We twin mothers love to trade notes on the odd and ignorant comments and questions we get from strangers. Most of the time, we’re given an opportunity to educate and for people to coo over our little ones. Standard questions include “Are they natural?” and “Can you tell them apart?”.
I’m used to those questions. Then, there are these questions. The comments I’m sharing here came from a completely different place. These questions didn’t come from ignorance or curiosity.
They came from Cuckooland.
- What are they mixed? It turns out that the person asking this oddly phrased question wanted to know about my daughters’ ancestry/racial makeup. The comment-maker was herself biracial and was curious about my triracial girls. They are half Bengali (South Asian/Indian/choose your term), quarter Mexican (Hispanic/Native North American/Spanish) and quarter Caucasian (Scottish/Irish/French). I prefer the terms “people”, “children”, and “American”. “Twin-American” if you insist on hyphenation.
- How could you not rhyme their names? This question was posed to me by a mother of boy/girl twins whose daughter was in the same jazz dance class as my daughters. I am rarely left speechless, but she managed it. I came back with some weak answer about not wanting to echo the plight of the monozygotic twins in our family named Janice and Janet.
- Why do you dress them alike? Granted, this is less cuckoo than the other questions on this list, but the assumption that there could only be one way to do things drives me batty. When they were babies, it was because we were given so many matching outfits at our baby showers. And because it’s adorable. Once they per past age one, it was because M and J had opinions of their own.
- Why don’t you dress them alike? I’ve actually gotten this question on the very same day as Number 10. When they were babies, it was because it was way too much hassle to keep them coordinated. Also, J tended to want to be cooler than M, so she wore fewer layers. Once they were past age one, it was because J and M had opinions of their own.
- Which one’s the good one? I still don’t have a witty comeback for this one. Interestingly, I’ve only ever received this question from males.
- Which is the original? Which one is the clone? Oh my. I wish I had a couple of hours to sit down with this guy and give him some basic lessons in fetal development. And manners. Sadly, I didn’t have the time, so I just said, “That’s not how twins work. If you cut an apple in half, there isn’t an original side and a copy side. Each is a full half in its own right.” This wasn’t the best metaphor to use, but it was what I could think of while holding two crying babies and checking out of the grocery store with apple-pear-sauce ingredients.
- Do they have different personalities? I tried to imagine the internal world of this person. They must imagine identical twins all over the world walking around in lockstep and speaking at the same time.
- Do they have different names? I’m not George Foreman.
- If I pinch one, does the other feel it? No. Just no.
- Do they have ESP? I mustered up my creepiest stare.
- Were you pregnant for 18 months? I felt bad for this girl. She seemed to be college aged, but may have been younger. Her question was so genuine and her affection for the babies so honest, I didn’t have the heart for snark. I just told her that no, the babies started growing at the same time and grew at the same rate as regular ones, so I just got really big. I didn’t think she could handle any information about prematurity while she processed that.
- They are not identical. They’re wearing different colours. Here’s how I usually handle this type of comment. In this case, I just said, “‘Identical’ is more about how twins grew in the womb than how they look.” Sometimes, you have to pick your battles.
What’s the most oddball question or comment you’ve received so far?
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This is a great list, and I LOVE the pictures you put with each point. Hee hee!!!
The oddest question I got, when the girls were INFANTS, was, “Are they both yours?” Really??? I could see getting that question now…it’s not crazy to think I could have my daughter and her friend out for lunch. But to lug two infant carriers to the grocery store??? Um, yeah…they’re both mine. 😉
MandyE recently posted Father’s Day Top 10
How interesting that “Are they both yours” are on both Sarah and your list. Perhaps this is limited to twins who don’t look alike? I know a lot of people can’t fathom the idea of non-identical twins.
“Are they both yours?” (asked as I was holding them both in a sling while waiting for my husband and older son to come out of a bathroom at a baseball game.
“No, one is mine and the other my husband’s.”
On another occasion (also while both in a sling… ) “Can I take your picture?”
“Sure, Creepy Random Lady with a cell phone camera….”
Ooh, that picture one is so creepy!
Oh and…..”Are they Maternal twins?” I have also gotten the equally absurd spouse of this question “Are they Paternal Twins?”
I have boy/boy fraternal twins who look very, very much alike. People refuse to believe me when I tell them they are not identical. Look, people – this is not science class and I do not want to go into genetics and epigenetics with you.
I’m hunny hate to burst your fraternal bubble. But chances are your boys ARE identical. Didi twisn or twins with 2 placenta and 2 sacs have a 30% chance of being identical!!!
Get them tested
We get a lot of curious race-related questions because our lad if Vietnamese/Caucasian. They also are never sure which one of us is the friend/nanny/birth mum. We have a lot of fun not really answering all of those questions.
#twinklytuesday
Mama, My Kid Doesn’t Poop Rainbows recently posted Of Course I Work Out
I’d love to hear your not-answers one of these days! I suspect they’d be wonderfully snarky.
Which one is the clone?!? What a strange question! I hope you managed to sit him down and tell him about development! #TwinklyTuesday xx
Baby Isabella recently posted A very British fete
In retrospect, I wish I did, but these comments come so often that I just don’t have the time to educate everyone.
Wow. Just… wow. I think I’d go slight;y mad if I had to answer these types of questions on a semi-regular basis..!
