Monthly Archives: April 2010

Joining in With Those Who Scramble

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Like most stay at home moms, we have a nice weekly routine that keeps my 2-year-olds, Tiny and Buba, and me busy and out there with other caregivers and similar aged kids. Most of our activities start mid-morning (9:30/10ish) and all are just minutes away. This means that there is plenty of time for everyone to get up, get ready, and get out the door on time.

Our current morning routine goes something like this: T and I get up at 6:30 (often Tiny and Buba are already awake, but if they aren’t they tend to wake once they hear us moving about). T begins getting ready while I get the kids up. Tiny and Buba each drink a sippy cup of milk while I read them four or five books, and then I work on getting them dressed. (Getting dressed has recently started to take a while, as Tiny feels she needs to be involved in choosing her clothing and both kiddos now insist on attempting to dress themselves.) By the time the kids are dressed, T is ready and he spends time with them while I get myself ready. Then we all say bye-bye to daddy and I make breakfast for Buba, Tiny, and myself. We’re usually finishing breakfast around 8:30, so there’s always plenty of time to clean up, play, and pack a bag before heading out for our mid-morning activity.

But starting Monday, I will be joining in with those who scramble to get themselves and their kids ready and out the door on time. Because starting Monday, Buba and Tiny will begin attending a drop-off playgroup (run by Early Intervention) that starts at 9am and is a good 25-35 minutes away (factoring in morning traffic). So obviously, our somewhat leisurely morning routine will have to be kicked into high gear and certain parts will need to get dropped.

There are some things that are no brainers- we will have to eat breakfast earlier, so dropping the milk and books first thing makes sense. And I’ll definitely be packing the bag (with the travel potty, extra clothes, and snacks) the night before. But what worries me are all the things I can’t control- and what I’m talking about here is uncooperative children. Tiny is especially insistent about doing things herself these days, and while she can do quite a bit by herself, it does take her FOR. EV.ER. And I know she will be most unhappy if/when it becomes necessary for me to step in and take over one of her getting ready tasks.

So what do you have in your bag of tricks that keeps your morning routine going smoothly enough so that everyone is ready and out the door on time for work/daycare/school/activities? And what do you do to prevent and/or defuse children who may melt down and jeopardize the chances of you arriving punctually?

When You Have Two

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A couple of weekends ago, two of my best friends from college came to town for the weekend. Another friend, who lives just two towns over, offered to host a family brunch so we could all spend some time together. It was going to be 5 couples with 5 kids- our 2-year-olds, two 19 month old singletons, and a 9 month old baby. Normally, this is the type of invitation that my husband and I would respectfully decline, but these were my closest friends.

Ten minutes into the brunch, it became very clear why we don’t attend events such as these. There we were, in this very lovely, though not at all baby/childproofed apartment, and I was feeling stressed to the max about all the breakable things at 2-year-old eye level just waiting to be discovered by my curious and determined toddlers. There were picture frames, wine bottles, an iPod docking station, tons of books (unfortunately, not ones for kids), and numerous other decorative items. The hosts had a non-mobile 9 month old and had left every room in their apartment open for exploration. Not a baby gate to be found.

The longer we stayed the crankier I felt. All of my friends with their one kid traded their child back and forth between Mommy and Daddy so that one parent could eat and socialize while the other was on kid duty. Meanwhile my husband and I were busy following our kids around the apartment, preventing them from touching the numerous things not meant for little hands, and trying to lure them back to the main room with a few of their favorite toys we’d brought from home. When it was finally time to eat, we occupied the kids with fruit salad while we shoveled food into our mouths as quickly as we could, hoping to get enough to eat before the kids became full and interested in other things.

I felt exhausted and sad when we left, realizing just how much work it had been to participate in this fun-for-the-whole-family event and knowing that, in the end, I had not had one meaningful interaction or conversation with any of my friends. It occurred to me that perhaps if we did this sort of thing more often, we would have better strategies for these types of situations. But it also occurred to me that when you have two little ones, these things are never easy.

