Identity Crisis

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Categories Difference, Identical, Individuality, Parenting Twins, Talking to KidsTags , , ,

I was folding laundry when my 7-year-old daughter J bounced out of her room to talk to me. She lay down on the carpet and looked up at me.

J: I feel weird.
Me: Oh?
J: I’m uncomfortable.
Me: What about?
J: M (her twin) has been eating dessert and I haven’t.
Me: I thought you didn’t want dessert.
J: That’s what’s making me feel weird. M wanted dessert and I didn’t. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.
Me: I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. Perhaps M has a sweet tooth like me, and you don’t feel like having sweets so often, like Daddy.
J: That’s possible. I love Daddy. This might hurt your feelings, but he’s my favourite parent.
Me: That doesn’t hurt my feelings. You absolutely should love him.
J: He’s my second favourite person, after M. But I still like sweet things.
Me: Sure, of course you like sweet things. You probably just don’t crave them as much as you get more mature.
J: Is M getting more mature?
Me: Absolutely, but not in exactly the the same way at the same time as you. You’re different people.
J: No we’re not. We’re the same people.
Me: Um.
J: It doesn’t make sense. It we were born together, it doesn’t make sense we mature and different times and lose our teeth at different times. I don’t like it.
Me: I can understand that it feels uncomfortable, but you and M have always been different people. You have a lot in common, and it doesn’t change your love for each other or your closeness to have differences.
J: I guess.

I’m sure that these are only the beginning stages of a long and bumpy road to individuation.

Have your kids ever expressed to you how they feel in relation to their multiples?

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Sadia

Sadia (rhymes with Nadia) has been coordinating How Do You Do It? since late 2012. She is the divorced mother of 10-year-old monozygotic twins, M and J. They live in the Austin, TX suburbs, where Sadia works full time in information technology. She contributes to a number of parenting websites and magazines and also runs The Mommy Blogging Guide, where she answers mommy bloggers' technical questions.

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