(drumroll please!)

Erin! Amy! Sarah! Jen from Diagnosis:Urine! Kim! Jenna! Renae! Nicole! Marcy!

Congratulations ladies! There were a total of 1, 472 votes cast, and the numbers were very close. In fact, Sarah and Jen tied with the exact same number of votes, which is why we will be adding NINE wonderful new contributors to our ranks. Ladies, thank you all for your participation in this contest. We greatly appreciate everyone who reads and comments on HDYDI, and we are excited to introduce our new members!

While we focus on the changes taking place at HDYDI, we will take a look back over the past year of mothering our multipes for “From the Archives” Week. Enjoy!

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Marcy is a 30 year-old first-time mom to fraternal twin girls, Amelia and Ella, born in September of 2007. After taking a one-year maternity leave, she returned (kicking and screaming!) to her job as a state worker. As it so happens, raising twin toddlers and working (albeit part-time) is not all it’s cracked up to be. So, she has decided to pursue a different career, and thus begins her new adventure as a stay-at-home mama at the end of June. She is anxiously awaiting what her two new bosses have in store…

All in the Family, by: Marcy

When we broke the news that I was pregnant with our dynamic duo, I got my first glimpse at twin celebrity. People were amazed that two babies were growing inside my belly. Truth be told, so was I! And, it didn’t take long before the comments started flowing. Oh, you know the ones… “Twins? Good luck!” or “Better you than me!” And, my personal favorite: “What are you going to do with two babies?!” I remember my usual response like it was yesterday. “Oh, don’t worry about us,” I would say. We’ll have lots of help. My in-laws live right upstairs.” Famous last words.

Prior to the girls’ arrival, I had a great relationship with my in-laws( ILs). My husband and I moved into the IL’s second floor apartment days after we were married. Five years later, when we announced my pregnancy, my ILs graciously gave up their larger first floor pad to make room for babies. Nice, huh? By the time Amelia and Ella were born, my mother-in-law (MIL) had retired and was available to us any time, day or night. I know what you’re all thinking… “This is a bad thing because…??” Because it was. It turned out to be an awful thing for our family, and one that I did not see coming.

We hadn’t even made it out of the hospital when I suspected there might be a slight problem. As if it’s not mortifying enough to have countless sets of strange hands on your boobs (I refer here, of course, to the lactation consultants and nurses), it was somewhere in the realm of the insane to have my MIL “show” me the correct way to breastfeed my babies. In case you haven’t experienced this before (and I pray you haven’t!), this is truly an out-of-body experience. I remember thinking, “Um, you breastfed ONE baby 33 frickin’ years ago, and that makes you an expert? Get your hands off my boobs, woman!” Still, who had time to focus on MIL’s grabby hands when I had two poorly-latching babies? And, it was this attitude (born out of pure necessity), that got me into trouble in those early weeks and months.

Between the continued breastfeeding struggles and twin sleep deprivation, I let a lot of stuff go. I was in survival mode. I didn’t care if my husband trained a chimp to relieve me of a late night feeding; I just needed some sleep. MIL doesn’t like the Baby Bjorn because she fears it hurts the babies’ legs? Who cares? Who cares, if, on the day I decide to give it a go with exclusive breastfeeding, MIL is in the other room screaming that I am starving the babies? Not me! But, somewhere around week 8, I started coming out of my haze, albeit slowly. While I had been adamant from the beginning about the girls’ 3-4 hour feeding schedule, I started to figure out some other things, too. It’s right around this time when I noticed that MIL had long ceased knocking at the front door before entering. It had become a free-for-all. I actually felt so much like a prisoner in my own home (ahem, their apartment) that I would pack up two newborns and make a mad dash for the car whenever my anxiety became too overwhelming. I would go out of my way to hit up a Dunkin Donuts drive-thru two towns over just to get some alone time with my babies.

