Category Archives: Age Brackets

Baby Sleep Books: A Review

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This post has been put on hold for quite a while. First, it was because I was in the depths of sleep training hell, then when that got better I was waiting to finish up several chapters, and after that, well… I guess I just started to feel like I was writing a book report for school or something. But though I know these books have already been reviewed in the archives of HDYDI, I think the insight I’ve gained from them may possibly help some new MoMs. So here we go:

Weissbluth

Image.ashx

This is the book I started with, because it is more specific to twins, and I just needed a refresher since I already read a friend’s copy before the babies were born. It’s a very easy read, comprised of extremely intuitive advice that completely makes sense to me. I think it helped validate exactly how I’ve always felt about sleep for babies. There are a couple chapters in the beginning regarding his research and theories that are very interesting. If you’re looking for a quick fix for a common problem (e.g. how to create a schedule for both babies, how to stop bedtime crying, etc.), this is probably a good book to start with. The best gem of this book: “Sleep begets sleep.”

Pantley

no_cry_sleep

I bought this one because I wanted to get a perspective that wasn’t “cry it out” related. This book is geared towards parents who are opposed to letting their babies cry themselves to sleep. I was never really one of those parents, even with my first singleton, but now that I have two more babies, Pantley’s strategies really wouldn’t work for me. This book requires creating some pretty extensive sleep logs and QUITE a bit a patience. By that I mean, probably no one desperate for sleep would be able to hang in there for what may take weeks, if not months. But if the sound of your child crying is making you miserable, or if your baby requires a slower approach, you might want to give this a try. It really is a much gentler way.

Ferber

ferberbook

This is by far the most comprehensive book of the three. It includes very detailed information about sleep and virtually every sleep disorder there can be. Definitely some interesting reading in the later chapters (head banging, sleep apnea, narcolepsy, etc.), but you really only need to read half of Part II and Part III (Chapters 4-6, 9-12). Ferber is known for “cry it out”, but in his book it’s called “progressive waiting”, and I don’t find it particularly harsh at all. In fact, this method is probably the one that works the best and quickest. It’s written in a case study format, with some great charts for reference. There are also some great instructions for shifting nap schedules. I think this is the one I will come back to if I run into trouble transitioning my babies to new schedules in the future.

 …………….

So, while going insane with my babies not on any kind of feed/sleep schedule, I scoured the internet and bought these 3 books after reading some Amazon reviews. I believe they pretty decently represent the different schools of thought that are out there (except Sears’ attachment parenting, which I am not interested in). A word of warning: Most of the content of these books can be found on the internet, often even verbatim. I’m sure it’s copyright infringement, as the text is not quoted or cited. I probably could have read enough online to piece together what I needed, but the books definitely lay it out nicer and I feel better that I didn’t “steal”. Ultimately I cobbled together a bit from here and there. I don’t really even know what came from where because I took what made sense to me from different sources and internalized them. I think once you read enough you just start to allow your instincts take over.

The other thing I’ve noticed that really helped with my babies was when became able to find their own sleep positions around 4 or 5 months. Both my babies are stomach sleepers. More often than not, they will find a comfortable position face down sucking on a blanket (Baby Girl), or the two forefingers of his left hand (Baby Boy). And for those of you following my sleep training journey, she’s been good through morning for well over a month now. And they do sleep day/night in side-by-side cribs in the same bedroom. We’ve come a long way from these days. Fellow new MoMs, there is hope!

lunchldyd is mom to 6mo b/g twins and their 3yo big sis, happy to take compliments on her now-well-sleeping twins.

Breastmilk, Meet Formula: Part II

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A while ago, I wrote about starting formula with my until-then exclusively breastfed babies. Three months later, things are evolving again.

Here’s our schedule at nearly 9 months:

7:30-8am – Wake and breastfeed

9am – Breakfast (solids)

10ish-11:30ish – Bottle and Nap

1pm – Sometimes breastfeed, Lunch (solids)

3ish-4ish – Bottle and Nap

5:30pm – Breastfeed

6pm – Dinner (solids)

7:30-8pm – Bottle and Bed

11:30pm, 1:30am, 4:30am, sometimes 6:30am – Breastfeed

It’s pretty great. Except that last bit, where I’m STILL up 3-4x per night. I can’t quite figure it out. M used to sleep 8-12 hours without feeding. R could go at least 6. What happened? Is this a sleep issue (they’ve gotten into the habit of waking and needing a snuggle) or an eating issue (they’re not getting enough during the day and are making it up at night) or a combination of both? It’s not a growth spurt; it’s been going on for weeks. Our pediatrician assures us that they are growing well, staying right on their own curve, and that they certainly could sleep 11-12 hours.

