Before having twins, I considered myself to be a fair and balanced person. I didn’t know exactly how “bad” that could be until I gave birth to 2 little girls on the same day and then it started to happen
- Spice has a poopy diaper and I keep peeking into Sugar’s diaper expecting the same miracle. I call it miracle because Spice was a twice-a-dayer while Sugar was every other day
- I cuddle with Spice for 10 minutes, feel guilty about the imbalance in cuddle time and put her down to cuddle with Sugar for 10 minutes – this ends with both babies in tears because Spice was perfectly happy to cuddle for hours and Sugar was perfectly happy counting her toes and I just ruined both their afternoons
- Spice has started drinking 8 ounce bottles so I start trying to feed Sugar the same. The result? She just throws up the 2 extra ounces
All that was in the first year and after that year, I got it. Both babies may have been wombmates but they are two different individuals with sometimes very different sets of needs. I find that my sanity as a twin mom is better preserved when I remember this fact. My twins adapted to solids differently, they potty trained differently, they like different colors, they even have different sleep styles – Sugar is all over the place while Spice stays cuddled under her blanket for the night. I take them to the Disney store and Spice can’t stop exclaiming “this is so beautiful mama!” Sugar on the other hand is trying to drag me out of the store.
There’s no hiding from it. As the twins get older, their differences have become more pronounced and I have no choice but to adapt with them. Though I love them equally, I can’t love them the same. Twins are individuals and need to be treated as such. It’s a concept I’ve slowly come to embrace. I’ve even started dressing them “slightly” differently though I confess that if they wear 2 different outfits, both still have to be from the same brand. No mixing of your Gymborees with your Old Navys here. Nah, I’m not ready for that yet!
Am I alone in this? Do you sometimes find yourself over-tilting the scales in an effort to be fair and balanced with your multiples?
Yetunde has 3 year old twin girls and dishes about her experiences on the blog aptly titled mytwintopia.