What is going on with my little fella? He has turned into a needy emotional mess overnight. If I leave the room, if I look at his sister, if I talk to his dad or his nanny, I get an earful. At first it was endearing; my little boy really into his mum. Now its driving me batty! Give me a break, kid. He does have an infection where he had his MMR injection last week (that’s another post!). I wonder if it hurts him and makes him this little monster? Or is it teething.
Or maybe this is who he is. Have you ever thought about not liking the personality of your kids? I think parents of teenagers would laugh at the question but as a parent to twins I wonder about this. I wonder what life would be like if for some reason I naturally gravitated to one twin over the other. Of course when I ask my twinnie friends about this they laugh. Of course you will gravitate to one twin over the other, they say, then the next hour it’ll reverse. This is the course of being a twin mum.
What’s your experience with your multiples?
On this eve of toddlerdom I miss my babies. My boy/girl twins are creepers. They bobble around holding onto chairs and tables and me and daddy etc.
They are great fun, stamping their fat legs. But I know. I know these days are soon over. The fat legs that I kiss and nibble every night after their bath will soon be skinny. Those little bhudda bellies will be flat. They will say the inevitable words “I can do it myself”
We tried so hard to have a family. Years of tears, is how my husband fondly remembers it. I am too old and we are too poor to have any more kids. Would I? If we won the lottery and I could reverse time and be 30 years old … without a doubt.
I am really scared of the toddler years. Not because of the tantrums. I work in corperate New York – I see tantrums every day! I am scared of not being able to protect them all the time. They are two and I am one. Already, when they scoot in opposite directions I have a momentary panic – who first? What happens when they are hurling themselves at speed away from the protective adult.
I watch in awe other multiple mums handling the moments of terror with grace. “no” is generally the first real world that twins understand. Drink, is the most often thought of twin mums!
So, mums of toddlers - hear my cry. What words of wisdom can impart?
After hitting the send button on my last post about how easy it all had been one kid developed sleep problems and the other entered the ‘don’t put me down’ phase.
A week of sleep deprivation and back breaking baby juggling and I have learnt my lesson, thank you very much universe.
We are a few days away from their 1st birthday. The cake has been ordered. The food has been ordered. The t-shirts and streamers and ya da ya da – its all good. We just need to assemble it on Saturday morning.
My mum asked me what were the most surprising things about twins in the first year?
Here is my list (again with the lists!)
1. It’s possible if you lower your expectations. We haven’t been to the museum or the baby movie things that this great city has to offer. Some days, we do nothing but hang out.
2. For me, love is a blossoming flower. I knew I ought to love my kids unreservedly and unconditionally but at the beginning I was shocked NOT to have the thunderbolt of love and affection I’d heard all about.
3. DH has blossomed with the kids. He was awful when they first arrived and now I know why. He was terrified. Petrified would be a better word!
4. It gets better. This is a multiples phrase I think. Everyone I meet whispers the secret to me and smiles a knowing smile. Now I know what they were talking about. As the days pass into the first year these kids are wonderful, glorious and amazing. The depth of love I have for them sometimes frightens me and they are all I could ever want in life.
Guess that sums it up. I have to go now coz I hear noises from their room that don’t belong in there!!
We are coming close to what seems in our world a whole big deal. The twins first birthday. My little babies are turning into toddlers in less than two weeks time. How did this happen! I’ve been asked lately what words of wisdom I would give to someone else in this position.
Only one sentence: Take what works and leave the rest.
I was told so many terrifying things all of which were total rubbish. I read about 50 books and articles (I’m a researcher by trade) and I analyzed original data. I was terrified by the time I gave birth! It all turned out to be total hooey!!
Predictions from books and medical papers:
- Old first time mum will mean horrible pregnancy with lots of problems – high blood pressure, baby problems, early birth.
- Early babies and lots of NICU time
- Lots of problems post birth – trips to the ER and doctors/specialist at every turn
- Small babies that would develop late
- Sleep problems for everyone
- Childcare that will be crap at best
- Really great pregnancy and would do it again in a heart beat if I wasn’t so darn old.
- Full term babies and no NICU time
- No ER visits, ear aches, siezures or problems of any kind. A cold now and then. Teething. Big deal.
- Both kids hitting developmental milestones (although I am really skeptical of the milestones) basically on cue.
- Sleeping through the night by 3 months and napping has never been problem
- I sleep better now than I did before the kids.
- Amazing, awesome and loving nanny
I stopped asking for assvice about three months into motherhood realizing the fear I felt was normal, the stress we were under was transient and the love we all felt for each other was only going to grow more and more each day. Experts have to sell books. I get it. But really – can we tone down the fear mongering and offer just a tad of wholesome ego boosting??
To all families hitting #1 – CONGRATULATIONS!!! YOU DID IT!