As we approach one year, I know that the boys will gradually drop milk feeds and rely more on solids for nutrition. But which feeds will be dropped? They are already less interested in the mid-day breastfeeding.

I’m faced with what feels like a major decision: Do I prioritize sleep, and make a plan to drop the night feedings? Or do I prioritize breastfeeding?

On the rare night that the boys wake only twice in the night, I feel like a different person. I’m happy, calm, have perspective. On nights I’m up 3, 4, 7 times, I’m thrust back to newborn days all over again – I’m achy and depressed and my mind is in a fog. I’d love to regularly get more sleep, but it means that half the breastfeeds would be cut out. Meanwhile, would my boobs explode in the night? How would it affect my supply? Then there is the whole crying aspect of any kind of sleep modification. Isn’t it easier to just get up and take twenty minutes to soothe rather than to endure seemingly endless minutes of tears?

Then again, it’s not as if breastfeeding isn’t work too. I’m taking domperidone, and despite being assured by a lactation consultant that I would be “overflowing with milk,” I’m not sure it’s making much difference at all. I’m also taking an herbal milk supplement 4x/day. M gets frustrated waiting for let-down, and R has started biting. All the necks of my shirts are stretched out. Sometimes they are too distracted to take a full feeding, which drives me crazy. Other times they are ravenous and I just don’t feel I have enough to satisfy them. I get tired of stripping every time someone is hungry. There are days I want to just stop – go with the order, predictability, and data-friendly formula and close this chapter of mothering. I mean, they have to stop at some point.

Other times, I cling to the connection with my boys, and frankly, the self-righteousness of doing “the best” for them. I love that they are getting the perfect food, and feel horrible guilt that I can’t give them more. It’s such a breeze to be out and be able to feed them without any prep or clean up. I love their cuddles and sweet little milky breath. It isn’t like when they were newborns – I have many other ways to comfort them now – but there is a special peacefulness about it, especially since I’ve stopped tandem feeding and can focus on one little guy at a time.

I could attempt to return to exclusively breastfeeding by one year (over the next three months) by phasing out the formula feedings. Or I could focus on phasing out the night feedings and get some much-needed sleep. Or I could keep doing what we’re doing, take my cues from the boys, and let things evolve naturally. Why does that last one seem so right and yet so hard?!

Anyone successfully transition from formula supplements to exclusively breastfeeding, or vice versa? Do you lean toward guiding their kids through transitions, or are you able to follow their lead?

My MoM Group Is My Co-Pilot

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My mother of multiples group meets every Wednesday, at a local park.

Tuesday night, I start planning. Wednesday’s morning nap is devoted to lunch-packing, bag-stocking, and layer-gathering (jackets, sun hats, warm hats, socks, shoes, blankets, oy). I have to decide how we’ll handle afternoon nap – on the go? Snap n go because they’ll sleep in their car seats or CitiMini because it’s easier to push? Or try to make it home for nap and prevent them from falling asleep on the way? I try to time feedings so they aren’t during the middle of the playgroup because it’s so exciting the boys won’t eat and I’ll be up all night making up the ounces.

By the time noon rolls around on Wednesday, I’m bracing myself for the rest of the day to be totally off schedule. I consider not going. I’ve been going at full speed all morning and I’m already late. I look at the kids and my four walls and know that the only thing more exhausting than going out is staying in. I scoop up the diaper bag and the guys and schlep down 3 flights of stairs and it still feels like a bad idea.

Then I get there. I see the collection of double strollers and blankets crawling with babies and a sea of shared toys. I realize the sky is beautiful blue and the grass is soft and cool and wow, the air smells good. Someone sees me and waves.

And I feel like a person for the first time all week. A competent, fun, lively person. Who cares if I haven’t slept, showered, or spoken to another adult in days? We’re all in the same boat. We’re all chasing two kids around, wondering if we’re doing the right thing, loving our babies and trying to figure out this parenting thing. We can compare pediatricians’ advice, share fitness goals, celebrate milestones, and vent about our partners. We can feel totally normal.

I first started needing my twin group when I was pregnant. I went to several prenatal classes, and felt so…different. For one thing, I was huge. I was so slow (thank you, pubis symphasis). And I was starving. Other women were snacking on nuts and juice; I was wolfing down burgers. When I went to my first MoM meeting, I instantly felt proportional. My belly wasn’t comically large – it was right on track. Being around all those teeny tiny twins was overwhelming at first, but it helped normalize my impending experience, and showed me that, yes, you can totally nurse one infant while rocking another.

