As a new mom, I heard so much about getting together with other moms for “play groups” and comparing the developmental stages of our same-age children. Suzy’s son may be working on sitting up while Sally’s daughter has just rolled over. Although the moms may be showing support on the outside, they are secretly judging equally their children and the others, noting which child is ahead and which is lagging behind.
As a MOM, I don’t have to go to a play group to compare children. I do it every day. Typically, Audrey (Baby A) is the first to do most developmental tasks: roll over, sit up unassisted, cut a tooth… but there are things that David (Baby B) can do that Audrey can’t. He was the first to start babbling and tell us long stories. He actually started the teething process first, although he was still working on his first tooth when Audrey’s popped up. I can even compare their height, weight, and head size! Whereas Audrey used to be the bigger baby, David passed her on head size and height around the 7 month mark. As of their first birthday check-in, they were the exact same weight.
If anything, having twins has helped me to realize that babies really do develop in different areas at different rates. Both babies are totally healthy, and when they hit developmental milestones, we celebrate! They just do them at different times.
I went to my first baby class at Romp n’ Roll (a kid gym with baby, toddler, and child classes and open play time) halfway through our first year. Besides my two 6-month-olds, there was a 7-month-old and an 11-month-old. I could have sat there and compared our babies, wondering if my babies were behind because the 7mo was sitting up totally fine, smiling, happy, engaged and while Audrey was close to this, David was fussy, clingy, irritable, and not sitting up. I think, though, because I have two babies, I do enough comparing at home. I don’t have to prove myself or my babies to any other moms. I already get the Look of Awe when they find out that I have twins. So what if I have babies that may be a little fussy? Who cares if my babies are developing differently?
Maybe I can feel this relaxed because I get assurances from our pediatrician that everything is ok. Maybe it is because I have relied heavily on The Wonder Weeks app to gauge the appropriate milestones, and they stress about the different skills developing at different times for different personalities. Maybe it is because I simply don’t have time or energy to stress over it.
I have twins. In the world of comparisons, I think I win (she says with a wink)!
Dory is a mom of 1-year old twins Audrey and David. She lives with her husband, twins, and their dog and cat in Virginia. She also writes on her personal blog Doyle Dispatch and as the twin mom editor on The Wise Baby.