Things Kids Say: Thanksgiving Edition

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Categories Talking to Kids1 Comment

Our kids came up with some quotable quotes this Thanksgiving.

  • MandyE‘s daughter, 4-year-old Baby A, told Mommy that she was still hungry after a huge lunch and two desserts. How? “My tummy digested it really quickly. It’s already in my intestines, Mommy! I need more pecan pie!”
  • When MandyE’s daughter said, “Mommy, last year I think you gave us gifts on Thanksgiving, didn’t you?” it took her a while to realize they were thinking about the small goodies they got on Valentine’s Day. Since then, both girls have been repeating, “Thanksgiving isn’t about gifts; it’s about family,” over and over… as if to temper their expectations.
  • One of Helene‘s younger twins, Garrett, aged 6, told her, “Mommy, I’m so thankful for you that in another year or two, as soon as I can wipe my own butt, I’ll wipe Landon’s butt too so you don’t have to do it anymore.”
  • His twin brother, Landon, had his own gem: “I’m thankful that Mommy makes me try new foods because now I like turkey legs. I’ve expanded my horizons.”
  • Sadia‘s 7-year-old daughter J, sampled her apple pie only after Mommy spelled out the ingredients for her. “This is so good! The ingredients say it should taste like apple and sugar, but it tastes like love.”
  • One of Jen Wood‘s 4-year-olds says he’s thankful for Ironman. The other replied to her, “I love you,” with, “I love Batman.” It appears to be a superhero kind of year.
  • Dana‘s 7-year-old boys came up with this impromptu ode to turkeys:

What have your children said to you that will stay in your memory forever?

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Grocery Shopping with Twins and More

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Categories Ask the Moms, Household and Family Management, How Do The Moms Do It, Multiple Solutions, Parenting Twins, PerspectiveTags , , , , , 2 Comments

 

You Can Do This!

Twins in a shopping cart: Grocery Shopping with Multiples from hdydi.com
Yetunde‘s pair are ready to roll!

You can run errands with twins or more, including multiple infants or toddlers. You can do this. Yes, alone. If you must do so alone, or just want to, you should give it a try. We’re going to tell you how The Moms go grocery shopping with kids in tow, from twins to quadruplets, with some singletons thrown in for good measure.

This post assumes that you have access to a car, are walking, or are riding a bike. Taking public transportation with multiples is a topic for another day.

Leaving the House

Plan and Pack

As with most things related to caring for babies, grocery shopping with twins or more starts with good planning. Pick a time that works for you and your kids. Do your babies fall asleep in the car and nap well out and about? Consider going shopping during nap time so that they can sleep through the whole thing. Are they happy and social in the morning? Go shopping then. Make a complete shopping list so that you can minimize followup trips required to pick up things that you forgot during your main shopping haul.

diaper bag and contents from hdydi.com
Photo Credit: dhgatsby

Pack your diaper bag with the things you’ll need. The basics usually include things for diaper changes, something to wipe up spills and messes, changes of clothes in case of mess, something for the babies to eat, and something for them to play with. You’ll also need to have a transportation solution at the ready, whether it’s a stroller-carseat system, baby wrap, wagon, or all of the above.

Twinfant Tuesdays: Errands with Lots of Little Ones from hdydi.com
If your child is old enough to sit in a cart but not big enough to stay propped up, a rolled up blanket can help, as demonstrated by Sadia‘s daughter J at Ikea. M is wearing, or rather worn in, an Evenflo Snuggli. Please see our baby carrier post for our thoughts on wearing twins.

Older kids don’t need all the diaper paraphernalia, but they might need something to keep their hands and minds occupied, like books or toys. A small container of fruit or cereal is a good thing to have on hand for when blood sugar dips and tempers rise. Depending on the ages of your children, you may have traded in your diaper wipes for antibacterial hand gel… although you may find yourself wishing you had wipes, even with school-age kids!

Before you head out the door, make sure that your kids are clean and fed. If they’re just fussy, and you have a constitution that allows you to drive with a fussy child in the car, just move on to loading up. Sometimes you’ll need to drive through the crying to get to your goal.

Don’t forget your shopping bags, cooler or insulated bag, and transportation solution.

If you do make a habit of shopping with your multiples, you’ll need to be prepared to be a minor celebrity. Especially during the first couple of years, when it is obvious that your children are the same age, people will want to stop and talk to you about multiples. Budget extra time for discussion with curious strangers. Arm yourself with standard answers for common questions.

Load Up

3 infants buckled up at home: Grocery Shopping with Multiples from hdydi.com
3 infants in a car: Grocery Shopping with Multiples from hdydi.com Sadia’s daughters and a friend’s son went shopping together regularly. M wasn’t too happy about it.

Put your kids in the car last. That way you’re not distracted by their demands while you pack up. Make sure that they’re somewhere safe, like a crib, swing or playpen, while you pack your car with your stroller (or wagon or baby wraps) and diaper bag and other equipment. Janna kept bouncy chairs in the front room and strapped her boys in on the way in and out of the house.

If you’re using bucket-style infant car seats, it may be easiest to load and strap your babies in in the comfort of your home, then install the seats in your car, complete with babies.

If you’re walking or bicycling, the same general approach holds true. Load the kids last.

Out and About

You’ve loaded up and arrived at your grocery shopping destination with your twins. Now what?

Parking

If you’ve driven to the store, check to see whether they have designated Customer with Child parking spots. If you can score one, it will likely be near the cart return closest to the main entrance to the store. You can maximize your chances of reasonable parking by shopping at off-peak hours such as weekday mornings, but this isn’t feasible for everyone.

Walking and Biking

Janna and RebeccaD walk almost everywhere. RebeccaD purchases only what she can fit in the undercarriage of the stroller. She hits the store with her boys every couple of days. She uses her double stroller for most errands. Janna walks to the pharmacy, grocery store, post office, thrift store. The workout is a bonus!

Once her boys turned a year old, Janna switched to a trailer behind her bike. This isn’t always possible, of course, if your errand is too far away or the weather is too hot or cold, but it works great for her family most of the time.