Twin parents are sort of – fearless. They’ve handled the double meltdown, the simultaneous poop, the urgent divergent needs that no one but mom can meet. Things get tense, but nothing fazes them. I’ve held another mom’s twin while jiggling my guys in their stroller while singing to the other twin crying during a diaper change. My friends have steering my one of my pre-walkers away from concrete while holding both their twins and carrying on a conversation about how to prepare tofu as finger food. I’m grateful that they nonchalantly swipe grass out of my kid’s hand as he tries to eat it, and vice versa.

I guess you could say we’re comfortable with the crazy.

I don’t know how to communicate that when parents of singletons say, “I don’t know how you do it.” You do it because you have to do it. Because you don’t know any different. And it’s pretty awesome to be around people who get that, and are doing it too.

I’m always sad when it’s time to pack up and head home on Wednesday afternoons. I stretch the boys’ wake time so I can have as much time as possible with these women that have become my treasured friends. As I head home, alone again with my boys and my thoughts, the weight of care-taking comes back – unpacking, dinner, clean up – but that weight is always lighter than before. I’ve been shored up by my sisters in multiplicity, and that makes the weekly effort worth it.

When parents of older multiples stop us and say, “It gets easier!” I hope they know that they just helped make it a little easier – and that week after week, the hope, comraderie, and friendship we offer each other makes it easier to trust myself, take heart in tough times, and treasure special moments that only come with two. The network of support I get from my twin group, and all the twin parents who reach out to us, is my safety net in this new parenting gig. I’m not a supermom/freak of nature, I’m a member of this awesome club.

Thanks for inspiring this post, MarisaB! Looking forward to seeing what other parents of multiples have to say about their twin groups – and if you haven’t joined one yet, go for it!

Why I Need Other Twin Moms

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Hello! I’m Marisa, mother to nine month old boy/girl twins, Jack and Mara.  My husband Steven and I live in the Philadelphia suburbs. I’m also a new stay at home mom, leaving a job in corporate communications to raise the twins full-time. As a huge fan of this site, I’m thrilled and honored to start blogging as part of this wonderful community!

A few weeks ago, I was at a play date with an old coworker of mine and her sister-in-law, both mothers of singletons. We met at a local park. As always, I brought my twins in their double City Mini Baby Jogger while the other moms carried their babies. At one point, my friend suggested we sit on the grass and rolled out a blanket for the babies to sit on.

Of course, like clockwork, my extremely mobile twins started crawling at lightning speed in two different directions. Jack was headed for the base of a nearby tree, while Mara had somehow gotten under the swings. I rushed around, grabbing both babies, and carrying them in my arms (together) back to the blanket.

“Oh my God, Carrie,” lamented the sister-in-law to my friend, watching me with pity and awe. “Can you imagine doing that?”

I often leave events like these feeling a mix of emotions ranging from “they have no idea how much work it is for me” to “I really hate that they pity me for having two babies.” Even when I feel I have mastered the twin thing (at least at this stage!!) and could do it in my sleep, experiences like these always anchor me back down.

Enter my twin friends. While most of us didn’t have anything in common at first except for being mothers of multiples, these women have become some of my closest friends and confidants. Especially during the first few months, when the days were incredibly hard and you wondered how on earth you could survive on just an hour or two of consecutive sleep, having the support of other moms of multiples really saved my sanity. There were the early morning texts after a truly awful night, the emails about the challenges of pumping and tandem nursing. During my most difficult days, they would always reassure me with those four little magical words: “It Will Get Easier.”

Having other moms of multiples in your life is truly life changing. One of my closest friends, B, (an acquaintance until we both found out we were pregnant with twins, due just a few months apart) really set the course for me in terms of how I parent and see myself as a mother of multiples. Watching B mother her twins with her sense of humor, can-do attitude, and ability to quickly adapt to change has been instrumental.

During our first outing (a walk in the park) when Jack and Mara were about six weeks old, B mentioned she had gotten frozen yogurt the night before, and carried her four-month old twins with her in their infant seats, with no stroller, no help – NOTHING!  I was in awe. “Didn’t people stare at you, carrying two babies ALL ALONE!!?!” I asked. B shrugged. “I don’t know. And I don’t care.”

Back to the play groups. I met up with my “twin” play group at the park last week – moms of multiples I had met through my local multiples chapter. Spreading out my blanket next to the other moms, I immediately felt a sense of relief knowing these women also had two babies with them. While Jack was off trying to pull a toy out of another baby’s mouth, Mara was chomping on some grass, and these women didn’t even so much as blink.