I always wanted twins

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“Oh, are they twins?  I always wanted to have twins.”

How many times have you heard that one?  It ranks right up there, for me, at the top of the list of incredibly annoying things that complete strangers feel compelled to say to me.  As with most of the inane comments, I generally give a half smile and continue herding my cats children through whatever errand I’m trying in vain to accomplish.

But what I really want to say is… Oh really?  You always wanted to:

  • have a high-risk pregnancy, in which you live in fear of going into labor too early, get five times as huge as a normal human being, and stop being able to tie your own shoes at about 24 weeks?
  • leave the hospital without your babies, because they’re still in the NICU?
  • attempt to breastfeed two premature babies whose mouths are so small they can’t possibly get a decent latch?
  • try with all your might to keep these two infants on roughly the same schedule, in the hopes of maintaining a small shred of your sanity?
  • have your vision of what it’s like to be a first-time mom completely turned on its head, because you don’t have a single spare moment to actually enjoy your babies?
  • live your life by your babies’ synchronized nap schedule in the name of survival?
  • push a double stroller that drives like a school bus?
  • have a simple cold take three weeks to go through your house, as it gets passed from baby to baby to mom to dad?
  • get pulled in the direction of two new crawlers, and then two new walkers?
  • worry about gross motor delays, fine motor delays, plagiocephaly, torticollitis, and speech delays?
  • get stopped by EVERY SINGLE FREAKING PERSON IN THE GROCERY STORE when all you want to do is get a gallon of milk and get back to the car before they both start crying, again?

Oh, no? No, you weren’t saying that because you wanted to experience the most intensely difficult 4 6 12 18 months ever known to man?

No, I think what you really wanted was to have a nice matched set that you could dress the same for formal pictures, and imagine them to have some sort of secret language or ESP or something.

Oh, and maybe you always wanted to:

  • have two babies who became two toddlers who could entertain themselves much better than most of their age-mates.
  • hear the shrieks and giggles and babbling that becomes shrieks and giggling and conversations from their shared bedroom (even if it means they aren’t asleep when they should be).
  • watch them make up games and invite each other to play at a surprisingly young age.
  • have your own little built-in social/parenting experiment, watching them grow in ways that are the same and different. And having the second one there to let you know that not all of the hard stuff is your fault.
  • have that “instant family” with two kids, without having to actually go through labor twice.
  • be a somewhat more laid-back parent by necessity.
  • find an awesome sisterhood of moms simply by virtue of having parented two kids of the same age at the same time.
  • feel kind of like a rock star whenever someone says to you, “I don’t know how you do it.”

Oh yeah.

Me too.

Disney World 2010

First Trip to the ER

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WOAH.  I’ve had such a crazy last four days, that as I sit down to write my HDYDI post, it’s all I can think about so I’d like to tell you allll about it.  Go ahead- sit down and maybe get a drink… you might need one after hearing all this- ha!

Friday night: I was getting the bath ready, undressing the girls etc., when Riley decided to pee on the floor , then: while in the tub, she gagged herself and threw up.  Luckily her sister was already out when her dinner joined her in the tub.  But Reese was unclothed, freezing, and not happy about it.

Saturday: We had 24 people coming over that evening- 15 kids and 9 kids as we were having our March of Dimes team over.  Riley decided that it would be a good day to have fever… just hours before the arrival of the crowd.  Ugh!  It was too late to cancel, but we put her to bed early and it was fine.

Sunday: I bought the girls these adorable (dollar!) sunglasses because they love to wear ours around.

They LOVED them. Until… Riley was crawling around a corner when Reese FELL on her head!  The sunglasses cut her forehead- deep!  Riley Grace had her first ER trip.  :(  But instead of stitches, they glued her cut closed.  STRESS a mama out!  Ahhh!

Monday: Yesterday when things were looking up, Reese began throwing up.  Is there any sickness our kids catch that’s worse?!  I sure despise the stomach bug.

