Monday was Memorial Day, the American remembrance to honour all who have given their lives in service to the USA.
Too often, we get caught up in the excitement of a day off work, family barbecues, and widely advertised sales, forgetting the Memorial part of the day altogether. My daughters’ father is a career soldier and has served 3 combat tours in Iraq and Afghanistan. While we’re thankful that he has never been injured, I’m very aware that not all military families are so fortunate. On this day of the year, I always remember a waitress I met near where we live. We started chatting about our families when she noticed that my girls were twins. She was pregnant with her twins, she told me, when her husband was killed on duty at the Pentagon, on September 11, 2001. She moved back to Texas so that her parents could help her raise her three children even as she grieved.
It’s easy to overlook how war, especially war that takes place far from our shores, impacts children. It does impact them, though. My daughters have known all their lives that Daddy goes away to catch bad men. They know that he carries a gun, and so do the bad men. They also know that most of the people in Iraq and Afghanistan are just mommies and daddies and kids who don’t want any fighting. They just want to be together.
These conversations with my daughters were not easy. They were at least as hard as the conversations we’ve had about divorce and that mommy and daddy don’t love each other any more. Now that M and J are 9, they can verbalize how they’re feeling. When they were younger, it was much harder, especially with Daddy away more often than he was living with us at home.
To help my daughters talk about and process their father’s absence, I turned to Daddy Dolls, a company started by two Marine wives. They turn the full-length photo of a loved one into a doll for your child to interact with. Ours came out wonderfully. They held up through 2 years of daily hugs and countless runs through the washing machine, looking just as they did they day we received them. Sadly, they’ve been left at the bottom of the toy bin since shortly after the divorce, despite my efforts to bring them out to play.
I ordered the girls’ dolls the day that my now-ex left for his 3rd combat tour. We took photos of L in front of our garage the morning he deployed to Afghanistan. The company removed the background image and printed a smiling picture on each of two camo-backed dolls.
When our then 4-year-old daughters received their dolls, they were completely enamoured. You can see their reaction in this video.
A few days after we received the Daddy dolls, I walked over to J’s bed after brushing M’s hair. J had her doll in her hand, facing me.
J (age 4, as Daddy): Hi Sadia!
Me: Hi L (ex’s name)!
J: So, how are you doing?
Me: I’m fine, but I miss you. I have a hard time falling asleep.
J: I just came by to say, “You’re welcome.”
Me: I see.
J: You’re welcome for the dolls.
Me: I love you!
J: I miss you all, even Penelope (the cat).
Me: And we miss you.
J: (as J, addressing the doll) You and me only have the … What’s the hole called?
Me: A dimple.
J: You and me only have a dimple.
M (age 4): Mommy and me have moles!
J: Does Daddy have a mole?
Me: Yes.
Of course, the utility and value of these dolls isn’t limited to families with a deployed parent. Any child suffering loss might benefit. I gave a gift card to the site to a friend for her son when her husband passed away. Moving away from the morbid, when it comes time for holiday shopping, a Daddy (or Mommy or Grandma or Sister) Doll might make for a good present. We received ours in less than two weeks.
As with all Wouldn’t Do Without Wednesday posts, I received no compensation for this review.
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Woweee! We’ve never heard of Daddy Dolls! What a great idea, they look very tactile too, great for snuggles x thanks for sharing on #TwinklyTuesday
Baby Isabella recently posted My Mummy’s Miracle Haircare!
Yes. The women who came up with the idea were just brilliant! Love having your Mummy as part of #TwinklyTuesday.
Gosh this post really made me realise how much army wives and children go through, you are doing amazing with your girls #Twinkly Tuesday
Mackenzie Glanville (reflectionsfromme.com) recently posted Quote of the week
Military families pay an enormous cost. Missing their soldier is only part of it. The hardest part is that the person who returns from war is often unrecognizable.
Those dolls are such a lovely idea! A hugable photo- brill. I hope your husband stays safe and well!
#twinklytuesday
Mama, My Kid Doesn’t Poop Rainbows recently posted The ‘Me Do It’ Toddler Rap by Motherhood: The Real Deal
It’s clear that the women who started the company really understand children! The tactile part is so important!
These sound perfect for helping kids deal with loss, I bought my friends kids worry dolls & guardian Angels when their dad passed away but I don’t think they worked as well for them. I wish I’d known about these, l be forwarding this post to my friend who’s husbsnf is off on a long navy stint soon. #thetruth
Ali recently posted Still breastfeeding?
It was very thoughtful of you to seek out something like this for your friend’s children. Please let us know whether your friend finds these (or something like them) helpful!
Great post. It’s something I think about when I need to but I never think about the families and I should do because I think they go through a whole host of emotions that no one really gets. Those dolls are an awesome idea.
The L’s Mum recently posted My son likes to kiss other toddlers at playgroup
This is going to sound hokey, but I try to take a moment every day to consider someone who lives a completely different life that me. It keeps me grateful.
What a really great idea those dolls are! I can’t imagine how hard it must be for families like you. Thank you for sharing as it has made me understand a little more about how difficult it must be for all involved. Thanks for hosting #TwinklyTuesday
Glad I can shed some light on it… especially as an EX-army wife, who no longer lives that reality. Or perhaps Army ex-wife is more accurate.
Such a great and helpful concept! The reactions from your girls was adorable! #twinklytuesday
MOMM recently posted What Ramadan means to me…
My favourite was M asking, “How did Daddy get so small?” That one has had a sense of humour since the day she was born!
