Author Archives: jenna

Back to (pre)School Week Roundup

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Thanks to all the bloggers for sharing their posts on our theme of back to (pre)school.  Here’s a summary of what’s been posted over the last couple of weeks:

Is it Labor Day yet?by Goddess in Progress

The GOOD ENOUGH Mother (teaching through example) by Dr. Lisa Mazzio

Daycare passage by Sadia

Lazy Mama Preschool Tips by AmberD

The Preschool Process by Reanbean

Preschool, Food Allergies and IEP’s “OH MY”! by Laraplus2

Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes by LeslieH

Preschool at Home with Toddlers by Jen Wood

Prepping for Preschool by Renae

Speech Delays and Multiples by Jenna

I hope you enjoyed the Theme Week.  We’re planning to do more, so please let us know what you’d like to read about it.

Speech Delays and Multiples

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I’ve blogged before about our daughters’ speech delays here and other moms have also shared their experiences.  Speech delays are more common among multiples than single babies.

Here are some of the reasons that may explain the increased frequency of speech issues:

- prematurity

- less one on one attention

- less need for verbal communication because they have developed their own language or they seem able to communicate nonverbally.

It was about this time last year that we began learning about speech delays when our 18 month old girls weren’t yet saying 18 words. (A general guideline is about 18 words by 18 months).  Our girls had some words, quite a few signs and lots of gestures to help the communicate.  The girls had a developmental assessment which was part of a research study.  They were about 4-6 months behind in their expressive communication.

It took a few months to get through the health unit process.  First there was a parent workshop where we learned how to support our children in their speech development.  Then there was a hearing test to rule out hearing difficulties.  Then an assessment with the speech pathologist.  Then the actual speech group sessions began.  Once a month three children, their parent(s), a speech therapist and assistant (and sometimes a student or intern) would meet. The kids would play while the therapist and assistant observed them and offered suggestions for the parents to practice at home. At home we worked on using words and signs to encourage their communication. We used words for things that interested them (food, babies, books, etc) and we used short sentences (1-2 words to start). Our girls quickly went from one word statements, to two words, then to three and four word statements.

We’ve had almost 6 months since our last session, and our girls are due for a follow up assessment.  They have improved significantly, but I still have some concerns about their language development.  Fortunately, from what I’ve read, if you catch speech issues early and provide support, there is less chance they will impact your child’s academic progress when they start school. The sooner they are addressed the better, and in our community there seem to be ongoing supports available for children with speech delays.

If you are concerned about your children’s speech development, there’s more information available from this site: Twin Speech Delay at About.com

Do your multiples have speech delays? What tips do you have to help other parents?

Prepping For Preschool

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This post is by Renae, but we are having some WordPress problems so I’m posting for her. – Jenna

We are now just under four weeks away from Tiny and Buba’s first day of preschool. T and I chose to send them to a local co-op school that strives to build a strong connection between the child’s home and the school. As a result, we’ve already spent a good amount of time on the school grounds, connecting with other classmates and their parents, and talking about what it will be like when they start preschool this fall.

Back in mid-June, we received the kids’ class list noting which days each student will attend. All 20 kids in the class have schedules that allow them to know all the other children in the class, even though only 12 kids attend on any given day (meaning, their schedules all overlap at some point in the week). To help them all get to know each other, optional playdates were set for Monday afternoons and Friday mornings from late June until the week just before school begins. The playdates take place on the school’s playground, helping them become familiar with the school grounds as well.

Recently, each family received a welcome letter from the teachers. The letter included photos of the two teachers to post on our refrigerator for the kids to view and talk about. The teachers are currently in the process of setting up a home visit to each family, where they’ll talk and play with their incoming students and get to know a little more about them.

