Monthly Archives: September 2009

Trying To Curb My Inner Pack Rat

Posted on by
12

I’ll admit, I’m one of those people who likes to save everything. As and adolescent, I saved every note passed between my BFFs and me in Jr. High and every card I received for my 16th birthday. The outfit I was wearing when my first boyfriend kissed me behind the town pool was saved for years in a box in the attic along with every card, dried flower, and gift he’d ever given me. (We only dated for about six months, but when you’re 12, six months is a lifetime.) These things were so special to me. How could I just toss them into the trash can or the Goodwill bin?

But after heading east for college, it seemed that I was moving once a year for about the next 8 years. And none of the dorm rooms or apartments I lived in had much space for storage. I learned quickly to be selective about the things I acquired. The more stuff I had, the more there was to pack and move the following fall. I began to see stuff for what it really was- stuff!

Fast forward to the beginning of this month. I decided to sell at my twin club’s fall tag sale, which required me to pull out all the remaining baby clothing, toys, and gear to sort and tag. I decided to get rid of it all since we’re 99.9% sure we’re not having another baby (a sad decision that I had to make with my head, not my heart), but I had no idea how many memories and emotions would flood through me as I went through bin after bin of infant clothing.

My inner pack rat was going nuts! Every piece of clothing and every toy seemed significant in some way- it was a gift from someone special to us, they were wearing it the first time they did one thing or another, and then of course there were just many, many personal favorites. And while I knew that these things were just things, I also knew that I just could not get rid of everything.

So, I designated one bin, one 30 gallon bin, to be my keepsake bin. (I may eventually have two bins, one for each child, but for now, it’s just one.) My goal is that this bin will hold everything I want to save to remember moments from my twins’ childhood from 0-18. And it was amazing how wonderful it felt to be able to hold onto some of those things- the tiny, little onesies for 5-7 pound babies, the going home outfits, my daughter’s first tiny sun dress, the collared shirt and corduroys my son wore on his first birthday, and those first little walking shoes. It is my hope that one day, I will share these items with my kids and tell them all about the wonderful memories these keepsakes hold for me.

What items hold special memories for you? Where do you keep them, and how do you keep yourself from keeping too much?

How I dress my three for less.

Posted on by
12

I have always considered myself to be a bit of a fashionista so shopping for three girls has been a pleasant task versus a chore.  Interestingly enough, I have heard moms of all boys comment that they are glad that they don’t have girls because they would most likely end up bankrupt from purchasing all the cute clothes that are out there.  Well, I’m here to tell you how I shop without breaking the bank.

Image and video hosting by TinyPic 

In the picture above, my adorable daughter Allie is wearing an outfit, including the shoes, that cost $15.  That’s right – $15.  And those shoes are from Stride Rite.

Here are my tips:

1.  Never pay full price for anything.

You decide to check out the Old Navy website during your lunch break and notice that some really cute new shirts have been added to their inventory.  And your kiddos need some new shirts.  My advice is to wait it out.  Inventory at these type of stores has a high turnover so chances are that those new shirts will be on sale within a month.  (And yes, I know that some stores have the policy that if you buy and it goes on sale, they will refund you the difference but who has time for that?)

I have already seen holiday clothes in some stores.  It is mid-September!  Why would anyone pay full price?

2.  Know your stores.

If there is a store that you really like, then learn when all the big sales are.  For example, I know that The Children’s Place outlet store nearest to me has huge super-clearance sales during the Fourth of July and Labor Day holidays. 

And learn what those stores have to offer for discounts and coupons.  For example, some Stride Rite stores offer discounts to parents of multiples. 

3.  Sign up!

Almost all stores offer coupons and discounts via email.  Sign up!  If you want to avoid having a full inbox, set up a separate email account just for this.

Store credit cards offer several advantages as well.  You can usually receive free shipping at The Gap and Old Navy for online purchases with their store cards and after earning a certain amount of points, I now receive an additional 15% off all of my purchases just by using my Children’s Place store card.  (Disclaimer – I am not a financial advisor.  Only you know your credit situation.  I only have two store credit cards and I pay off these balances right away so as not to incur any finance charges.)

