Monthly Archives: October 2009

Halloween, Take Two

Posted on by
5

Last year was our most low-key Halloween ever. I thought briefly about getting our 7 month old twins costumes, but threw that idea out the window once I saw the sticker prices on those cute, little infant costumes. (Sadly, I was not the savvy bargain shopper I am now, and did not know to check out the Old Navy costume sale, the local consignment shops, or the fall MoM sale.) Instead, I picked up two Halloween shirt/pants outfits from Target, and my babies wore them several times throughout October.

halloween

4-7pm was still a really tough time of day for us, so our trick-or-treating was kept to a minimum. After dinner, we took a walk through the neighborhood, my husband and I each carrying a baby and pointing out all of the big kids in their costumes. Although they were obviously way too young to understand the excitement of Halloween, it was fun to watch my babies’ little faces light up as they watched all the children darting from house to house.

As a result of our early bedtime rule, we did not pass out candy last year. The nursery is at the front of our one story home, so we kept our light off and prayed that no one would ring our bell. With the front of our house dark, and not a pumpkin in sight, we were left to ourselves for the entire evening.

But this year, with twins almost 20 months old, I’m ready to begin teaching them about the fun and excitement of Halloween. In September, I picked up brand new costumes- a monkey and a bear- at a MoM sale for $5 each. They are way too big, but the kids got soooo excited when they tried them on, that we decided to just roll up the sleeves and pant legs and go with it (and may continue to do so for several more years!).

monkey

bear

We kicked off the start of Halloween week by attending a Halloween party at our local senior citizens center. The kids sat and listened to stories, and then went trick-or-treating around the room- going from table to table, gathering goodies and compliments from the admiring seniors. Honestly I’m not sure who was happier, the kids or the seniors. Next we went to a Halloween playdate, which was basically a room full of kids in costumes playing with toys. And we’ll finish up the week by attending our town’s family Halloween party and visiting just our closest neighbors for trick-or-treating. With Halloween being the night before we fall back an hour, we should have plenty of time to participate in giving out a little candy as well before bedtime.

What plans do you have for Halloween this year, and what traditions are you most excited about sharing with your kids?

Halloween for Preemies!

Posted on by
7

Last year my baby girls celebrated their FIRST Halloween.  It was their very first holiday ,and y’all, we L-O-V-E holidays around here!  Initially I hadn’t planned anything fun or even a costume for my twins because they were due November 12.  I figured they’d come a little early, but September 4?!  I love Halloween- love fall weather, love the fall colors, the fall smells, the cutesy stuff (not so much the scary stuff), love the candy (of course), and I LOVE seeing the neighborhood kids (especially babies) all dressed up in their costumes!  As Halloween was approaching, I was SO pumped to dress my little baby dolls up. :) (They were both home by 10/30/08).  But I came across a problem… Riley was 3 pounds 11 oz and Reese was a bit over 4 pounds.  NO costume would fit them.  So I tried to be creative and came up with a genius (yet: mean?  weird? clever?) idea while at Petsmart buying dog food.  You know where this is going??  I strolled by precious costumes… tiny ones… both in the cat section and dog too.  Then I saw them.  And I had to have them.  Reese and Riley had to wear them.  Light pink teeny tiny cat tutus AND princess hats!!!!!  PREFECT size, perfect costume!  ha!  You might think it’s silly, ladies, but… if you’ve just had your babies and they’re tooooo tiny to fit in a costume,  I reccommed going to a pet store! :)  You’re sure to find a little something adorable- worked for us!   :)  See:

DSC00766(Princess hats not pictured)  10-31-08

This year we’re going the more “normal” route… buying from human stores since I’ve now got 20 + pounders.  I think they already love Halloween as much as me…. but their love for bows?  Not so much.

DSCF2678

This year for Halloween, they’re going to be CoWGiRlS!  We ARE in Texas, y’all!  Pics to come on my blog.

Ever had to get creative with your multiples’ costumes?!  I’d love to hear about it!

Halloween Recycle

Posted on by
10

We are big recyclers in our house and this year that has extended to Halloween costumes.  I purchased matching butterfly costumes on sale for my girls last year fairly close to Halloween.  I was afraid that if the costumes didn’t match, I would be accused of dressing one cuter than the other two.  I know, foolish.

As the girls were 18 months old at the time, I purchased size 18 month costumes, which were a little too big but not a big deal.

Image and video hosting by TinyPic 

 We actually had to distract them with a Baby Einstein DVD in order to dress them.  There was a little bit of fussing but once outside, they enjoyed running around the yard.  We did not actually participate in real trick or treating besides the neighbor’s house.  I felt that at 18 months old, it was unnecessary.

