Equal but Different

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Categories Parenting, Parenting Twins

Before having twins, I considered myself to be a fair and balanced person. I didn’t know exactly how “bad” that could be until I gave birth to 2 little girls on the same day and then it started to happen

  • Spice has a poopy diaper and I keep peeking into Sugar’s diaper expecting the same miracle. I call it miracle because Spice was a twice-a-dayer while Sugar was every other day
  • I cuddle with Spice for 10 minutes, feel guilty about the imbalance in cuddle time and put her down to cuddle with Sugar for 10 minutes – this ends with both babies in tears because Spice was perfectly happy to cuddle for hours and Sugar was perfectly happy counting her toes and I just ruined both their afternoons
  • Spice has started drinking 8 ounce bottles so I start trying to feed Sugar the same. The result? She just throws up the 2 extra ounces

All that was in the first year and after that year, I got it. Both babies may have been wombmates but they are two different individuals with sometimes very different sets of needs. I find that my sanity as a twin mom is better preserved when I remember this fact. My twins adapted to solids differently, they potty trained differently, they like different colors, they even have different sleep styles – Sugar is all over the place while Spice stays cuddled under her blanket for the night. I take them to the Disney store and Spice can’t stop exclaiming “this is so beautiful mama!” Sugar on the other hand is trying to drag me out of the store.


There’s no hiding from it. As the twins get older, their differences have become more pronounced and I have no choice but to adapt with them. Though I love them equally, I can’t love them the same. Twins are individuals and need to be treated as such. It’s a concept I’ve slowly come to embrace. I’ve even started dressing them “slightly” differently though I confess that if they wear 2 different outfits, both still have to be from the same brand. No mixing of your Gymborees with your Old Navys here. Nah, I’m not ready for that yet!

Am I alone in this? Do you sometimes find yourself over-tilting the scales in an effort to be fair and balanced with your multiples?

Yetunde has 3 year old twin girls and dishes about her experiences on the blog aptly titled mytwintopia.

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Yetunde-Olusola was born, raised and married in Lagos Nigeria, had twin girls in Houston, Texas and is currently raising them in Calgary, Canada while balancing an engineering career on the side. So I guess if you had to put a label on that you can say she's an expat, working mother of Sugar and Spice (The Twins). She started blogging at mytwintopia blog when her twin girls were born and loves to share tips and resources based on her personal parenting experiences in the hopes that she stops some frazzled twin parent from re-inventing the wheel. She doesn't do a lot of crafts and recipes and tends to be fairly concise with words. She blames all that on her introverted alter-ego.

5 thoughts on “Equal but Different”

    1. I think some personalities are more prone to this “affliction”. LOL. I actually went back to read your post on being fair and yup, spot on.

  1. Yes! Especially with holding them, like you mentioned. If I hold one baby for too long, I feel too guilty and either put the first one down or need to switch, and have the same experience you described. LOL! The outfits from the same brand is hilarious.

    1. Yeah, sometimes I think it’s pathetic and want to slap myself. One kid in short sleeves and one in long sleeves? It happens but my fairness-induced OCD just about goes into overdrive :).
      I may or may not have changed perfectly clean clothes just to maintain brand balance

  2. I was JUST getting on to post something on this very topic and saw that you had done so earlier this week! I could not agree more. These are feelings that I’ll just have to keep shoving down over and over again as I raise my boys. Let them be different! That’s what I keep telling myself.

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