This post is cross-posted (w/ a few minor changes) from my blog, www.momsprung.com. Sorry to be playing up the “If you’ve got twins, you must be infertile” stereotype, but I feel like there’s probably an audience here for these thoughts. And I’m curious to know if other multiples moms post-infertility feel less stressed about a second go-round. Or if you’ll even go around again? Read and discuss…
Am I still supposed to be pissed off about infertility? Maybe I’m not one to hold a grudge, but I think I’m kind of over it. Is that wrong? Does it mean I wasn’t suffering enough during those four years? Like, I didn’t want a baby enough? That can’t be it, can it?
But these days I don’t get mad when I read about people who adopt and then get pregnant a month later. I’m happy! I might roll my eyes a little, but I swear, I’m happy! And I barely cringed when my friend with the 18 month old baby called me all down in the dumps about not getting knocked up with #2 after a couple months. I acknowledge her pain, even!
So, what is up? It was four long years of pure hell. Aren’t I supposed to be damaged and bitter? I can’t change how I feel, but I admit I feel like an IF Fraud for getting over it like this.
I guess part of it is that I don’t really want infertility to define me. I so appreciate blogs like Mel’s which was such a huge help to me when I was in the trenches, but I just don’t know how she does it. How can she spend so much time reading about so much struggle and loss? She’s doing such a great service to the infertile community, but I know I couldn’t and wouldn’t devote anything close to the time, energy and heart that she does to the cause. Maybe I’m just a lazy jerk, but the truth is, I want that part of my past to stay in the past. I’m there to support, but I will have a hard time conjuring up the anger.
I wonder if I would I feel the same way if I’d had a singleton. Knowing that I might try again would really keep me “in the game” if you will. But I’m so happy with our family as it is right now, that it’s been very easy for me to chuck my Infertility Anger out the door.
Don’t worry, though. I will never be an actual “Fertile.” Uh uh. I’m just a non-practicing infertile. Until some media type comes on tv talking about how many embryos that fool had “implanted.” Then my inner infertile will rear her ugly head, I promise.