Today: things are much better.  Life sure can be crazy, but at least we have some great stories to tell. :)

Anyone else have such a crazy weekend??!! :)

The Fox and The Goat and The Cabbage…

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You know that riddle about the fox and the goat and the cabbage.  The one where you have to figure out how to get them all across the river in the boat.  Well, that’s what it seems like when I try to get everyone in the car.  Just last weekend we put the girls new car seats in the car.  They haven’t really outgrown their infant carriers, but at 17 lbs each they are getting to heavy to carry. I haven’t yet taken all three of them out on my own, but from my previous experience loading them in the stroller or the car with their infant carriers, I can imagine it is going to take a few trips:

  1. I’ll have to dress them both in their outdoor clothes and put one in the living room, which is gated. I can’t really carry them both at once, and they aren’t walking yet, so it means doing it one at a time.
  2. I’ll carry the first girl out and get her buckled in.
  3. I’ll have to come back and get the second girl who will hopefully be waiting patiently…(I left one in her snowsuit in the living room last week and she managed to pull her self up on the table and start to push buttons on the phone in the time it took to buckle her sister in to the stroller).
  4. I’ll carry the second girl out the car and get her buckled in. Fortunately they are close enough in size that it doesn’t matter who goes in which seat.
  5. At some point I’ll have to herd out their 3.5-year-old brother who will hopefully have gotten himself dressed.
  6. I’ll also have to get the diaper bag, my purse, and my son’s backpack (if we’re going to playschool or the library) from the house.
  7. I might need to load one of the strollers from the garage.

But the funny thing is, while this seems like an almost overwhelming task right now, like everything else we’ve had to figure out in the last 15 months it will soon be part of our routine.  In a few months we’ll be facing a new challenge (probably getting two little girls who want to walk by themselves in the car) and we’ll look back at this and realize it wasn’t all that difficult after all.  That seems to be how it is with twins. You figure out what you need to do, and you just do it.  There’s no point in my worrying about all the details because it will all work out.

How do you manage getting two or more children out of the house?  Any suggestions for making it go more smoothly?

The Alpha Twin

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I don’t know if it’s because she’s a girl, or because she’s “baby A”, or because this is just who she is, but Tiny is definitely the alpha twin in our house. She commands her brother, Buba, to do things (Buba, come!), to get things (Go get monkey!), and to give up things (I need to have baby now!). And most of the time, her requests are granted.

There’s a part of me that likes how assertive and strong-willed Tiny is, as I was quite mousy as a child. However, at the same time, I don’t like to see Buba getting pushed around all the time. My husband and I have tried to get Tiny to be less demanding, and at the same time, get Buba to be more assertive, but it’s not working all that well. For example, if Tiny takes a toy that Buba is playing with, we’ll make her give it back. But often, Buba won’t take it back, and if he does, he’ll only play with it a few more seconds before dropping it and moving on to something else.

We’ve also tried coaching Buba through some of these situations. Like the times when Tiny will grab him by the arm and demand that he follow her somewhere. We’ll say to him, “Tell her no. Tell her you want to keep playing with [whatever he happens to be playing with].” But 9 times out of 10, he just abandons his own activity and goes wherever she takes him.

Sometimes, I wish they were a bit older so I could ask Buba how he really feels about all this. I’ve noticed within the last month or so, that he really seems to want more time to himself. But at the same time, he hates to see Tiny upset. And I wonder if, at 2 years old, he’s already decided that he’d rather comply with her requests than see her unhappy.

Leave it alone? Keep trying to intervene? What would you/do you do when this happens in your house?

My Weapon Of Mass Distraction

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Clothes? Meh. Dining out. Okay. But gadgets? OMG how I love gadgets.

I used to have a Blackberry for work. But my first one didn’t work anymore and so I got a second one. Mateo, our son, has always loved gadgets, too, so I gave that first one, six years old and beyond repair, to him. It was adorable to see him walk around the house saying “Hello.” And then some garbled language only he and his sister could understand.