What a great idea, a lot of parents up here work 4 weeks on and 4 weeks off at the oil rigs in the North Sea, this would be a great gift so they can keep their parent close when the real one is off working. Will have to keep this in mind for gifts.
xx
Jenny Eaves recently posted Not Your usual Father’s Day Card
Oh, they’d be just perfect! Something to hug during Skype/FaceTime too!
I have heard of these dolls before from friends, and they sound like such a great idea. They even do these dolls for parents that work away for long periods of time. It’s really good (and important) for kids to have something to actually hold onto, and something that they can give a cuddle – especially if it’s a photo of a parent. Good post. #TwinklyTuesday
Kelly recently posted THE SHOW
I agree 100%. I shopped around other options, like the dolls where you can insert the parents’ photo in the head, but this seemed like the best fit for my girls, and the quality is excellent.
What a great idea. Hope it has helped #twinklytuesdays xx
I think it has. Even with the divorce, how the kids interacted (or didn’t interact) with the dolls gave me some insight into how they were feeling about Daddy, particularly when they’re get all their stuffed toys out to play and leave the Daddy Doll facedown in the toy bin.
What a fab idea! So personal and as young kids are so visual, it’ll be brilliant for role play like in your example above. Thanks for hosting #TwinklyTuesday
Debbie
http://www.myrandommusings.blogspot.com
Random Musings recently posted Anything Goes linky – Week 1
Yes. I’ve actually taken one into the girls’ therapist.
Wow – amazing dolls! What a wonderful idea. Those conversations must have been so hard for you all – well done. I can’t imagine what it must be like but I know I would struggle with those conversations and the waiting. #TwinklyTuesday
Mummy Fever recently posted The busy mummies guide to finishing a marathon
They are hard conversations, but we all have hard discussions to have with our kids, whether it’s The Sex Talk or the death of a loved one.
Those dolls are a really lovely idea for kids missing parents or loved ones. #TwinklyTuesday
Eimear recently posted DIY Stamped Thank You Cards
Absolutely! And crafty folks could probably make their own.
Awe, what a sweet blessing for your girls to have. I imagine it makes life a “Little” easier for them to have that doll to hug and talk to when needed. Thanks for sharing
What I love is that it’s great from both tactile and verbal kids.
Isn’t that a great idea? Thanks for sharing. #TwinklyTuesday
Fionnuala
Fionnuala recently posted Has Anything Changed in My Lifetime?
Wish I had genious ideas like this!
What a wonderful idea. My husband is in the army, and even though his job doesn’t require him to deploy to war zones he is still away for long periods of time. I think M would love a Daddy doll!
thank you #twinklytuesday
Sophie @ Mum, M & More recently posted Tele Addict!
Please let us know if you get one and whether it helps! Military life is such a surreal experience, and I love to share anything that helps!
I’ve never heard of these before. Its always great to get new ideas of things other families have enjoyed. It’s lovely that your girls were so excited to have them. Thanks for hosting #twinklytuesday
Rachel @ tenminutesspare recently posted How healthy is the Dad Bod?
I’m SO glad that I recorded that video!
As a military mans daughter I know what it is like for Daddy to be away all the time. So the sheer idea of these Daddy dolls are AWESOME!
Debs @ Super Busy Mum recently posted Ten!
I think some of the best parenting ideas come from us looking back on our own childhoods and thinking about what would have been nice for us.
Oh wow, these are an amazing idea!! It must be so hard for their father to be away for such long stretches of time. They are adorable with their new dolls. Thank you for hosting #TwinklyTuesday x
I love the way it perfectly captures the give-and-take of ideas in their relationship.
What a fabulous idea. I can’t imagine how hard it must be having to explain to children that one of their parents goes off to fight bad people. These dolls must have provided such comfort to your girls when their dad was away. #TwinklyTuesday Hugs Mrs H xxxx
Mrs H recently posted Moving on after a miscarriage
The hardest part is trying to protect the children’s innocence and sense of justice in a world where both are often missing.
What a fantastic idea this is. I can’t even begin to imagine how hard it is being an army wife but to do it whilst also having children (and twins!), is just something else! I should have got a mummy doll for zach for all the times I’ve been away – although slightly different as we are always able to FaceTime! Thanks as always for being a fab co-host on #TwinklyTuesday
It’s a fascinating subculture, but I could never quite get on board with the morality and gender attitudes of military life.
What a really great idea! It must be really hard to spend so much time away from their Daddy, so these Daddy Dolls are just perfect!
x
Michelle (@AFamilyChatter) recently posted Learning And Experimenting With Shapes
They really are! There are other alternatives, but these seemed the most well-made.
What a great and sweet idea
#twinklytuesday xx
Something Crunchy Mummy recently posted Being that little bit selfish
Love having you as part of #TwinklyTuesday!
What a great idea for little ones who have a mommy or daddy in the service and away. Your girls looked so happy in the video. Thanks for hosting #TwinklyTuesdays
Trista, Domesticated Momstera recently posted #Momsterslink for June 19,2015 Featuring Mommy From The Park
I’ve never heard of these but WHAT an amazing idea???!!!!! Just incredible. Not just for people with parents in the forces but also for children with parents that have passed away. What a fab idea. Thanks so much for being an amazing co-host of #TwinklyTuesday xxxx
Caro | http://www.thetwinklediaries.co.uk
Caro | The Twinkles Mama recently posted Hillarys Crafts Competition | A shoe rack IKEA hack!