Implement Your In-Store Strategy

The Moms have a plethora of ideas for containing and transporting kids at the grocery store. Yetunde has actually written about this in the past on her personal blog. If you’re planning to use a store cart, parking near the cart return can make it easier to snap up a cart without having to stray far from your car.

  • A common solution for infants is a double car seat/stroller system, such as the Double Snap-N-Go or Graco DuoGlider. MandyE was once able to run three quick errands within an hour thanks to the ease of baby transfer! Where do the groceries go, we hear you clamor. One option is to use the basket under your stroller as your cart. This severely limits how much you can purchase at a time. Another option is to push your stroller with one hand while pulling a store cart behind you with the other. It looks a little crazy, but it works well.
  • 3-seater cart: Grocery Shopping with Multiples from hdydi.com
    Target has carts that seat 3 kids with ease, demoed here by MandyE’s precious duo.

    More and more stores are offering shopping carts that seat two or more children. In our experience, such stores include Costco, Sam’s Club, Target and many branches of the Texas grocery store HEB. Sadia found it to be worth driving a few extra miles to go to a store that had two-seater carts standard.

    Twin boys crying in a two-seater shopping cart: Grocery Shopping with Multiples from hdydi.blog
    Jen Wood‘s boys don’t seem to appreciate two-seater shopping carts as much as The Moms do.

    Don’t have any stores nearby with carts that accommodate two seated kids? Let your store manager know; the company may simply be unaware of the demand.

    This brings us to another point: “Shop” around and choose stores that work for you. Find places where you can maximize your effort and where you can shop effectively. One-stop shopping is your friend. SarahP typically goes to Costco first, then to Walmart because she can price match there and get all the other odds and ends. Use the grocery store pharmacy. Look for wide aisles. You may find it worthwhile to invest in a cover to keep little fingers off germy cart parts and/or disinfecting wipes to wipe down the cart before transferring your kids.

  • MandyE (in the photo) and Sadia both used the wear one/drive one approach to shopping with twins.
    MandyE used the wear one/drive one approach to shopping with twins. Note that most car seat manufacturers recommend placing car seats inside the car rather than in the seat area. Check your manual!

    You can wear one baby and put the other(s) in the shopping cart. Wiley typically wore her twinfant girls, had her toddler son seated in the cart, and had her school-age son walk. The trick to reaching things on low shelves without spilling a baby is to squat. You’ll have thighs of steel, so that’s a benefit of this approach. Note that many car seat manufacturers advise against placing car seats in cart seats the way MandyE demonstrates and many of The Moms do regularly. Try using the cart strap to secure the seat the way you would with the seatbelt in your car.

  • Twins hiding in the paper towels: Grocery Shopping with Multiples: hdydi.com
    Jen Wood’s guys remind us that our kids are also pretty creative, so be careful when letting them walk in the store.

    Get creative. SaraBeth has seen parents bungee two carts together. Sadia has shopped with her kids in a Radioflyer wagon. SarahP keeps one baby in the car seat in the main area of the cart, puts her 2-year-old in the sitting area of the cart and straps the other baby to herself in a Baby Bjorn. The groceries go under the cart and around the seat. It may look like a circus, but it works! Carolyn – Twintrospectives used her stroller as her cart. When she had too much bagged stuff after paying to fit elegantly back under the stroller, she used a couple of mommy hooks to hang bags off other parts of the stroller. Janna used to hang reusable grocery bags from the double stroller handles.

  • 7-year-olds helping mom push a shopping cart: Grocery Shopping with Multiples from hdydi.com
    Sadia’s daughters can help her steer the cart, although they’re just at the height where they can’t see where they’re going. They now prefer to walk alongside the cart and help calculate the best values and keep mommy within budget.

    Kids don’t have to be contained. If your kids are old enough to walk and trustworthy enough to be free, invite them to help you push the cart or give them carts of their own. Sadia’s kids still, at age 7, walk between her and the shopping cart, embraced within her arms and “helping” her push. If they wish to walk alongside the cart, they are each assigned a spot on the side of the cart to keep a hand on. They are not permitted to let go without explicit permission. SaraBeth determines which twin goes “free range” based on who has been better at listening that day.

  • Twin boys push miniature shopping carts in the store: Grocery Shopping with Multiples from hdydi.com
    Jen Wood’s sons are on a mission. Having his own cart keeps each boy close to mom and focused on shopping.

    Avoid the store altogether. Shop online. Subscribe to a CSA that delivers to your home. Use a drive-through.

There will be days when your kids will be in rare form, screaming bloody murder, and you’ll wonder how essential food really is. We’ve been there. On balance, though, shopping is doable, often even fun. If you treat it like a fun outing, your kids will have fun too. MandyE and Sadia will talk about making grocery shopping fun and educational in a later post.

Ask for and Accept Help

Twins in a double shopping cart seat: Grocery Shopping with Twins from hdydi.com
The Moms love these double seat shopping carts, modeled here by Carolyn – Twintrospectives’ boys. If your store doesn’t have them, see if a manager can order a few. Once they see how popular they are, they’ll get the message!

Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Janna often asked strangers to hold doors for her. Sadia asks store staff to help her lift things down from tall shelves. Carryout services offered by some grocery stores is golden. If you let the staff member load groceries into your car, it frees you up to load up your kids.

Unique Circumstances

Special Needs Children

Marissa‘s son A was very sick as a newborn and was essentially quarantined until he was 6 months old, by order of his doctor. This meant keeping D in too until he had his 3rd DTaP. Marissa’s husband, mother, and grandmother ran almost all of the errands, since A required extensive care when not hospitalized. We know, we said you could do it, but sometimes it’s best that you don’t run errands with your kids, for their sakes.

Grocery cart with infant seat attached: Grocery Shopping with Twins from hdydi.com
Some grocery stores provide shopping carts with infant seat already (and securely!) installed. If you wear one baby, these are great for parents of twins.