I wasn’t looking forward to dishing out $ for three new costumes this year, so I informed my husband that I was hoping to recycle the butterfly costumes from last year, which had been bagged up and stored in our basement.  A few weeks ago, I brought them out of storage to see if my plan would work.

  1. Would the size 18 month costumes still fit my girls, now two and a half years old.
  2. Would my girls actually wear these costumes without flipping out.

Success! 
Image and video hosting by TinyPic

Much to my pleasant surprise not only did the costumes fit (the head pieces are little snug but do-able) but the girls LOVED them.  They loved them so much, in fact, that they did not want to take them off.  Not even the head pieces (except for Allie who has a bigger head.)  Anna and Em kept insisting that Allie put that head piece back on.  They all needed to be the same.

I plan to keep the costumes after Halloween and allow the girls to use them for dress up.  Plus, there are certain items I feel sentimental with and can’t bear to part with.

Where did you find Halloween costumes for your kiddos and what do you plan to do with them after Halloween? 

Sarah is the mother to two and a half year old identical triplet girls – Allie, Anna and Emily – who were born at 35 weeks and 6 days.  She works full time as a Tax Director for Big Financial Institution and enjoys sharpening her photography skills with her daughters’ help.  You can read more about her crazy life raising triplets at The Great Umbrella Heist.

Trick or Treat Times Two or More

Posted on by
6

Trick or treat!  Halloween is just over a week away.  Hopefully you’ve come up with some great costume ideas for your multiples, either as individuals or a group. I’ve heard lots of great ideas for multiple costumes, but I have to admit my girls are wearing matching orange onsides with pumpkins on them, and little hats that look like pumpkin tops. It isn’t very creative at all, but it is just their first Halloween, and they’ll be really cute.  For their brother’s first Halloween, we didn’t do anything at all.  In fact, we didn’t even do anything on his second Halloween either…  This year he’s being a train engineer.

Next year, I’ll do something more creative when they’re a little older.  In the meantime, why don’t you share your great Halloween costume ideas for multiples, or any other Halloween stories or advice you have to offer.

Here’s a great list of Halloween suggestions from ParentHacks.  It is one of my favourite web sites; there’s a suggestions to help in nearly every Halloween situation from how to make a last minute costume to what to do with leftover candy.

Small Risks

Posted on by
11

Sometime last spring, when my twins were about 15 months old, I decided it was no longer safe for me to take them to our local playground by myself. It was shortly after my daughter almost walked off the edge of a three foot high platform leading up to the slide, while my son was playing the Let’s See How Many Woodchips I Can Stuff In My Mouth at Once game. I realized that I just could not keep up with both of them at the same time.

So I assembled the Kangaroo Climber, and the kids played happily all summer long in our own front yard. I’ll admit, for the first week or so I was hovering around the Climber, helping to hoist them onto the platform and making sure they didn’t step over the edge and fall flat on their faces. But I quickly realized that I needed to let them figure it out for themselves (both the climbing and, yes, the falling), so they’d know how a climbing structure worked. Only then would we be able to return to the playground.

t climber

I won’t lie. The learning process was a bit rough. My kids are on the small side and had a difficult time getting onto the platform. There was a fair amount of grunting, screaming, whining, and crying, but they both eventually found their own strategies and were so proud that they could do it without help. The falling was, of course, much harder to watch. But, thankfully, the learning curve was steep. And it wasn’t long before they taught themselves how to sit down on their bottoms, slip off that platform, and land on their feet. Like Olympic gymnasts sticking a difficult landing!

r climbing small

both climber

Four months later, I was finally ready to head back to the playground. My kids were a little older, a little taller, and much more skilled than they’d been in the spring. I had the utmost confidence in them, knowing how independent they’d become. And even though the drops were higher and the slide was longer and steeper, I did my best to let my kiddos do as much as they could on their own. My daughter flew down the big slide and jumped right up when she reached the bottom. My son slid himself off a platform roughly two feet high, landed on all fours, and ran around to climb the steps and do it all again.

While I was quite proud, I could see the horrified looks from the other moms. How could I stand by and just watch these potentially dangerous situations? The answer was simple. I know that I cannot always be there for both of them. The best I can do is to help them grow and learn to be self-sufficient. Of course, I would never stand by and just watch them do something seriously dangerous. But feel that taking small risks, whether they fail or succeed, is a healthy part of growing up and will teach them confidence and self-sufficiency. And what parent doesn’t want that?

