If Youth is Wasted on the Young…

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A dear friend who lives far away just had a baby. She’s been sending me pictures and I can’t help but feel nostalgic! What a curled-up, mewling, soft and sweet little dumpling! And somewhere, deep inside, I feel the irrational stirrings of baby-fever, like rattling an unopened present. You may look at me and tell me I’m crazy. After all, my babies are ONLY 7 MONTHS OLD! Just a few weeks ago I was telling myself not to look forward more than fifteen minutes in order to avoid an all-consuming panic attack! I haven’t slept in eight months!

So, you’d probably be right. But it’s not like I want a baby now. Maybe in a few years–I just can’t imagine never having another one.

But then I think about what it would actually be like. The twins would be running around and would need supervision. I wouldn’t be able to lounge around like I did with my first pregnancy. “Bedtime” with a newborn and twin toddlers? An oxymoron, surely! Sometimes I think the only reason I’m getting by now is because the twins are my number one and only priority–everything else gets thrown out the window and I’m moving too fast to look back. This wouldn’t be possible if I were to add another baby into the mix.

As hard as those first few months were (and they were, very!), I can’t help but wonder if they were actually easier than another pregnancy, another birth, another baby would be. And so, like they say youth is wasted on the young, my first pregnancy and newborn experience was wasted on my childless-self. I’ll never get another chance to rest leisurely with my feet up and complain about my swollen ankles while watching every episode of Breaking Bad and Teen Mom on Netflix as I wait for the baby. I’ll never be able to drop everything I’m doing to feed my newborn and have nothing more important to do, because I will have two other children who need me, too. Not to mention a husband!

I think being confronted with another newborn, the questions of a new mom, the pictures of the happy family–all the details, good and bad, that go into the “fourth trimester” have just been making me, like I said earlier, nostalgic. I try to think back on the day the babies were born and to my horror, I can’t seem to remember much. The whole first three months are a big blur. What a stereotypical thing for a new mom to say, but it’s true.

Project Procrastinot Twins
They grow up so fast! *sniff*

Whether I blame the grogginess on my medicated recovery from the C-section, the sleep deprivation, or yet another surgery and recovery at 6 weeks postpartum, it doesn’t really matter. I feel incredibly guilty for not remembering every single detail of the first months of my twins’ lives. Maybe the romance of a new baby (at least the idea of one) is my way of making up for the memories I’ve fumbled around. Maybe what I really want is not another baby, but just time with my babies back. I love where they are right now–laughing a lot, interacting more and more, but there’s something to be said for those precious new baby moments!

If you had twins first, how did your next pregnancy compare?

Mercedes is a SAHM to her 7 month old b/g twins in Aberdeen, Scotland.  While she daydreams about adding another baby to the family one day, her husband fears another unexpected “handful”! For more stories and pictures of an expat life with twins, visit her blog Project Procrastinot. 
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8 thoughts on “If Youth is Wasted on the Young…”

  1. This is perfect! I have a post I’m working on right now about how my recent single pregnancy compared to my twin pregnancy.

    My newborn is 6 weeks old. And I want another one! There’s just something about new babies that makes you feel that way. And I remember feeling it with my twins too when they were young.

    And I, too, don’t remember all that much about my twins first year. It’s crazy! Thank goodness I blogged, journaled, and took some pictures too. It helped me remember a little what it was like now that I seem so far removed from it (though it’s only been three years!).

    Hopefully I’ll finish my post soon and share some more.

  2. I seriously could have written this post. My guys are 7 months, I can’t remember a thing about the 4th trimester, I’m desperate for sleep and my wrists are aching from carpal tunnel – yet I still want another one. Or maybe it’s like you said – I wish I had time with my newborns back! Thank you for this awesome post!

  3. When I hear a baby crying, my breasts hurt. A friend whose oldest is in grad school and youngest a high school senior assures me that it passes, eventually.

    I SOOOOO would love another one, although I recognize that it’s impractical right now. I also accept that I’m a baby person; that’s my favourite age.

  4. Oh, the irony of babies. You can’t wait for them to grow up, and you want them to stay small, all at the same time. To be honest though, being in the thick of twins learning to roll over and getting “stuck” while they’re supposed to be sleeping, is probably not something I’d wish to relive. Husband says we are DONE. I don’t want to close the door yet, but don’t tell him that!
    Having had a single first then twins, I did get to enjoy Toddler’s babyhood much more.

  5. Rebecca, glad you enjoyed it! There’s something about sharing with other MoMs–we just *get* it more than most!

    Sadia, I always thought of myself as a toddler or kinder age person, and I was scared at the thought of having two babies! But I feel like now I know more of what I’m doing, so I want a do-over!

    Lunchldyd, thank you (: Yeah, there are certainly bits that I wouldn’t mind skipping but all the squishiness and smelling baby heads? It turns me into goo!

  6. My twins are 3.5 and I have a 14 month old. I’m getting baby fever all over again. Twins with a new baby is definitely harder than the twin infants were. At least that’s my experience. In many ways I feel like I got a do-over. I’m so enjoying every stage as my baby goes through it. I don’t think I got to enjoy it with my twins like I do now. Nursing 1 baby has to be one of the best things about having a singleton after twins. So easy and drama free. I definitely recommend trying for a single baby after twins if you can, but don’t make the mistake I did in thinking it would be easier the second time around. It’s not easier, but there may be more enjoyment in it.

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