#TwinklyTuesday x
Emily | Girl in the Apple Wood recently posted My Baby needs a Toupee and Other First World Parenting Problems
I have found twin parenthood to be an exercise in patience on every front – with the children, of course, but even more so with the public! Thanks so much for stopping by!
Wow! Where did you find these people!
I can’t say we’ve been asked too many stupid questions. Most of the time they relate to whether they are both mine and how I managed to get such a small age gap between them!
#twinklytuesday
Sam recently posted #ItsInTheBagBaby – What I Can’t Leave Home Without
I have triplets so am familiar with some of these questions too #TwinklyTuesday
Coombe Mill – Fiona Cambouropoulos recently posted Discover Trash 2 Treasure
OMG!! What stupid idiots!! People are so rude, and also, very dumb. I can’t believe you didn’t just laugh in their faces, and walk off. Good on you for giving them some answers, but wow, that’s just very interesting! #TwinklyTuesday
Kelly recently posted PERHAPS I SHOULD HAVE BEEN A SPY – Guest Post
This made me laugh..especially 11 and 2!I think all mums of twins are superstars…sometimes I can hardly manage one. Your girls look lvely, I can’t imagine either one being not being good xx #TwinklyTuesday
wendy recently posted Tales from the potty. Chapter 1
This is brilliant and I am howling at the George Foreman link, I had no idea ha ha x
Potty Mouthed Mummy recently posted A Week In My Blogging Life
Omg that is hilarious but also terribly frightening! Gorgeous pictures! #TwinklyTuesday
Emma’s Mamma recently posted A girl can dream
“Are they natural?” is always an awkward question as well.
Joe Rawlinson recently posted Questions for Your Doctor – Twin Tip Tuesday
Pregnant for 18 months?! Love it! #twinklytuesday
Laura @ Life with Baby Kicks recently posted Quote of the Week – 30 June 2015
This was a really great post. I really did enjoy reading the silly questions people ask! I got questions with one baby- it never crossed my mind how different it would be with twins. It looks like you do a fab job though!
Angela xx
Angela at Daysinbed recently posted My Weight Loss Journey June 2015
Haha, gold! Love it, people are quite naive at times. I have friends who have twins (boy/girl) and get asked if they are identical ALL THE TIME. Boggles the mind! Do you ever get asked if you muddle them up?
Haidee@Maybe Baby Brothers recently posted The Pirate Ship Birthday Cake
Oh yes, I often get asked if I can tell them apart/how I tell them apart. Now they just answer than for themselves, which I thoroughly enjoy.
Your twins are gorgeous! I don’t have twins but being one myself I usually get asked if we can feel each other’s pain, when I tell them I’m a twin! #twinklytuesday
Carolyn recently posted Nails of the Day: Magenta
These are great!
I have boy/girl twins and I often get asked if they’re identical and by people who seem reasonable intelligent. I get a bit annoyed explaining that the are a boy and a girl so can’t be identical!!!
xx
Jemma Taylor-Smith recently posted Our recent mini break
Lol some people are just crazy! You should have answered, “isn’t naming twins in rhyming names a little cliche?” lol #TwinklyTuesday
Jessie, FlusteredMom recently posted 7 Health Rules You Don’t Know You’re Breaking (+ Quick Fixes to Improve Your Health)
I have read this in shear disbelief!! My youngest two are close in age but clearly not twins and I constantly get asked if they are.
If it is not this question I get questioned on their parentage as my youngest has a much darker skin tone to the others (my husband’s Father is Mauritian).
I was even told once that me must of been a ‘throw back’ #twinklytuesday
Emma Chanagasubbay recently posted Keeping Your Cool In This Heat
Great post, as a non twin mum I do sometimes ask questions that I now know are mildly irritating, but purely out of curiosity and wanting to get to know that person but I have read so much how it can be annoying I tend not to say anything at all now, but its great to see it from a twin mums perspective x
Sarah Christie recently posted Me and Mine, June 2015
This is hilarious! Some people ask some STRANGE questions! I would have to laugh if I got asked any of these questions
x
Michelle (@AFamilyChatter) recently posted Baking and Crafting with Mini-Beasts..
Oh my! But the one from the girl about being pregnant for eighteen months, that is so sad…and I think so symptomatic of how much we veil pregnancy and birth in our society. Poor love, she was probably terrified! Sorry didn’t mean to get serious, this is a great post, funny and worrying all the same time! #twinklytuesday
Lucy at occupation: (m)other recently posted Letter to my (unconceived) unborn second child
Ha ha this is funny – aww I love the ‘pregnant for 18 months’ question and commend you on not being snarky
people are funny, aren’t they! Mim x #twinklytuesday
Mim recently posted My # mamamimmention for this Week – Run, Jump, Scrap!
I’ve been asked if my twins have different fathers. People have a hard time with fraternal boys with different hair and eye colours! I get asked by strangers whether I had a c section, or vaginal birth, and whether I breastfeed. And always, “which one’s older?”. Neither, they’re twins, and we don’t consider 3 minutes enough time to set up an age dynamic…
Different fathers! What a tacky question. I know that there are rare situations in which it happens, but the gall it took for someone to ASK that!!!
I got a question.. Are they twins? And then I say yes identical. Both I pink and they ask if they are not girl twins….I’m like well they are both in PINK and IDENTICAL. so no one doenst have a penis