Confessions Of An Imperfect Mom

Posted on by
15

Rachel is a number cruncher by day, the birth mom in a two-mom household to boy/girl 18 month old twins. You can read more about ‘em at their new website http://www.motherhoodsquared.com/
_________

Oh, eighteen months. Eighteen months is a generally safe distance from which to evaluate That First Year – far enough from twelve months for That First Year not to slap you upside the head unexpectedly, but close enough for you to say Ha! – We Win!

Just last night, Jennifer and I were talking about how incredibly blessed we are to have two healthy, happy 18 month olds, pleased as punch with their development, and generally patting ourselves on our two-working-parent backs. Something that’s really easy to do during a relaxing dinner with kids sleeping soundly. Something not so easy to do when waiting over an hour for the doctor to enter the room for a well-checkup only for him to call out over his shoulder to his nurse regarding the kid he just saw: “yes, he has the swine flu”.

I’ve seen plenty of commentary across the blogs/magazines/books I read about the fun, cute stuff related to infants and toddlers. And plenty about the crappy things, if it’s also funny. (Or maybe that’s the stuff I’m drawn to?) But here’s the thing, it hasn’t been – for me – only that kind of thing. And even in my parent and neighborhood community boards, it seems people only want to talk about the raw stuff in an anonymous post. But screw that, because the entirety of this experience thusfar has molded me into the person and parent I’m becoming:

I was fascinated by the twins when they were born, but I didn’t want to be alone with them Not because I was afraid of them, or that I would hurt them, or that I was insecure. But because I was afraid the reflux would be bad during feeding times and what if they threw up at the same time and they were still hungry at the same time and what if I couldn’t hold them upright for long enough before throwing up? The thought gave me great anxiety.

Of course, my worst anxiety/fears came to fruition. Feeding after feeding, day after day, week after week. There were evenings when Jennifer would have to work late and I would be on the ground, cross-legged, one baby nestled into my lap/knee and the other baby in the bouncy seat, trying to feed both very hungry (because they had thrown up the meal before) infants at once. And then continuing the feeding for one while burping the other. Then the bottle rolling off or me needing to switch positions and then the burping baby throwing up all over me and the sofa and the seated baby screaming and then throwing up over me and the rug, then all three of us crying while trying to keep the dogs from eating the vomit. And though it seemed an endless period of time, turns it out was about two months.

I straight up requested anti-anxiety/anti-depressants (yay for Lexapro!) at my six week follow-up with my OB/GYN. I wasn’t full-on depressed, but I was within emotional distance of the darkness I felt when I took Clomid (depression can be a side-effect), and I just wanted something to take the edge off, particularly with me returning to work. My physician obliged, and five months later, I weaned off it.

There were weeks that the crying jags were so piercing in the evenings, that I was glad I had gone back to work. And there were days when I could have left work at 5:15ish, but didn’t say “no” when the boss asked if I could work on something before I left. The benefit of this was both that it made me look like I was a go-getter post-babies at work, but also that it narrowed the amount of time between the nanny leaving and chunks four hours of baby sleep coming. Many of those days, I would spend the 30 minute drive home praying for strength to get through the next 5 hours.

I made a very unpopular decision and pushed to have the dogs re-homed. One day, after getting home from work, acid reflux sessions, laundry, bottles, etc, it was near 10pm when we were about to eat dinner and the dogs were underneath us. We had both forgotten to feed them. Again. They had been ignored, neglected, and I was completely overwhelmed with the thought of failing two more dependents. So I made the unforgiveable-to-some decision to find loving homes with people we knew that would give them the time and attention they truly deserved. I did this via an email blast to friends and family which were subsequently forwarded to their friends and family. Several of those people felt the need to tell me that I was doing great harm to the dogs, that I was selfish, and questioned what I would do with my own children once things got overwhelming with them.

We hired a night nanny. Yep, scoffed by other parents both publicly and privately, we submitted to their implications that we could not (or would not) take care of our own children. But to be honest, I would have foregone mortgage payments to keep our night nanny had it come to that. We had someone 1 to 6 nights a week, in decreasing frequency, from when they were 9 days old until they were about 15 weeks old. A benefit to this was that they were sleeping through the night at approximately 11 weeks (10p-5a, then). And early on, those nights that we didn’t have someone there at 10pm, I would go to sleep with great anxiety of what the night might bring. What if I slept too hard and didn’t hear someone through the monitor? What if I didn’t get any sleep? How would I manage? And I was glad that at least I had Lexapro.

And yet, I loved them. Would lay down my life for them.

Looking back, are my kids worse off for not exclusively breastfeeding? Not that I can tell. Are the dogs suffering? Actually, they’re both being spoiled profusely. Did taking anti-depressants make me less of a person? No, it kept me sane. Do the twins feel abandoned because it was someone else feeding them during the night? No, we’re just poorer.

