wpid-Photo-May-19-2013-1031-PM.jpg

Friendships Between Twins

Posted on
Categories Birthdays, Friendships with Other Multiples, Identical, Multiple Types, Parenting Twins, Same GenderTags , , , ,

I mentioned in my last post that we would be throwing a combined birthday party with another set of twins from my daughters’ classes. It went swimmingly. I had a great time, and it seemed that everyone else did too.
3 sets of identical twins and a little boy pose over a birthday cake

As luck would have it, the first guests to arrive were the other birthday girls’ cousins, who happen to also be identical twins. This happens to be the first photo I took but features no fewer than 3 sets of identical girl twins, plus one little brother.

My third reaction to the picture after a smile and an “Awww, how cute!” is to ponder how rare it is. I’ve seen statistics putting identical twins at 0.4% of all births. The girls in the photo, though, have no awareness of being part of a rare phenomenon. Some people just come in pairs, in their reality.

My girls have a number of twin friends. I’m partly responsible. I can’t help being drawn to other parents who face similar joys and challenges to the ones in my life. Chance meetings turn into play date arrangements and play dates turn into friendships. The girls in the picture are among the first twins my daughters have befriended outside my influence. After all, I don’t control who they hang out with at public school. M and J also became close friends with classmates in kindergarten, two boys who are identical twins. We don’t get to see HDYDI’s Tracey’s boys as often as we’d like to, but J and M talk about often and consider them close friends.

My girls definitely notice when their friends are twins. They use the word “twins” when describing their friends to me for the first time. They have a number of friends in after school care who are fraternal twins, but I’ve noticed that in those cases, they’re usually much closer to one sibling than another.

I recall a conversation I had with my daughters when they were 4. We’d run into a friend from my Mothers of Multiples group, along with her young boy/girl twins. When I pointed out that they, too, were twins, one of my daughters said, “No they’re not! They’re not the same.” When I dug a little deeper, she said that twins had to be the same gender. I got the impression that twins, to her, were identical only.

Now, at age 7, my daughters certainly accept fraternal twins into the fold, but they clearly feel a deeper connection to other identical twins. I wonder how it would be different to fraternal twins. I only know the identical experience in any depth.

Do your kids have an awareness of being multiples? Are they friends with others? Are they drawn towards twins of the same “type” as themselves?

Sadia is raising her 7 year-old girls in the Austin, TX area. She is divorced and works in higher ed information technology. She is originally from the UK and Bangladesh, but has lived in the US since college.

Share this...Share on Facebook0Tweet about this on TwitterShare on Google+0Pin on Pinterest0Share on StumbleUpon0Share on Tumblr0Share on Reddit0Digg thisShare on LinkedIn0Email this to someone

Published by

Sadia

Sadia (rhymes with Nadia) has been coordinating How Do You Do It? since late 2012. She is the divorced mother of 10-year-old monozygotic twins, M and J. They live in the Austin, TX suburbs, where Sadia works full time in information technology. She contributes to a number of parenting websites and magazines and also runs The Mommy Blogging Guide, where she answers mommy bloggers' technical questions.

2 thoughts on “Friendships Between Twins”

  1. Aaron and Brady identify twins as two babies with the same birthday. They are identical themselves but seem to identify more with fraternal twins. Even boy/girl twins. In other words: twins who are easy to tell apart at first glance.

    My boys consider themselves to be extremely different and easy to tell apart. (Which…is debatable!) They TRULY do not understand how anyone can think they look alike and often sigh with a “that’s not me” or “…that’s the other one…” if someone gets their name wrong. So when they encounter identical twins and have a hard time telling them apart, they get upset. They take it really personally, like they are letting those twins — and themselves — down.

    1. How interesting! I had a fun experience years ago. One of a set of identical boys told me, “They’re not identical! I can tell them apart!” Obviously, they interpreted “identical” differently than we do in our family. I’ve always focused on it NOT meaning that the girls are the same, but obviously, for these boys, not being distinguished by others was their reality.

      Many years later, one of these twins is a cancer survivor and the boys look significantly different. I wonder what they think of their “identicalness” now.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

CommentLuv badge