Monthly Archives: January 2013

Alone Time

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Based on the title of this post, you may think I am going to write about the importance of having some quality Mom time to recharge ones batteries and help us to face our daily challenges. While I could not be more pro “Mom time”, my title actually refers to alone time that your twins get with each parent and the reasons we have decided to set up some one on one play dates during the weekends.

For the first year of my boys’ lives, I vacillated between treating them as a team and treating them as individuals. The literature I read about ‘how to survive the first year with twins’ told me to put the twins on the same schedule as early as possible. I did not adhere to this in the early days (though looking back, I probably should have!). Instead, I let the boys feed in succession and not in tandem and let them sleep and wake as they wanted. This worked for me in the beginning so I just went with it, but around 4 months, they seemed to naturally demonstrate a more predicable nap and night-time sleep schedule. Once this pattern emerged, it was easy to sync them up and I have kept them [mostly] on the same schedule every since.

Now safely across the one-year mark with many milestones behind us (e.g. rolling, walking, talking) it is easy to see how different these little people are and how they have already- and will continue to- develop at different rates. For example, one of my boys is very strong and tough and he likes to muscle his way through obstacles. He is also a huge ham and likes to talk to all the strangers we see. My other boy is much more analytical and he attacks most problems logically by looking at the scenario from all angles. He is outgoing, but tends to say hi and bye just a fraction of a second too late; once people have walked away, resulting in his brother getting more attention. After a couple of weeks of seeing this and noticing difference at home (one guy likes to sing and dance while the other is likes to read and climb on things, etc.) it occurred to me that it is time for my husband and I to start spending alone time with each boy to allow them to express their personalities’ and maybe test out some new skills they have been working on. This may seem like a no brainer, but until this point, it never really occurred to me to split the boys up and spend time with just one son instead of both of them. I have taken both kids on every errand I have ever run. During the day, we move as a pack from one room to the other, playing and padding our way around the house. I feel very confident that I am able to balance the attention I give to each boy but I now I am acutely aware that they may benefit from some undivided attention. Perhaps this will help them to master some new skills or to allow them to fool around as only an only child can.

Since weekend time is precious (filled with errands to run, family time to be had, and parks to be played at) my husband and I set a loose plan of trying to alternate weekends of alone time with each boy. For example, I will play with A and he will play with B for 30 minutes or an hour on one weekend and then the next weekend we will switch. I am excited to try this and see if I notice any difference in my interaction with the boys when I am alone with them versus when the twins are together. I am also kind of excited to think of some fun activities to do on our special “dates”.

I have no doubt that my boys love having a brother. They have played and interacted from day one and I know they will always feel the specialness of having a built in playmate and best friend. On the other hand, I am excited to give them some time to explore their parents and their world, uninterrupted by their sibling’s needs or distracted by the other’s skills. This may reveal some new aspects of their personalities that have yet to be discovered.

Have you implemented alone time with your twins? What made you start and how do you do it?

 

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Mother of one year old twin boys, Carrie is excited to share some of her experiences, opinions, knowledge and laughs after having survived her first year of twindom.   By writing for HDYDI, Carrie hopes to share her early mistakes and gain insight from other moms about the challenges that lie ahead.

Tips for Surviving the First Year With Twins

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With twins you’ll often hear strangers say to you “double trouble” or “you have your hands full!”. What they don’t realize is it’s also double the work and double the gear for the first year!

Our Little Mister and Little Missy are now officially into the terrible twos. They’re walking, talking little people, and little helpers to boot. I’m taking some time to reflect back on the early days when our twins were too small to move, too tired to keep their eyes open and two cute to care!

Here are some lifesavers and tips that helped us get through the first year of caring for twins as first-time parents.

Coming home

Heading home for the first time

Gear Up

Do you remember the first time you walked into BabiesRUs, registry in hand? I was overwhelmed by the sheer amount of stuff for babies. Where to begin?? And do you really need 2 of everything for twins? Well, kinda. By the time the twins were born, our house looked like a BabiesRUs.