All that to say, for the new parents of multiples, don’t minimize your feelings or your response to a given situation just because it doesn’t seem a big enough deal. Your litmus test is not what other parents of multiples/neighbors/friends/family did or tell you you should do, but only what will ensure a healthy environment for you and yours. As for parents of multiples outside the striking distance of That First Year, any confessions you want to share?

Back 2 the Future: Twin flashbacks

Posted on by
10

My twins are 5 now. Five! When I’m out with the kids, I’m more likely to be asked whether they and their older sister are triplets, than I am to be asked whether the boys are twins. The spectacle of twinfants in a double stroller is behind us, replaced by the more alarming spectacle of my energetic, exuberant children in public.

After reading Goddess in Progress’s fantastic post, Absolving the Guilt, I decided to focus my HDYDI posts on the various nagging worries, frighteningly strong emotions, and unpleasant aspects of having very young multiples. And, more specifically, how those worries and scary thoughts (“Can’t I give them back??”) and unpleasant things (for example, urgently needing to use the toilet in a public place, with your toddler collection in tow) have resolved themselves.

I want to do this for several reasons. First, I love to complain. Unfortunately, my kids are getting so much easier now that I don’t have much current complaint fodder, so I have to go vintage. Second, I worried that I was a terrible mother for some of the thoughts and feelings I had during my early mothering career. I worried that no one else felt the same way. I hope I can make other parents feel less awful for composing a lullabye that includes “shut up, just shut up” as part of the lyrics. Third, I’ve spent about 5 years now assuring other parents of twins that it gets easier. Now I’ll try to pin down how and when.

Someone on my regular blog just commented about the ages of 4-11 being “the sweet spot,” where things are pretty easy. I did a little math and found that the average of my kids’ ages is 4.5, and I am definitely feeling the sweet spot thing. It just hit in the last few months.

Example: Going outside to play. There was a time when taking my kids out to play was like the riddle where you have to get a wolf, a cow, and some hay across a pond without anything getting eaten. I couldn’t carry both twins at once, and I couldn’t leave one twin outside eating God-knows-what off the ground while I went to get the other one. More recently, going outside meant I had to physically dress four little people plus myself, and usually my oldest would have peed her pants by the time we got outdoors.

Now, life is sweet. My oldest dresses herself (and doesn’t pee herself! Whee!!!), and the twins will dress themselves if I talk them through it to keep things moving. They can put on their own shoes and coats. And, they can play outside without me!!!! Even the “baby,” who is nearly 3 so I should stop calling her the baby.

Can you imagine the glory of preparing dinner in solitude while your children chase each other with sticks in your backyard? Ladies and gents, this dream is coming your way.

Jen is the married work-from-home mother of 7-year-old Miss A, 5-year-old identical boys G and P, and 2-year-old Haney Jane. She blogs at Diagnosis: Urine.

Temporary favorites

Posted on by
15

Once, when my kids were under a year old, I had a complete stranger ask me “which is the good one?” I only wish I hadn’t been so shocked by the question that I might have come up with a witty and biting response to such an inappropriate question.

Among all of the crazy-ass things that people feel compelled to say to me when they find out my kids are twins, one of the most surprising is some people’s fixation on the “good twin/evil twin” thing.  Seriously?  People, that’s just a bad soap opera plot device. It’s not real.

Or, is it?

Sometimes, it’s a teensy weensy bit real.

Because, of course, one of the things about having two kids who are exactly the same age is that they will still hit some of the developmental milestones at slightly different times.  Some of those phases are less pleasant than others, and some kids will have a rougher time than others.

out for a walk

Right now, we are in that delightful two-year-old stage of constantly needing to assert independence and control. And while they are both dealing with it, it’s hitting my son especially hard.  Today, the whining and demanding for [insert whatever item his sister is currently holding] started before we even made it out of their bedroom.  It was a rough morning, and we’ve had a lot of days like that recently.

What might be making it even harder is the contrast with his sister’s behavior. She’s no angel (friends accurately described her over the weekend as a “wild card”), but where Daniel digs in his heels and throws a tantrum, she is more likely to realize that she is about to get in trouble and back off.  And so, human nature kicks in, and I (temporarily) have a favorite child.  Which only makes me feel worse.  I struggle with simultaneously being enormously frustrated with my son, and then feeling bad that I harbor less happy feelings toward him than his sister.

Thankfully, if I’ve learned anything over the last two years, it’s that they will soon switch places.  While some of these characteristics are consistent and very true to their personalities, I also know that the title of “more difficult child” is passed around with great frequency.  But in the meantime, I still have some internal conflict.

