Monthly Archives: May 2010

I guess they aren’t babies anymore

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Our girls are now 16 months old and they are moving from the “baby” stage to the “little people” stage. In the just the last few weeks, I’ve noticed so many changes.

  • They are getting more affectionate. They will give hugs to other people, their toys and even their books.  They like to cuddle and be close to us.
  • They are more communicative. They say a few “words,” they are using some signs and they are definitely trying to make themselves understood using sounds and actions.
  • They are forming relationships. They get excited when familiar people arrive, they head over to greet us when we get home, and they are learning to wave bye-bye.
  • They want to interact. They will bring toys for us to play with, they try to share their food, they feed each other with their spoons, and they trade snacks.
  • They no longer sleep all the time in the car. Last weekend was the first trip where we had to give them snacks in the car, and I should have packed their water bottles too.
  • They are forming opinions. They know which toys, books or snacks they want, and nothing else will do.
  • They can remember. They recognize the doctor’s office and where he keeps the crackers.
  • They can make plans. If they notice the baby gate is open they head for the stairs.
  • They are getting more active. They aren’t walking yet, but they can climb the stairs. They also climb on and off their toy car, and climbed on to a box on the weekend.
  • They are expressive. They squeal and laugh when they’re having fun.  And, they can turn on the tears when they want something.
  • They want to explore the world. They love to look out the front window at the people and dogs walking by. They want to be out of their strollers and playing the in the grass.
  • They are persistent. If R takes a toy from S, S will chase her across the room to get it back.
  • They know our routines. They know they have to leave their soothers in their cribs if they want to be picked up.

Especially with two little ones, it isn’t often I get time to look back and reflect on how they are growing. I’m often focussed on dealing with whatever is happening right now that I don’t get to see how far we’ve come.

What new things are your children doing?  How do you remember to stop and see where they are?

Which Came First

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And of course, I’m not talking about the chicken or the egg debate. It seems that many people (especially complete strangers) love to ask MoMs which baby was born first. From the MoMs I’ve talked to, I’ve learned that this question really, really bothers some mothers, while others think nothing of pointing out which child is Baby A.

My twins were born via c-section, just seconds apart. On their birth certificates, the time of birth is listed as 8:22am for both. So, when people ask me who was first, I usually just say, “They were both born at 8:22am.” If pressed for more details, I’ll usually share that Tiny is twin A, but what I feel like saying (especially if it’s a complete stranger asking) is, “Why do you care?”

I guess I’ve become more bothered by this question as Buba and Tiny have gotten older. When they were infants, it just seemed as though I was sharing a fact about their birth. But now that they’re older, it feels more like a label of their personalities. And I really want to avoid that as much as possible.

But what I’ve really been wondering about lately is what I’ll tell Buba or Tiny if they ever get around to asking that question. I suppose I could just answer honestly and matter-of-factly. After all, if they were singletons, there would be no possibility of keeping their birth order a secret. It just is what it is. But is it somehow different for twins? From reading numerous stories of twins (recorded in One and the Same: My Life as an Identical Twin and What I’ve Learned About Everyone’s Struggle to Be Singular), I get the feeling that it is.

How do you feel when you get asked the “which came first” question?  How do you answer it? And will you (or have you) shared birth order information with your multiples. Do you think it makes any difference whether they (or anyone else) know or not?

the 2's=emotions galore

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“About the time our children master walking, they develop an irresistible urge to make their own choices.” (drgreen.com).

I recently read that quote online and laughed out loud!  That’s exactly what we’re experiencing at our house– that irresistible urge is taking over my sweet innocent babies!! :)  I think the ‘terrible twos’ have hit.  Reese and Riley are 20 months (2 in September), but good golly those girls can certainly voice their wants and needs, their disagreements, and frustration.  One second they are refusing to cooperate and the next they’re super silly and sweet.  It’s like an emotional roller coaster, I tell ya.

Last week during Occupational Therapy, Riley REFUSED to walk.  She’d literally frog up her legs and scream, then proceed to throw herself on the ground lay on her stomach, and kick her feet.  (It’s SO ridiculous that it’s hard not to laugh!  I call her my DQ (‘drama queen!’).  Once she was sitting she’d stop screaming and play with her toys and do puzzles,but ask her to walk or try to stand her up… no way.  Oh and WALKING is what we’re working on in OT- the entire point of it. Ugh!  Then a couple minutes later during lunch, she was giggling, placing an apple slice on her head and proceeded to eat her entire lunch with a grin on her face (and apple on her head) quite proud of her silliness.  What’s with these ‘terrible twos?’  They certainly keep me on my toes.