We had a baby monitor, bottle warmer, double electric breast pump, 2 bouncy chairs, 1 exersaucer, 1 jolly jumper, 1 musical swing, lots of bottles, receiving blankets, washcloths, sleepers, a co-sleeper, etc. We bought stuff from our local twins consignment sale (www.MBFA.ca), Kijiji (a Canadian Craigslist), got hand-me-downs from friends and of course gifts!

This was my first pregnancy, so if I were expecting a singleton instead of twins, I wouldn’t have though about buying second hand items. Since it was twins, we needed double of (almost) everything so it made practical sense to purchase resale. Now I’m so glad we did!

Helping Hands

We have wonderful family, friends and neighbours. We had help during the day and night in the early days and even on weekend. Mr. Mama took over a month of parental leave (and couldn’t wait to get back to work!). I couldn’t have done it without him! To keep the peace in our house (and free up our precious time), we hired a housekeeper to keep things clean. We also enlisted our family to bring over food and groceries. I enjoy eating fresh fruits and vegetables, but it was a few months before I had the time and energy to chop up veggies and make myself a salad. Even now, every time I try to do something in the kitchen, I need to step away at least 3 times to check on the kids when I hear crying or – even worse – when they are too quiet! Line of sight is key!

Organize!

We recorded all their changes, feedings and baths everyday for 3 months. Especialy helpful since we had lots of different people popping in those first few months to help. Also very helpful for me to record the amount of milk I was producing, and how much their intake was of both breastmilk and formula.

For housework, we figured out what chores were important to us, and who could help us with them. When our families came over we had a list of tasks they could do like fold laundry, wash and sterilize bottles, etc.

As we became more independent and I was home with the babies by myself during the days, I started doing more meal planning. I would cook a few things to last us a couple of days and freeze part of the batch for later.

Schedules & Sleep Training

We started sleep training around 6 months and kept at it. Luckily Little Missy was born with an internal clock that told her to get her beauty sleep by 7pm while Little Mister was our night owl. Still we tried to get them to bed early every night even if it meant we couldn’t go out for dinner or stay out late unless we wanted to be up all night with overtired babies!

The key was, and still is, routine, routine, routine. Even if we didn’t do things at the same time everyday. Our twins became accustomed to the cycle of nap, eat, change, play. One of our neighbours who has experience working in a daycare, suggested using the E.A.S.Y. method. Eat, Activity, Sleep, You time!

What tips and tricks did you use to get your family through the first year with twins?

Grade Placement Blues 2012, Part I

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In the autumn of 2011, when the US school year starts, I fretted over my daughters’ grade placement. To make an extra-painfully long part of this painfully long story short, after starting kindergarten with their age peers, J and M were skipped, at different points in the year, up to first grade. They started and ended their school year in the same grade as each other. For a while, though, there was a good chance that the twins would end up in different grades for the remainder of their academic careers, a prospect that made me feel a little sick.

One might think that the matter of the girls’ grade placement was resolved. They had both completed first grade with awards attesting to their all around academic excellence.  They had qualified for the 2nd grade Gifted and Talented program for this academic year. They’d carried themselves remarkably well in the face of the reality of how mean 7-year-olds can be. They’d even worked together to protect a classmate who was facing bullying.

As luck would have it, I requested official transcripts as part of my preparation for our 900 mile move. That’s when things got really ugly.

I reviewed their transcripts and began to suspect a problem. Both transcripts showed the girls as having completed kindergarten, not first grade. In retrospect, I’m glad that both sets of records had the same problem, so I didn’t have inconsistency between J’s and M’s. That might have landed me in the loony bin.

I called the school. I was referred to the registrar. I left a voicemail. After not hearing back for several days, I called back to see if there was someone else in the office who could help. I was referred to the assistant principal. I left a message in her voicemail too.

I gave up on telephonic technology and decided to play this old school. I drove down to the school and asked to see the registrar. She referred me to the assistant principal. Once I cornered her, she informed me that since the girls didn’t have placement tests on file, they had no way update their records to reflect their grade. I asked her why the placement tests weren’t on file. She told me the girls had never taken any. I reminded her that the school had conducted an extensive evaluation before recommending that J and M skip a grade. She said they didn’t include the testing piece because it involved ordering a test from the district. I reacted the way you would expect.