When it was time to put the babies in the swings, I started to put Jack and Mara back in their stroller to walk over to the playground section of the park. Another mom called out to me -  “Don’t bother with the stroller! Just carry them! You know you carry them together at home!” She scooped up her twins and walked over to the playground. And I happily followed suit.

What have you learned from your relationships with other mothers of multiples?

Summer Vacation? What Summer Vacation?

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I have a variety of mommy–or rather parent–friends. I’m a single working mom of twins, but the families my daughters and I spend time with run the gamut from large home-schooling ones to two-income families with one child.

When we moved back to Central Texas last August after a year living in El Paso, we reconnected with old friends and also made a number of new ones in our new neighbourhood and at J and M’s school. The majority of these new mommy friends are either stay-at-home moms or teachers. Another friend with whom we try to spend as much time as possible is going to college. All their routines change drastically during the summer. No school, no work.

As the kids’ school year drew to a close, people’s excitement was palpable. Mom after mom talked about the plans they had in place to entertain and educate their kids during the summer. They proposed fun and exciting events and activities. One mom is even going to host Spanish language activities for five kids, including my daughters, so that they don’t lose the huge leaps in Spanish fluency they’ve made this year in dual language first grade.

Although I work at a university, my work schedule is not impacted by the academic calendar. I need full-day childcare for my daughters when they’re not in school. When they were littler and in daycare, our summer routine was no different than the rest of the year’s. Now that they’re in school, I replace after-school care with summer camps.

A letter from J describing her first day of Girl Scout camp

Our old friends quickly learned that our social calendar was limited to weekend activities. After all, I went back to work when M and J were 11 weeks old. Our new friends are learning this now. Just yesterday, I had to turn down two invitations for midweek play dates. I’ll still be at work at the times my friends proposed. A couple of times, we’ve been invited to weeknight events; my daughters’ friends can sleep in the next day, but my girls have to be dropped off early so I can be at work on time.

A complication in our attempts to schedule play dates is that my daughters have a number of friends who, like them, have divorced parents. Birds of a feather, you know. M and J’s dad lives in North Carolina, and we’re in Texas. He sees them when he can. Many of the girls’ friends spend alternate weekends with their dads, and I’m friends with the moms. On the Daddy weekends, none of the girls’ “divorced” friends are open for play dates.

My daughters’ routine gets switched up during summer vacation, but mine remains the same.

Does summer bring a marked change to your family’s routine? Do your kids’ social calendars put yours to shame?

Keeping Busy

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J in her blue sequined tap costume.One of our end-of-year rights of passage is my daughters’ dance recital. They and their classmates have worked hard all year to earn the right to strut their stuff in adorable matching costumes. While fall dance lessons are all about fun, discipline and technique, spring lessons are a painstaking journey to perfecting recital numbers. In this, their third, year of dance lessons, the M and J’s class performed two pieces: one tap and one ballet.

I served as a “stage mom,” one of two mothers who hangs out backstage with the whole class of children for the entirety of the performance. Being the mother of a sixth to a quarter of the class, there’s a sense of obligation to fill this role. Our girls had a piece to perform before intermission, another after, and were expected to remain backstage to make a grand appearance at curtain call. We got to the performance space (late) at 6:30 pm and didn’t get home until 10:30.

M in her blue sequined ballet costume.For nearly 4 hours, the other stage mom and I needed to find a way to keep our herd of 11 6- and 7-year-olds under control and ready to perform in a room shared with at least 5 other classes worth of young children. Due to an unfortunate incident last year involving green room walls and crayons, this year stickers, crayons and markers were banned from the premises, so we needed to get creative.

I’m pleased to report that our group stayed pretty focused, although they did start to get a little rowdy towards the end. It was my fault. I got complacent and didn’t offer up a new activity early enough and let the ones we had out get stale.

So, what works to keep 11 first grade girls (plus 5-15 adoptees from other groups) occupied for several hours in a confined space? I came prepared.

  • Photo Credit: nic0

    Photo Credit: nic0

    Beading. I put out a big bin of all sorts of beads, made sure each child had a good length of string, and let them go to town. It would have been better if I had brought scissors to cut the string, but I used my Amazing Mommy Teeth to good effect. I think these beads bought us nearly an hour of peace.

  • Color Wonder markers and colouring books. Yes, we’d been told to steer away from colouring activities, but this ink dries clear everywhere but on specially treated paper, so it seemed a safe bet. This was especially handy for the younger children nearby. One 4-year-old, in particular, was committed to escaping the room until we were able to distract her with markers.
  • Photo Credit: giveawayboy

    Photo Credit: giveawayboy

    My jigsaw puzzles were a big flop. We only have 100, 150 and 500 piece puzzles at our house, and the other kids felt that the 100 piece ones were beyond their capacity. Live and learn.