Now A is doing much better, but he couldn’t sit in a shopping cart until he was about 14 months old. Marissa wore him most of the time and had D sit in the cart. In addition, A is tube-fed and she does not let that stop them from participating in any activity, even though people are far more likely to stare than when witnessing public breastfeeding. One of Wiley’s daughters needs to drink thickened liquids to prevent aspiration, so they keep individual servings of thickener in their diaper bags now. Due to the aspiration issue, she had to drink pumped milk, so Wiley and her family had to travel with a cooler even though her twin sister could just breastfeed on demand.

Sadia’s daughter’s frontonasal dysplasia does sometimes force her family to contend with awkward comments and questions, but she has a stockpile of canned responses at the ready. She also talked to both her daughters about others’ perceptions and comments, since keeping them out of earshot is not a realistic option.

Higher Order Multiples

Mrslubby‘s husband loves to take her quadruplets and their 4-year-old big sister shopping, if nothing else to prove he can! He loads up two babies in one cart and two babies in another. With their older singleton standing on the end of a cart, he pushes one cart and pulls the other. While Mrslubby cringes at all the looks she gets from strangers with her brood, her husband basks in the acknowledgment of his juggling skills.

Pregnant MoMs

At the moment, Marissa is too pregnant with her third baby to wear her son A facing out in a front-carry. Unfortunately, he doesn’t like back-carry much, so she usually only take one kiddo on errands. Once again, her husband does most of the errands, because that’s what works for her family. As we said earlier, asking for help is an important MoM skill, as is accepting help when it’s offered.

Single (or Functionally Single) Parents

Janna and Sadia were both functionally single parents when their twins were very young, thanks to Janna’s husband’s extended work hours and Sadia’s (now ex-)husband’s repeated deployments. They had no alternative but to run errands with their kids, so it never occurred to them that it should be difficult. On the other hand, RachelG and her husband share equally in family tasks such as grocery shopping, so there is no need for either of them to master solo groceries. Do what works for your family’s needs.

If you’re a working single mother like Sadia, chances are that you have very little flexibility in your schedule and no one to watch your kids without prior planning. Work a weekly shopping trip into your routine so that your little ones know to expect it. Consider having a backup supply of canned and frozen goods to carry you through if you hit a week during which you just can’t make it to the store. Moms do occasionally get sick. Cars break down. Roads flood. Don’t be caught without food and toilet paper.

Unloading at Home

Unloading your groceries with young kids around can also take some planning. Your multiples and other kids may be especially demanding on returning to the safe environment of home. As on the way out of the door, make sure that you have a safe place to keep them while you bring your shopping inside.

Grocery Shopping with Twins and More from hdydi.com
Photo Credit: malloreigh

Consider using a cooler or insulated grocery bag for frozen or refrigerated items. This allows you a bigger window to tend to your kids before you return your attention to the groceries waiting to be put away. If your store has an especially competent bagger, do what you can to get in their checkout line and avoid careless baggers. Alternately, you can oversee the bagging yourself or simply communicate to the checkout staff that you need your things bagged in a particular order. It helps them out if you load groceries in logical groupings while you’re checking out.

Sadia keeps a tote in the trunk of her car to help keep things sorted. Refrigerator items go in the tote, everything else straight into the trunk. When she gets home, she can pick up everything that needs to be put away quickly at once. The rest can wait.

Not Just for Moms

The post has been written about moms going shopping with kids because we’re moms who go shopping with kids. This advice is for everyone else too, though: for the DoMs who do just as much in the way of home and family maintenance as MoMs, for nannies and au pairs who are out and about with the kids, for grandmas and grandpas, whether the grandkids are visiting or are in your permanent care.

Katelyn‘s husband carries one kid on his shoulders. Marissa’s husband wears a Moby like nobody’s business. Just yesterday, Sadia had a lovely conversation with a dad of 9-month-old twins while he wore one baby and had the other lying in the built-in infant seat in the store cart. When she got fussy, dad just scooped her onto his hip. He still had a free hand for the cart. Wiley’s nanny tends to wear one girl, put one in the cart seat, and put her middle boy in the body of the cart while the oldest is at school.

We all find ways to get things done, even if it takes some creativity.

Do you have specific types of errands, family situations, or location-related limitations on which you’d like The Moms’ advice? What grocery store trip tips did we miss?

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Twinfant Tuesday: Baby Carriers for Twins

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Categories Ask the Moms, Multiple Solutions, Products, Twinfant TuesdayTags 8 Comments

Reader Kimberly S. asked our advice on purchasing a twin carrier. The Moms put our heads together and came up with some pointers. We’re a mix of proud baby-wearers, occasional carrier-users, and arms-only mamas.

Twinfant Tuesday: Baby Carriers for Twins from hdydi.comSadiawithBabes

Wiley is our resident expert. She regularly wears her 1-year-old twin girls and their 2-year-old brother. Her babywearing even made the paper!

Twinfant Tuesday: Baby Carriers for Twins from hdydi.com

She recommends wearing your bigger child on your back. When her twins were tiny, Wiley started wearing them both in front in a Moby. She then moved to one in a pocket sling in front and one in a Beco on her back. As the girls got bigger, she alternated between Becos front and back or ring slings right and left.

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Photo: Suji Donnelly

Early on, when she wore her youngest trio–she also has a school-aged son–she put her twinfants in front in a Moby and her son on her back in an Ergo. Next, the two girls were switched to hip carries in ring slings and their brother, 18 months their senior, on Wiley’s back in an Ergo or Beco. These days, she tends to wear her girls front and back in Becos and her older toddler in a ring sling hip carry on top. The benefit of his being on top is that he can get up and down repeatedly with ease.

Wiley’s currently experimenting with the Tula. Perhaps we can convince her to come back and let us know how she likes it!

 has used the Moby, the Björn and the Boba . She still wears her 21-month-olds, who weigh 32 and 27 lb each, although she no longer wears them at the same time, for hikes and city adventures. Her preference is the Boba for its versatility and continues to be her go-to carrier. She notes that the Boba doesn’t require an infant insert to carry small babies, as some other carriers do.

 has used 2 Ergos , both front/back and side/side, but doesn’t do so often. She prefers to wear one child and carry the other. These kids get heavy! She really likes the Kelty backpacks for hiking and long walks. Several of the moms elected to wear one baby in a carrier and carry the other in her arms.  usually uses her Ergo or Björn for one child and carries the other in her arms.