Buy Low, Sell High

We have an iPod and a docking station that used to live in our bathroom to provide good music while getting ready for work. Now that iPod and docking station belongs to the kids and resides in the kitchen with various playlists of calming instrumental music, and nursery rhymes (blech), and jazz, and hip hop. And Christmas music. They ask for Jingle Bells at breakfast. The Johnny Mathis version.

My family was quite impressed with my conscious restraint to wait a whole year after the iPhone came out before getting one. And I’ll just say right now: the iPhone has a few times been THE magic fairy dust to calm some pretty stormy toddlery seas, real or perceived. I have a few go-to Apps when the need arises, for example:

Flickr – for those precarious times in the late afternoon when they’re tired but its not quite dinner time. We’ll look through photos (not surprisingly, one or both kids are in most pictures) and talk about the memory – the rodeo, Christmas, the Easter bunny, swimming. Since we live far from most family, we also flip through Flickr albums in the days leading up to a trip to see relatives so they’re not too stranger-dangery about them.

Balloonimals – This little app has a Lite version that’s free and only has one balloon animal, but the paid version ($0.99, I think), has five or so animals that you inflate by blowing into the phone and then shaking it to twist the balloon until it’s a full-blown dinosaur/crab/kangaroo/fish. And then when you touch the animal, the animal moves in some way, or blows a bubble, or what have you. Our rock-star pediatrician introduced us to this one, when he pulled out his iPhone to use Balloonimals during an office visit, distracting the kid long enough to check their ears.

iTunes – I downloaded three half hour episodes, one each of Sesame Street, Dora The Explorer, and Backyardigans (thanks for that suggestion way back when, LauraC) and they are available as needed. Like when we were trying to have brunch with some friends who were in town for a short time and it was a gorgeous morning and we were eating on the patio of the restaurant and the kids wanted down! down! down! and we had barely started our breakfast. Vámanos! Or like when we had to wait an hour for a sick visit on a Saturday morning and we had already run through our song singing, and coloring books, and snacks. Or like when we had to go to the urgent care clinic to seal the boy’s forehead closed – Mateo was so into helping Dora find the Puppy that he never even flinched. We did it!

So far, those apps have sufficed for us in emergency situations. But I polled a group of parents of toddlers for their favorite apps, too. I’ve yet to check them out, but thought I’d share them here: Zoo Sounds, Hear Ewe, Farm Sounds, Animals Lite, Cat Sounds, iTots Flashcards, Numbers, Lunch Box, Tozzle, and Seuss ABC.

How about you, if you ride the iPhone bandwagon, what are your favorite kid apps? And whether or not you have an iPhone, tell us about your techy gadget toddler-friendly love. That video player in the car? An iPod to tune everybody else out? A beloved sound machine so you can run the washing machine without waking up the kids? (I have all those, too.) Happy gadgets to you all!

___________

Rachel is a work-out-of-the-home mom who justified the iPhone purchase because she couldn’t open work files on the Blackberry. She also writes about her family at Motherhood.Squared

The Machine Age

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The weather has been lovely here, and the children have had spring break. My boys know how to pump on a swing, but still beg for a “starting push” to provide a bit of momentum. As I pushed my 3-year-old and provided intermittent starting pushes for the boys, I realized this will probably be the summer they master the swing set, once and for all. By fall, I don’t imagine they’ll need my help with this.

It wasn’t long ago that pushing the boys on the swing set was my art form. The slow effort to get into cadence. The satisfaction in eventually gaining momentum, getting them going just right, the three of us in an intricate repetition like a train engine — me the coupling rod between the driving wheels moving in rhythm. But we’ve gotten smaller, my boys and I. We’re no longer the overbearing locomotive with our quad- or double stroller. They skim along on small red bikes with training wheels, which will probably come off this summer as well. And I follow behind, with my one unobtrusive toddler on her undersized plastic trike.

When my kids were babies, I felt like moms of older twin boys were somehow very different from me. It wasn’t only that their children were older, their lives easier — or less immediate. At the time I couldn’t identify what the difference was. But on a quiet afternoon, standing in the warm spot just outside the shadow of the swing set, I quickly understood how they differed from me:

They were harder.