The worst part about the whole ordeal (yes, worse than the aforementioned touching of the boobage!) was that I had no idea how to safely broach the subject with my husband. I mean, how do you tell the man you love that you have visions of strangling the woman who gave birth to him? Very delicately. I decided to make it more about me. I focused on how my MIL’s behavior was negatively affecting me, causing undue stress and anxiety that was not good for our girls. And, I must say that my husband was extremely supportive. He has had my back since Day One. Incidentally, thanks honey! That’s not to say that we haven’t had our fair share of squabbles over the issue. Many a tiff were born out of my perception that he was not appropriately outraged at MIL’s latest escapade. And, as angry as I would get at my husband, I also felt bad for him, too. It is his mom we’re talking about here. You know… the woman who raised him.

I have laid awake many a night wondering why it all went so wrong. What could have been an ideal situation for new parents of twins turned into my own daily episode of Dr. Phil. I think our many battles can be summed up with just one word: control. My MIL has a super controlling personality. And, me? Do I consider myself a control freak? Pre-twins, no. Post-twins, heck yeah! Awake by 7 A.M., fed by 8, nap at 9. Rinse, wash, repeat. Organized chaos — essential for any new mom of twins who desires a semblance of normalcy in her life. And, God help the person who dares interfere with said chaos.

Here’s my best advice for anyone currently struggling with similar issues: Decide as a couple how you want to raise your children. Then, make your wishes known to family and friends and ask for their support. For instance, let your parents and in-laws know that your kids are not allowed to drink juice (no judging here, just an example), and ask that no juice pass your kids’ lips while in their care. If your wishes are not respected, make it clear that you are disappointed and discuss expectations for future visits. Do not be afraid to stick up for your family and your choices, no matter how uncomfortable you may feel in the moment. This has been one of the most difficult lessons for me as a new mom, but one of the most valuable to date. There is part of me that is almost grateful to my MIL for her overbearing ways. She has pushed me to find my own voice as a mother.

Have any of you faced a similar situation with the in-laws, or even your own parents? How did you deal with them?

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My name is Jennifer. I am 34 years old, married to Paul, a wonderful husband and father, since 2007. We were both previously married and we each have a child from that marriage. I have a seven year old daughter named Juliana. Paul has an eighteen year old son named Paulie. We were thrilled to welcome our twin boys, Louis and Anthony, into our family last July. They are now ten months old and a lot of fun. In February, we learned that we were expecting another baby. What a surprise this was! My c-section is set for September 22, 2009. We are expecting another boy.

I have my Master’s Degree in Counseling with an advanced certificate in Marriage and Family Therapy. Prior to the birth of our twins, I was a social worker for a foster care agency here in NYC. I am now a stay at home mom to our children, and although it is the most challenging job I have ever had, it is also the most rewarding. I wouldn’t want it any other way!

Family Circus by Jennifer N.

I thought raising a little girl was difficult. I mean for a seven year old girl, she has the mouth and attitude of a 17 year old! And the outfits, hairdos and the girly melodrama issues are really starting to turn my hair gray!

So finding out I was having twin boys really made me very excited! I wouldn’t have to deal with whining girls, I wouldn’t have to deal with the dramatics, I wouldn’t have to deal with the dressing up and competition with girlfriends… But I guess I was not prepared for the boys!

My twins are only 10 months old. They are a pleasure to have around. I am amazed that I have been blessed with good sleepers, sleeping through the night since they were seven weeks old. They have never given me any problems with eating, although Louia has acid reflux, and once we put him on Zantac and changed his formula, he became a new baby. We go out and they don’t scream and cry. We go to restaurants and they sit like big kids. They smile at everyone and are always pleasant. They really are great kids!

But boy are they bruisers! I didn’t think I would have to worry about wrestling for years! How can two ten month old boys lie on each other and roll around on top of each other without getting hurt? I guess since they have always known life together, scrunched up inside the womb all those months, they are used to it, but wow! And I would have thought it was way too soon to see them yank back and forth at a toy they both want! I rarely hear them cry over any of this, but I am still amazed that this has begun at only ten months old!

Yesterday, Anthony took off his shoes and socks in the play corral. He was standing up holding on. All of a sudden, I see the tiny toes of one foot creep into the x shaped slats in the corral… then the second set of tiny toes crept in as well… and Anthony was halfway up the corral wall trying to get out! And where was Louis? Right behind him! In a split second after that, I saw a third set of tiny toes creep in there as well. I jumped up and got them both off the corral, but not without more gray hairs!!! I am afraid my little monkeys will be out of the crib, corral and Pack and Plays sooner than I thought!