Right before the Fourth of July, I received an email from The Gap offering a promo discount that would be revealed only in the stores.  So I printed out the email and headed over the The Baby Gap outlet nearest to me.  I found three matching tops in size 3T (for next summer) and with my $5 coupon, the tops only cost $2.31 each.

4.  End of season sales.  Stock up.

I know for some it is difficult to predict the size of your children in order to buy for the future but there are some items that are basics and can be purchased during end of season sales.  Jeans, for example, are usually offered during all seasons here in New England. 

Stick to neutrals or entire outfits.  I made the mistake of buying a few mismatched shorts and summer shirts for $.99 last summer during Target’s end of season sale.  When this summer rolled around, I had to spend time trying to find matching clothes to complete the outfits without spending too much money.

5.  Be creative.

Keep dresses that are too short but still fit up top to pair with leggings or pants.

If your children are skinny, save pants that are too short and use them the next year for capris or long shorts.  Here’s a picture I took of Emily a few weeks ago wearing size 6-9 month pants from The Children’s Place.  My two and a half year olds wear them as capris.  We have several pairs of infant pants that they are able to wear as capris now.

Image and video hosting by TinyPic    

Here is how Allie’s outfit only cost $15, including the shoes.  I purchased that ballet top at Carter’s for $1.58 (no, that is not a typo) by shopping with a coupon during a super-clearance sale.  The skirt was purchased for approximately $3 last summer at Target during one of their end of season sales.  Right around Christmas last year, the Stride Rite outlet store near me was having a huge sale where shoes only cost around $10.  I purchased 10 pairs of shoes for $100.  I bought in sizes too big.  Allie’s shoes cost $10.  Anna’s feet are slightly smaller so she can wear those shoes once Allie outgrows them.  (Dressy shoes around here don’t get much use!)

I know a lot of people shop consignment stores or MoM sales.  The consignment store in our town recently closed down and when I did peek in there once, I was not impressed with their merchandise or prices.  Maybe it’s a snobby Boston suburbs thing but there really aren’t consignment stores near us.  And the fact that I’ve been able to purchase brand new items for $.99 has caused me to not want to buy used.

What are some of your favorite stores?  How do you maximize your savings?  

Sarah is the mother to 29 month old identical triplet girls – Allie, Anna and Emily – who were born at 35 weeks and 6 days.  She works full time as a Tax Director for Big Financial Institution and enjoys sharpening her photography skills with her daughters’ help.  You can read more about her crazy life raising triplets at The Great Umbrella Heist.

How do you help other people tell your multiples apart?

Posted on by
19
Our Little Girls Wearing Pink and Yellow Dresses

Last weekend, we were at a family wedding and some other related family events. Of course, everyone wanted to know which baby was which.  This is a common question since we have identical twin girls, who look very much alike. Friday night, one baby was wearing a pink outfit, and I knew she’d have a pink dress on Saturday for the wedding, and it would be easy to dress her in pink on Sunday morning so I let people know she’d be the baby wearing pink all weekend. Her sister wore yellow and green. They are only 8 months old, so they couldn’t complain about my clothing choices. But, it raised the question of how you help other people identify your multiples.

Right now, we (Mom, Dad and the few other people who can tell them apart) have a few ways to tell the girls apart but they are based on:

  • Comparisons – when both babies are together you can see that one is a little bigger, but when they are separate this doesn’t really work
  • Context – at mealtime one of the babies is usually more interested in food than her sister, so this only works when they’re eating and it isn’t really reliable
  • Temporary characteristics – right now one baby has 2 teeth and her sister doesn’t have any yet, but that will change soon
  • Artificial characteristics – we painted one baby’s toenails pink when she came home from the hospital so we wouldn’t mix them up

I rely on the girls’ birthmarks to help me tell them apart, but those are starting to fade and are only visible from some angles.  So, we’re thinking about assigning each girl a colour (probably pink and yellow) and then making sure we dress them in those colours, at least when anyone else is around.  I’m concerned that doing this will make it easy for people to rely on their outfits to tell them apart rather than focusing on what makes them unique individuals.  But, I also want the girls to feel they are welcome and included and that people know who they are. Maybe assigning them colours will make it easier for people to focus on the babies as individuals because they will know who is who.

