There it is in your Inbox. The once coveted, but now dreaded…
Oh how I used to enjoy seeing them. I’d respond or decline, depending on, you know – life. And then if I was interested, I’d follow along with the responses to see who was coming, who could make a witty remark and who was bringing the jello mold.
Now? I just think about all the logistics involved in attending. I still love the opportunity to get out and see friends (if not actually speak to them), but man, this twin toddler thing makes partying TOUGH! And I don’t even mean real partying. I mean going to someone’s backyard and eating a hot dog and perhaps drinking a beer or (GASP!) two.
Here’s a play-by-play of a recent bbq.
0:00 – Upon arrival scan yard for potential safety issues.
0:01 – Wonder why Matthew is bleeding from the face.
0:02 – Quickly determine they are too numerous to count.
0:03 – Retreat to “greenhouse” (aka former pot growing emporium). Decide gravel floor pieces are probably small enough not to choke the babies.
0:07 – Realize I was wrong about the gravel size.
0:15 – Head out to the “yard” (aka set of Little Shop of Horrors).
0:16 – Activate the Zone Defense with Will to protect kids from Rose Tree of Death and other menacing flora.
0:30-45 – Defensive shuffling drills to act as human wall between babies and grill.
0:46 – Drink 3 sips of much needed beer. Consider purchasing one of these to at least ensure adequate alcohol consumption.
0:52 – Spend 30 seconds wondering if friend REALLY left me in charge of his 10 month old child without a word. Conclude: Yes. Roll Eyes.
1:10 – Pawn 10 month old off onto hostess to dash after Sarah. Narrowly avoid solving one of life’s great mysteries: What actually happens when babies eat lead paint?
1:21 – Cavalierly stick thumb down Sass’ diaper for a quick check. (Could also read: “Stupidly stick thumb into giant mass of blueberry poo.”)
1:26 – Realize that the travel wipes are all dry. Curse loudly.
1:37 – CAKE!
1:51 – Start making a move to leave.
2:35 – Actually drive away.
So, that’s how I party, twin-style! I didn’t used to be like this. I figured I would be the relaxed mom, not worrying about what kind of trouble my kids get in. I don’t know if it’s that we’ve got twins, or if it’s just the mom gene or what, but I’m kind of a jerk about safety. I even annoy myself sometimes, but I can’t seem to help it.
Does anyone else find they have trouble attending parties these days? On the car ride home, once we catch our collective breath, Will and I always wonder, “Why did we just do that? We’re still hungry and thirsty and we didn’t talk to anyone!” It’s kind of a drag, really. I want to be able to enjoy these things, and I know the time will come, but for now, I’m feeling a bit whiny about it, I must admit. Please tell me I’m not alone!