MandyE (in the photo) and Sadia both used the wear one/drive one approach to shopping with twins.
MandyE (in the photo) and Sadia both used the wear one/drive one approach to shopping with twins.

 used to use her Evenflo Snugli for one girl and carry the other in her arms or in a carseat for errands like grocery shopping.

Sadia received a hands free car seat strap from a friend that was just perfect for stroller-free trips to the grocery store. She’d wear one baby in a carrier in front and the other in her carseat across her hips. This left her hands free to load groceries and open doors.

 still, on occasion, carries one almost-4-year-old in the Ergo on her back and the other in her arms. Her adorable boys weigh 30 and 40 lbs.

wpid-Photo-Oct-1-2013-814-AM.jpgKatelyn never wore her twins. They were her first children. She liked having dad hold one, or she’d just carry both, one in each arm. Now that she has a third child, she does wear him.

One of the things we all agreed needs to be considered is the size of your children. If they’re very small, like Sadia’s (1st percentile), you might be able to wear your babies comfortably into the preschool years. If, like RachelG’s twins, yours are 95th percentile, take her advice and encourage walking as soon as they’re ready.

If you’re up for informative laugh, check out DoM Brian Rosenworcel demonstrating (or rather figuring out) how to wear his newborn twins using a Moby wrap.

Please also check out triplet mom ‘ review from 2008. She discusses 3 slings: the HotslingPeanut Shell and an Infantino Sling. She loved her Moby Wrap. She preferred the Beco Butterfly to the Baby Bjorn, but her husband liked the latter. She also discusses the mei tais Baby Hawk and EllaRoo, and notes a couple of places you can find baby carriers.

Did you wear your babies? What worked for you?

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How to Afford Twins: Multiples Consignment Sales

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Categories Finances and Saving, MoM Groups, Parenting, Theme WeekTags , 3 Comments

While having more than one baby at a time doesn’t necessarily mean you need two of everything, there are things you will need double or triple. You can stretch your dollars buying used. When I was pregnant I found my local Mothers of Multiples consignment sales to be invaluable. Families who have a bunch of kids at once tend to have a bunch of baby stuff, and some of it is only used a very short time.

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I live in the suburbs of Chicago and there are several nearby MoMs clubs who hold twice-yearly sales of gently used baby and kids stuff. These sales are generally held in a park district gym or a church basement. I was able to shop at 3-4 different club sales during my pregnancy and my boys’ infancy and get a ton of essentials and clothing for a fraction of their retail cost. And because I was also a member of a club, I was able to sell my stuff as my boys outgrew it and recoup a lot of what I paid. For some things like exersaucers and baby gates, it was almost like renting them. I paid $20 for an exersaucer (and let’s be honest, those things will last forever and have a short, but in our case priceless, lifespan.) and sold it back 6 months later for $20. I have since seen very familiar exersaucers show back up at the sale time and again. I would love to know how many families have gotten use from one exersaucer!

multiples consignment sales

By shopping several resale events I was able to curate an adorable, inexpensive and corresponding wardrobe for my twin boys. Often there would be two outfits that matched or were similar, sold by other families with twin boys. I was able to find a family with boys a couple years older and have bought most of their outgrown clothing for the past couple years. In cases where I only found one item I liked at a sale, like an adorable argyle sweater for Christmas pictures, I was often able find a similar one at another sale.

As my boys have grown, I have been able to sell off most of their baby stuff, and unload tons of clothing, and pick up the next sizes from the proceeds.  Now that my babies aren’t babies, it is harder to find clothing since a lot of clothing for this age group (boys especially) is worn out or ruined and doesn’t make it to the resale. Our need for lots of gear is gone. I do still find toys for a bargain, puzzle and games, and swimwear, coats, snow pants and boots. I think my best resale shopping is behind me, but I do no hesitate to recommend resale shopping to expectant families, whether pregnant with multiples or not. 

5 Tips for Multiples Consignment Sales

  1. Join the club. Members of our local MoMs clubs are able to sell their items and shop before the sale opens to the public. Local clubs in our area even have reciprocal early shopping for neighboring club members. I have been able to shop the night before, early bird an hour before the doors open to the public and even had guest passes to offer a friend for my own club’s pre-sale shopping.
  2. Get there early If you’re not able to get in to pre-shop, get there early. If the doors open at 8 am, expect people to start lining up by 6:30 or earlier. For my club the same woman is always first in line, usually in line by 6 before any club members are even on site to get set up for the day. As a volunteer I have heard several people complain about the clothing selection when they show up an hour before the sale ends. While some sales have a half-off or fill-a-bag option at the end of the sale, if there’s something you know you want, get there early. Bring a laundry basket to carry your items. Most sales I have attended do not allow strollers or wagons on the sales floor, so be prepared to carry your kids or leave them at home with someone.
  3. Prioritize your shopping list Know what you’re looking for and head straight there when the doors open. Be flexible and realistic. If you’re hunting for a double stroller, there’s may only be a few options, so go there first. Don’t assume you will be able to get the exact brand or pattern for gear, or even matching items or outfits.  I generally made a list of things I wanted to find, listed by priority. If you really need winter coats, don’t lose valuable time at the toys tables. The inventory of these sales can vary widely and you may not get everything on your list.
  4. Bring your best stuff and price it right If you’re selling your stuff, bring your best. If you’re missing parts or something doesn’t work, it shouldn’t be sold. Check for recalls to ensure the things you are selling are safe, and if your clothing is stained, ripped, or from 1982, it shouldn’t be in your resale inventory. If your goal is to make the absolute most money for your items, consider selling them individually on eBay or though local classified or garage sale groups online. When most of the clothing is $1-3 per piece, your $8 used pajamas probably aren’t going to sell.
  5. Remember, it’s just stuff It is great to get a bargain, and everyone wants to save money, but it’s just stuff. Have clear expectations of what you can get. Sure you may find things new with tags, or a real steal on a bouncy seat, or the perfect double stroller you’ve been dying for, but it’s also clothing your kids are going to spill on, spit up on or rip the knees out of, it’s a piece of equipment that your baby will use for a few months. I’ve seen people grab all the clothing for a particular size and then go through it later, grab things and “hide” them in other areas so they can stake their claim, and get upset with the volunteers who are working because they can’t find suitable matching outfits, don’t like the selection of used toys or wanted a single not a double stroller. It’s just stuff. The workers are all volunteers, other Moms of Multiples, helping their club and clearing out their own closets. Be nice.