Similar to many preschools in our area, Buba and Tiny will have a visiting day prior to the real first day of school. On this day parents come into the classroom and stay as the kids get their first introduction to the school and their classroom. The visiting session is just one hour long and only three other students and their parents will be with us (five kids attend each one hour time slot throughout the visiting day). The following Monday, the children begin attending school on their own, but just for two hours each day. It isn’t until the following week that the full schedule of three hours a day, three days a week kicks in.

Tiny is naturally confident and independent, and I’m sure she will have no trouble transitioning to preschool this fall. But for Buba, who has a harder time separating from T and me and who takes longer to warm up in new situations, I’m so, so glad he’s had all of these opportunities to ease into the whole preschool thing. He already knows and looks forward to seeing a handful of his classmates, and he’s confident enough now to explore different areas of the school grounds (there are four different play areas) without me right by his side. He was very shy when we happened to meet his teachers during one of the playdates, but I’m hoping the home visit will help him become a bit more comfortable with them.

Fingers crossed that all this leads to an easy and smooth transition once that first day of school finally rolls around!

So, how are you/will you prepare your children when the time comes for them to begin school?

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http://www.reanbean.com/

Back to (pre)School Theme Week!

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Welcome to Back to (pre)School theme week!

Crayons

Over the next two weeks the HDYDI blogger will be sharing success, struggles and suggestions about school and preschool. There will be posts about whether or not to separate your multiples, about homeschooling, about transitions to school, about selecting a preschool and about speech delays in multiples. I’ll be linking the posts back to this message, so you can access them all from one page.

We hope you enjoy our theme week!

Photo from stock.xchng

Sliding into 'First'

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Note from Jenna:  Here is Eb’s first post.  We’re having some technical issues, so I’m posting for her.

We are coming close to what seems in our world a whole big deal. The twins first birthday. My little babies are turning into toddlers in less than two weeks time. How did this happen!  I’ve been asked lately what words of wisdom I would give to someone else in this position.

Only one sentence: Take what works and leave the rest.

I was told so many terrifying things all of which were total rubbish. I read about 50 books and articles (I’m a researcher by trade) and I analyzed original data. I was terrified by the time I gave birth! It all turned out to be total hooey!!

Predictions from books and medical papers:

  • Old first time mum will mean horrible pregnancy with lots of problems – high blood pressure, baby problems, early birth.
  • Early babies and lots of NICU time
  • Lots of problems post birth – trips to the ER and doctors/specialist at every turn
  • Small babies that would develop late
  • Sleep problems for everyone
  • Childcare that will be crap at best

Reality:

  • Really great pregnancy and would do it again in a heart beat if I wasn’t so darn old.
  • Full term babies and no NICU time
  • No ER visits, ear aches, siezures or problems of any kind. A cold now and then. Teething. Big deal.
  • Both kids hitting developmental milestones (although I am really skeptical of the milestones) basically on cue.
  • Sleeping through the night by 3 months and napping has never been problem
  • I sleep better now than I did before the kids.
  • Amazing, awesome and loving nanny

I stopped asking for assvice about three months into motherhood realizing the fear I felt was normal, the stress we were under was transient and the love we all felt for each other was only going to grow more and more each day.  Experts have to sell books. I get it. But really – can we tone down the fear mongering and offer just a tad of wholesome ego boosting??

To all families hitting #1 – CONGRATULATIONS!!! YOU DID IT!

Psst….I've got news!

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Starting today, we are welcoming a group of new bloggers to the site. Some have been members of the HDYDI community for a while, but this is there first time as the bloggers. We hope to have posts out at least once a day for the next month. I’m very excited about the new energy and enthusiasm they are bringing to the blog.  Please get involved in the conversation with these new moms of multiples.

We’re going to have a Back to (pre)School Week theme later in August with postings related to school, starting school or preschool, homeschooling, and everything else school themed.

We do have space for a few new bloggers, specifically moms with triplets or quadruplets or more, or women pregnant with twins, triplets or more. Even if you can only post once or twice a month, we’d love to hear your experiences. If you are interested, you can email me at hdydiblog AT gmail DOT com

I’m very excited about the new bloggers.  I’ve had a chance to reading their blogs, and I think they will share their own unique perspectives on mothering multiples. I hope you enjoy their stories as much as I have.