I do see some potential problems with this approach:

  • Most of the girls’ clothing was received as gifts or hand-me-downs so I don’t have a lot of control over what is in their dresser
  • I think I’d have to assign groups of colours to each baby (pink/purple/blue and yellow/green/white) because they have lots of clothing that isn’t pink or yellow, which could get confusing
  • The feminist in me has problems with dressing baby girls only in pink clothing
  • At some point they are going to want to make their own clothing choices

I guess the biggest issue is that really have problems making my parenting decisions based on what’s best for everyone else rather than what’s best for my children. So, is assigning each baby a colour a decision that will be good for them or not?  Can anyone share their experiences with this issue or other ways to help family and friends tell your multiples apart?

The ability to self-soothe begins to emerge around 61 months.

Posted on by
5

At five years old, my twins may be the oldest reflected here at HDYDI. They make up for that by having the maturity and social skills of two week olds.

I’m kidding! Mostly. During their first year, they attended two home daycares until we convinced my sister-in-law to watch them. She continued until I quit my job to stay home, and since then the boys have tolerated several teenaged babysitters and one Wednesday night church program, but that is the extent of their exposure to people outside our family. Playdates have been met with violence – not against the other children, thank goodness. When confronted with *outsiders*, one of my boys hides behind me and punches me repeatedly in the posterior. This is his way of indicating, “Mother, I am anxious and would like to withdraw from the situation now, if it pleases you.” It’s a lot like baby sign language.

The boys, before they realized I don't actually attend preschool with them.

The boys, before they realized I don't actually attend preschool with them.

Anyway, the boys started preschool last Wednesday. The first day, parents were to stay and the boys were cautiously optimistic when they saw all the toys and play areas. When parents were ushered to the next room for a meeting, I hoped the toys would keep the boys comfortable. I hoped so, fervently, for the first 5 minutes of the meeting, until a teacher brought one of my red-faced, teary-eyed boys to the door and beckoned to me.

I spent the rest of the day as the only parent forced to escort her children through circle time — one boy burying his face in my neck with his legs wrapped around my waist; the other angrily punching me in the behind. I didn’t know what to do, so I just smiled extra-bright and sang, “Wheels on the Bus” and played Red Light Green Light like the boys and I were conjoined triplets.

My husband works second shift, so he handles preschool drop off. Thank God, because I don’t think I could take it. Days two and three of preschool went as you can imagine, with sobbing and screaming and clawing desperately to get back into the car. Apparently they calm down within a few minutes of Jason leaving, and they tolerate the rest of the day reasonably well.

P told me, “One time I started to cry, but I told myself, ‘I gotta pull it together!’ and then I was okay.” Now if only their mother could also master this skill, we’d be in business.

A Tale of Two Big Brothers

Posted on by
1

Once upon a time there was a set of identical twin boys born into a loving family. They were the little princes to their princess sister. They were cuddled and fussed over; loved and adored.

And then, a new prince came along.

At first, the big brothers were too young to care. They were only 15 months old and, frankly, this new little one spent most of his time sleeping and out of the way anyway. Then, he started to grow.

photo81For a while, he was amusing. A play thing they could tickle and make laugh. And then walk away from to go back to their “big boy” games. Oh, those times were happy.

Then, he started to move. And WALK. walkingAnd, Lord help him, he touched their things. What were the princes to do?

Prince A decided to embrace the littlest one. Despite the slight 1 lb difference in their sizes, he acts the older brother. He “helps” by bringing the littlest one his bottle or snack. He “helps” by dragging him along holding his hand as he learns to walk. He tackles hugs him to show his love.

Prince B has taken a different approach. He has decided to exert his big brother authority. He screams “NO” when the littlest one comes within 2 feet of his toys — whether he is using them or not. He steals food off of the tray of the LO’s high chair. He flat out refuses to let him hold a sippy cup in his presence.

The two princes have taken very different approaches despite being raised the same way, by the same parents, in the same house…and sharing the same genes. Simply another example of how each is his own person despite the label of “identical twin”.

Nursing Pillows, How I Love Thee (For MANY Reasons)!