 Shortly after the toes in the corral experience, I was cooking dinner and was peeking at them from the kitchen. Luckily I can see everything from the kitchen. I saw Anthony push Louis down on the ground and he stepped right on top of him to gain more leverage to the top of the corral wall! And Louis wasn’t even complaining! Am I in trouble! Especially since I am pregnant again…. with another boy! Boy oh boy… oh boy!

I was hoping maybe I would have another famous family of male actors like the Baldwin family or a famous family of boy singers like the Jonas brothers, the Jacksons or the Osmonds… It would have even been nice to have another famous family of boy athletes like the Mannings of football or the Bodines of Nascar driving! Instead, I may just be looking at the next Ringling Brothers! Well, how fitting, sometimes this house is just that… a circus!

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Christina is mom to 21-month-old fraternal twin girls, Elena and Clara.  She and her husband adopted the girls at birth, and have been on a whirlwind adventure ever since being given the three-day-notice that they were chosen to be parents to twins!  In her life-before-babies, Christina was a full-time professor and researcher of family communication.  Having moved from theory into the reality of family communication, she now keeps her work life at half-time, and revels in the adventures and excitement of life with two almost-two-year-olds.  She chronicles the girls’ adventures at darnhappy.blogspot.com

Research and Reality, by: Christina

The research is clear.  There are two things that happen to almost everyone when they have children: their workload goes up, up, up, and their martial satisfaction goes down, down, down.  As a brand new mom, I was determined that this wouldn’t happen in my own family (and that it definitely wouldn’t happen TIMES TWO just because we have twin girls).  But, as I find often, there is a gap between what I WANT to happen and what DOES happen.  Sure, things have gotten easier now that are girls are 21 months old instead of 2 months old, and my husband and I have some time to sit, breathe, and talk to one another again.   But still, even though I am a professor of family communication and I know what I SHOULD be doing, that doesn’t mean I’m always doing it!  And so, in an effort to keep our family life as good as we can get it, here are a few reflections on the SHOULDS I am working on that may help some other moms of HDYDI:

1.  I SHOULD be careful about messages I send my children about the role they have in our family.  I try to avoid falling into the common twin-trap of answering passerby asking “Which is the outgoing one?”  “Which is the happy one?”  People want to pigeonhole our twins, assign them rigid roles, when they are each outgoing at some times, they are each happy (and unhappy) at others.  Children will naturally take on their own roles in a family, they don’t need to be pegged into them (especially by people outside our family!).  Yet just this week I’ve caught myself telling my daughter Clara: “Look at how nicely your sister is sitting – can’t you sit nicely like her?”  What am I teaching her about her role in our family when I put her in opposition to her sister like that?  That Clara is the “not-good” one who has to try to be “good” like her sister?  Or when I say to Elena: “I’m disappointed you didn’t share with your sister.  It makes me sad when you don’t share” I’m telling her she’s not fulfilling her role as a sister/daughter very well, yet it’s not developmentally appropriate yet for not-quite-two-year-olds to fully grasp the idea of sharing!  Even though we never say to the girls “You’re good” or “You’re bad” (and instead try to focus on telling them when they’ve made good or bad choices) I’m still sending them role messages, and I need to be careful about what I’m telling them. 

2.  I SHOULD reach out for resources when I’m stressed out.  Stress happening to one person is happening to the whole family, and so when I’m feeling overwhelmed about meeting the needs of two very demanding little toddlers at once, it’s not just me who feels that.  It rubs off on my interactions with the girls and my husband, too.  But when we feel pressure, the stress that results is moderated by all kinds of things, and one thing that can help reduce the overall stress on the family is the use of resources.  I should call some friends to come play with us, take the girls out on a beautiful day to get us all out of the house, grab a snack to make me (and them!) less cranky, go to one of the free kid-friendly places in town for a diversion, call a fellow mom of multiples to hear that “this is normal” or schedule in some time just for me after the girls go to bed.  I have a tendency to wrap myself up in my stress, to reflect on it and let it grow and multiply.  Instead of that focus inward, I need to focus outward and grab on to all of the resources that are available to me.