What about you? Do your kids trade off on the “good/bad twin” role?  Do you find yourself temporarily favoring one twin over the other?  How do you cope with favoritism, even if it is fleeting?

Milestones…

Posted on by
4

We had our twins Danny & Abigail almost exactly 2 1/2 years ago. I like to think we are pretty good at celebrating milestones (Solid food! No more BFing! Walking! Preschool!) at appropriate times and enjoying the day to day moments with our kids. However, every once in a while something reminds me of how far we’ve come–all four of us—since those baby days.

We spent the afternoon at a first birthday party for two twin boys (Happy birthday O & C!). We played outside a while–a must with the heard of toddlers who were celebrating the  babies’ birthday, had some cake, some snacks, some playing and then headed home to a quick bath/bed. And then an almost immediate poop-fest once they were in their cribs, supposedly sleeping, but that’s another story. It made me remember back to their first birthday party, which seems both like yesterday and like so long ago. They weren’t walking or talking yet and while they enjoyed the festivities, they were overwhelmed and overstimulated by all the fun—and ours was as low-key as any party. Some cake, some friends (mostly adult), some family…not much else. I spent an hour that night rocking an overstimulated little boy in a dark nursery, just so he could calm down enough to be able to fall asleep. They were still BFing—we had just introduced milk and drinking out of sippies was still so-so. They were babies….

But today. The kids played. Got pulled around in a wagon by the birthday boys’ Daddy (yeah, yeah, not sure how he ended up entertaining my two as well), eating cake with a fork at the kids’ table, eating more snacks as needed, singing happy birthday and playing nicely (for the most part) with the other toddlers. They sang happy birthday LOUDLY all the way home and ran around the house like maniacs. They had had a great time—and a lot of sugar. But, they had a nice bath, a nice story (Bread and Jam for Frances—AGAIN) and now, at 7:30pm, are silent upstairs in the nursery. It is a whole different world from that first birthday 18 months ago. And I often forget that, until something like a first birthday reminds me.  October 2009 067

What reminds you that your kiddos aren’t babies anymore? Are you sad about it? Happy? Relieved?

Reset

Posted on by
9

Thanks HDYDI Readers.  Because of you, I can write this down and HOPEFULLY I’ll finally, FINALLY remember it.  You don’t know how many times I’ve smacked myself in the head a la “Shoulda hadda V8″  as I’m reminded of this tip.

So read and learn, peeps.  Don’t be me.  Smacking yourself while driving is just not safe.

OK.  Today.  The morning naps were over and Sarah was clamoring for her 18th snack of the day.  “Not plain old raisins, Ma, YOGURT COVERED RAISINS!”

“YOGURT COVERED RAISINS!”

“YOGURT COVERED RAISINS, B$#%H!”

We were housebound yesterday because of the leftover typhoon that hit the west coast and I guess I was still feeling the after effects of early onset cabin fever, because I was seriously over it.  Motherhood, that is.  I was just languishing about in a sea of toys and half crushed Kix, watching Matthew try to smash his sippy cup through the window and listening to Sarah screech about the raisins.  I was frozen in a hellacious moment and hating life.  I even got that, “Should I be a SAHM?” feeling.  (Don’t worry, I shook that off with a quickness.)

I had put a rain cover for the BOB on hold at our local REI, and since I couldn’t walk to the grocery store as planned because of the DOWNPOUR, I figured this was as good a time as any to go pick it up.

Two seconds into the car ride all was well with the world.  They were singing and laughing and dancing in their carseats and I was singing and laughing and dancing right along with them.  I was Happy Mom again!

This is where the self-smackdown came in.  The Reset Button!  Duh.  Whether it’s a major tantrum or just midday doldrums, changing things up with a walk, or a trip the backyard, or a ride in the car will make all the difference in the world.  Like so many other parenting tips, this one seems pretty damn obvious, but in the moment?  It’s anything but.  I just find it so easy to get sucked into the whinyness, the discontent and the overall crankiness and it’s like quicksand.  So….Hard….To…Get….Out….

I think I need to put up post-its all over the house that say “Reset Button”  or even better, “Change it up, Dummy!”  because I can never seem to remember!  It’s usually only out of desperation that I actually implement a change, not out of smart parenting.

It happened again later, too.  We’re not really sure what caused Sarah’s evening tantrum aside from a boycotted afternoon nap, but she screamed for a good 20 minutes.  Actually it might have been longer, but I went for a run.  My husband said he changed her diaper and put her in the crib for a good ole’ fashioned cage match with her brother and she was a new person.  Giggling like you wouldn’t believe and generally acting like nothing had happened.

RESET!  Remember it, friends.