Posted on by
15

When I was pregnant with my twins, I remember thinking (okay, maybe worrying in my control freak ways) about what in the heck I’d need TWO of??  Two carseats and two cribs were a given, but 2 swings or 1 (we quickly decided 2 after they were home)?  2 pack n plays or 1?  2 bouncers or 1?  2 nursing pillows or 1?  I think if I were to tell someone they need 2 of something (besides car seats and cribs!), it would have to be nursing pillows!  I have used our TWO Boppy Pillows (not pushing the brand- but it was what we happened to buy!) for an entire year plus for many reasons: 

Read on with me- as we walk down ‘The Many Uses of the Boppy Pillow Lane!’

*During and after the NICU stay, when I was able to attempt nursing, the boppy was my right hand man- or woman- or thing- whatever- you know what I mean!

*After realizing that nursing wasn’t going so well (that’s a whole other post), the boppy became a PERFECT incline to feed my babies their bottles.

*It soon helped me feed both girls at the same time- I came up with some GREAT set ups sometimes with one sometimes with both when they got bigger.  (Survival mode at that point- right moms?)

DSC00871hee hee!  This makes me laugh!

*It helped prop the girls up after eating which helped with their reflux.

*When the girls were a bit bigger (they started so tiny!), it was a great help with tummy time. 

*Once Reese and Riley started sitting, but were wobbly, the pillow was perfect to have behind them.  It certainly broke many falls!

DSC02805Whoa!  Riley in mid fall :)

* As they learned to hold their bottles, but had difficulty keeping their balance when tilting back, the Boppy was a perfect place to lay, bottle in hand!

* Still now (Reese and Riley are 1), when my sleepy girls first wake up in the morning, they love to lie on their pillows while they drink their milk from their sippy cup or bottle.

* AND my Reesey who LOVES to roll away, crawl away, or pull away while I’m changing her diaper, has a bit of harder time getting away when I lay her on the Boppy when I change her!  :)

* Oh ya!  AND my little dog has assumed them as her own personal dog beds for over a year.  

DSC01330

* Do you have any other uses I’ve forgotten?!

 

I LOVE these things!  In my opinion, you MUST get 2 nursing pillows!

 Leave a comment telling the new mamas and mamas to be: 

In my opinion, you MUST get two (or three, or four… :) ) _____.

Fantasies of two little babies, happily sleeping next to each other…

Posted on by
6

My boy/girl twins. Abigail & Danny, are now almost 2.5 years old.

When I found out I was pregnant with twins, I had this image of two little babies, sleeping side by side in the crib. Now, once I had said little babies, it didn’t really happen quite like that. Danny had colic, so he was often in his carseat. They learned to roll early, so we bought a second crib pretty early. Then Danny was up every hour or two AT FOUR MONTHS, so we moved Abigail into the spare bedroom, since she could sleep through the night at that point.  But, once we had reached their first birthday, we dismantled the crib in the guest room and moved Abigail back into the nursery with Danny. Finally….this was what I had imagined. Two little guys, chatting to each other as they fell asleep at night and when they woke up in the morning. Ok, so maybe I hadn’t imagined how long they would chat at night…and that they’d be so excited by being in the same room again that they would jump up and down in their crib for an hour, but still…they were back together.

I knew it wouldn’t last forever, since they are different genders. We’d talked about how old was too old to share a room—four? Six? Eight? And then….Abigail started climbing out of the pack ‘n play in the guest room where she napped. Oh, this was not good. With two napless days in a just one week,  I informed my mother-in-law that I was showing up at her house on Saturday and borrowing her spare crib. It’s not like she was using it. And this solved our napping problems. Abigail loved her new crib and was thrilled to nap in it. I was thrilled to have the nap back.

Then….three or four days into the new crib, Abigail announced one night, “I sleep in MY room. In MY crib.” We soon discovered that she meant the guest room (which I really consider more mine than hers….or at least, Grandma’s). It had been a rough night so I didn’t care to argue. Of course, that led to more of a rough night, as Danny began to yell hysterically, “Where Abigail?! Where are you, Abigail?!” from his crib. I finally had to go ask Abigail to yell back to him from her crib. (Now, do keep in mind that our house is only 1600 square feet. It’s not like I had hidden her in some separate wing of the house.) The next night…yep, she was convinced she wanted to sleep in her crib. Now, I know I’m the mom. And I could make her sleep in the nursery. As well as I can make a willful 2.5 year old girl do anything, I suppose. But….I can’t figure out why to have that fight. There are so many other ones to have, and this seems harmless. I’m sad about it, and mourning the loss of another aspect of twindom….but it was going to have to happen at some point anyway. So why fight it now that it happened a few years earlier than I had imagined?