Reese just wants to be on the go all the time.  If anything stops her (diaper change, meal time, etc), she gets frustrated.  The good thing is she gets over it really fast.  Their new independence and urge to make their own choices is normal and actually really neat to see as they are coming into their own person even at such a young age.  But… the Terrible Two’s Times Two… yikes.  And I have laid back children!

So, tell me, Super MoMs: What are your survival techniques?! :)  Redirection?  Time-Out?  Removal from frustrating situation? I ADORE this age (the new words, sense of humor, showing love- melt my heart!), but this mama needs some sanity some days! ;)

To read more about our silly adventures toward 2 years old, go to our blog at http://lovestarbucksalatte.blogspot.com.

Amy@ Beyond Normalcy: Life With Twins

Twin B, my sweet P, is coming into his own

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Thanks for all your support and encouragement following my last post, about my twins’ speech issues. Flying high with the momentum provided by your comments, I followed up with the intervention team, and we had a meeting on Friday. The news was good: the boys’ speech errors are age-appropriate, but they will be part of a group intervention in their classroom next fall.

(I don’t totally understand how their errors are age-appropriate but they still qualify for therapy, but I’m happy.)

Speech issues aside, my P has demonstrated significant growth recently. Since babyhood, he has been terrified of dogs. I don’t know why — he’s never had a traumatic encounter with a dog — but from the time he could walk, even a small dog resting quietly 50 feet away could reduce P to a screeching monkey, howling in fear and climbing my body like a tree.

This has made things like parades, trips to the park, walks in the neighborhood, and even playing in the yard, challenging and emotionally fraught.

We live two houses down from an enormous Irish Wolfhound mix named Max. He’s very calm and loves children, and his owner is patient when the children want to pet him for a long time. P has gradually worked up the nerve to pet Max, and now he stands there stroking Max’s giant head with this peaceful, dreamy look on his face, for as long as we let him.

Also, P has always been uncomfortable with the sensation of being lifted, and with the weightless, falling feeling you get in an elevator or on a ferris wheel, or when swinging on a swing. He’s afraid. He asks not to be pushed very high on the swing set, clings to us in elevators, and cried on a kiddie ferris wheel last summer until the operator stopped it. But several weeks ago, when a teenaged cousin offered him a piggy-back ride, he accepted. And when the cousin lifted P onto his shoulders, I started to rush to P’s rescue as his face blanched and his cheeks turned splotchy. But even as I started to say, “Wait! He’s afraid of…,” a brave little smile emerged. I watched in shock as my sweet boy held on tighter for two trips around the house, smiling the whole way.

He is opening like a flower, and I’m so lucky to sit back and watch him bloom.

Jen is a work-from-home mom of twins + 2. She also blogs at Diagnosis: Urine.

Having twins is hard … on your body

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Having twins was hard on my body (and still is).  First there is the stress of the pregnancy: the weight gain, the aches and pains, the hormonal changes, and the restricted activity. These changes stretched and strained my joints and muscles as I carried two babies and a lot of extra weight. I dealt with swollen hands and feet, light-headedness and fatigue.

After the babies are born, there was healing after a c-section. It took time for my body to recover after giving birth. In my case the doctor recommended restricted activity for 6 weeks, but my incision was uncomfortable for more than 6 months. Of course the first days and weeks were hardest while my body was healing and I was breastfeeding two babies.  I was tired and sore.

Then caring for two babies was hard on my body. The repetitive actions of lifting babies, carrying babies, bending over to bath, dress and change babies, and the hours of holding and feeding babies are all focused more on caring the baby than on good posture. Over time, sitting in uncomfortable positions wore on my body. And having two babies and a toddle to care for didn’t leave much time for exercise or taking care of myself.

And then the babies got bigger and heavier and more active. Lifting babies, car seats and diaper bags strengthens some muscles but also puts strain on my body. Hoisting a double stroller in and out of the car made it harder. I definitely get more active as the girls got more active, but again I was too busy caring for them to look after myself.

My girls are 16 months and not yet walking, so I’m not sure of what new challenges they have for my body. I hoping that when they start walking my back will have a chance to rest and heal. Fortunately, the discomfort caused by my feet flattening from the weight gain has improved with custom orthotics, but my doctor says I’ll just have to live with some of the post-pregnancy issues I’ve developed.

I’ve finally got enough of a routine in my life and some childcare options that allow me to go to the gym and to yoga. I’m trying to incorporate more activity in to our daily routine now that the weather is improving. One added benefit is that fresh air makes everyone sleeps better. Looking after my body definitely makes it easier to look after my children. It also gives me a chance to think about something other than who needs my attention now. The benefits are obvious, but sometimes it is hard to get motivated to go to the gym after a long day.

