When will I ever learn? My kids, like so many others have an early bedtime. This is an absolute godsend at most times, but occasionally it does bite me in the arse. Am I the only fool who tries to pretend bedtime doesn’t exist on some nights?
My dad is visiting from the east coast and yesterday was crazy. Morning naps went fine, then we went for a walk to the beach. Then because we were in between events, we tried to nap them in the car.
NAPFAIL!
So the afternoon went on and right at the kids dinnertime we paid a visit to my aunt and uncle, which was only bearable because of some ducks in the stream out back and a seemingly endless supply of Triscuits. At about 6:15, though, it was decided we should go out to eat. AT MY FAVORITE RESTAURANT.
DINNERFAIL!
I knew it was beyond stupid to agree to the dinner, but everyone was saying, “Oh they’ll be fine, don’t worry.” Blah blah blah. Wrong. It was a complete and utter flop. They were ok as long as there were some rice and beans to shovel down their gullets, but once they were full it was all over. Flying tortillas, flailing limbs, the whole works. I quickly changed my order to get it to go, packed up the runts, and headed home. No socializing, no sangria, no hot meal for me.
Why did I think it would work? They were already severely undernapped. What was I thinking? I guess the answer is that I knew it wouldn’t. But I went along anyway. To please my dad? Maybe, but what’s pleasant about shrieking grandchildren? To eat at my favorite restaurant? Well, ok, but it’s down the street from my house, so that excuse doesn’t really fly.
EXCUSEFAIL!
I think deep down it’s that I don’t want to be THAT MOM. The one who is so tied to her kids schedules that she never does anything fun. Earlier in his visit my dad was saying how we should go to this fancy bar for a drink, and incredulous, I asked, “With the babies??” He thought we should!? Just because 30Something years ago he and my mom did it with me. ONE OF ME. But then that just makes me feel wimpy about playing the twin card. God, I have issues today!
So anyway, does anyone else fall into this trap of putting off their kids’ sleep even when you know it will make your life pure hell? If so, why are we such idiots? And do you tire of playing the twin card, even when it’s totally valid?
Guilty here! And the reason is sometimes it works and the girls are fine dinner patrons. But usually, you’re totally right. NAPFAIL = SOCIALFAIL
But then, I’m with your Dad. If the kids are rested and ready for an adventure, we do take them to bars and out places. They can be charming little ones. Especially (read that – ONLY) when the adult to babe ratio is 1:1 or better.
I’m right there with you. I’m THAT mom. And though we aren’t as spontaneous as we used to be, our lives are better for it. There will be room for that kind of fun in a few years.
I echo your sediments completely. I have had an incredibly hard time this year coming to terms with what we can and cannot do. I set out with my agenda after birthing the twins thinking I could just keep moving forward. I have had many a days, dinners, parties and vacations failed because of my stubbornness to be “that mom”.
Now that we are rounding the year corner I am finally coming to terms with our restrictions and strangely it has been freeing and helpful for our whole family to live within the realm of reality.
I have recently taken on the motto, “When it’s not fun for them, it’s not fun for anyone”.
.-= Vicky @ thecitycradle´s last blog ..Advent consiracy (2)- Worship Fully =-.
Once in a while I play with the naps – but more on the order of put them down early or get them up. I keep reminding myself it will be easier when they are older and I will WANT those naps/early bedtimes back. We do dinner out but sit down by 5:30 and leave no matter what by 6:30 pm – be prepared to order when you sit down and ask for the check when they deliver food. We may not be spontaneous but we are well rested.
.-= Mommy, Esq.´s last blog ..Penny May Be the Next Suri Cruise =-.
We play the twin card a lot. We were visiting the states (station overseas right now) and so we were adjusting to the time change, trying to maintain a schedule, and dealing with new/different everything. My 6 month old girls had a rough month and very few people even understood the importance of naps and regular bedtime. I didn’t want to be a slave to the kids schedule, but for my sanity and health we stick to it. In the long run, it really pays off!
Yep, another one of THOSE moms over here. I don’t know that it’s a twin thing, a my-kid thing or just how I parent (I had a mom tell me the other day that because I had a consistent schedule for my kids, they weren’t able to be flexible. Hrm.), but we don’t mess with bedtime. Almost ever. And even when we do, it’s a situation like pushing off bedtime by 30 or 40 minutes, so we can watch the 4th of July parade. A two minute walk from where we are staying. Rarely have my guys surprised me with their flexibility—and we’ve had 2 1/2 years for them to show me some spark of it. Dinner out? That’s what a sitter is for. Worth every penny to us.
I play the card a lot. I have a schedule with the girls, and I plan on sticking with it, and following it unless we HAVE to do something. We got invited to dinner with some people when they were like 11 months old. They wanted us to meet them there at 630. Um, no. They go to bed at 630. Even now at 18 months, bedtime is 630.
Yes, I plan around my kids…like someone else said, we’ll have time when they are older for more fun. But it works now for us.
.-= Christina´s last blog ..Another beautiful day at the park! =-.
I’ve given up caring what others think and have become “that mom.” You want to hang out… do it on my daughters’ schedule. When I do forgo the schedule things seem to go fine that day… and the next day I’m dealing with four monsters. Sometimes it’s worth it, but very rarely.
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I am also “that mom”. I was not when my son was an infant, well at least not as much I am with the girls. I have learned over time, that if the worst people think of me is that I am glued to my kids schedule… well, I can deal with that. It’s been an issue, since our MANY family gatherings to include my 5 sisters’ birthdays always start with family dinner at 6:30. I just leave early (we live next door) or feed them in a dark quiet space and bring a pack and play. When my friends and family are bummed that kids aren’t up to play with, I just blame myself, for being such a stickler. I know that when they have kids, they’ll “get it”.