3.  I SHOULD keep a 5:1 ratio of positive to negative comments with myself, the girls, and my husband.  A researcher named John Gottman found that we have a nifty trick called “positive sentiment override” that happens in relationships.  When we have positivity overall in our relationships, we stay focused on the positive things that happen and overlook the negative.  The reverse also can happen – if you are dissatisfied in your relationship (with your child, your partner, etc.) then you focus more on the negative, and don’t notice the positives that occur.  To keep satisfied relationships, we want to say/do about FIVE positive things for every one negative thing.  Probably best not to do this all in a row (telling my daughters “You’re smart, you’re strong, you’re pretty, I love you, you delight me, STOP JUMPING ON THE COUCH!!!” might be a bit much!) but trying to keep in mind an overall focus on saying/doing many positive things in a day means we don’t have to beat ourselves up over saying one snarky thing or not having patience at one particular moment.  The positive sentiment override will kick in and my family should still be happy with me overall, even if I can’t be perfect!  And I’ll continue to focus on the positives with THEM, which is even more important to me.

So let’s hear it, other HDYDI moms – what SHOULDS are you missing at the moment, but still aspiring to?  Anyone else interested in comparing research with our reality?

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 Hey everyone, my name is Shannon White.  I am a native Phoenician living in wonderful North Carolina with my Australian/American husband.  He was fortunate enough to be born in HI to Australian parents then raised in Melbourne, Australia.  My main job is taking care of my boy/girl twins, Blake & Madison while my second job is as a photographer.  I work whenever I can fit it in around the kids needs.  My husband is a police officer and part time photographer for our wedding jobs.  Our kids came to us after almost 5 full years of trying (with the help of a super ovulation cycle).  Having twins is exactly what I always dreamed and hoped it would be, and I get to see my childhood dream of having a twin brother acted out in my kids.   We love to travel anywhere we can as often as our budget will allow.  The kids have already been on 12 trips in their 13 months including 5 trips by plane.  My family blog is picture heavy with lots of thoughts on random topics and life events.  http://whitehouse3.blogspot.com.  Trying to only pick two pictures to go along with my post was beyond difficult.  I hope you enjoy my post!

 Post #1: Why every month with twins gets better and better!

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Debi is a SAHM in NJ (very soon to be PA) to nine kids, 5 adopted & 4 biological. Although her last pregnancy was planned, twins were the unexpected result and they have completed her home-schooling family. Their blog is all about their journey through autism, learning & physical disabilities, and finding their way through the teen years & pre-teen years  while raising two toddlers all at the same time. Please visit them at Who Says 8 Is Enough, http://bouffard11.blogspot.com/

Of course, at seven weeks, I had an ultrasound that confirmed that I was carrying twins.

I was floored.

Russ was silent.

We already had 7 children at home and I had already had two pretty traumatic singleton pregnancies, so we knew a multiple pregnancy was going to be a huge challenge.

Boy, was it ever!

I spent 6 months on strict bed rest after I started bleeding at just 14 weeks and my pregnancy just continued downhill from there. I ended up with pubic bone dysplasia, gall bladder issues, contractions and early effacement & dilation. It was a rough road and thankfully, my church came to the rescue and helped my husband to keep my household going while I was out of commission for so long.

I often wondered during my pregnancy, if I was somehow being punished for not being thrilled with what I now consider a huge blessing. It took me many months to come to grips with the fact that I would have 2 babies to care for, but those feelings all melted away the moment I laid eyes on my sweet babies.

My twins were born at 35 weeks and ended up coming home from the hospital with me just 4 days later. It was incredible. They were both wonderful babies, so teeny tiny and perfect, aside from their absolutely horrible reflux. They were the sweetest babies that hardly ever cried and they quickly made all of my fears about multiples fade away. I am certain it was helped by the fact that I was a “seasoned” mom, but they really were very content babies that I just loved to hold and cuddle all of the time.

