Got Twins?

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Categories Family, Parenting, Parenting Twins, Preschoolers, Singletons

I am a mother of multiples, but I do not consider myself a “Multiples Mom,” maybe because I had a singleton first. My husband and I never refer to our fraternal boys as twins–they are always “the boys” or to family, “the brothers.”  I tell my daughter and her friends that she is lucky to be the big sister to twin boys–not every girl gets that chance! But when it comes to my boys, I try to emphasize the fact that they are brothers who share the same birthday.

Recently Jenna, a fellow HDYDI blogger,  discussed the issue of twins and identity, and you can read her eloquent thoughts here. At the end of her post, she asked, “What would happen if I told people I have a son and two daughters, instead of telling them I have a son and twin daughters?” Well, this is what I do every day. If someone asked me how many kids I have, I usually respond with one 7 year old and two 4 year olds. I never mention the fact that they are twins unless asked.

Both boys are different not only in physique but in personalities and interests. One boy is very athletic, but tenderhearted, and you will often see him taking care of his dolls. The other boy is not as interested in sports, but loves to pretend firefighter/policeman and play board games. They look like brothers and their personalities are so different that once kids and teachers get to know them, they are hard to confuse with one another.

This past year in their “three’s” preschool class, fellow parents and students were asking the boys if they were twins and I realized that up until this point I hadn’t even TOLD them they were twins! I always say, and they now say to me, that they are brothers and best friends. I might have under emphasized their twin relationship too much. It is special to be a twin, but more important for us to focus on our family as a whole.

As much as I try not to be multiples specific, having twins is a fact of life.  As my daughter says, “how can I get a break, Mom, there are TWO of them.” Each year I am surprised by the multiple specific issues I face: separations for classrooms and playdates; differing interests and activities; getting along with each other and their sister; sharing a room. Whether a Multiples Mom or a Mom that happens to have multiples, we all face the same problems. Do you consider yourself a Multiples Mom?

Leslie H. is a freelance writer and mom to an amazing 7 year old girl and two adventurous 4 year old boys.

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7 thoughts on “Got Twins?”

  1. I’ve never really thought about it but I do feel the same way. We too had a singleton first so maybe that’s the reason. We rarely, if ever, use the word ‘twin’. I don’t think my kids know what that means. Also, I too state the ages and don’t mention they’re twins unless someone asks. Sometimes I wonder if I should tell them about the special bond they share but then again I think that they already know it. They don’t have a name for it but it’s obvious in their affection for and protection of each other. Their 3rd birthday is coming up and it’ll be interesting to see what they think of sharing that day as they’ve only seen singleton birthdays so far.

  2. ditto to the older child and twins. I do end up telling people the younger 2 are twins…it’s usually right after their confused/concerned expression when I mention I have a 4 year-old and 2 twenty-month olds.
    Judean recently posted Makin a SplashMy Profile

  3. I’ve never referred to myself as a multiples mom and I usually refer to my boys as just that–the boys. When people ask about my kids, I say my 2 boys are 4, my daughter is 2 1/2 and my baby is 1. Then they usually say, “Oh, you have twins?” Yes, yes I do.
    They know that they are twins, but we don’t talk about it much.
    Joanna recently posted Pudding popsMy Profile

  4. How interesting that people didn’t realize your sons with were twins. I used to walk my son and a friend’s daughter to playschool. One mom there knew I had twins (her twins were a few months younger). When people heard us talking, they assumed I meant my son and his friend…. Interesting the conclusions that people make.

  5. I use the word twins when I write about some of our experiences, but never when I talk to them or about them. In Chinese I do, becuase I don’t know how else to refer to them.

    I don’t like to refer to them as an entity. I am sure I do it at times, but when it is obvious it is quite jarring. They are very different, and simply two individuals.

    Thanks for the post!
    natasha recently posted That friendMy Profile

  6. I suppose the key is that people don’t impose their assumptions about “twins” on my children until they are strong enough about their individuality.as well as their bond…. I am referring to them as the children of late, and naturally talk about them separately.
    natasha recently posted That friendMy Profile

  7. I actually call myself a Twin Mommy all the time. When it comes to my actual twins, I rarely call them the Twins. It is David and Elizabeth and they are both VERY different kids. When we go outside, the neighbor kids get excited and say “The twins are out!” and for some reason that bothers me. I haven’t said anything because how do you say something to kids who are between the ages of 2 and 5 and not your own kids. All the kids do know David and Elizabeth’s names though so I try not to worry about it too much.

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