  • Card games. Two rounds of Uno with 9 people was a blast! Even better, our card games filled the dead time between the girls’ second dance and curtain call.
  • Movies. A kind mom furnished us with a portable DVD player and a number of movies, and I brought additional DVDs with me. We ended up not using this as a distraction, but I was glad to know that we had it available in a pinch.
  • Books. It ended up being far too loud in the room for story time.
  • Board(ish) games. I brought Battleship and Connect 4 with me, but that would have entertained only 4 at a time, leaving me with 7 other girls to entertain. Granted, 1 or 2 were on bathroom or water break at any given time, but we still needed larger group activities.

I need ideas for next year.

How best to keep a bunch of elementary school ballerinas busy?

Twins Explaining Twins

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I’m going to try something new. I’m going to let my twins write, or rather dictate, this post on twinhood. They started to tell me a story on the drive home from summer camp that seemed appropriate for this audience. My 7-year-old daughters could have typed this up themselves, but it’s much faster for me to simply transcribe our discussion.

Abridged Version

M: Soooo… today at summer camp, I met a girl who said that just because we weren’t wearing the same clothes and we didn’t have the same hairdo and J’s hair was short and mine was long and we didn’t have the same shoes and J was wearing socks and I wasn’t, she said that we were not identical twins. Not even twins.
M and J, posed back to back in matching dance costumes,Sadia: So, what did you tell her?
M: Well, I told her that even if you aren’t wearing the same things, one has socks and another doesn’t, no same shoes, no same hairdo, no same size as hair, it doesn’t mean that someone isn’t a twin with someone else.
Sadia: What was her response to that?
M: Well, she said, “Wrong!”
Sadia: She did not!
M: Yes, she did… I said, “You don’t know anything about twins!” … “I do too know about twins,” she said. And she said that identical twins have to wear the same things and shoes and do everything the same. If one gets a haircut, the other gets a haircut. I just yose that as a example…. I told the teacher. I told her this story. And she said, “Ignore her.”
…
J: A few minutes after that, I gave her a lesson. At first, she didn’t wanna listen, but she didn’t like to hurt people’s feelings, and I knew that, so I said, “It really hurts my feelings when people say me and my sister aren’t twins.” And it was true. I wasn’t just saying to get her attention. First I said, “Twins doesn’t mean that people look the same or have the same voice. It matters about their birth. To be a twin, you have to be born from the same mother and the same day… And I cut my hair because 1) It was a way to tell me and my sister apart since we’re identical twins and 2) Because I kept chewing on my hair. Don’t tell anyone.”

Real Time Version

Sadia: So, what should the title be?
J: Nocturnal Twins and Identical Twins.
Sadia: Uh… Well… Okay.

Long pause

J: Did I say, “nocturnal?”J and M are both wearing South Asian attire, but in different styles and colours.
Sadia: Yeah.
J: Is that right?
M: How are twins different from identical twins?
Sadia: Identical twins are one kind of twin.
M: But it’s a twin? What’s another kind of twin?
Sadia: Fraternal.
J: Fraternal?
M: What’s a fraternal twin?
Sadia: Ones that come from two different eggs.

Potty break.

Sadia: So, shall we start again?
M: Yeah. Mommy!
Sadia: What? I’m writing down our conversation!
M: Mama!
Sadia: Mm-hmm? Okay. J, you were telling me a story in the car.
J: About what?
Sadia: About the girl… wait… was it you, M?
J: No, me. About what?
Sadia: giggles
M: No it was me. I told you about the girl who said that because we weren’t wearing the same clothes…
Sadia: Yes. That story.
J: One second.

Trash break.