Jen is a stay-at-home Mom of twin boys who will turn 4 in November who has been bargain shopping and dressing them in second-hand clothing since birth. 

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Twinfant Tuesday: We Cloth Diapered our Twins and it Wasn’t Crazy

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Categories Twinfant TuesdayTags , 4 Comments

I have a close friend who is expecting her first baby (just one!) in January so she has been picking my brain about what cloth diapers to get, what to register for and how it all works.  We cloth diapered our boys starting at about 3 weeks old until they were potty trained around age 2. We did use disposables a few times when traveling, but we estimate we bought fewer than 10 packages of disposable diapers, for twins, for 2 years. (which we almost always bought on sale with coupons or from Amazon Mom Subscribe and save.)

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Whenever we would mention we intended to use cloth diapers, everyone thought we were nuts. Some flat out said it, others scoffed and suggested we  would soon see the error of our ways. We registered for 40 modern cloth diapers (the one-size, adjustable, velcro kind), hoping friends and family would help chip in for our cloth diapers the way so many shower-planning-strategy sites suggested people would shower you with disposables. Not one single person bought us one single diaper. No problem, we were committed to it, so we bought them ourselves.

Looking back on the infant phase, of all the baby stuff we received as gifts, (including hand-me-downs and purchases) our cloth diapers proved to be the most-used, most-appreciated, absolutely the most bang-for-the-buck baby item. I have written lots on the subject of cloth diapers. But with diapers in a distant rear view mirror I can say that I am absolutely glad we used cloth and would not hesitate to do it again. Sure we did more laundry, but in the scheme of how much laundry two babies generate, it was barely noticeable. It was part of our routine from the start since everything about being parents was new, so too was diaper laundry. We have had so much “essential” baby stuff that we were told we could not, should not live without, that we hardly used. We have cycled through countless thousands of toys, dozens of baby contraptions, endless feeding, bathing, maintaining supplies, but the one thing we absolutely used day in and day out was our cloth diapers. (Plus they are stink in’ adorable. I mean LOOKIT HOW CUTE!)

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I won’t lie, I was a little sad when we stopped diapering and attempted to housebreak our children (which may sound barbaric, but so was potty training twin boys!) it meant my babies were no longer babies, and that constant was gone from our lives. We survived ages 0-2 with about 40 diapers, and now they have gone to another family with twin boys who are giving them a second life.

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So if you are expecting, or have twin infants, consider cloth. It’s cheaper, (more cost upfront but saves a bundle long term) and you’re not throwing money into the garbage. So if you want to use cloth diapers and your family and friends think you’re insane, know that you’re not alone, but it’s not crazy at all.

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Separate Schools, Two Weeks In

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Categories Classroom Placement, Individuality, Mommy Issues, Preschoolers, Same Gender, School4 Comments

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Two weeks ago I posted about separating my twin boys for preschool, into two different schools. We are in the second week and still adjusting, but here’s a little update on how its going so far.

Both boys started on the same day, even though their schedules overlap only one day a week. We moved around my husband’s work schedule so that day he goes in much later than he used to, since we effectively have to be in two places at once. We stood on the porch and did first day of school photos, obligatory backpack shots, and lots of hugs. Even though only one kid got on the bus, the whole family waited outside for the bus, and his brother insisted on wearing his backpack too. Our little guy got on the bus that first day without a tear. Mommy, however, was not as tough. Yup, I cried. Not as much as I expected, and not as much as I had been in the months before this big day.

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Other kid’s private preschool has a very, very gradual, drawn out intro to preschool, in stark contrast to the school district’s put-them-on-a-bus-and-see-them-later approach. They have a two week orientation period which I suppose some kids probably benefit from, but our kid is ready to get going already. They only go for 1 hour, and instead of drop off, the first day was with the parent the whole time, the subsequent days the parents drop off in the room and get them into their routine before leaving. This Mommy is ready to just drop the kid at the curb, kisses and hugs and on your way, kiddo. The kid wants to know when they get to play at the playground (since they are only there one hour there’s no playground time.) Looking forward to starting for real next week. (and yes, I am one of those rip-the-bandaid off fast people.)

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Here’s a brief rundown of things the past two weeks.

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Kid 1:

  • Got kid onto bus, less than 1 hour later the bus company called (Mommy panic!) but only to tell me to expect him home a full 30 minutes before the original time they told me. Good thing we changed around Daddy’s work schedule.
  • Got a call from the social worker at the school even before he was home the first day telling me that “He was a little sad” when they put him on the bus, which I think is social worker speak for “Flipped his $#&!” when it was time to leave school. Which I guess is good he was having fun.
  • He had an ID tag on his backpack for the bus driver with contact info, but both our home address and phone number wrong. He got home safely anyway. If you ask where he lives he will tell you, “At our house!”
  • Day 2 on the bus and school day was without incident from the kid, but waving at the bus with the other kid, a nosy neighbor walked by adding, “But aren’t they twins? That one must have something wrong with him if he’s taking that bus to school.” IN FRONT OF THE OTHER KID. Gee, thanks.
  • Monday morning the bus driver was 20 minutes late, stopped way past the house, nearly to the neighbors yard and upset the poor kid so much thinking he was forgotten he cried getting on the bus and could be heard screaming as they drove away.
  • By Thursday the second week the novelty has worn off and he no longer has any interest in going to school or riding the bus. It was a major issue getting him to put on clothing and get outside for the bus. Thankful he gets Fridays off so we can not have that discussion for a few more days.