The girls could take the test now, she said, just to get the scores into their records. I agreed. I needed accurate transcripts for the new school district. Fortunately, M and J, like their mother, love tests. They just see them as extended puzzles. I filled out the form requesting testing twice, the form we’d never been offered before. I secured a promise that i would receive a phone call as soon as the tests arrived. I inhaled a smallish box of chocolates, then called my ex-husband to fill him in. He didn’t take it as well as I did.

Time scurried on, but I didn’t hear a peep from the school. I called to follow up, and was told that the district didn’t like to administer the tests on odd dates. Could M and J possibly sit for the test in August. Sure, I said, as long as it was before the 15th. We were moving away after that.

The end of July drew near, and I heard nothing from the school. I didn’t even mess with the phone and went in to find out what was going on. The assistant principal was on leave, I was told. I told them to find me the principal. They got me the registrar. She told me they were getting a new assistant principal.

I met with the new assistant principal before she’d had a chance to put photos of her kids on her desk. She said she’d follow up with her predecessor to find out what was going on. I asked whether I could give her what information I had. She pulled out a legal pad, grabbed a pen, and turned my Mama Bear wrath into a full page of notes. She would take care of things, she told me, and whether or not she’d made probe progress, she’d call me by Friday.

She actually called me on Friday. I began to hope that things cold be cleared up. Too soon. She apologized profusely, and herself acknowledged that had the school dotted their Is in the first place, we wouldn’t be here. However, district policy was that every application to be tested to skip a grade had to be approved by the school board, and they wouldn’t meet again until after the next school year had begun.

Fine, I told her. I surrendered. Was there any way that they could attach a letter to their official transcript explaining the situation? She agreed to do so.

To Be Continued

Favourite Colours and Shared Bedrooms

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At around age 3.5, S and R selected their favourite colours. So, like I did with their brother, it was time to paint their bedroom.  Their favourite colours were purple (R) and orange (S). I looked on Pintrest and searched the internet for ideas to combine their favourite colours in their shared bedroom. Eventually, I gave up. There was no way with my limited skills in decorating that I could make purple and orange fit together.

Fortunately, S also liked green, which I could combine with purple.  After quite a bit of searching, I found green curtains I liked.  From there we chose the paint colours, and we happened upon some flower art that matched perfectly.  The final touch was the rug that Santa snuck in to their room while they slept on Christmas Eve.

As with their brother, the girls got to help paint their room.  On the first day, we painted two walls purple paint:

Painting in Purple

Painting in Purple

Working hard

Working hard

They got a little messy, but it was fun

They got a little messy, but it was fun

The next day, we painted two walls green:

Painting green

Painting green, you can see the purple in the background

Teamwork!

Teamwork!

If you decide to let your three-year-old twins paint their rooms, here are some suggestions:

  • I got all the taping and trim painting done before they started helping.
  • They did the first coat of paint.  I did the second one after they lost interest.
  • They wore their “paint clothes” which definitely got dirty.  They were barefoot to keep socks clean.
  • There was newspaper and cardboard on the floor.
  • Right after we finished, I carried them straight to the bathroom.
  • I kept extra paper, a roll of paper towels and garbage bag close by.
  • We did this project over two days. One day for each colour.

The girls love their room.  They show it off to everyone.  The girls seem to believe they each have their own rooms now – R has a purple room and S has a green room. Here are photos of the finished room:

S's Green Room

S's Green Room

R's purple room

R's purple room

The curtains that started the whole colour scheme

The curtains that started the whole colour scheme

The perfect rug

The perfect rug

 

The artwork that tied it all together - 1

The artwork that tied it all together - 1

 

The artwork that tied it all together - 2

The artwork that tied it all together - 2

 

The closet with the doors removed is a great place for the dresser

The closet with the doors removed is a great place for the dresser

 

Jenna is mom to a six year old singleton son and 4 year old MZ twin girls.  She rallies all her artistic skills and lots of patience for projects like this one.