Sadia: Okay, so why don’t you get started? M?
M: giggling at my typing Soooo… today at summer camp, I met a girl who said that just because we weren’t wearing the same clothes and we didn’t have the same hairdo and J’s hair was short and mine was long and we didn’t have the same shoes and J was wearing socks and I wasn’t, she said that we were not identical twins. Not even twins.
Sadia: So, what did you tell her?
M: Well, I told her that even if you aren’t wearing the same things, one has socks and another doesn’t, no same shoes, no same hairdo, no same size as hair, it doesn’t mean that someone isn’t a twin with someone else.
Sadia: What was her response to that?Sadia, J and M making faces
M: Well, she said, “Wrong!”
Sadia: She did not!
M: Yes, she did.
Sadia: gasps
M: (whispering) You gasped.
Sadia: I got it!
M: You forgot the… waves her hands to indicate italics.
Sadia: I’ll do it later. I just want to get the content now. So, J.
J: running off Yeah?
Sadia: Where are you?
J: returning Hmm? Yeah?
Sadia: I understand that you…
M: Mom, I’m not done with the story.
Sadia: You’re not? Oh.
M: I told the girl. Wait, where are we?
Sadia: “She said, ‘wrong’.”
M: Oh, yeah. Right. I said, “You don’t know anything about twins!” (laughing) Okay, back to where we started. I don’t mean started. I mean stopped. (giggling) You’re typing it down!?
Sadia: Yep. Okay. Continue, pleeeeeeeease.
M: “I do too know about twins,” she said. And she said that identical twins have to wear the same things and shoes and do everything the same. If one gets a haircut, the other gets a haircut. I just yose that as a example.
Sadia: Mm hmm. It’s a good example. (long pause) Is your story done now?
M: No. So, ah, oh yes. I told the teacher. I told her this story. And she said, “Ignore her.” The End from M.
Sadia: I love you.
M: Hello to J!
Sadia: All right, pumpkin. You ready?
J: For what?
Sadia: To tell your story.
J: What?
Sadia: You were telling me you gave her a bit of a class?
J: Uh huh, uh huh, uh huh!
Sadia: If you wouldn’t mind, I’d like to hear what you told her.
J: Uh. Uhhhh. Uhhhhhh.
M: Mom, can anyone do this? I mean, read this?
Sadia: Yeah. Is that okay?
M: Mm hmm.
Sadia: I’d really like to hear your lesson.
J: A few minutes after that, I gave her a lesson. At first, she didn’t wanna listen, but she didn’t like to hurt people’s feelings, and I knew that, so I said, “It really hurts my feelings when people say me and my sister aren’t twins.” And it was true. I wasn’t just saying to get her attention. First I said, “Twins doesn’t mean that people look the same or have the same voice. It matters about their birth. To be a twin, you have to be born from the same mother and the same day.” Am I true?
Sadia: 100%, baby.
M: giggles at my typing again
J: M!!! Stop giggling! Stop giggling!
M: “100%, baby!”
Sadia: Was that the whole lesson?
J: Mm mm. “And I cut my hair because 1) It was a way to tell me and my sister apart since we’re identical twins and 2) Because I kept chewing on my hair. Don’t tell anyone.”
Sadia: But if I write it, people will know. Or did you tell her, “Don’t tell anyone?”
J: I told her, “Don’t tell anyone.”
Sadia: So, I can write it, and that’s okay?
J: Yeah.
Sadia: Was that the end of the lesson?
J: Yeah.
Sadia: Well, you know what? I think you guys handled that situation very well.

And we followed up with a hands-on lesson in editing.

Do your kids know that they are multiples? Have they ever encountered a multiplicity denier? How do they handle misconceptions?

My Dearest Toddler

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This month you turned 3 years old. It’s hard to believe three years have passed so quickly. When a teary-eyed Mama looks through old photographs, the round squishy baby you used to be is no more. You have become a smart, beautiful, caring, independent, self-confident little girl.

You are so tall now that turning on the light only requires you to reach on tiptoe. You can dress yourself, put on shoes, and get in your own carseat. You were fully potty trained by 2 years 5 months, and now you use the big toilet and wipe. You can wash your hands, get in your highchair, and feed yourself.

This year, your language exploded, and not just in one language but two. It’s incredible to watch you work out something in your mind and put it into words. Your face lights up when someone helps you with what you’re trying to say and they get it right. It is just amazing that you are able to translate from one language to the other effortlessly, and instinctively you know which language to use when. Mama is so proud of you when you can walk up to complete strangers and carry a conversation.

You are so smart. You study things with focus and concentration beyond your age, then you ask a million questions. You constantly surprise Mama with an insane memory sometimes going back a whole year, and your ability to apply knowledge in new situations will take you very far in life. Your favorite thing to do with Mama is crafts and reading before bed. That is Mama’s most treasured time of every day as well, when the babies have gone to sleep and it’s just you. Your favorite games are hide-and-seek and “monster” with Daddy. And you’re pretty good at cleaning up all your toys too.

But sometimes you don’t follow the rules. One time Mama will never forget is a few months ago when you sneaked a fruit snack pack out of the pantry and hid under the covers to eat it. This was the first time you moved the step stool placed at the sink for hand washing, the first time opening a snack package by yourself, and the first time you deliberately found a hiding spot to do something you knew was wrong. You learned your lesson about getting hungry if you don’t eat your meals though.

