Twins or otherwise, I think every mom wishes her children would be good friends in addition to just siblings. Some hope age works in their favor, others put some faith in gender, and certainly the twin moms hope that there’s that mystical “twin bond” that everyone goes on about.
My brother and I were not close. In fact, we actively loathed each other as children, and are now at least friendly as adults. But we have never been close, despite (or maybe because of) the scant 17 months that separates us in age. I very much hope that my kids do not have as difficult a relationship as my brother and I had, especially as kids.
One of the things that stuck out for me in the Nurtureshock chapter about siblings had to do with close relationships. If I’m remembering correctly, those who reported being closest with their siblings were not necessarily the ones who fought the least. Rather, they were the ones who had plenty of positive interactions and memories to counterbalance the (all-but-inevitable) fighting.
I can’t really think of any such memories with my brother from our childhood. My memory could certainly be failing me, clouded by the perception that we always hated each other, but maybe that’s part of the point?
Still, I watch my kids and how they play. Most of the time, making my heart swell, they seem to really enjoy playing with one another. They make up games, scenarios, races. They destroy the room with pillow forts and throwing stuffed animals around. They jump all over the place. It doesn’t surprise me, nor does it particularly alarm me, how quickly they can go from giggles to screams. Par for the course, I’d say. But what does amaze me is how quickly they can go from screams back to giggles. They don’t seem to hold grudges for very long, if at all. If one kid goes to time out for hitting/jumping on/grabbing from the other, they barely wait until the timer beeps to get back into their shared game.
I know they’ll get older, get their own friends. They’ll probably be more separated by activities and gender and interests. But I really, really hope that they can continue to seek out each other’s company and be each other’s most trusted friend. What mom doesn’t want that?
The $10,000 question… how will our soon-to-be Baby 3 fit into (and/or change) this mix? Will it be big kids versus pesky little sister? Will the girls band together and leave Daniel the odd man out? Will the little one and Daniel find a shared love that Becca has no interest in? Or will they all get along at different times and different stages? Only time will tell.
For your enjoyment: 20 seconds that makes any mom smile…
I was supposed to post this yesterday but it was delayed by two little girls with runny noses trying to use up their body weight in Kleenex, a playschool field trip, and an after-hours visit from the plumber.
Two years ago, I was very pregnant with my twin daughters, and considering the possibility of Christmas babies. As Christmas approached, my family members wanted to know what to get me. Knowing that I would have two little babies arriving within weeks of Christmas, I wrote my Christmas list accordingly:
Our prenatal class instructor told us families expecting multiples needed three things: a king-sized bed, a lazy-boy-style recliner and a freezer full of meals. I think they are all good suggestions, but we managed without the first two items.
I planned to breastfeed our babies, so I asked for some nursing tops that would work for tandem feedings. I also got a nursing loungewear outfit that I could wear during the day without feeling I was wearing my pjs.
I knew that while breastfeeding, I wasn’t going to be doing much else, so I asked for books. After a few years of grad school, I enjoyed all those novels and magazines. I often found myself reading to my 2-year-old son while breastfeeding, or zoning out in front of the TV, but I did enjoy the books, too.
I got a TV show on DVD. For the evening feedings, I could also be sure to have something watch. By this time of day I was too tired for much else but watching TV and eating. It took most of the first year to get through 7 seasons of STTNG; an episode was usually long enough to feed both babies.
While breastfeeding, I was eating and drinking more than I did while pregnant. I enjoyed the herbal teas, flavoured steamed milk, and water out of my new water bottle. And the kind of snacks you get at Christmas but wouldn’t usually buy for yourself.
A telephone headset was great since I usually had at least one child needing my attention. It let me have adult conversation, emotional support and to get appointments booked while feeding babies, making snacks for a toddler or changing diapers.
Happy and healthy babies are the best gift of all. They were a wonderful Christmas gift, but I’m glad they arrived a few weeks after the holidays.
Merry Christmas to all the new moms of multiples, and the moms to be!
We received this stroller as a gift from my family, and began using it when Tiny and Buba were just about a year old. For over a year and a half, it was the only way we rolled when we were out and about. The kids could sit facing me, facing each other, or facing forward, and I became quite good at changing the seating arrangements with kids in their seats if and when a quick change was needed to detour any brewing trouble between them. For the most part, they were happy and I was happy.
But for the last few months, it seems no one is happy when I have to pull out the big, red stroller. The only way they can sit these days, is facing forward with Buba in the back and Tiny up front. But Buba can now pull down the canopy shade to torment Tiny when he becomes bored, and Tiny can easily Houdini herself out of the 5-point harness, turn herself around, and grab at Buba’s feet and legs in retaliation. And while I can contain and entertain them both much more easily in the stroller than I can with the two of them walking, I often find myself debating whether it’s worth the time and energy to pull out the stroller and wrangle each kid into his/her seat when I need to run in somewhere for just an item or two.
I’ve tried letting them walk with me in a store, and while it’s going much better than it did at first, it’s still not easy-peasy. They still can’t help but touch almost everything that interests them, and they’re not great at staying close to me should I let go of their hands in order to carry something. And it’s so frustrating, because I even though I loved this stroller for months and months, I’m really feeling the itch to ditch it. I mean, my kids will be three years old in three months, and they’re capable of walking without easily fatiguing. So why am I still wrestling with the non-automatic doors and running into displays as I try to round a tight corner? Why? Because sometimes, though I wish it weren’t so, it seems that’s the only way to accomplish the mission we’re on.
Have you successful transitioned to life without a double stroller? If yes, tell me your secrets, please.
Do you like what I did up there? Twindergarten? When I thought of that this afternoon, I dislocated my shoulder patting myself on the back.
Okay. I must preface this post by saying I love the boys’ kindergarten teacher. Love her! She’s the perfect teacher for them, and I hope my youngest will also have her in two years.
That being said, I have some serious concerns over whether their teacher might have gotten their testing mixed up.
When I got the boys’ report cards, I was surprised by two things:
They were drastically different, and
P had a ton of “I” for “insufficient progress” marks, while G had none. This was surprising because P reads and prints and spells a lot better for me at home than G does.
At my conference with their teacher, I broached the awkward topic of whether there was a chance she’d gotten the boys confused. Their teacher said she’d re-assess them to be certain, but that the boys’ test scores back up P being in the “intervention” reading group, and G being in a regular reading group.
Since then, I’ve compared everything they’ve brought home. And I’m pretty sure P is not the one who should be in the “intervention” group. I got a few more papers home today and was struck by the difference between the boys’ work…
I know both of them will be fine and they’re both smart kids, but I’m worried about G getting lost if he’s the one who needs extra help. P hates school, and I wonder if it could have anything to do with this — if he isn’t being challenged, or something.
This is one of the most awkward situations I’ve faced as a parent of twins, second only to the awkwardness of trying to breastfeed the twins discreetly in an unlocked room at my in-laws’ house.
Has anyone else dealt with anything like this? I’ve brought up my concerns (multiple times), and I feel like I have to trust that she has reassessed them… but I haven’t heard anything back from her and therefore I have to assume nothing has changed with their reading groups, etc.
Aside: While the boys look alike and are probably identical, they’ve had different haircuts since the beginning of the school year and are never dressed alike. So suggesting someone has mixed them up long-term is potentially insulting… and like I said, I love their teacher!
Jen is a work-from-home mom of 6-year-old twin boys, and two girls ages 4 and 8. She also blogs at Minivan MacGyver, where she chronicles the many disasters narrowly averted using only her pluck and the assortment of household objects found in her 2001 Pontiac Montana.
