to pick. It wasn’t about who I like better, or fairness (Hello, they’re 1!) or anything but practicality. Who would do better there and who would do better here? And of course, who would do better on the plane? Let’s face it, who’s gonna get me an upgrade, Sir Flirts-A-Lot, or Madame DeathStare?

As it turned out I chose very well. Sass ended up with her first ear infection and was extremely unpleasant to be around. Butts, on the other hand, glad-handed his way around Central New York like he was running for office. It’s hard to know if Sass missed her brother at all because she was in so much pain, but Butts definitely missed her. We stayed with my dad and since they’re his only grandkids, there are giant photos of the babies hung all over the place and every morning he would come down and want to touch her picture. SO CUTE! And he loved looking at pictures of her on my phone.

I think it was great for him to have this time on his own, and for us to bond even more than we have already. The other cool thing is that during those moments when he was happy and not needing anything, I could just watch him “be”. I didn’t need to worry about what Sass might be doing or needing or destroying. It was a really peaceful feeling, and one that we multiples moms just don’t get to enjoy all that often. I had recently spent a short afternoon at an outdoor concert with Sass and had a brief snippet of the same feeling. (Once her hour-long adjustment period was up, of course!)

Can I recommend to you readers to spend some one-on-one time with your kids? With such limited whole-family time these days, it might seem hard to justify, but I promise it will be SO worth it. You take one kid to the park while your husband takes the other to run some errands. A couple weekends later, switch it up! You’re not going to be able to do it all the time, nor might you want to! I just hope you’ll find the time to do it every once in a while. You’ll all benefit, I promise.

*For all those people (like me!) who always want to know all the deets about twin babies here ya go:

2 boys
5lbs 2oz and 5lbs 3oz
2 to 3 weeks in the NICU, no major issues, both home on the same day

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7 thoughts on “One-On-WHAT?”

  1. Can I start off by saying…LOVED your post! Your b/g twins are exactly like ours!! We call our daughter Miss Sassy actually, she doesn’t necessarily need to adjust but just has that girly attitude along with some MAJOR death stares!!!! Where he is so laid back and quiet we forget he’s here sometimes!

    I take them on separate adventures all the time! Usually a couple times a week I am running errands at night and we’ve always felt its easier to take just one, seems like it gives us both a break. We usually pick whoever is having a rough day to get them out of the house..I do daycare out of the home so we’re always here!
    I’ve also taken weekend trips up to the cabin with just one, down to the cities with just one, and its usually decided with who’s the healthiest, followed by who came with last time! It really is fun to do and everyone should make time for each of them separately!

  2. Wait – you must be talking about two of MY three! The lil’ guy – social, adaptable & willing to go to anyone’s open arms vs. the lil’ diva – feisty, ‘in charge’ (or so she thinks) & quick to stare down anyone who a) she doesn’t know or b)who dares to interfere w/ her purpose. And then there’s their ‘older’ sister…the quiet, far more passive one who is content to play independently – always entertaining herself.

    Isn’t it AWESOME to watch their little personalities develop?!

    I totally agree w/ spending that precious one-on-one time every now & then. Thanks for sharing! So cute!

  3. For awhile we rotated who could stay up late with us on Saturdays. It was so much fun getting to know everyone’s personalities. Now that bed time is later for my girls it just doesn’t work so I try to grab one for errands (grocery store, etc). Interestingly enough if I had to pick one to take on a plane it would probably be my “instigator.” She can be a holy terror around her sisters, but one on one she savors the attention and is a complete angel.
    .-= Quadmama´s last blog ..Raising Multiples: A Pain in the…. =-.

  4. Wow! I haven’t considered traveling with just one of them, until they leave for college. I don’t think it would be for us, particularly since they’re actually very easy to fly with together.

    I think one-on-one time sounds like a great idea, but do you have any suggestions on how single (or functionally single, like me,) parents can manage it? How can you have one-on-one when there is no other adult? The closest we get is when one twin wakes from her nap earlier than the other. Babysitters are so expensive.
    .-= Sadia´s last blog ..Potty training stats =-.

  5. i love my one on one time. since being back at work we have to pay the childminder on my day off anyway so i have one boy on the childminder (who they love) and one with me and swop each week. brook is pretty much the same whoever is around but oran loves his day for himself. and i can do stuff with one that i cant do with 2, swimming, bike riding etc. it was on one of these days that i realised oran could drink from a cup, brook took his first step, i had a whole cup of tea!

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