In the MOMs Club - Just Barely

In the MOMs Club – Just Barely

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In the MOMs Club - Just Barely

Not to bring anyone down, especially since this is my first post for HDYDI, but I’m barely part of this club. You know, the Moms of Multiples club.

You see, I have triplets. But I don’t. I have twins. But I don’t. I’m neither here nor there. And it’s hard.

Bickford Babies

I have what are called ‘surviving’ or ‘incomplete’ triplets. I carried three babies, and I birthed three babies, but only two of them survived. Today, Braden and Tenley are doing well at 19 months old (16 adjusted), even though they were born at only 27 1/2 weeks old.

You can read more about how we lost baby A, Carter, by going to his special website we created to help raise funds for organizations that work to help parents who have experienced the NICU or loss.

Celebrate Carter Logo

It’s a tough spot to be in. I’m now part of a new club – the club no one wants to be a part of – the loss mom club. But you know what? I’m okay with it. I’m okay with it because it means I get to write and share my story. I get to talk about Carter all the time. He gets to make a difference. I’m okay with it because I’m writing several books to help others relate to loss moms, deal with bed rest, or get through a tragedy like the loss of a child. I’m speaking at conferences. I’m raising funds through Carter’s fundraiser each year. I’m choosing to see the good in the midst of the bad.

So, when you read posts by me, know that there will be times when I’m a triplet mom, times when I’m a twin mom. And times when I don’t know what kind of mom I am.

Braden & Tenley

And that’s okay.

And it’s also okay for you to be uncomfortable. Or to relate. Or to empathize. It’s okay for you to ask questions. Or seek out support.

I look forward to representing the unique position that some moms of multiples find themselves in – celebrating and grieving at the same time.

When you stand and share your story in an empowering way, your story will heal you, and your story will heal someone else. ~Iyanla Vanzant

I hope you’ll join me as I share my take on things – and be sure to let me know in the comments below if there’s anything specific you’d like me to cover!

AngelaAngela is a stay-at-home mom raising surviving triplets. She lost her first-born triplet, Carter, after 49 days, and her survivors, B & T, keep her pretty busy with their ongoing needs as a result of their prematurity. She manages to find time for her business and personal blog. Her goal in blogging is to share with others that it’s possible to survive after loss. She and her husband live in the Houston, TX suburb of Cypress. She also blogs at Thirty-One:10.

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angelabickford3

Angela is a stay-at-home mom raising surviving triplets. She lost her first-born triplet, Carter, after 49 days, and her survivors, B & T, keep her pretty busy with their ongoing needs as a result of their prematurity. She manages to find time for her business and personal blog (angelabickford.com). Her tagline ‘Mom of Triplets. Lost One. Survived & Sharing’ is her goal in blogging and she aims to share with others that it’s possible to survive after loss. She and her husband live in the Houston, TX suburb of Cypress. She also blogs at Thirty-One:10.

8 thoughts on “In the MOMs Club – Just Barely”

  1. Angela, my heart hurts to hear your loss. It is amazing how you have been able to transform your grief into positive conversation and action. Thank you for sharing your story here! I look forward to more posts!

  2. I am typing this with tears in my eyes after reading about your family’s journey. I have been down a similar path and even though it has been 13 years, I still struggle with the question “are they twins”? I often answer by saying “no, they are surviving triplets and their brother unexpectedly died when he was a couple months old”. This gives me an opportunity to talk about Collin and sometimes it helps others talk about a loss they experienced but felt it was socially taboo. I look forward to reading more about rasing survivors while grieving your loss.

    1. Thank you for commenting, Pam. I’m so sorry about your loss, too. I do imagine that you still struggle – I know I probably will too with the whole twins/triplets thing. I agree with how you reply. I do the same most of the time. I usually go by the vibe I get. If I feel drawn to say more, I do what you do. Then it usually ends up that the person I’m talking to either has a loss, knows someone with a loss, or has triplets or twins too and understands. It’s weird how that works out. Looking forward to connecting more. :)

  3. I too feel you pain and am sorry for your loss. I have surviving twin girls and my angel baby boy. Sometimes I feel that others don’t get it, but I can resonate with you…I don’t know what kind of mom I am…the first year milestones were hard…and there are days when I look into my girls faces and just miss him….but feel guilty because I feel it detracts from my time with them when I am sad…bittersweet is what I call it…everyday is bittersweet

    1. Nicole, I’m so sorry for your loss. I know it’s hard – we often wonder what our boy would have looked like too. What he’d be doing now, etc. I also understand the guilt you feel, but try not to be too hard on yourself. Feeling what you’re feeling is totally human and normal and a sign that he lived. :)

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