A first… rudeness to one twin?

Oh hello HDYDI readers! It’s me again LauraC.

Remember how I stopped writing for HDYDI when my twin boys turned 3 because we didn’t have much twinny stuff? Well do I have a story for you!

Saturday I took my boys (almost 4.5) to a local park. As we were walking along a greenway, a woman came up behind us and asked the boys how old they were. They both said four and her eyes sparkled with that familiar gleam when she realized they were twins. She started remarking on their differences. One brown hair and one blond hair! One brown eyes and one blue eyes! How different the twins are!

Then she said right to Nate, “You are so beautiful, the face of an angel!” and she rubbed his hair.

Then she kept right on going.

Mama BearC wanted to claw at her back and yell, “WTF lady, you’re going to compliment one twin IN FRONT OF THE OTHER twin and then walk on by? Did you even you see Alex’s sad, hurt little face?”

Instead I just told the boys it was so nice this lady thought they were both such beautiful little angels.

Have you guys encountered this and what did you do?

10 thoughts on “A first… rudeness to one twin?

  1. UNCOOL. I hate it when people do that, and I have definitely had things like that happen before. Someone will compliment one child, and ignore the other. Strangers in particular. Thankfully (I guess?) it’s not always the same kid, but I do find it bothersome.

    That said, I try not to get my knickers too much in a twist over it. I mean, it’s frustrating and insensitive, but I’m not going to go off on some lady and shout “COMPLIMENT MY OTHER KID, TOO!” All I can do is send good messages from myself and the rest of our family, and the rest I may just have to chalk up to “that’s life.”

    But it sucks. :-(

  2. Ugh, this is on my mind today too. As my girls get older (they are 3.5), I’m coming to terms with the fact that even though they are twins (and mine are identical), they are not always going to be treated exactly the same way – either by other people, or by me and their dad and that’s just the way life is… It’s a hard lesson, especially so for twins, but they need to learn eventually that life isn’t always fair….

  3. I am not a twin, but this happened to me a lot as a child. My younger sister has red hair and blue eyes, while my hair is brown. Random people would come up and compliment her all the time, either ignoring me or as an after thought say something like, “oh, and you’re very pretty too.” Either way hurt. When I was very small I went through a phase of only drawing girls with red hair, and all my dolls had to have red hair.
    But I did get over it. And the comments started tapering off as we all got older. I am thirty now – and I’m fine with having ordinary brown hair, though I still think those people were (unintentionally) mean.

  4. I have the same reaction when people say how cute or sweet my twin girls are and completely ignore their older brother. He’s old enough to notice what they say but the girls aren’t yet.

  5. Oh, my stomach is sick just imagining this. I’ve been very lucky so far bc my boys look alike. I think it’s absolutely appropriate to do what you did and sort of correct the person by saying, “Yes, they are both so handsome!” or “I know! And look at the eyes on this one! I can’t believe I have two such beautiful children!”

    I think it’s really important for our kids to know how attractive/kind/cute/sweet/smart etc. they are in our eyes, before they can absorb the harsh realities of people finding one of them less attractive/smart/cute etc. than the other.

  6. My girls are identical and at 17 months are very much alike. So when one gets complimented the other one does too. And they get LOTS of compliments, especially about their beautiful red hair. Their big brother however …when he gets comments they are more like “aren’t you lucky to be a big brother to such beautiful girls”. Much like Jenna posted.

    I think this issue is annoying maybe for multiples especially, but also for any mom of 2 or more kids.

  7. GRRRRRRRRRRR! My (not so inner) Mama Bear comes FLYING out :)

    I have similar things that happen (mainly with Kendra) and then I say in front of the person to Connor, “and you’re the cutest little boy in the whole wide world”

    I don’t want my kids to ever feel “less than” so I have major issues about this.

    When you wrote about Alex’s sad, little face, I teared up – gosh, I can’t handle this kind of thing!

  8. I just read the other responses and honestly, I don’t know what I’d do if I had another kid who was ignored!

    You ladies are MUCH bigger than I am to not “sort those people out” – maybe I’ll chill out over time? I doubt it though!

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