The other day it occurred to me that the minions are seriously misinformed about a number of realities of the world and even though we often try to correct them, they insist on their own unique versions of reality and we entertain a number of them because they are cute. I don’t want to correct Molly when she tells me that she loves “Honeydude melon”, but I do because that’s my job.
- Any man with grey hair over 55 is not your Papa or Grandpa. This became particularly awkward when Jack tried to sit on a friends father’s lap because he wanted to spend time with his grandpa.
- Just because the guy who installs the new hot water heater is a tall Eastern Asian man who kinda of looks like a friend of ours doesn’t mean that they’re the same person. I’m pretty sure that he doesn’t want to play with you and thinks you’re a little bit racist.
- Those aren’t your “Elmos” they’re your elbows.
- Those aren’t my “elbows” they’re my breasts.
- Whenever you tell me that you’re, “never going to cry again” I don’t believe you. Also when you’re laying on the floor throwing a tantrum screaming, “I’m not a baby!” you’re kind of being a giant baby.
- Your stuffed Bunny isn’t really a bunny, it’s a dog. Sorry.
- That picture at Nana and Grampa’s is of a Polar bear, not a dog.
- Your concept of ownership is ill conceived: The last time I checked that is not your car or your house, but we can share.
- Your assortment of candles, candle holders, wine corks and contact cases are not actually toys, they’re random objects that you’ve collected like some sort of weird hoarder. When you ask other kids to come over and play with your “toys” they will likely be disappointed.
- That old man with the big bushy white beard who wears a red t-shirt and hangs out smoking in front of the local legion/recreation club is usually drunk and definitely NOT Santa.
This post originally appeared on my blog Multiple Momstrosity but I thought I would share it as a part of HDYDI’s Toddler Thursday Series.