Running on Empty

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I have always tried to be a regular exerciser. This was easier during some periods in my life,  largely due to great running partners (e.g. friends, husband, pups) and more difficult at other times (e.g. when writing my dissertation).  The last two years; however, I went from being a bike commuting/recreational runner/weekend hiker- all around fit person- to someone who does not even think about scheudling exercise into her day.  Now though, as my boys’ first birthday approaches, I find myself thinking, “Who is this person and how to I get back to the ‘real’ me?”.

I knew I was pregnant pretty early on, mostly because I felt terrible right away. I tried to kept walking and swimming for as long as I could manage but I was thwarted by the 110 degree Arizona summer heat and general discomfort.  At week 34, I was prescribed bedrest to prevent pre-term labor, making exercise a distant thought and a luxury that I was not allowed to do.

After the boys were born….. forgetaboutit. It was two solid months before I left the house for something other than a doctors appointment. It was three months before I was able to get out for social/exercise interactions like walks with friends.  At month 4, my husband and I packed up our twins and drove across country to visit grandparents and great grandparents (read: I sat in a car, on and off ,for 4 weeks not exercising and not really moving much at all).  After our adventure, we packed up and moved to California and I was faced with unpacking a house and settling into a new life on top of caring for twins.

It has been a long time since consistent exercise was a part of my daily schedule.  Lately though, it has been something I have been trying to add back into my life, partly  to make sure I am healthy, partly so I can go back to feeling my best, and mostly to show my boys how important it is to be active and healthy.

While running recently (using the BOB Dualle to push my new running partners), I have started to realize how much my attitude about running  has changed.  In the past, there were times when I would consider runs of less than an hour not worth it. It would be hard to get me to consider my workout sufficient if I had not done cardio and abs and stretched and if I had lifted weights at least twice that week. In the past, I have been fastidious about how many minutes, miles, laps, rpm I did and would keep track of these things for fun. Now, my focus is completely different. My new goal is just to get out of the stinking house. I consider my run a complete sucess if I have left the house with two babies, a pair of shoes, and my house key. Additionally, (likely becuase I am so out of shape), I stop and smell the roses way more than I used to. There are a couple of scenic trails around my neighborhood, and sometime I even bring my camera and run WITH the camera and the two babies. When I see something interesting, I take a picture and I point it out to the boys.

Instead of listening to tunes, I sing to the boys, breathless and in short sentences but all in an effort to keep them happy and to keep us out there. If we are having a bad day, I don’t berate myself. I just dust off my dirty exercising cloths, re-wear my sports bra, and figure we can try again tomorrow.

Perhaps in the not too distant future I will start running for time again, heck maybe I will just start running for time alone. But for now, I am running to get back to feeling like my old self, to get the boys some fresh air, and to see what is going on outside our front door.

Are you trying to find the balance between taking care of yourself and taking care of your family?  How do you do it?

About school, part 1

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Our oldest started kindergarten last fall. I was rather hesitant in sending him to a full day program* after having him home with me until then. I seriously considered holding him back a year (he’s an April boy) but at the end felt it was best for him to enter the public education at that age. We spent a month in Finland at the end of September and I was glad about the break it offered to him from school.

He’s a delightful and smart kid. Kinda introvert, takes after his Daddy, but has good social skills. I knew going to school every day would likely be a challenge but I did not anticipate the crying and begging that ensued most nights. He complained the ‘day was just too long, could he just stay home?’ He was counting days until the next weekend/holiday/vacation. It was puzzling because in the mornings he would be happily skipping to the bus stop and did not even look back to wave good buy.

Both my parents were teachers. I believe in good solid education. When I had mentioned the possibility of holding him back a year my mother did not believe I was serious**. Education is important. Teachers are important. I know this. But I also know my son. I know when he’s had enough and over the  Christmas break I decided I needed to do something. Something to change the course so that in years to come he would still have that desire for learning.