I think I mean that in every sense of the word. They were the kind of moms who intimidated me. Loud, athletic, tough, seemingly self-assured, unafraid.

And now I understand that quite possibly their twin boys made them that way.

It was easy to hide behind my gigantic strollers and live in the immediacy of twin toddlers. But now my boys aren’t adorable mischievous babies. They are gangly 5-year-olds who will use any stick, crayon, or tube of chapstick as a gun or sword, and when they chase each other their laughing sounds like a pack of hooting monkeys. It is hard for me to be still and allow the behavior I have decided to allow, if that makes any sense. I find myself wanting to admonish them to sit down, be quiet, sit still, stop saying that, etc. But at the same time, I love their energy and exuberance, and if they can’t laugh and chase and hoot like wild monkeys when we’re at a park, then what has the world come to?

So, I raise my voice in public. I chase them down if I have to. I pretend none of it bothers me – that in fact my plan for the day included precisely this. 7:15 – Yell for chasing to remain within certain boundaries. 7:24 – Stop mulch fight. 7:27 – Physically restrain two children. 7:30 – Casually pack up following soccer practice and head to the minivan. Yes, all according to plan.

They’ve toughened me up. I’m still uncomfortable with the stares, but I pretend I don’t notice them as I wrangle my kids. It doesn’t feel like a well oiled machine, but I’m hoping we look the part.

Jen is a work-from-home mom of twins + 2. She also blogs at Diagnosis: Urine.

Unlike Any Other

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If there’s anything I’ve learned in the last two months, it is this simple truth: potty training is completely unlike all previous transitions of baby- and toddler-hood.

The moms of older kids are just shaking their heads and chuckling at me right now, and that’s just fine. We all come to these realizations in our own time.

While you can argue about “readiness” for the other big transitions of the first few years (sleeping through the night, letting go of bottles or pacifiers, etc.), I have found that most of them you can kind of muscle your way through.  Choose your approach, implement it consistently, and grit your teeth for the three or four days it takes to make the transition.  A friend of mine has a theory that nearly everything with babies and kids takes about three to four days to settle in, so you have to give it that long.

Potty training is an entirely different beast.  Maybe it’s because they’re older and more manipulative smarter.  Maybe it’s because, instead of “removing” something, you’re asking them to actively “do” something.  Maybe it’s the perfect storm of development and control.  But try as I might, it simply is not something you can just hunker down and get through in a couple of days.

Friday Portrait: 7/52

Of course, even that isn’t entirely true.  Never was there a situation that was more child-specific.  My daughter actually took to potty training rather well.  The first week or two felt long, but the truth is that she took to it quickly, and has stayed shockingly consistent.  Barely two months later and she is, knock on wood, even Pull-Up free at night and nap.  That’s just her thing.

Becca

Her brother, on the other hand… well.  He seemed to take to it well the first week.  And then the second week arrived and, pardon the expression, it was an absolute shitstorm of constant accidents.  He’d have a success or two in the morning, and then straight downhill for the rest of the day.  After a looong week and a half of constant accidents (on his part) and a complete emotional breakdown (on my part), I put him back in Pull-Ups, full-time.  Since then, he has absolute negative interest in the potty.  He has used it here and there, but mostly wants nothing to do with it.  And he’s in such an intensely controlling, contrary, stubborn phase right now, I’m simply stepping away and not turning it into a massive power struggle.

Daniel

You just never know what you’re going to get when it comes to potty training.  You could have the kid who can hold it for hours on end, or the one who has to sprint to the bathroom every 45 minutes.  You could have the one who’s afraid of pooping, or the one who will happily sit on the pot anywhere and everywhere.

And you’ll never know until you try.

So, you parents of potty trainees, how have your kids varied in their potty hang-ups? What were their struggles and successes?  Did you find a particular approach worked wonders on one child and was a disaster with the other?