This was a very eventful year for you. Before you even turned 2, you found out that you weren’t going to be an only child anymore. How you would take it is what Mama was most worried about when your sibling turned into TWO siblings. But you have become a big sister with grace. It is so beautiful to see how much you love your DiDi and MeiMei. You are the best role model Mama could ever hope to have for them. They will look up to you forever, and very soon they will be your best friends.

You have grown so much in this past year. You have become so independent that Mama doesn’t worry about you being on your own. But the day will come that you will part to go to school, and Mama cries just thinking about it. It is so very hard to let you go, because you will always be the first baby. So once in a while, Mama is relieved to be able to catch a glimpse of the old you. The little wrinkle that’s left on your ankle from babyhood, the expression on your face when you kiss your blanket, the way you look when you first wake up from a nap. Please don’t grow up too fast, baby.

We are all so lucky to have you. You are an amazing little girl, and Mama loves you very, very much.

Corn Syrup in My Babies’ Formula?

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I gave birth to my twins, J and M, when they reached 33 weeks gestation. They were 7 weeks shy of being a fully cooked 40 weeks along when they were born, and 2 weeks early even for my minimum goal of 35 weeks. We were incredibly fortunate that they didn’t have any serious complications, but both babies still needed special care in the NICU.

I’ve always been a parent who researches, so I was pretty well-versed on the phases of development the girls were going through at various points in my pregnancy. Still, seeing my preemies brought it home in a visceral way that no research could have done.

A very small newborn, with lots of cords and wires all over her.Both M and J were rather furry when they were born, covered with lanugo, or the in-utero hairs that usually fall off well before babies emerge from the womb. I could only distinguish this fur from their eyebrows with the help of the thin line of hairlessness that separated their foreheads from their brows.

The girls’ skin was loose on their bones. After all, they hadn’t yet reached the milestone of 35 weeks, when their baby fat would make them newborn plump. Without the natural insulation of my body or their own body fat, they had to stay in warming isolettes. They couldn’t maintain their body temperature, so the hospital staff did so artificially. On two priceless occasions, we were allowed to provide kangaroo care, placing our tiny little babies inside our shirts, against the warmth of the skin on our chests, letting them bond to us.

Infants who will be born full-term are still getting their nutrition from the umbilical tube at 33 weeks and nearly 2 months afterward. Oxygen and nutrients cross from mommy’s blood to baby’s in the placenta. Getting energy and the building blocks to grow their bodies doesn’t take any work on their part. They can focus on growing, practicing sucking and kicking and, if they’re lucky enough to share the womb with Sissy or Bro, play with their best bud.

My girls were born at 3 lbs 6 oz and 3 lbs 9 oz. They weren’t to have the easy nutrition the placenta granted them. Instead, they were going to have to gain weight with the help of calories they ingested orally. At 33 weeks, babies are usually well practiced at the art of sucking, but they’re not built to use that skill to take in all their nutrition. To help them out the nurses threaded feeding tubes up our teeny babies’ noses, directing food into their stomachs.

That food came in the form of Enfamil Lipil, a high calorie formula for preemies. M and J needed nutrition to provide not only the basics they would have received from my body, but the extra energy they needed to breathe and otherwise experience life outside the womb. Much as I was committed to breastfeeding, breast milk wouldn’t cut it. It just didn’t have enough calories.

Besides, my body was trying to figure out what was going on. Were there live babies to be fed, or was it time to get out of reproductive mode? I’ve known moms with micro-preemies whose milk never came in, their bodies interpreting the early birth as a miscarriage instead of a live birth. Despite my pumping every 3 hours started a couple of hours after the birth, it took days for my milk to come in. A full-term newborn can afford to live on colostrum for a day or two, since they have plenty of energy saved up in all that squishy baby fat. My babies weren’t squishy.

The nurses at the hospital were (with one exception) fantastic. They took every teeny tiny drop of colostrum or milk I could squeeze out. To retrieve it, they filled the doll-sized bottles I pumped into with formula to retrieve every spray of breastmilk. They split that formula in half and fed it to each of my daughters through their feeding tubes.

Lipil Ingredients. The first ingredient is corn syrup solids.I hadn’t done any research into formula before M and J’s birth, being completely committed to exclusive breastfeeding. It never occurred to me to check the ingredients on our hospital-issued formula. I thought of it as medication, something beyond my area of expertise that I should entrust to medical professionals to prescribe. Imagine my surprise, then, when years later I finally read the ingredients and discovered that my babies’ high calorie formula got its high calories from corn syrup. Corn syrup was actually the first ingredients, meaning that there was more of it in the formula than any other ingredient. The composition of the formula has since been changed, but boy, did I feel silly claiming that my daughters’ first refined sugar was the cake at their first birthday party.