Added note: We are also looking for bloggers with school-age or older multiples for regular or occasional posts.

Ask the readers…. How do YOU do it?

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We are making some changes with the blog.  Over the next month will be welcoming some new bloggers which will mean more frequent postings and more diverse experiences.  In August we are going to have a theme week (Back to (pre)School).

I though I would start of this period of transition, by changing my approach. Rather than telling how I do it, I’m going to ask you what you would do.

Here’s my situation.  All three kids (4 year + 2 year old twins) are going to full day playschool one day a week in the fall. My son, the older child, is also going to playschool the rest of the week. I’ll preparing lots of lunches, snacks, backpacks, and changes of clothes.

I bought sticky name labels for my son (blue labels with a train) when he started playschool, and I think they’re great.  Instead of finding a permanent marker, I just peel and stick labels on his shoes, clothes, snack containers, etc. I’m planning to order labels for the girls’ playschool supplies too.

Name Labels

Here are some of the options I’m considering:

- Ordering a batch of labels with a color and style different from my son’s with just our last name for the girls to share.  If we run out of labels for my son, he’ll use these ones too.

- Ordering a batch of labels for each girl with a symbol for each. They are only 2.5 so I’m not sure they’ll recognize their names yet. The color options are limited so I’m not sure I can get a different color for each girl – and I don’t want to have everything pink just because they are girls.

- Ordering some of each.  That way shared/family items like dishes for snacks and lunch can have just the last name, and individual items like backpacks can have the full names.

Colored containers

Keep in mind, our girls still share everything.  They are the same size so all clothing, shoes, and hats are shared. The only things that they really have that is their own are their beds.  They always sleep in the same bed. They also tend to choose the same chair at the table.

I’m looking forward to your suggestions!

Embracing the Inevitable and Unexpected Interruptions

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Recently, between working at home, volunteer work, and family responsibilities, I had one of those days with a to-do list that would take a week. I’m sure you’ve had those days too. I knew my time was precious because my husband was going to be travelling for work, my backup childcare (Nana and Auntie B) were out the country, and my other babysitting options were dealing with their own major issues. Of course, on top of that, our babysitter had a family emergency and had to be away.

I had two choices.  First, there was my usual strategy, if I couldn’t get someone else to watch the kids.  I would get them started on a craft or game that would keep them busy without much help from me. I would then try to get as much work done between interruptions.  I would hope that everyone would take a long nap, and then “let” them watch a DVD so I could get a little more work done before my husband got home. I’d pass of the kids and spend the evening hiding out in my office. By the end of the day, I’d be tired, frustrated and still have lots to do.

But, after a lot of recent exposure to self-help, inspirational talks about embracing the moment and living in the present, I decided to try a different way.  I put my laptop away, got down on the floor with the kids and spend the morning building trains and playing with babies.  I set the work aside – really, I wouldn’t get that much done anyway – and embraced the chance to spend an unexpected day with my kids. I looked at the time as an opportunity to do things I wouldn’t usually make time to do. So, we made a rice cake faces for lunch. The kids loved the fun lunches and the undivided attention from mom.  I admit I did still work frantically through naptime and in the evening, but during the day, we enjoyed our time together.

Rice cake Faces for lunch

Rice cake Faces for lunch - Yes, you can do this to. I'll post the instructions if you'd like.

I’ll admit that this approach worked well the first day of without childcare. Quite a few planned and unplanned days without childcare later, I have not really improved my ability to put my work aside and embrace the moment. In some ways, instead of getting easier with practice, it is getting more challenging as the work piles up. In other ways, I realize the work will be there when I get to it, and I’ll get more done in one hour focused on work during nap time than I will in a whole morning of trying to work between dressing baby-dolls, finding missing train pieces, and wiping noses. The most important lesson for me is that when I’m focused on one thing, I am much better at.  I feel more productive, I feel less frustrated and I enjoy it more, whether it is playing with my kids and impressing them with my artistic lunches, or working online and supporting my students in their learning.

