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Categories Behavior, Development, Family, Fraternal, Multiple Types, Preschoolers

Cross-posted from my personal blog, Goddess in Progress

Twins or otherwise, I think every mom wishes her children would be good friends in addition to just siblings. Some hope age works in their favor, others put some faith in gender, and certainly the twin moms hope that there’s that mystical “twin bond” that everyone goes on about.

Ping Pong

My brother and I were not close. In fact, we actively loathed each other as children, and are now at least friendly as adults. But we have never been close, despite (or maybe because of) the scant 17 months that separates us in age. I very much hope that my kids do not have as difficult a relationship as my brother and I had, especially as kids.

One of the things that stuck out for me in the Nurtureshock chapter about siblings had to do with close relationships. If I’m remembering correctly, those who reported being closest with their siblings were not necessarily the ones who fought the least. Rather, they were the ones who had plenty of positive interactions and memories to counterbalance the (all-but-inevitable) fighting.

I can’t really think of any such memories with my brother from our childhood. My memory could certainly be failing me, clouded by the perception that we always hated each other, but maybe that’s part of the point?

Still, I watch my kids and how they play. Most of the time, making my heart swell, they seem to really enjoy playing with one another. They make up games, scenarios, races. They destroy the room with pillow forts and throwing stuffed animals around. They jump all over the place. It doesn’t surprise me, nor does it particularly alarm me, how quickly they can go from giggles to screams. Par for the course, I’d say. But what does amaze me is how quickly they can go from screams back to giggles. They don’t seem to hold grudges for very long, if at all. If one kid goes to time out for hitting/jumping on/grabbing from the other, they barely wait until the timer beeps to get back into their shared game.

Hawaii Trip

I know they’ll get older, get their own friends. They’ll probably be more separated by activities and gender and interests. But I really, really hope that they can continue to seek out each other’s company and be each other’s most trusted friend. What mom doesn’t want that?

The $10,000 question… how will our soon-to-be Baby 3 fit into (and/or change) this mix? Will it be big kids versus pesky little sister? Will the girls band together and leave Daniel the odd man out? Will the little one and Daniel find a shared love that Becca has no interest in? Or will they all get along at different times and different stages? Only time will tell.

For your enjoyment: 20 seconds that makes any mom smile…

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3 thoughts on “Sibs”

  1. Great post. (Want to get that book, too.) Yes, I also pray that my boys will remain close. They’re 14 now and still best of friends (although now they’d never admit it) and worst enemies. They too, can turn from laughing to practically killing each other in a heartbeat. Yet when I tell them to separate from each other to cool off, within ten minutes they’re hanging out again. Go figure. They also have a younger brother. It’s great as he dilutes the twin relationship, creating an interesting triad.
    Christina Tinglof recently posted Mom on a Mission- Finding the Ultimate Car for a Family with TwinsMy Profile

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