Sugar is sugar, I know, but I prefer to eat and feed my family minimally processed foods. I don’t like the idea of ingesting trace amounts of stuff used in processing. Don’t get me wrong. I buy prepared foods like sliced bread, lunch meats, chocolate (lot of chocolate) and crackers. I try to steer clear of non-sugar sweeteners and high fructose corn syrup. I like ingredients to don’t force me to fight the urge to start drawing out organic molecule structures.

We live and learn. If I were to do it again, I would research everything going into my newborns’ bodies. Perhaps I would decide that that brand of high calorie formula was the way to go. Perhaps not.

I always read the ingredients now.

Sadia is raising her 7 year-old identical twin daughters, M and J, in the Austin, TX area. She is divorced and works in higher ed information technology. She is originally from the UK and Bangladesh, but has lived in the US since college.

Mealtime at Our House

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Ah, starting solids. The wonder of discovering different tastes and textures, of food spooned into the mouth instead of sucked. A rite of passage.

I’d like to invite you into our house, for this wonderful event that is mealtime. Please come share in the excitement. Here is a scene from dinnertime any day:

Ask Toddler what she would like to have for dinner. Answer is invariably chocolate milk or candy or ice cream. Scratch that, prepare for Toddler some pasta or chicken nuggets, foods she will at least attempt to eat.

While food is cooking, pick up Baby Girl (or Boy) from whatever she was doing, usually jumperoo or superseat or rolling around on the floormats. Take her to her highchair, buckle her in. Pick up Baby Boy from whatever he was doing, take him to his highchair, buckle him in. If they are already hungry or otherwise in a bad mood, this can be a tricky endeavor as they will not go in without complaint.

Prepare oatmeal/something-pureed/breastmilk mixture while Toddler’s food is finishing up. Ask Toddler to get in her highchair. Ask again, and again, and usually again. Toddler turns off her iPad and climbs in. Serve her food, tuck on her bib, pour her drink.

If babies are not screaming yet, putting on their bibs will definitely do the trick. I learned long ago that the molded plastic bibs are much better at catching food than regular cloth ones, so we go with these, but they do not like getting them put on. In fact, Baby Boy requires the plastic AND the cloth, because he does not lean forward enough to prevent food from dribbling into his neck and down his clothes. So I double layer him while he struggles. And cries. (Anyone ever wondered how tiny babies can have such freakishly strong arms and legs?)

Now I’m ready to start the feeding part, and I’m already tired. Good thing Toddler is settled in her highchair eating by herself. But wait, “Mama, it’s hot! Blow on it!”

Finally. Spoon some lumpy goo into Baby Girl’s mouth. She scrunches up her face, pushes most of it back out with her tongue. Try to scoop it all up and push it back in her now-closed mouth with the spoon before it falls in her bib. Let her savor that for a bit.

Baby Boy’s turn. First pull his head out of his bib because he is completely hunched over trying to eat it. Spoon some goo into his mouth. Immediately he will stick the index and middle fingers of his left hand in his mouth to suck on them. Yup, he has not yet figured out how to eat without sucking. So watch as the majority of the food just scooped in runs into his hand and goes in the bib, as well as down his arm and onto the highchair, his clothes, whatever else is around. Be careful, he gets frustrated and will fling his arms about if he doesn’t get enough food fast. But he makes that pretty tough as those fingers need to get pulled out of the way first!

Meanwhile, Baby Girl is grunting for her next bite. Very ladylike deep gorilla grunts. Quickly, or she will start eating her bib as well. The next spoonful usually does better after she’s adjusted to the taste. Happily, I quickly spoon a few more in. Oh, wait. Sneeze! Sneeze. Sneeze again. I am sprayed with projectile green/orange/yellow goo.

As I clean Baby Boy’s arm and highchair, wipe myself and Baby Girl from her sneeze aftermath, Toddler is yelling, “More orange juice Mama!” I ask her to wait and hope that she can until I am finished with her siblings, but she is persistent so I have to refill/wipe-up/change-out whatever it is she is yelling about before going back to the surely-screaming-by-now babies.

And funny how much Baby Boy can sound like a pterodactyl. Except it’s not funny at the moment, because his screaming is making his sister cry. And his other sister is now yelling “All done! Get me out!”

I feel a headache coming on. And baths are next. Not funny at all.

lunchldyd is mom to a daughter just-turned-three, and solids-eating (sort of) 6 mo b/g twins