Flash forward 2 1/2 years now and I have toddler twins. I have always loved the toddler years and I thought that because I am experienced, it would be easy with Emma & Will. Wrong!

My twins are not your typical twins. At their birth, it was discovered that there had been a problem with their placentas for many weeks that had caused Emma to be getting too much blood & oxygen and Will to be deprived of those same vital needs. As a result, Emma had suffered a stroke in utero and Will had suffered a brain bleed that had left him with cerebral palsy. In the beginning, our main concerns were for Emma, as the evidence from her stroke was incredibly obvious, but with the help of intensive therapy, she made huge strides very quickly.

It was a few months later that our focus turned to Will and that is where it has remained. Emma has continued to flourish and is doing everything a little girl her age should be.

Sadly, Will is lagging behind. All of his physical milestones have been way behind his sister, but he has been meeting them, sometimes with the help of braces or supports, but he is doing it and we are so proud of him.

He was also diagnosed with Sensory Integration Disorder, having severe speech & developmental delays and recently was diagnosed with possible autism.

I will admit, some days are really hard and not just because of all of the challenges that Will faces. Probably the one thing I looked forward to when I found out I was having twins was that they would have built in “buddies”, but my twins aren’t like that. Emma is more like Will’s older sister. She absolutely loves him and it’s so sweet to watch her help him out, but they definitely miss out on the relationship that I assumed they would have.

However, I will also say, that when they do have some “normal” twinny moments, it makes it that much more tender and makes me really appreciate every single minute with my beautiful babies.

Thank you so much for giving me the opportunity to share our story.

If you would like to know more about my twins, or my family, please check out our blog, Who Says 8 Is Enough.

Sincerely,

Debi

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My name is Melanie and I have eight year old fraternal twin girls, Reagan and Riyan. I am a SAHM to five, adding number six this week!

 Separation Twinxiety

by Melanie

When the twins were born, Reagan had to stay in the NICU while Riyan was able to come home immediately. This is the first time they were separated. It is absolutely heartbreaking to have to pull away from the hospital without your baby. Not to mention, I thought somehow this would be damaging to their bonding to one another by being separated for so long immediately after birth.

Reagan came home three weeks later and I remember laying them together on the couch. I held my breath, wondering if they would feel each others presence. When their little hands entwined, it brought tears to my eyes. Finally, the set was once again complete.

When my twins were just under a year, my mom had this idea. She thought maybe it would be fun for the twins to spend some alone time, without the other twin, with mom and dad. Her plan, in theory, sounded like a good one. She took Riyan to stay overnight with her. We both enjoyed our day with our respective twin.

Later that night, my mom calls. She is unable to get Riyan to sleep. She is fussy and unable to settle down. Hours later, she calls again because Riyan is still awake and crying full force now. Around two in the morning, she finally brings Riyan home. I open the door and my crying baby immediately lunges for me and seems to settle somewhat. Then she does the most amazing thing. She points upstairs to her room. It wasn’t me she wanted at all. So I climb the stairs and put her down next to her sister. I quietly stir Reagan awake so Riyan can see her sister. Riyan cuddled up with her and went fast asleep.

Once school started, we were faced with the dilemma on whether they should be in the same kindergarten class or if we should separate them. Riyan was painfully shy so we thought it better to keep them together. After all, starting school is a huge change and we weren’t sure Riyan would handle it well alone. There were some incidences of Reagan speaking for Riyan but they had a wonderful teacher who encouraged them to blossom into individuals.

At the end of the school year, I met with her teacher to decide when it was best to separate them into different classes. The school was very supportive of any decision I made. She introduced me to the first grade teachers and some other parents of twins in school. One mom I talked to encouraged me to do it early. Her twins were in fifth grade and she had kept them together until that year. They had a difficult time adjusting to being in separate classes. Another consideration was Reagan was more advanced then Riyan and by being in different classes, Riyan wouldn’t notice as much. We didn’t want her getting frustrated or feeling inadequate. I decided to put them in different classes and I think it was just the right time. They again blossomed with new friends and new experiences.

