Why I Need Other Twin Moms

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Categories Infants, Other people, Parenting, Parenting Twins

Hello! I’m Marisa, mother to nine month old boy/girl twins, Jack and Mara.  My husband Steven and I live in the Philadelphia suburbs. I’m also a new stay at home mom, leaving a job in corporate communications to raise the twins full-time. As a huge fan of this site, I’m thrilled and honored to start blogging as part of this wonderful community!

A few weeks ago, I was at a play date with an old coworker of mine and her sister-in-law, both mothers of singletons. We met at a local park. As always, I brought my twins in their double City Mini Baby Jogger while the other moms carried their babies. At one point, my friend suggested we sit on the grass and rolled out a blanket for the babies to sit on.

Of course, like clockwork, my extremely mobile twins started crawling at lightning speed in two different directions. Jack was headed for the base of a nearby tree, while Mara had somehow gotten under the swings. I rushed around, grabbing both babies, and carrying them in my arms (together) back to the blanket.

“Oh my God, Carrie,” lamented the sister-in-law to my friend, watching me with pity and awe. “Can you imagine doing that?”

I often leave events like these feeling a mix of emotions ranging from “they have no idea how much work it is for me” to “I really hate that they pity me for having two babies.” Even when I feel I have mastered the twin thing (at least at this stage!!) and could do it in my sleep, experiences like these always anchor me back down.

Enter my twin friends. While most of us didn’t have anything in common at first except for being mothers of multiples, these women have become some of my closest friends and confidants. Especially during the first few months, when the days were incredibly hard and you wondered how on earth you could survive on just an hour or two of consecutive sleep, having the support of other moms of multiples really saved my sanity. There were the early morning texts after a truly awful night, the emails about the challenges of pumping and tandem nursing. During my most difficult days, they would always reassure me with those four little magical words: “It Will Get Easier.”

Having other moms of multiples in your life is truly life changing. One of my closest friends, B, (an acquaintance until we both found out we were pregnant with twins, due just a few months apart) really set the course for me in terms of how I parent and see myself as a mother of multiples. Watching B mother her twins with her sense of humor, can-do attitude, and ability to quickly adapt to change has been instrumental.

During our first outing (a walk in the park) when Jack and Mara were about six weeks old, B mentioned she had gotten frozen yogurt the night before, and carried her four-month old twins with her in their infant seats, with no stroller, no help — NOTHING!  I was in awe. “Didn’t people stare at you, carrying two babies ALL ALONE!!?!” I asked. B shrugged. “I don’t know. And I don’t care.”

Back to the play groups. I met up with my “twin” play group at the park last week – moms of multiples I had met through my local multiples chapter. Spreading out my blanket next to the other moms, I immediately felt a sense of relief knowing these women also had two babies with them. While Jack was off trying to pull a toy out of another baby’s mouth, Mara was chomping on some grass, and these women didn’t even so much as blink.

When it was time to put the babies in the swings, I started to put Jack and Mara back in their stroller to walk over to the playground section of the park. Another mom called out to me –  “Don’t bother with the stroller! Just carry them! You know you carry them together at home!” She scooped up her twins and walked over to the playground. And I happily followed suit.

What have you learned from your relationships with other mothers of multiples?

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MarisaB

MarisaB is the proud mother of nine month old boy/girl twins, Jack and Mara. A recent stay at home mom, she left her job in corporate communications to raise her very active - and curious - twins. A former adjunct English professor, MarisaB and her husband, Steven, live in the Philadelphia area. When she isn't blogging about the trials and tribulations of being a new twin momma, she enjoys reading, cooking, attempting to knit, running, enjoying a nightly glass of wine, and spending time with her family at the Jersey Shore. MarisaB loves talking with other twin moms, so drop her a line at MarisaBtwins@gmail.com!

6 thoughts on “Why I Need Other Twin Moms”

  1. Some of my best friends are the twin moms I met in my multiples prenatal class….commiserating during those first few crazy months was the start of some great friendships.

  2. There’s a level of closeness I feel right away when I meet other moms of multiples that takes time to develop with singleton moms. Like you, I don’t want/need people to pity me or think of me as a superhero. I just parent the way I need to.

  3. I attended my first twin play group when my boys were 10 months old and it was the first time I felt “normal”. Four moms, eight babies, and everyone was playing defense keeping the crawlers within a semi narrow area. Instead of feeling sweaty and deflated like I had at other play sessions, I felt refreshed after hanging out with my new comrades.

  4. You are so right. I never felt quite at ease with singleton moms. They just didn’t understand what I was going through. I often get annoyed by singleton mothers who tend to overly dote on their baby (maybe it’s jealousy because I didn’t have that luxury with twins). There is a different feeling when I hang with my twin mom friends – they are always eager to help – they don’t ask, they just do it. Sadly, it was my experience that my singleton mom friends didn’t have the same sense to help out.

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