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Kid 2:

  • Went to the first day of school and had a total meltdown when the teacher told him the playtime was done and it was time to read a book. This was the first of many over-sensitive, emotional, sobbing outbursts we’ve seen since the first day of school from the typically laid-back, easy going kid.
  • Teachers told us he’s holding his own but it is obvious he misses his brother quite a lot, he talks about him constantly
  • He runs up to the bus when it arrives back home and has even run up the steps to hug his brother. It’s incredibly sweet.
  • By the 3rd day his brother was at school, he was so volatile and sensitive that I asked him to clean up his Potato Head toys and he sobbed, “But I didn’t get to give brother a hug AND a kiss before he left!”
  • He started a weekly story time session at the library, an extra activity he gets to do alone, since he doesn’t have school as often as his brother. The teacher said he did great and was one of the top participants in the activities and a great listener.
  • He told us he did not want to go to school this week because he wanted to be home for when brother’s bus came back.
  • After the bus nearly missed the house, he put on a Batman outfit because he thought meeting his brother in a Batman suit would cheer him up. (It did.)
  • His teacher at school said he was playing well with the other kids and was much happier than the previous day.

All in all, it hasn’t been bad, but it’s definitely been a transition. We have upped the frequency of random and seemingly senseless meltdowns. It’s heartbreaking to see how sad they are apart, even though they seem to both be enjoying school. They don’t yet “get’ the days of the week so it is confusing them who has school which day, and their behavior definitely shows they are hurting. With time we will all adjust to the new normal, but these first few weeks are pretty emotional.

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When Separation Isn’t a Choice

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Categories Behavior, Classroom Placement, Development, Difference, Education, Independence, Individuality, Parenting, School, Special NeedsTags 3 Comments

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If there is one topic that comes up in twin-Mom blogs, forums and groups more than any other, it is whether to separate your twins in school. It’s a hot topic and everyone has their own best answer. There are laws on the books in many states allowing the parents to choose, but in reality it comes down to the principal and teachers’ willingness to do what is best for the kids.  Parents argue, teachers argue, each side cites studies and anecdotes. Before I was a Mom of twins, i probably wouldn’t have put much thought into it. When my boys were born it seemed so far away, and there were so many other, more pressing matters, like sleep.

Fast-forward to age 3-almost-4 and we’re on the precipice of preschool. But the decision to separate was made for me, without any real choice. Whether I could or would choose to put my boys in separate classes in kindergarten and beyond, I know for certain I would not have chosen to separate them at age three. Starting next month my little boys, my babies, will be starting preschool in two different classes, in two different schools in two different parts of town.

We’ve gone back and forth over the past three years whether to even put them into preschool. Long ago, before their second birthday, I quit my job to stay home full time, and had a pretty decent home preschool thing going on with them. We did fun things, they learned a ton. But by their third birthday, one seemed to be really “getting it” with complex language, learning letters and numbers, explaining complicated concepts. The other deferred to his brother for the answers. We started to see problems with behavior, outbursts that were beyond 3-year-old tantrums. He would be agitated, impatient and inflexible.  Early Intervention is available to kids under 3 who show signs of developmental delays, but he and been on track up until his 3rd birthday, so we never had any reason to call. After age 3, those services are provided through the local school district. Between January and May of this year, he went through several screenings at the school district’s preschool program, and they determined his delays sufficient enough to warrant services through the school district. He does not have a diagnosis other than “developmental delay” in the district’s qualifications. He will be starting there four days a week in September (meanwhile we are waiting for an appointment with a developmental specialist as well.)

My other son will be attending a local private preschool, the one we intended for them both to start this year. As luck would have it, some of our closest twin playmates will also be in that class. He will be going only two days a week, one of which overlaps with his brother’s school days. We have been trying to build it up all summer as a great chance to do fun things at school and how amazing it will be to run home and tell your brother. But truly, it kills me to separate them. I know they are very attached to each other. The few times we have split them up to run errands or take them to an appointment, they only worry about the other. One will tell perfect strangers in a store about where his brother is and what he is doing at the time. They speak in plurals “we would like a snack.” and do everything with the other in mind (like swipe two yogurts from the fridge, one for each!) We had a brief separation in swim lessons when one kid moved up to the next level and the other wasn’t quite there. The instructor asked if we preferred to hold the one back until they were both ready, but that didn’t seem fair. The first class they were apart the one who wasn’t quite ready refused to go in the water and cried the entire 30 minutes. He also refused to do the lesson the next three weeks.

So in a few weeks, I am going to load up my 3-year-old with a backpack full of school supplies (My Baby! School Supplies?!?!) and put him on a school bus (which I am told is outfitted with car seats for little guys.) while his brother and I wave from the lawn. On alternate days I will wait for the bus and then take the other kid to school in our not-a-school-bus Minivan. (and if you don’t think that is a Big Thing then you don’t know 3-year-old boys.) They will spend 15 hours a week apart. Neither will have his brother there when the class celebrates their birthday. My heart breaks for them. When we talk about school starting, one will invariably say, “But I will miss my brother!” while I fight back tears. It will be great to finally have one-on-one time with each, but I can’t help but feel the other will be missing out. Or maybe we will be missing out while he is having a blast at school. One of the arguments I have read so often about separate classes for twins is that they are different people and need different experiences, but can find each other at recess or lunch and still maintain their bond. I love how close my boys are to each other. I want them to excel and I want what is best, but I also want them to have each other and not feel like we are taking one away from the other.

Will this be great for both of them? Absolutely. Is it going to be the toughest adjustment we’ve faced so far? Undoubtedly. But I hope we can get each the level of help he needs to excel in school, and we will all work together so that maybe, just maybe, I can exercise my right as a parent to chose whether or not they will be together in Kindergarten after all.

Jen is a stay-at-home Mom of 3-year-old twin boys who have already packed their backpacks several times with favorite toys and random treasures, ready to start preschool next week. Their adventures are (intermittently and mostly in photos) blogged at goteamwood.com.