Our final challenge with separation came just recently. A friend of Reagan’s invited her to a sleep over…without Riyan. Riyan put on a tough exterior but you could tell she was a little jealous. After Reagan left, she just sat on the fence and looked at the ground. We had arranged for one of her friends to come stay but it was hours until she could come. I could not stand watching my little baby so bummed sitting on that fence. I scooped her up and we went to the movies. It kept her mind off being alone for the first time in a long time.

They are going to be nine soon and I don’t foresee encountering any more separation issues. As they get older, I think they will be better able to cope with being apart. In hindsight, I think maybe be should have tried more to encourage them to more individual, less of a set. They handled it all pretty well. Maybe it was my heart that couldn’t take it. Maybe I am hopelessly doomed to pairs forever since having twins, even with inanimate objects. If I go to buy something at the store and see that there is two left on the shelf, I must by them both. I can’t leave one behind. Now if I could just finish knitting the other sock I promised my mom two Mother’s Days ago.

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After a bunch of Clomid cycles and two IUIs with Clomid Erin was finally diagnosed with 700 yr old eggs, so it was straight to IVF. Cycle #1 was a bust, but #2 was the charm. Now she’s the SAHM to 13 month old boy/girl twins!

 She and her husband think they used to have some interests, but now they spend all their free time trying to figure out how they got so damn lucky.  Musings on that and lots more can be found at www.momsprung.com

To Fence Or Not To Fence?

by Erin

Ok, this is for real now.

Up ’til now I’ve been doing this twin thing with what I’ll admit is a sense of smug superiority.  I often found myself wondering just why all these people were wondering how I do it, and why they kept referring to my tiny pals as “double trouble.”  It just didn’t seem so bad!  And of course I always had the old, “Well, two babies is all I know!”

I happily rode the “I don’t know any better” train for a long time and let me tell you that train is off the tracks!  These two kids move nonstop in opposite directions and they do it fast.  They have absolutely no fear and even less common sense.  They are addicted to brick, tile, sharp corners and although they hate to be cliché, electrical outlets.

My life as a twin mom has officially begun.

I’m not sure if I’m prepared for it, and I’m certain that my house isn’t.  There was a family with one year old twins in our old apartment complex and I used to sneer into their apartment in the evenings. (Don’t you just love looking in people’s houses at night?)  Their living room was completely devoid of furniture and there was just a giant play yard.  I told just about everyone I know how ridiculous it seemed to me and of course told them how I’d NEVER do that, that the babies need to learn to explore and all kinds of other nonsense.  I’m sure you know where this is headed, right?

Yup.  I am seriously considering a play yard.

We just got back from ten days at my mom’s house which just so happen to be the same ten days that these two kiddos blossomed from sedentary blobs (thanks Angie!)  into the movers and shakers they are today.  As Hubs put it on his way to work Monday morning, my vacation was WAY more over than his.  I cannot believe how fast they are.  And how little regard they have for potential head trauma!  Sassy’s new favorite place to pull up is the seat of the jumperoo.  You know the one that bounces and swings?  DANGER!  They also like bookshelves, potted plants, you name it.  The safe, padded storage ottomans that I bought for just this purpose are “like so February, Mom!”

So yeah, I’ve been thinking about getting a babyprison.  I’ve made it for two days so far with both skulls intact, but that’s included a long drive to pick up the dog from the kennel, a lunch outing, a trip to the Discovery Museum, and countless walks.  All in all, very little time in the house of peril.   And even with all those diversions I am physically exhausted by 6pm.  This safety monitor business is hard work!  I will continue to resist the fence as long as I can, but I totally see the benefit of it.  Sorry for all the sneers, former neighbors!!

So, other twin moms:  Did you use a play yard?  If so did it offer a bit of relief?  And if not, how did you approach the safety issue?  HELP!!!

OK, HDYDI’ers…Right about now you’re thinking, “Wait a second!  This chick isn’t helping us at all!  She’s asking for help!”  You’re right.  I was.  I even looked to HDYDI for advice!  As it turns out there was a twofold solution to my problem.