Anyone else have kids who are ready for big changes before you are?

Two late to take it back: Breastfeeding

Posted on by
18

In this latest attempt to share wisdom of my personal experience with twins, I am going to tread lightly into the breastfeeding waters. Carefully. Because it’s sensitive to discuss this topic — at least how I view it now.

You see, I was going to be one of those mothers — the ones with a baby at their breast every second of the day. The one insisting on all the latest bonding and attachment parenting tips. I read all the books, of course, and even attended La Leche League meetings while pregnant. I knew it was what I wanted to do and NO ONE could stop me.

Except me. I stopped me.

The issue: Breastfeeding

What I did: I read and read and read everything related to having twins. I spent hours on Web sites. Even more hours in online forums, soaking up every single detail about breastfeeding twins, and breastfeeding in general. I could almost repeat what the books said verbatim by the time my girls were born healthy at 38.6 weeks.

What I did wrong: I actually did not do one thing wrong here. I did, however, get some inaccurate information along the way. One was that a breast reduction surgery that I had about seven years earlier would not interfere with breastfeeding and it did. It totally did. More than that, I read and heard a thousand times NOT to supplement with a bottle or formula and so while I waited and tried and waited for my milk to come in, which it never did, I refused to feed my children formula. Actually, just one. One had trouble latching so she automatically got formula. The other, however, latched fine but so little was coming out that I eventually — around 24 hours — relented. Oh, the guilt I carried for making those formula decisions. It was just dreadful.

My advice now: Try to breastfeed and if you feel like it comes naturally and easy for you, keep doing it as long as you see fit. But if it’s not working, when you know it’s not good for you or the baby because it hurts too much, or it is too stressful, give it up and know that you will both be happier for it. And, your baby will NOT be the loser on the playground, either. In fact, all the smart people I know were formula-fed as our generation of mothers didn’t breastfeed. However, for someone who is struggling, I say give a bottle and continue to try to breastfeed while pumping. You will know when the time is over. And you should feel good no matter how long you tried — whether it’s one hour, one day, one month or three.

Sometimes, we as mothers, just need to trust ourselves to know when something is or is not working. That’s the spark I hope to plant with this post. Trust yourself, your situation and know that no matter what you choose — it’s the right choice for you and your babies.

Am I a Fraud?

Posted on by
13

This post is cross-posted (w/ a few minor changes) from my blog, www.momsprung.com.  Sorry to be playing up the “If you’ve got twins, you must be infertile” stereotype, but I feel like there’s probably an audience here for these thoughts.  And I’m curious to know if other multiples moms post-infertility feel less stressed about a second go-round.  Or if you’ll even go around again?  Read and discuss…

Am I still supposed to be pissed off about infertility? Maybe I’m not one to hold a grudge, but I think I’m kind of over it. Is that wrong? Does it mean I wasn’t suffering enough during those four years? Like, I didn’t want a baby enough? That can’t be it, can it?

But these days I don’t get mad when I read about people who adopt and then get pregnant a month later. I’m happy! I might roll my eyes a little, but I swear, I’m happy! And I barely cringed when my friend with the 18 month old baby called me all down in the dumps about not getting knocked up with #2 after a couple months. I acknowledge her pain, even!

So, what is up? It was four long years of pure hell. Aren’t I supposed to be damaged and bitter? I can’t change how I feel, but I admit I feel like an IF Fraud for getting over it like this.

I guess part of it is that I don’t really want infertility to define me. I so appreciate blogs like Mel’s which was such a huge help to me when I was in the trenches, but I just don’t know how she does it. How can she spend so much time reading about so much struggle and loss? She’s doing such a great service to the infertile community, but I know I couldn’t and wouldn’t devote anything close to the time, energy and heart that she does to the cause. Maybe I’m just a lazy jerk, but the truth is, I want that part of my past to stay in the past. I’m there to support, but I will have a hard time conjuring up the anger.

I wonder if I would I feel the same way if I’d had a singleton. Knowing that I might try again would really keep me “in the game” if you will. But I’m so happy with our family as it is right now, that it’s been very easy for me to chuck my Infertility Anger out the door.