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From the Archives: Back to School

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Categories From the Archives, Preschoolers, School, School-AgeTags Leave a comment

It’s time for a new school year in the US. Some of The Moms’ kids are going to school for the first time, while others are old hands at this. Some of us have kids in public elementary schools, while others are structuring in-home pre-schools or homeschooling older kids. All week we will be sharing posts old and new on Back to School. And if you haven’t already, please join us over on our HDYDI Facebook Page to continue the discussion.

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Classroom Placement Thoughts

If you’re going to read one post on twins at school, please let it be Dr. Segal’s. She is a researcher and expert in twin matters, and her post is a thoughtful examination of the realities of multiples’ experiences at school.

Other School-Related Posts

Jen B

Jen B‘s boys have had a pretty rotten time at school, with their teacher seeming not to see the value in being able to tell them apart.

It wasn’t all bad, though.

Can I Make My Twins Wear Thing 1 and Thing 2 Shirts?

Sadia

Sadia‘s kids have had more than their share of excitement related to school placement.

She’s also captured other moments in J and M’s experience at school.

Are your kids headed back to school? How’s it going?

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Quitting Breastfeeding

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Categories Breastfeeding, Emotion, Family, Feeding, Feeling Overwhelmed, Formula, Mommy Issues, World Breastfeeding Week Blog Carnival5 Comments

World Breastfeeding Week 2013 Blog Carnival - NursingFreedom.org and The San Diego Breastfeeding CenterWelcome to the World Breastfeeding 2013 Blog Carnival cohosted by NursingFreedom.org and The San Diego Breastfeeding Center!

This post was written for inclusion in the WBW 2013 Blog Carnival. Our participants will be writing and sharing their stories about community support and normalizing breastfeeding all week long. Find more participating sites in the list at the bottom of this post or at the main carnival page.

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The three of us, at 2 weeks, around 5 a.m. after tandem nursing for one of 12 times a day.

Before I was a Mom, my goal was to breastfeed my baby. When I found out there were two babies, I still wanted to breastfeed exclusively. Breastfeeding was tough, much harder physically and emotionally than I could have ever imagined. One of my sons had a terrible latch and it hurt every single time I fed him until the very last time. My twin boys were born at 38 weeks and were nearly 7 lbs each, but by the time my big babies were five days old we were told we had to supplement them with formula, they were not only not gaining weight, but had lost more than 20 percent of their birthweight. Despite sitting topless in my living room in the flotation raft of a twin nursing pillow around the clock for the first few months, they didn’t exceed their birthweight until nearly a month old and struggled to gain an ounce some weeks. We hoped we could get back on track and drop the formula. We never did. By the time I went back to work at 6 months I was nursing and pumping and not coming close to meeting the demands of two growing boys. My breastfeeding journey was long and difficult, but I fed them some breast milk every day until they were almost 9 months old. By that time, I was pumping less than 5 oz a day, which could not feed one bottle to one baby. They were eating foods and finally gaining weight and on the growth chart for the first time in their lives, but it wasn’t from me.

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I charted their weights for the first 6 months because it was so challenging.

Quitting was one of the hardest things I had ever done. I felt like a huge failure. I cried and cried. (It has been three years and re-reading this letter I wrote brought back the tears.) I didn’t want to give up but my body did. I talked to the lactation consultant I had been seeing since my boys were born and she suggested I pump to comfort in order to quit. I only had to pump one more time. I was done. I wrote this letter to my boys that day, three years ago. I wanted them to know I did everything I could for them.

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This photo was taken on the day I wrote this letter. It was a setup for a BBQ invitation, but fitting since they were moving on to different culinary pastures.

July 24, 2010

My dear little boys, I love you so much. I want you to know that I quit breastfeeding today. It has been a long time coming I am afraid, but I want you to know that I tried everything to make it work for us. From the moment I found out I was pregnant, I have only wanted the very best for you.

When we found out there were two of you I knew it would be hard at times, and wonderful and amazing. I still wanted the best for you. It would have been easy to forgo breastfeeding entirely, but I know that it is the perfect food for a baby and I wanted you to have it.  I managed to carry you to full term, which gave you a great start. You were both big and healthy and perfect.

Even in the hospital, though, the three of us had difficulties feeding. We struggled with latch problems, some of which were never resolved. Those early weeks were rough. I was in pain, I got an infection, you both lost a lot of weight, I never seemed to produce enough and you were weak and shrinking and it was heartbreaking.

Dad was amazingly supportive and helped with all those feedings, every two hours. For the first two months, we fed you on every even hour – midnight, 2, 4, 6, 8, 10, noon, etc. around the clock. I nursed and pumped and we gave in and gave you formula. Your weight would go up an ounce or two then down, then stay the same, for weeks on end.

You were healthy, though, and doing all the milestone things you were supposed to. I was told time and again that I wasn’t feeding you enough, and it killed me to hear that because I was doing everything I could to feed you as much as you needed.  When one of you developed a milk allergy Joshua, it wasn’t easy to completely eliminate dairy in all its forms. I have missed cheese and ice cream and butter. But knowing it would make you so sick, it was easy to stick to a dairy free existence. And I hope it means you will outgrow it and you’ll be able to enjoy those things too.

The three of us went to the hospital every Wednesday to weigh you and see how you were growing. And those early months the change was gradual. You stayed in your Newborn clothes until you were more than 3 months old. The 0-3 months stuff just started to fit at 3.5 months. Winter was nearly over by the time you got into those 3-6 months clothes at 5 months. I charted your weight gain each week, and the graph was moving up, but very slowly. We would go to your pediatrician appointments and were told you were both 1st percentile in weight, or sometimes not even on the chart. At one point Justin, you were a full pound and a half smaller, even though you were the bigger baby at birth. I was so afraid they were going to think I was a bad mom and take you away or put you in the hospital or something.

At six months you were both finally on the percentile chart. You had doubled your birth weight. You were in the 3rd percentile. And for the first time since birth, Justin was heavier again. For the next two months you took turns, sometimes Joshua was heavier, sometimes Justin. Several weeks you were exactly the same. But once you added solid foods like cereal and veggies you really started to grow and grow. 

Now you are almost 9 months old. You are amazing little boys. You are both so curious and sweet and loving. You are both becoming mobile and are crawling around on your tummies.