 The first thing we did was to turn our 3^rd bedroom into a playroom.  I’m really not sure why we didn’t do this beforehand, but thankfully we’ve got it figured out now.  

If you ask me, choosing one room and making it completely 100% baby-safe is an absolute must for multiple-moms.  Even if you don’t have a spare bedroom, give up your living room or dining room.  Trust me, it will be worth it!  Converting that room has made every aspect of my day so much better.  I used to be at a loss once my husband left for work.  Now, we head into the playroom.  I can chill on the futon and drink coffee while the kids play, or (once I’m fully awake) I can hang out on the floor and play with them.  Either way, I know that the kids are super safe, even before the caffeine has a chance to hit my bloodstream.  I can even leave them in there and go to the bathroom!  No one told me that having twins meant you never got to go to the bathroom.  I mean honestly, people, that would have been good information!

The second piece of the solution is a cocktail of patience, vigilance and wine…  UGH!  I hate it when people say “patience”!  But it’s true.  You’ll need a little patience to wait it out until your kids get a bit steadier.  You’ll need vigilance to keep them safe.  And you’ll need that wine to calm your nerves once they’re asleep. 

It’s about two months now since I wrote that plea for help.  This relatively short time has seen a huge change in their abilities as well as my ability to let them be a bit daring (aka “stupid”).  As long as there’s no major danger (electrical outlets, etc.) I try to let them make some mistakes.  In the end, I think it will help them learn.  Wait, am I just telling myself that?   Only time will tell.  They just started walking a couple of days ago, so I’m sure there will be many more “learning opportunities” ahead!

P.S.  If you need to crack that vino open before the babies’ bedtime, you go right ahead.  I won’t tell!

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I am a 28 year-old mother of identical girls, Isabel and Beatrice. We are Brazilian and live in Brazil. I went to college to study music and graduated as a classical guitar player, but since then I have not worked with music, except for helping my husband, who is also a guitarist and teaches in another university. Now I work as a translator and interpreter, mostly of technical stuff – IT, websites, business conferences of all kinds. I believe we would classify as an attachment parenting family, although that is not much different from what most families in Brazil do, except perhaps for the exclusive breastfeeding part. My girls are now 7 months old, extremely healthy and crazily smart – started crawling on their 6 month birthday and are already cruising around the house.

A Successful (but hard) Journey Breastfeeding Twins Exclusively

by Julia

[This is an abridged and improved version of the report I wrote for the breastfeeding community in orkut (a sort of Brazilian Facebook) when the girls turned 6 months old. You can read the full report in Portuguese in our blog. There will be a mirror version of the blog in English soon!]

Help

The best piece of advice I read (here at HDYDI!) on breastfeeding twins, before they were even born was: get yourself some books, Internet or cable TV, sit your butt on the couch and do nothing else for a couple of months. And accept all the help you can. I took it to the letter. My only obligation was nursing. And I really couldn’t do much else, both because there was no time and because of the c-section pain. Changing diapers, bathing, rocking – those were things I did if I felt like it or were available, which was not often. Usually, what little free time I had was used to have a shower or to sleep. Or brush my teeth. And eat, always.

The grandmas spent most of the first month here. They cooked and brought me food on the couch the whole day. Every half hour, my mom would ask me: “want some water?” I always did.  Mother-in-law cooked traditional milk-inducing goodies – corn, chicken soup (whether they worked or not I don’t know, but they were delicious!). Daddy did everything he could (he only just missed breastfeeding, hehe), and they were lucky to have been born just before the school summer vacation. He is a university teacher, so he could stay at home until they were 3 months old. First baths, first diapers, were his. Grandmas took the babies for walks around the block and sunbaths. During the night, the three of them took turns holding one baby while I fed the other. The girls and I have a lot to thank them for that. We also hired a maid when they were about 20 days. She is still with us and is also a wonderful nanny, loves the girls and they love her.

I do believe we could have survived without all that help in the first months. But it would not have been healthy. The way it was, I spent these two or three months on the limit – of sleep deprivation, pain, the desperation of not knowing what to do or when to do things, of isolation. If I had had to do laundry, cook and clean, it would have been a whole other story. Maybe I would have gotten sick, maybe wouldn’t have been able to breastfeed, maybe my marriage would be ruined.