Don’t worry, though. I will never be an actual “Fertile.” Uh uh. I’m just a non-practicing infertile. Until some media type comes on tv talking about how many embryos that fool had “implanted.” Then my inner infertile will rear her ugly head, I promise.

Power Networks

Posted on by
3

Rachel is a number cruncher by day, the birth mom in a two-mom household to boy/girl 17 month old twins. A new website is coming, but for now, you can read more about ‘em at http://rajencreation.wordpress.com/

_________

In the movie Fight Club, there’s this guy (Edward Norton) with insomnia who wants medication and instead his doctor suggests he visit a support group to witness more severe suffering than his own. Granted, he doesn’t just go and observe. He goes, makes up a story about a terminal illness, gets a bunch of support, and this in turn gives him an emotional release that helps him finally get some sleep.

PARENTING GROUPS SERVE A SIMILAR PURPOSE, PEOPLE.

Irritated that my twins are in a whiny mood? Well at least they didn’t take off each other’s poop diapers and paint the walls with its’ contents.

There. I feel better already.

I’m in two groups (well, three, if you count my waning participation in an online forum of the first cryobank we ever used). Though both are parenting/kid groups, they offer enough differences where my participation in both is beneficial.

The first one is my neighborhood group and it friggin rocks. We have a Kids Group with 635 families, diverse about as diverse in socioeconomics and demographics as you can get in a very eclectic urban area. Everything from vegan earth mamas of cloth-diapered singletons who have time to fret about nursery water to corporate moms and dads with kids in full-time daycare that eat chinese takeout to single parents to same-sex parents and everything in between.

Mom’s Night Out’s are at local hotspots on real adult “go out” nights. Gasp! What’s the name of that guy’s name that does home repairs for a resonable price and he’s the husband of so-and-so? Or the favorite pediatric dentist? Just ask. Wondering what the helicopters were doing overhead last night? Does someone know someone in the Mayor’s Office who can deal with the lights that don’t get fixed at a certain intersection? Is that stranger seen walking down Cortland street a concern? Check the forum.

I’ve lent out PeaPods, borrowed pack n plays, passed around books, all to people that I would have not necessarily ever met were it not for the group. Heck, I’ve lent things out and taking meals to people I hadn’t before then met! But the beauty of the group is its inherent trust. Plus, HUGE BONUS, knowing your neighbors (and I’m not just talking the ones next door, I’m talking the ones a couple miles down the road) decreases the likelihood of parenting by fear, and it gets kids and parents outdoors, talking to one another.

I’m also a member of a Mother’s of Multiples club (on the Board, actually). Because my city is so large, there are four or more MoM’s clubs in our area. The one in geographic proximity to where we live has a very sophisticated, professional, upper income membership (and they STILL let me in!), so there isn’t as much diversity (we’re one of two two-mom households), but it’s an incredible resource for question and answers related to all things multiple.

I often glance through forum posts just to see what I’m headed into. Like, say, I’m less concerned that my son beats his head to put himself to sleep, and I have ideas as to how to keep my daughter’s diaper on (put it on backwards! make sure she’s always wearing pants! use it as an opportunity to foster potty awareness in preparation for training!). Scrubbing through posts and posting my own question there helped me decide to separate our twins sleeping quarters. Twin events like Halloween Parties and Egg Hunts are fertile grounds for adorable photos. Plus, HELLO? MoM’s of Multiples Garage Sales are UNBEATABLE events. (And not just because I co-chair ours).

Both groups have Mom’s Nighs Out, Dad’s Night Out, playgroups, Dinner Drops for new parents, and forums. These groups are places where you can post “my kid won’t eat pasta” or “my nipple caved in” and feel absolutely normal.

You just listen to the crickets chirp if you tossed out that bit of info at a work luncheon.

To my benefit, both groups also use (purely coincidental) BigTent as the group’s online community, so I can check what’s going on with both groups using one login. BigTent offers a Classifieds section where members of each group can buy and sell items to one another. A few weeks ago, I purchased a sewing maching for thirty bucks. And then I signed up for sewing lessons at a place recommended by people in my Neighborhood Group. Net. Work.

How about you? What are your go-to communities? Where do you seek and give support to others?