I hope I have given you a good start to a long life of health and love. I hope that you know I have done everything I could to make your first months the best I possibly could. I have taken herbal supplements, I have resorted to prescription medication, I have rented a pump, bought a pump, eaten nearly any food any wives tale suggested might increase milk supply. I have only ever managed to make about half of what you have needed.

Now that I have gone back to work, though, it’s just not working out anymore. I no longer produce enough to feed you each one bottle a day. I take extra breaks and drink a ton of water and do all the things that are supposed to help. I pump five times a day and often in a small closet where the door doesn’t shut all the way. I do this because I love you.

But happy, healthy babies need more than just breast milk. They need a Mommy who is happy and healthy too. I know it hasn’t been perfect, and it hasn’t gone how I had hoped, but I truly did the very best I could to give you every drop I could manage. I am sure this is not the only time I will fall short of my hopes for you, I guess being a parent means having the highest hopes and doing the best you can. You are truly wonderful little boys and I am glad to be your mommy. I hope you will always know I will always do what I can for you. This Mommy business is hard, but with two great kids and a wonderful husband, I am the luckiest Mommy ever.

Thank you.

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Jen W. is the mom of two very energetic, and on-the-percentile-chart 3-and-a-half-year-olds who leave me asking at the end of every day, “How DO I do it?” 

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World Breastfeeding Week 2013 Blog Carnival - NursingFreedom.org and The San Diego Breastfeeding Center Visit NursingFreedom.org and The San Diego Breastfeeding Center for more breastfeeding resources and WBW Carnival details!

Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants. Below are a list of links for today’s participants; you can find a complete list of links (updated throughout the week) at our main carnival page:

(This list will be updated by afternoon August 5 with all the carnival links.)

  • An Unexpected Formula-Fed Attachment — Kyle (of JEDI Momster and) writing at Natural Parents Network, exclusively breastfed three healthy babies. So when she was pregnant with her fourth, she assumed she would have no breastfeeding troubles she could not overcome. Turns out, her fourth baby had his own ideas. Kyle shares her heartfelt thoughts on how she came to terms with the conclusion of her breastfeeding journey.
  • It Take a Village: Cross Nursing — Shannah at Breastfeeding Utah shares how cross-nursing helped her baby in their time of need, and how that experience inspired her to create a community of cross-nursing and milk-sharing women.
  • Random little influences and Large scale support communities lead to knowing better and doing better — amy at random mom shares how her ideas and successes involved with breastfeeding evolved with each of her children, how her first milk sharing experience completely floored her, and how small personal experiences combined with huge communities of online support were responsible for leading and educating her from point A to point D, and hopefully beyond.
  • Mikko’s weaning story — After five years of breastfeeding, Lauren at Hobo Mama shares how the nursing relationship with her firstborn came to a gentle end.
  • My Milk is Your Milk — Lola at What the Beep am I Doing? discusses her use of donor milk and hhow she paid the gift back to other families.
  • World Breastfeeding Week 2013 Blog Carnival – Celebrating Each Mother’s Journey — Jenny at I’m a full-time mummy lists her experiences and journey as a breastfeeding mother.
  • Working Mom Nursing Twins — Sadia at How Do You Do It? breastfed her twin daughters for 7 months. They made it through premature birth and NICU stays, her return to full-time work, her husband’s deployment to Iraq, and Baby J’s nursing strike.
  • So, You Wanna Milkshare? — Milk banks, informed community sharing and friends, oh my! So many ways to share the milky love; That Mama Gretchen is sharing her experience with each.
  • Milk Siblings: One Mama’s Milk Sharing Story (and Resources)Amber, guest posting at Code Name: Mama, shares how her views on milk sharing were influenced by her daughter receiving donor milk from a bank during a NICU stay, and how that inspired her to give her stash to a friend.
  • Humans Feeding Humans — Krystyna at Sweet Pea Births shares ideas on how we can celebrate all the different ways modern mommies feed their babies. While we are comfortable with the breastmilk-formula paradigm, she proposes that we expand our horizons and embrace all the different ways mamas feed their infants.
  • When Breastfeeding Doesn’t Go As Planned — MandyE of Twin Trials and Triumphs shares the challenges she faced in feeding her premature twins. She’s still learning to cope with things not having gone exactly as she’d always hoped.
  • Taking Back My Life By Giving Away My Milk — When Amanda Rose Adams‘s first child was born, he was tube fed, airlifted, ventilated, and nearly died twice. In the chaos of her son’s survival, pumping breast milk was physically and mentally soothing for Amanda. Before long her freezer was literally overflowing with milk – then she started giving it away.
  • The Tortoise and the Hare — Nona’s Nipples at The Touch of Life discusses why we care about breast milk and formula with everything inbetween.
  • Finding My Tribe of Women Through Milk Sharing — Mj, guest posting at San Diego Breastfeeding Center shares her journey breastfeeding with low milk supply and supplementing with donor milk using an at the breast supplemental nursing system. She shares the impact milk sharing has had on her life, her family, and how it saved her breastfeeding relationship. Her article can also be found at her blog:
  • Human Milk for Human Babies — Sam at Nelson’s Nest shares her perspective on milk-sharing after an unexpected premature delivery left her pumping in the hopes of breastfeeding her son one day. Sam’s milk was an amazing gift to the other preemie who received it, but the connection was a blessing in the donor mom’s life too!
  • Sister, I Honor You — A mother feeding her baby is a triumph and should be honored, not criticized. Before you judge or propagate your own cause, go find your sister. A post by Racher: Mama, CSW, at The Touch of Life.
  • Every Breastfeeding Journey Is Different, Every One Is Special — No two stories are alike, evidenced by That Mama Gretchen’s collaboration of a few dear mama’s reflections on their breastfeeding highs, lows and in betweens.
  • Quitting Breastfeeding — Jen W at How Do You Do It? share a letter she wrote to her boys, three years ago exactly, the day she quit breastfeeding after 9 months.
  • A Pumping Mom’s Journey — Shannah at Breastfeeding Utah shares about her journey pumping for her son, who was born at 29 weeks.
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