How do you care for your body/yourself? How do you keep motivated when you’re tired? What are the benefits that make it worth the effort?

Keeping Score

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It’s been happening for a while now. And it’s a little irritating. Tiny will say, “Like Buba” and that’s my warning that somehow she’s notice an inequality. Suddenly she’s keeping score, and she wants everything to be even between the two of them. If Buba gets his lunch on a blue plate, Tiny needs her lunch on a blue plate. If I’ve cut up his toast into smaller pieces, she’ll want the same. But it’s not just about things. If I give Buba a little tickle when I put him in his crib for nap time, Tiny will get very upset if I don’t do the exact same thing for her. Meanwhile, Buba could care less if his straw is a different color than Tiny’s, or if I kiss her on the forehead and him on the cheek.

Perhaps it’s not that big of a deal. Perhaps this is a phase, and not a battle I need to have. But I really want Tiny to understand that things don’t have to be exactly the same for them. That there are times when their needs may be different and times when I’ll want to have individual special moments with each of them.

Is/has anyone else dealt with this sort of situation? Is this desire to keep things equal a multiples thing or do singleton siblings go through this as well (asks the one who grew up as an only child)?

Miss Manners

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You can call me crazy, you can call me old-fashioned. But I say it’s never too early to teach your kids good manners.

I don’t run some kind of courtesy boot-camp at my house. I don’t believe children should be seen and not heard (OK, sometimes I’d like to believe that).  My kids can be demanding and whiny, just like any almost-three-year-olds. They (and I, for sure) are far from perfect. But I will admit that it makes this mama’s heart swell with pride when they spontaneously say “please” and “thank you” to me, to each other, and to anyone else.

Laugh all you want, but I insisted on that “please” even back in the sign language days.  As soon as I knew they were getting the hang of communicating via sign language, I would ask them to sign “more please” when they wanted a snack.  Once they had that pairing down, I added “thank you,” as Daniel demonstrates here (post-graham-cracker) at 18 months:

Daniel says "thank you"

Today, obviously, I insist that the “please” and “thank you” be spoken out loud, and they actually get upset if someone doesn’t respond with “you’re welcome.”  I try to be a stickler for “no thank you” instead of just “no.”  And my husband and I do our best to model the behavior and praise it when we see it. I do have to remind them, a lot.  But it’s paying off. It’s gotten to the point that, at some meals, my kids will say “thank you mommy for the ___” for each item on their plate at dinner (even if they then have zero interest in trying a single bite), almost to the point of competition: which kid can say thank you for the greatest number of food groups.

But I guess this didn’t strike me as particularly out of the ordinary until I heard someone with similar-aged kids to my own ask when was a good time to start teaching their toddlers some manners.  Um, clearly earlier than now, if you ask me!

I get that toddlers are notorious for having poor impulse control, for whining, and for demanding, self-centered behavior. But just because it’s “normal” doesn’t mean we have to roll over and make it seem acceptable.  I’m a fan of picking one’s battles, for sure.  But this is one, for me, that’s worth fighting.  Just like anything else in raising kids, it’s all a lot easier when you set up the expectations as young as possible.  Preventing bratty behavior is way easier than correcting it.

What do you think, mamas? Have you insisted on manners from the start? Do you think it’s entirely too much to ask for at a young age? Am I just charmingly old-fashioned? How’s the war on courtesy in your house?

Thanks to You

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When I found out that I was carrying twins, it was the biggest shock of my life. I was beyond scared about how long I would be able to carry them, and terrified about how I would manage caring for them once they arrived. I talked with my OB and read books by the experts, but it was MoM communities such as this one and my local twin organization that really helped me to become the mother I am today.

Thanks to you- those who write (or have written) and those who comment- I know how to help my children get the sleep they need, how to take them out into the community, as well as how to travel with them far and wide. You remind me that being a mother of twins brings different kinds of challenges, and that it’s normal to sometimes wish I’d had just one at a time. I know that I have benefited tremendously from being a part of the HDYDI community and it really makes be wonder how they did it- all those MoMs who had children back in the days before the Internet was born. I can’t even imagine it.

So this weekend, I will absorb every smile, every gift, every greeting card that celebrates my role as a mother. It is the most challenging, most exhausting, most rewarding, most fulfilling job I have ever had,  and I can no longer imagine my life any other way.

Happy Mother’s Day!

Summer Snacking, Here We Come!