I had a meeting with his teacher (what a treasure she is!) and the principal in January. I wanted to pick him up at half day once a week (making his week 3 full days, 2 half days). The principal very reluctantly agreed to a trial for 6 weeks. We’re half way through that trial. It has made a big difference. But now I want more (of course I do!). I want to go to the next meeting and request he get picked up at half day every day. I can already see the principal object to this .. because ‘his school attendance is my responsibility’, that’s what she told me at the first meeting. Honestly, I could care less about his attendance. I don’t care if he misses music, or gym, or library or the social experience or does not get to practice lining up one more time …. What I care about is his well being, his enthusiasim for learning, him getting enough time to play and rest. He is 5 years old!

I realize that I have a different mindset than most of my neighbors. But I come from Finland where kindergarten is for 6 year olds, where 1st grade is no longer than 4 hrs/day (yes you read that right) and where kids score on top of the world year after year. I am all for great education. I am not for chronic fatigue at the age of 5. Or 6. Or 7. I’m also not entirely sure how to proceed with the principal (or with my son). Would love to hear your thoughts. And if you happen to know the MA education law could you tell me what my legal rights are to pull him out at half day, please?

 

*As of past fall our town offers full day program at no cost and while not mandatory it is strictly enforced.

** This was before she realized that kindergarten was for 5 year olds and was a full day.

 

Hanna is a wife of a wonderful man, a mother of a kindergartener and 4 year old twins. They make a home in Lexington, MA. She is grateful her own parents made her get a degree in nursing before letting her move to America. 

 

10 week newbie!

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Hi there everyone!

I’m a new author here at HDYDI and wanted to introduce myself. I am currently 10 weeks pregnant with twins, living in the Chicagoland area. These are our first babies (unless you count our two four-legged ones) after having an early miscarriage in the summer of 2012. So, while I may not be a source of wisdom for many of you who already are employing your superhero skills daily in parenting multiples, hopefully some of my experiences can be helpful for others who are expecting twins.

It has felt to me that our experience of becoming parents has become more and more marginalized the further we got into it. After trying on our own for some time, we were referred to a fertility specialist, which brings a realization that you don’t get to be one of the lucky ones who “wasn’t even trying” and got pregnant. As we got sucked deeper and deeper into the infertility treatment vortex, I felt more and more different from my friends who got pregnant on their honeymoon, or tried for a couple of months. Before you know it, our reproductive endocrinologist was recommending we consider IVF. Again, a realization hits that you don’t get to be one of “those people” who “just needs a little Clomid” or get lucky with an IUI. And while friends and family were amazingly supportive, they couldn’t truly empathize with needing surgery, a boatload of medication, followed by eight weeks of progesterone injections to get/stay pregnant. Much less, after having lost a pregnancy already. Marginalized again.

Two weeks or so after our egg retrieval, on the date of my first blood test, I got the news that my first HCG beta was pretty high and “there might be two in there.” So many emotions! So many things to be grateful for and excited about! So many things to research and be fearful of! But, for certain, another realization that, again, we wouldn’t fall into the normative experience of having a baby. Now, we wouldn’t be the couple who struggled with infertility and did IVF, then rejoined the ranks of the “normal” folk who have a “regular” pregnancy. Indeed, after seeing the first ultrasound of two little beans growing in my uterus, we realized that we’d forever have a unique experience.

There was much frustration in not being part of the norm while trying to get pregnant. In fact, I felt like it made me isolate from friends who were on to their second or third pregnancy and joked that it was “the immaculate conception,” because they hardly even have sex. And, while I’m typically a fairly open person, the experience made me become more selective about what I shared with whom. I was over playing the role of the educator about the IVF process, or standing up for myself and my stress level when people said, “at least this is elective and you don’t have cancer, or something.”

But, for some reason, as soon as we hit the IVF level, or, as another IVFer friend said, “pulled out the big guns,” things started to change. We started to feel grateful. Grateful that we live in a time that this technology is an option to people who cannot conceive on their own. Grateful that we had insurance that covered this option. Grateful that both sides of our family are close and will (hopefully) be there to help. Now that we’re in this boat, we’ve decided to stick to this perspective of the differences in our journey to be parents. While we may be the last of our friends to get pregnant, we’re also the only ones in our (close) group of friends to be pregnant with twins. While, yes, this makes us different, in the right light, “different” can mean “special,” too, right? 