How do you deal with the inevitable and unexpected interruptions to your plans?

What is it like having twin sisters?

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Today has been a long day, and I’ve been short on inspiration for my posting.  I decided to let my very helpful four-year-old to help.  I interviewed him about having twin sister.  Here’s what he had to say plus some pictures of the girls hugging.

Why do you like having two sisters?

I help them when they are stuck riding the car. I can read them books. If the light is off in their bedroom I can turn it on.

Sister hugs

Sister hugs

What does it mean when someone is a twin?

I don’t know.

What make someone a twin?

I don’t know.

What does the word twin mean?

You already wrote on there [the computer screen] I don’t know. (Note – I guess we’ve done a good job of not referring to our daughters as twins.)

How can you tell which sister is which?

I ask them their names. R or S or R…. One of the sisters has a little darker eyes. (I’m not sure if this is true or not.)

Which one?

I think maybe S.

Do you know anyone else who has twins?

The Cat in the Hat does. And, the guy with two little sisters that we saw at Christmas when there was lots of snow and I forgot my mittens. (I think he means friends with twin daughters). I don’t know their names.

How do you know they are twins?

Because they are the same size as R and S. They are 2 years old.

Can twins be different ages than 2?

They can be 1 or 3.

Can they be 4-years-old?

Yes.

Were there any twins at your playschool?

Um nope. (There were very similar looking twin girls. There was also a boy with younger twins siblings this year and another one last year.)

More hugs

More hugs

In the back of my mind

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As a mother of monozygotic, or so-called “identical” twins, I spend a lot of time thinking about identity. With my older, singleton son, I don’t think I ever thought about his identity or how to encourage him to develop his own identity. It wasn’t an issue on my mothering radar. But, with my daughters, I’m continually attentive to the issue of identity. Sometimes I am conscious of this tension and I ask myself are they getting enough individual attention to give them the chance to see themselves as unique? Do they feel valuable and valued as individuals? Are people around us recognizing them as different people or are the seen as unit?  At the same time, I try to find a balance where they get to spend time together nurturing their relationship as sisters and twins. I want to acknowledge they have a unique bond they will share for life.  Their twinness needs to be recognized, but not at the expense of their individuality. That’s my opinion as a mother who is not a twin.

The presence of the tension is often unconscious, revealing itself when I least expect it.  Two recent situation highlighted this tension unexepectedly.  First, we were attending my graduation ceremony. One family at the ceremony had two daughters, probably aged 4 and 6.  They were dressed in matching outfits; they had the same dresses, the same shoes, and the same hair clips. They were very cute, and I’m sure their family’s graduation photos looked great. Watching them set up for a picture, I caught myself thinking “that mother can dress her children in cute matching outfits without questioning how it will impact her children’s sense of self.” Clearly, I’m thinking a lot about with this issue of individual identity…

The second situation was quite different.  A friend we hadn’t seen in a while, since before we had children, asked whether A (4 year old son) and R (2 year old daughter) were the twins.  I don’t know whether he just got the names mixed up because he hadn’t ever met any of the children, but I quickly corrected him. As I thought about it, I saw myself reinforcing the twin relationship above their individual identities.  I wanted to be sure he knew who “the twins” were. I realized that, despite my concern about individual identity, I’m also on some level thinking about my children as a unit.

My son and my daughters - sometimes it is hard to deny they are twins

I’m sure this pull between individual and twin will be something I continue to think about. I wonder how my daughters will deal with it as they get older.  And, I wonder what would happen if I took the focus away from it.  What would happen if I told people I have a son and two daughters, instead of telling them I have a son and twin daughters?

Do you ever deliberately not tell people you have multiples?  Does it change how you and your children are perceived?