Jack and Ben are 6 months old TODAY. I cannot believe it has been half a year. I keep trying to type how I feel, then deleting, then typing, then deleting, then typing…it is just so hard to put the last 6 months into words. I just love these little boys.
One big thing that I’ve had to tell myself almost every day is, “Let them be different.” It is such a big part of having multiples. I’m sure it’s hard not to let yourself or others compare your children in general, but even harder when they are growing up at the exact same time, right next to each other. I feel like they will always be looked at side by side.
This one is larger than that one, that one is rolling over and the other one isn’t yet, this one loves tummy time, that one can’t stand being put down, etc. The list is endless and will only be added to as they grow up. I can’t even imagine what it will be like once they start school.
People mean to come off as interested and observant with the boys, but for a while when someone would say, “Oh, so he is the bigger one!” I couldn’t help but feel like they were saying, “And that must be the runt!” I know nobody meant it that way and they were really just trying to be nice and notice differences, but it’s hard to keep that protective motherly instinct tucked away.
Are they both getting the exact same amount of milk? Do I need to give this baby a little extra milk to “catch up”? Have I made this baby giggle just as much as his brother today? How do I get this baby interested in rolling over like his brother? I just rocked this cranky boy to sleep, so should I rock his brother or can I just lay him down?
It can get really draining, always trying to treat them the same. I just had to realize that in this instance, “sameness” does not mean “equality”. I had to learn to let them be different. Anytime I feel pressure about where they both are in comparison to each other, I just repeat that in my head. “Let them be different, Sarah. They are different and that’s how it should be, and it’s wonderful.”
I love them both and as long as they feel that, everything is okay. They will thank me later for not trying to make them into the exact same person.
Different is okay, Mom.