Twinfant Tuesday: Isolated With Twins

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You just had multiples and had people lining up to see your adorable new blessings. But, after the first few weeks, many of us no longer have people coming over, and a feeling of being isolated with twins starts creeping in, especially for those who are stay at home moms, who lack adult interaction for the majority of the day. Our twins (or more) are so darn demanding of our time and energy that we don’t get the chance to do much of anything else, let alone entertain guest or go out and socialize.

Isolated with TwinsWhen I think back to my first year with my twins I remember that I was isolated. I moved to a brand new city where I didn’t know anyone and we only had one car, which my husband was taking to work each day. We weren’t close to any parks, and even if we were our major city ironically lacked proper sidewalks and crosswalks on the very busy intersection we lived right next to.

The only socializing I did was with my husband and with some people at church. My poor husband was bombarded each night with endless chatter since I had spent most of my day attending to babbling and crying twins. Thankfully my friends at church had a monthly book club which meant that I at least got out one evening a month, and gave me a great book to read, too.

As I look back on this, I realize that I missed out. I missed out on many things because I was isolated with twins at home.  But, I also see that I could’ve done more to help this. So, if you are like me, and feeling isolated at home with twins or triplets, then may I suggest the following:

Ways to Stop Feeling Isolated with Twins

1. Call up people.

If you are far away from people you know, then give them a call! I would call my sister several times a week. I would call old college roommates. I would call my parents. Just call and talk to another adult on the phone for a while. It can make a huge difference in your day.  I’m pretty sure I called many people I hadn’t talked to in forever while I was in that first year with twins. It was great!

2. Invite people over anyway.

I wish I would’ve started doing this sooner, but I always second-guessed my home and the level of awesomeness to hold more people in it. We’ve only lived in apartments or townhouses and I’ve always been aware of how we lack a play room and space in general. I always thought I couldn’t invite over other stay-at-home moms who had older kids as they couldn’t really play with my babies, and I had no “big kid” toys since my girls were still just infants and were my first children. I always thought that their older child would be bored quickly and would want to leave. But, honestly, I should’ve just gotten over myself. No matter how messy and chaotic your house (or yourself) is, invite people over. Just do it. Waiting for someone else to invite you over (or continue to do so) is sometimes a depressing game to play. Be proactive and swallow your pride so that you can make real friends who will love YOU and not your enormous home, large quantity of toys, cleanliness, or home decor.

3. Join… something!

Book clubs, bowling leagues, a gym, a walking group, whatever! Join something that is just for you, not for your babies. Check your local library for events, scrounge Facebook for local groups and organization, and get out!

4. Multiples Club

I looked into some local mothers of multiples chapters but never ended up joining one. Part of the reason was we were hard up for cash, but honestly, I probably could’ve asked for the money from my in-laws or my parents, or even asked the multiples organization if they had a low-income rate or scholarship. I feel like I missed out on such wonderful opportunities because I never joined a local multiples club.

5. Take a class.

Pottery, cake decoration, scrap-booking, cooking, dancing, Zumba, photography, Family History, whatever! Take a class and make some new friends and learn some new skills. It will give you something else to think about and practice as you care for your babies.

6. Blog

I found that blogging, even just about my kids, was therapeutic. I knew at least my family and friends were reading about my life, and some would even be a dear and leave a comment! It made me at least feel like I wasn’t alone. Someone was listening.

7. Social media

Along with #6, using Facebook or Twitter to connect with friends and see how they are doing can help when you are isolated at home.

8. Mommy and Me activities

While you need to find time for yourself and your own talents, sometimes in that first year, any social gathering is amazing even if they mean you don’t get a break from your children. Take Mommy and Me swim lessons or classes. Go to story time at the library or your local book store. Take you kids to the museums, parks, or other local attractions and be sure to invite someone to join you. While it may be crazy to take all the kids out, and they may seem to young to really enjoy it, it can be very worth it socially.

I hope these eight ideas encourage you to not feel so isolated with twins at home. I know each family and living situation is different, but make sure you are doing something that lets you connect to other adults. I’m pretty sure it’s essential to your sanity with infant twins!

Did you feel isolated at home during that first year? Do you currently? What did you do to overcome those feelings?

ldskatelyn is a wife and mama to 4 year-old fraternal g/g twins and a one year old baby boy and currently lives in Indianapolis. She loves being social and is grateful for the friends she has been able to make since her twins first year. She currently writes a great parenting, family, and home blog called “What’s up Fagans?”

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ldskatelyn

Katelyn is a stay-at-home mom to three year old fraternal twin girls, Lisa and Alison, and a brand new baby boy, named Michael. She is enjoying having a newborn again and also loving the dynamics (so far) of having kids of different ages. When Katelyn isn’t playing or taking care of her kids, she’s often reading a book, blogging, watching a movie, or taking care of business. She’s also a talented artist, a Sunday School teacher to a group of 6-year old kids, a supportive spouse to her graduate student/math teacher husband, and a musician. She works hard to have a clean house, great preschoolers, and a happy home. She shares bits of advice and much of her life over at her personal blog What’s up Fagan’s?

9 thoughts on “Twinfant Tuesday: Isolated With Twins”

  1. I don’t have twins, but I totally related to this. Being home with an infant can be very isolating, as I discovered when we moved from Manhattan to the burbs when I was pregnant. All my friends still lived in the city, and didn’t know anyone here. I joined a lot of groups, started a (short-lived) book club, and went on a lot of meet-ups. It got better as time went by. Now we spend every weekend at birthday parties!

  2. Hands down, this was the hardest part of being a SAHM with twinfants. For one thing, I’m a social person and for another, it’s a learning curve to figure out what to do with your time when you’re not going to a job outside the home and the babies are on a crazy, ever-changing schedule. I felt shy to ask people over because my life seemed so boring, but I was surprised how people were glad to be asked. You made GREAT suggestions. They sound simple, but truly, each one can help lift the fog of loneliness so much.

    1. It was really hard! I went from being a full-time student to a stay-at-home mom, plus being in a new city where I didn’t know anyone. I’m very social too, and I think that first year of being a mom hurt my social skills!

      I always LOVE being invited over to people’s homes myself so why wouldn’t someone want to come to mine, right?

      Thanks for your comment Rebecca!

  3. I had 3 under 4 and it was miserable. I can’t imagine if two had been newborns at once. Great advice for any mama feelign outnumbered and overworked. :)

  4. This is an awesome post, Katelyn! Love all the suggestions!

    I wasn’t even on FB when my girls were born, and I didn’t find blogging until they were a year old. I’ve thought back quite a few times, I think that would have helped me feel more connected. Even though I really enjoy my alone time (and/or time with sleeping babies), it was incredibly isolating those first 3 or 4 months, in particular.

    Thank you for writing this to acknowledge these feelings are normal…and giving concrete ideas for coping, too.

    1. You are welcome Mandy! I think SM is a great way for moms to feel connected today if they are feeling alone, although, it can’t replace true human contact, at least it’s something!

  5. I was at home with no car for six months with one baby, which clearly isn’t as much work as two but yeah, my poor husband when he got home and I couldn’t stop talking. I think every mama of an infant should have a Bluetooth headset so she can have phone conversations without needing her hands! Not saying ignore the baby, but there are times when they don’t need you to be staring right at them and talking to them alone.

  6. So very, very true. When my twins were toddlers 18 years ago, there was no social media! I, too, felt extremely isolated and lonely staying home with my boys. My only saving grace was forcing myself to go out with them. As hard as it was to get out the door with two babies, I did it regularly–to the park, to the mall, to the library, to the grocery store. Anywhere where I would have adult interaction.

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