Sleep, food and allergies

We co-sleep since they were born. To prevent one having more milk than the other, I alternate: for one week, Isabel will nurse on my right at night and on the left during the day. Every Monday, we switch. During the day, they would hardly go for more than 15 minutes if I put them in bed, so I developed a technique of feeding both at the same time while laying down and that was how we took 2 hours naps during the day in the crazy 3-4 month crisis when they woke up AT LEAST every hour at night.

At that time of desperation, when I started dreading going to bed knowing I just wouldn’t sleep, it hit me that there might be a food allergy. They presented many classical symptoms: interrupted sleep, mucousy cough, a lot of droll, constant rashes, fussiness while nursing (they kicked and pinched me heavily, my arms were marked by their little nails.) I decided to cut off dairy. In a week, the rash was gone, in two weeks there was no more cough and in three or four weeks they started sleeping a bit better. But it wasn’t very good yet. It improved a lot when I cut off gluten. The end of the night as dawn came closer used to be torture (for them and for me.) From 3 or 4 in the morning onwards, they woke non-stop every half hour and nursed desperately without being able to go back to sleep. Now they usually sleep for two hours, then wake and feed and quickly doze off.

After 6 weeks off dairy, I had a piece of Easter chocolate, which gave me two constipated babies who could hardly nurse five hours later and had runny noses and cough for the next three weeks. It happened again when I unknowingly had a bite of an omelet with cheese a couple of weeks ago. Trying to reintroduce gluten failed, too – they went back to fussy nursing, kicking and tossing the whole night – just not worth it, even though I tried to lessen the impact of the wheat by fermenting it overnight.

A good thing about all this dieting is that at 7 months I have shed all of my pregnancy weight and a couple more pounds, without lifting anything but my babies. It is true that my leg and stomach muscles are mush, though.

Work

I am a translator and interpreter. Before they were born, I worked from home from 4 to 12 hours a day, depending on the demand. I worked out of the house interpreting events and seminars two or three times a month. The last seminar I interpreted was at 34 weeks gestation – 3 days of a conference on medicine I did by myself, speaking for hours on end. I was so big that my breath often failed me. Not to talk about the 400 km I travelled to get there. After that, I did some translation at home and started to slow down.

I started to accept translation jobs again 2 months post partum. I calculated that I could keep only my best clients (i.e. less work for more money), working two to three hours a day and be able to have some income and be merciful on my savings account. Most of the time I work at night when they go to bed, often till very late. When there is too much work I work during the day, baby at the breast, anyway I can. Of course the husband and the maid/nanny are there to help at those times.

Today I have just come back from my first interpreting job in 9 months. It was a wedding between a Brazilian girl and an American guy, his family came and I translated the ceremony for them. The nanny came to spend a couple of hours with my husband, only because it was the crucial bedtime hours. They did well – Isabel slept right after I left and Beatrice did not sleep, but was ok when I came back at 8 p.m. So it seems we are on the road to independence!

Them and me

 One of the things that bother me most in having needed a c-section (I labored for 10 hours in full dilation at 39 weeks, but they got stuck – baby A was breech) is that I cannot recall the first time I breastfed. On one hand, this is a good thing – my doctor was adamant about having them on the breast as soon as I left the surgery room. I can vaguely remember a dream where my face itched (morphine) and there were babies on top of me. I have no idea if it hurt, if the latch was good, if there was any milk.

I calculate I spent more than 12 hours a day breastfeeding in the first two months. Today, I probably still spend about 6. When people ask me whether I enjoy nursing, I don’t always know what to say. It used to be so constant there wasn’t much I could compare to. Now that it is calmer, I can say I really like feeding one at a time, playing with their little hands while they play with me. I like it when they need to sleep, come to the breast and immediately become all soft and relaxed. It cracks me up when they are so interested in what is going on around us that they unlatch and throw themselves back to watch. It is delightful to nurse them laying down, with time to hold them and savor their warmth. And it melts my heart to see them holding hands and looking into each other’s eyes whenever they are nursing at the same time.

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