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Well, we’ve had our requisite four days of spring here in South Texas and now the temperatures are in the 90s so out comes the water table in the back yard, the sunscreen, the mosquito spray (yep, we use DEET and our pediatrician said it was best because have you met the mosquitos in Houston??), and warm-weather snacks.

I recently bought some pop molds that I’ll use to make fresh fruit and yogurt popsicles, we do fruit smoothies year round, and I busted out a batch of homemade oatmeal raisin pecan cookies last week (and the two mom’s in the household are guilty of finishing them off), but the easiest shmeziest snack of all has been a combo of yogurt and fresh berries that I’ve been serving up with homemade granola.

Well, the granola was actually meant to be granola BARS, but I’ve yet to perfect the recipe, and they’re more crumbly than intended. But crumbly delicious works!

Homemade Granola

Here’s what we use:

  • Greek (Fage) Yogurt, 1/2c- higher in protein and tastes like ice cream, I am not even kidding!
  • Assorted Fresh Fruit – I’ve taken to a local farmers market and generally speaking, if the skins are to be eaten – like berries – I try to buy organic. If the skins will go to our neighbor’s compost, then regular (cheaper!) fruit we use (bananas, oranges, cantaloupe).
  • Homemade Granola, 2 Tbsp– I have not yet created the perfect on-the-go-doesn’t-crumble-at-the-grab-toddler-and-car-friendly granola (I’ve only made it once!), but I did some significant modifications to Ina Garten’s “Homemade Granola Bars” recipe which I am using as a base.

    • MMMMMMM, dee-lish! And just the kind of snack that the parents can enjoy alongside the kiddos, too!

    Okay, now your turn to dish on a favorite spring/summer snack!

    ___________

    Rachel is a work-out-of-the-home mom who is most recently managing the uncertainties in her life by taking control in the kitchen. She also writes about her family at Motherhood.Squared

    speech therapy, paperwork, denial, and a plea for advice

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    My boys have just eight more days of preschool until summer break, and they’ll start kindergarten in September, right after their 6th birthday.

    This hit me like a punch in the gut last week – not because my babies are growing up, but because I cannot understand most of what they say without significant effort, and I guess I’d been holding out hope that:

    a)      Preschool would tremendously influence their speech patterns, or

    b)      The school district would start therapy before fall, which would tremendously influence their speech patterns.

    My overall reaction to the end of the school year is a panicked, “But that’s it??”

    They were referred for speech therapy by their pediatrician, at their 4-year well child visit. I guess I mostly thought the doctor was overreacting. I understood them well, at that time — their expanded vocabularies and life experiences have not helped me – and I felt they’d grow out of it.

    Also, my husband had just lost his job and we had no income, which made it easy for me to decide they’d grow out of it.

    But I found myself examining everything else about the boys — their behavior, mannerisms, muscle tone, coordination, emotions, etc. — in the light of what their pediatrician had said. By their 5th birthday, I had placed a handful of calls, and we had started and stopped the overwhelming pile of district registration paperwork several times. Those of you with triplets and more, my heart goes out to you regarding the amounts of paperwork you must complete in order to accomplish anything at all.

    We managed to get everything completed, just in time for kindergarten registration in March. I received the boys’ assessment papers back in the mail, and had a mini-freakout over how the assessor went out of her way to list that P wouldn’t identify purple, brown, or black by name (he calls them all “dark”) but failed to note that he cannot use appropriate developmental speech sounds. That was duly noted on G’s assessment, although the boys pronounce nearly everything the same way. This oversight inspired me to call the school, which led to the discovery that more than a year ago, they’d filed my requests for assistance as though I had been offered but declined assistance.

    I would have cried, but I was just so excited by all the district therapists who were suddenly returning my phone calls. We were fast-tracked through phase 1 of the assessments, and then communication has fizzled… sigh.

    What I do know is that they are set to start therapy immediately when school begins in September, waiving the usual six-week in-class assessment period. I am fearful for them, because the combination of looking just alike/no one knowing who is who, plus being unable to express themselves clearly, seems like a difficult way to leap into full-day kindergarten. They’ve made great strides recently regarding their ability to overcome anxiety in the situations that upset them, but I don’t think their articulation is going to improve in the next four months. I’m bummed.

    Our insurance doesn’t cover speech therapy, and we looked into private programs but the hourly rate x2 is… well, once again, I really feel for those of you with triplets and more in these situations.

    Have any of you run into similar problems? Any ideas? I’m open to any suggestions.  Thanks in advance!
    Jen is a work-from-home mom of twins + 2. She also blogs at Diagnosis: Urine.