Needless to say, stumbling upon the HDYDI website felt like I was finding a community that could lessen some of the discomfort of the experience of being higher risk, or higher need, or infertile, or whatever other terms you want to use, and increase the excitement of having two blessings come at once. Thank you for your posts thus far and I look forward to being able to contribute!

Trust

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I recently had to take an emergency trip from my home in Texas to London, where I was needed to help care for my 2-year-old nephew. A co-worker pointed out that this went against the norm. It’s normally the UK that exports its nannies to the US, he said.

It didn’t make sense to bring my daughters with me, financially or practically. I didn’t want them to miss school. We wouldn’t even get to see London because I was going to have to focus on my nephew. Besides, I wouldn’t be able to get them passports in time. I cut it close with my own passport as it was. It had expired, but, fortunately, I fell within the criteria for an emergency travel credential, a passport substitute, good for this trip only. I drove 300+ miles roundtrip while my first graders were at school to obtain it.

I had to figure out how my daughters would be cared for while I was away. Their father lives 600 miles away and wasn’t going to be available. I don’t have any family nearby. What I do have is the village that it takes to raise a child, the people who are more family than family. These are the people who love J and M nearly as much as I do, from choice, not obligation.

I sent out two text messages, one to our babysitter Angie, and one to our former neighbour Heidi.

Angie used to teach at the daycare J and M attended for over 4 years. She’s known the girls for over half their lives, and is a trained childcare provider. She’s creative, funny, and affectionate, but doesn’t accept any disobedience or lack of discipline.

Heidi’s daughter is two months younger than my girls, to the day, and our girls have grown up like sisters, at least sisters where one sister can’t tell the other two apart. Heidi used to be the person I’d call if the girls wanted to play outside while I was in the middle of cooking dinner. As early as age 3, I knew I could trust them to go out the front door by themselves as long as Heidi knew they were out. I’d just usually end up stretching dinner to feed both families. I taught Heidi’s daughter how to bake, and she taught mine how to navigate the swampy area behind our first home. All 3 girls have known all their lives to listen to both sets of parents as if they were their own, and that the different rules of each house started at the edge of lawn and extended from the sidewalk to the back yard.

Both Angie and Heidi immediately said they could help care for the girls whiIe I was away. I went with Angie, because she could come and stay at our house with the kids, minimizing the disruption, avoiding the packing, and saving me having to find someone else to feed the cats and discipline the kitten. Her nannying schedule worked out to be a perfect complement to the girls’ school and after school care times.

I didn’t just want a babysitter for the kids, someone who would just ensure that they were safe and on schedule. I wanted someone who could fill in as Mom while I was away. Someone who would address their concerns about my absence openly and completely. Someone who wouldn’t take shortcuts to get through the evening, but would instead carry forward the work of raising the girls, discussing the choices they’d made during the day, challenging them to be responsible, building their confidence while emphasizing humility. What a gift to have two such people actually available to us on a week’s notice! There are still others in our community who would have gladly done it, had their work or childcare obligations allowed.

While I was in London, I videoconferenced with the girls on Skype every day, some days twice. I could tell that they were comfortable and happy. Their smiles were genuine, their stories from their day those of typical 6-year-olds, and their trust in Angie palpable. A couple of times, they had worries to discuss with me, but for the most part they wanted to hear about my day, be silly with their cousin, and confirm that I was okay before getting back to their busy lives of art projects and games of pretend.

Angie was the first person I gave a key to my home to after I bought it. There is nothing more precious to me than my children. I’d never leave my kids with someone I wouldn’t trust with my house keys. Anyone I can trust with them, I can trust with all that I own. After all, I’m trusting them with my life.

 

Sadia lives with her 6-year-old daughters in the greater Austin, Texas area. Her trip to London was her first to her home country in over a decade. She was too busy with a toddler and bureaucracy to see much of London.  Still, she was reminded that snow needn’t be too deep to crunch underfoot, that people walk on the left there, and that British biscuits are a far superior comfort food to American cookies. She heard a lot more Portuguese and Spanish than was spoken in London in her childhood, and was happy to learn that 11 years had put no dent in her closeness to her cousins or closest college buddy.