While I sometimes found my rigid adherence to schedule/bedtime restrictive, I came to realize that it was actually more freeing. Because I knew when they needed to sleep, I was much more able to predict when they’d be awake and game for some kind of activity.
Also, I have found that they are a bit more flexible as they have gotten older. Mind you, now that we are down to a single nap, we respect it at almost all costs. But every now and then we throw caution to the wind and go out for dinner and keep them out a bit late, and much of the time they do surprisingly well.
So yes, I will still refuse to plan ANYTHING between about noon and 3:30pm or after 7pm. But they are also up for more adventures than they were a year or so ago.
I am learning my lesson the hard way. We went from an easygoing singleton to two high maintenance divas!
Oh how our lives have changed since having twins.
I am quickly figuring out that when mess with the schedule, we pay for it!
I am definitely “that mom” (and thankfully my husband is “that dad”). I learned early on that it’s just not worth it to try to go against “the schedule”.
For me things got so much better when the twins turned 2-1/2 and gave up their naps … they are usually in bed by 7:30 and the rest of the night is free.
The time goes by fast and I’ve always felt the sacrifice to have a happy, rested family, was worth it.
Well, I don’t think I’m “that mom”. I thought I was before reading this, but not so much. When they were younger yes, and even now were on a schedule but they do so well with the change that I haven’t really though twice about it. We’re just running, every weekend! Luckily though too, people we visit and places we go are surronded by kids and schedule around the naps anyways. Last weekend a birthday party started at 11 (nap time is 12) and they stayed til 2 and did just fine! Fireworks this year didn’t start til 10 and we did it! Please keep in mind doing daycare at home allows them to sleep in if need be, but I like that their flexible…for now.
Pre-babies I never understood parents with strict schedules. My cousins would leave a party at 6:30 pm to put their daughter to bed and I just could not get it. Well, I get it now. My parents live at the beach so we headed down for the weekends all summer and night-time was always rough.
Granted my boys are still very young and we are just getting down a good schedule but that was all the more reason to stick with one.
We are almost thankful that fall is here and the beach trips are over and we can focus on becoming “those parents” in the privacy of our own home.
.-= Lisa´s last blog ..My tough little guys in pastel =-.
I am THAT mom. It is necessity of functioning with twins. For moms out there who are first time mommies of twins- trust me when I say – whatever you do to keep everyone rested and happy MUST be respected, you are the boss, you are the mom (and/or dad). With a single baby you can sometimes get away with “going with the flow” and hoping for the best. With twins, it is only the schedule that keeps me from being institutionalized. (seriously)
We are those parents. The schedule gets off around the holidays, but that’s it. Even then, the next day is so hard, we try not to do it more than one night.
I try not to play the twin card. It doesn’t work with my family anyway. My Mom has three kids (oldest was 6 when youngest was born), and they think it’s the same as me having a 3yo and 10mo twins.
.-= Melanie´s last blog ..Birthday Weekend =-.
I often mourn my freedom and dream about the flexibility I might have if I just had one baby. But really, it’s so much easier this way. Like Goddess said, the schedule is quite freeing, in the end.
And because we have twins, I find people cut us more slack because they already think we are rock stars – they just accept that we have do to it that way with the two. And they’re right! I think if we had one baby, people might expect more flexibility from us. It’s nice – we don’t have to play the twin card because they play it for us!
.-= Nicole´s last blog ..He’s getting a little ahead of himself… =-.
I’m definitely “that mom”. I know what we can and can’t push. They need some sort of nap, but can go on as little as 45 minutes and do okay. Mealtimes? Set in stone. We eat at 5:30 or meltdowns begin, and I’m not in for that. It’s no fun for anyone.
I am THAT mom but none of my friends share the same style (most of my friends have singletons – the couple of twins friends we have are typically a little more similar to my style). Every time I get guilted into trying to be “flexible” and shift the nap, or have them sleep part of their nap in the car, etc., it ALWAYS comes back to bite me. I then get so mad at myself for changing to suit some other family that just doesn’t understand. Or being guilted into “trying” something that I know won’t work. My friends think it is my parenting style rather than a twin thing but I do have to admit that my parenting style is definitely shaped by the fact that I have twins. For some reason 2 kids completely melting down seems more than doubly bad than just a singleton doing so.
That said, my kids do seem to thrive on having a pretty firm schedule. And so do I.
I’m typically not a slave to the schedule, but I loooooove nap time. And as far as excuses, they’re the best excuses we’ve ever had and we use them at every opportunity.
I definitely screw with my kids’ schedules sometimes, for the same sorts of reasons you listed in your post. Once in a while it will work out, but usually it is a disaster.
My sister’s kids sleep like 20 hours/day, my sister-in-law’s kids can stay up until 3 a.m. and then sleep until noon… my kids get up between 6-7:30 whether they went to bed at 5 p.m. or midnight. And napping? Ha. That’s for kids under age 2. So you’d think I would learn not to mess with bedtime, but I am a sucker for things like chasing fireflies and movie night and watching fireworks, etc.
.-= Jen´s last blog ..this one is really boring =-.
Thank god that M&M’s bedtime is at 8:00. No earlier or we really would have no life at all. Not that we have one now, but we can go out to eat and have a decent enough time without inhaling our food (that’s if: they had a good afternoon nap AND they have ample squishy goodies to squish in the mouths). I’m “that mom” when it comes to naptime. They’re downright mean if they miss their morning nap and crankypants if they don’t get a little rest in the afternoon, even if it is just reading in their cribs.