Happy Mom

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I have started my own “Happiness Project”. Fans of Gretchen Rubin’s books will recognize the term: I am working to become aware of what ideas and habits make me happy and will in turn make for a happier family. I have already incorporated many of her suggestions such as singing my kids awake in the morning, paying attention to small parenthood moments, always kissing my spouse goodbye. Only, just now–as I folded laundry, listened to my husband bang away at a home improvement project, and watch my children alternate between playing and yelling at each other–did my steps towards happiness crystallize in my mind as a formal project.

All three of my kids are in school this year, which gives me a bit more margin in my day, some time to breathe. What I am learning is that I, as an adult, crave certain routines throughout the day in order to be a great parent. That my happy consists of getting up before my husband and children, having my first cup of coffee by myself, quiet, reading. These 30 minutes of peace set my day on the right track. Remember, my kids are older, and I didn’t start this practice when I had a singleton toddler and infant twins!

Sunrise from my kitchen window.

Another daily routine that ensures my happiness is having my dinner cooked and in the fridge waiting to be warmed up by 3pm (more details on how I get this done in a future post!) What started as a survival strategy to make sure my husband and I ate a nutritious meal during our seasons of colic, preschool 5pm witching hour, and now after-school sports and activities, has served me well over the last nine years of parenting.

It has taken me years of parenting to figure out what daily routines work for my family. Yes, every parenting book will give you a strategies and suggestions for your children, but what about you ideas to take care of you–the caregiver? Sometimes the standard suggestion of “a night out” is not enough. What do you need to have happen during the day to make it through? Parent self-care is often an afterthought, and it was for me for so many years. But our family life is much smoother when I have put just a few of my needs into our daily routine. Books and blogs inspire and validate these  my ideas. I highly recommend Gretchen Rubin’s and Christine Carter’s books on happiness as a place to start.

I wish I had been self-aware of my happiness and needs for routines when I had younger children at home all day–I made so many mistakes! When our kids were toddlers, my friend proudly wore a t-shirt that said “Happy Mom.” How true! We all need to have happy moms!

Have you started your own happiness project? If not, take a brief, quiet moment to think about what pieces of your daily routine you can add, delete, or tweak to make you a happier parent. Let me know how it works out.

Leslie H. is a tired but happy mom to three loud, active, adventurous children, two of which happen to be twins.

Ask the Moms – Twin vs Singleton Pregnancy

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source http://www.sxc.hu/photo/335717

We’re going to try a new feature on the blog.  There used to be an Ask the Moms column.  I’ve decided to resurrect it to address your questions about having multiples.  If you have questions, email them to me at hdydiblog @ gmail DOT com.  Be sure to put Ask the Moms in the subject line.  I’ll post the questions, and our contributors and you (our helpful readers) can provide your responses.

 

source http://www.sxc.hu/photo/1358376

Here’s the first question.  Shelly posted this question on a post about twins vs singleton pregnancies.  Please share your experiences to help her out.

I need help. I currently have twins and just found out I’m 4 weeks pregnant. I really need to know details on how it may differ for me if now it’s a singleton pregnancy. With my twins I had no pregnancy symptoms at all other then heart burn and delivered via c-section 10 day prior to what would have been my 40 week due date. I had no complications but had several prenatal visit. I really want or need to know how different it may be with singleton. I’m already experiencing symptoms this time around such as dizzy, nausa, headache, backspin, mad tired, irritable as hell. Besides all that, I want to know how many prenatal visit I will have opposed to the tons I had while pregnant with twins. Thanx to all in advance.

Shelly,

Congratulations! My first thought it that every pregnancy is different. The number of prenatal visits will depend on your doctor or midwife, your health, the baby’s health, whether there are any complications or other health concerns, where you live (Canadian moms seem to have fewer ultrasounds than American moms), etc.  Just for comparison, I had 2 ultrasounds with my singleton and 6 or 7 with my twins.  With the singleton, I had one appointment a month in first trimester, and 2 month in the second and most of the third trimester.  In the last month I had weekly appointments. Jenna