Category Archives: Formula

Breastmilk, Meet Formula

Posted on by
6

I am fortunate that I have been able to exclusively breastfeed my twin boys for the first six months of their lives. Well, they had a little formula in the first week of life when I was re-hospitalized for a uterine lining infection after an emergency c-section. On the plus side, I never had to rent that hospital-grade pump, because I was in the hospital! Seriously, that was what I kept repeating to myself as I desperately sought a plus side to being separated from my 4-day-old infants. I was so committed to getting my boys that breastmilk.

And I did. I managed to successfully navigate soreness, scheduling, supply-building, growth spurts, cluster feeding, and nursing tandem. Breastfeeding has been a huge source of both pain and pride.

However, at the boys’ recent 6-month check up we learned that they are not gaining weight adequately, despite growing in length and hitting developmental milestones (ahead of schedule, cough cough brag brag). I sort of suspected something was up because over the past couple of weeks, they have increased to 10 feedings per day and are starting to fuss around feedings. I hoped it was the 6-month growth spurt, or maybe due to a recent round of colds we’ve been sharing, but the scale doesn’t lie. They weren’t getting enough.

This was devastating news because somewhere along the way, I let breastfeeding get pretty wrapped up in my worth as a mom. Maybe even as a woman. In that light, I was a huge failure. I mean, with twins you do basically have someone on the boob 800,000 times per day. It’s easy to feel like it’s all you do, even though it really isn’t.

We decided to start with one bottle of formula per day. We picked the most stressful feeding, the one right before bed. Usually, I’m tired and frazzled, they’re tired and want all my attention, dad stands there helplessly. Awesome way to make bedtime as stressful as possible! That night we each took a baby and a bottle and snuggled in. I’ll admit to some silent tears (I’d never fed my babies a bottle before) and then a different kind of sadness when I realized how damned big my ego had gotten over this breastfeeding thing. It was so peaceful cuddling one baby while dad cradled the other, knowing they could get all the attention and food they needed. For the first time since they were born, there was no pressure to be everything to everyone.

The next day I was able to celebrate the benefits of supplementing, as well as give myself a hearty congratulations for making it to 6 months. I also scaled back the hyperbole and reminded myself it’s literally one bottle per day, Miss Perfectionistpants. But I also mourned a little. My role as a mom was shifting slightly. Would I still be special to my sons?

How I underestimated myself and those little fellows.

The next day, both babies were under the weather – vaccinations plus a lingering virus had them pretty run down. At bed time, M downed a 7 ounce bottle. R took only a couple ounces, but he’d been snacking all day because I let him stay attached during naps (this stopped being cute like 2 months ago but I can’t seem to break the habit for good). Knowing they were good and fed, we sang a little song and put them in bed like always. But my sick little guys started fussing right away. Couldn’t possibly be hunger! Meds were already administered. Rocking, patting, nothing was helping.

Finally I nursed R while dad rocked M. I couldn’t think of anything else to do. He quieted immediately. I have no idea how much food R actually got, but I’m convinced it wasn’t calories that he needed. It was being wrapped up in mommyness. He needed me, plain and simple. When I laid him down, he fell right to sleep. Then I took M and did the same. The kid just had 7 oz and his brother had surely drained whatever was in my breast, but he nuzzled in just the same and became calm and peaceful. After a few moments I was able to lay him down too.

Thank God for formula. If the boys hadn’t had a bottle, all of that comfort-needing would have been totally mixed up with hunger and they would have gotten hysterical. I would have had to juggle them both at once, tandem feed, and try to comfort simultaneously. I wouldn’t have been able to indulge in that peaceful, individual time with each baby, no rushing, no concern about “saving” some milk for the other. They each would have gotten only 50% of me.

Isn’t this the toughest part about being a twin mom? When they both just need you and you have to figure out how they are going to share?

Being a mom is so much more awesome than being food. However we comfort our little ones, in our own special way, satisfies them deeply. By letting go of being the only food source, I realized I can be even more abundantly a comfort source.

My current goal is to make it to a year mostly breastfeeding. And my second goal is to appreciate the space formula allows me to exercise other dimensions of being a mom – including more flexible comfort logistics.

Are twins just cosmically given to control freaks to teach us a life lesson? Any other Type-As out there trying to accept that you can’t do it all?

Reunited

Posted on by
11

I got the best news in a long time today. A college friend’s twin boys were reunited at 2 months old. Her second NICU baby got to come home from the hospital, 7 weeks after his brother.

In the middle of the joy I felt for my friend, though, I felt an upwelling of the sadness, anger and helplessness that tainted the joy of my own babies’ release from the hospital, over 5 years ago. Homecoming is one of the ways that the NICU experience can differ for parents of premature multiples in comparison to preemie singletons. Many twins and triplets are released from the hospital simultaneously, but many are not.

Our daughters were born 7 weeks early, but had few problems apart from their small size. J had a hole in her heart, which eventually resolved itself, and M had a facial cleft that turned out not even to require surgery. Neither of these conditions required hospitalization, so they were textbook “feeder growers,” newborns who were hospitalized until they had fattened up enough to maintain their own body temperature and had the strength to suck enough nutrition to keep them healthy.

Our girls didn’t need any assistance breathing; they’ve been verbal and long-winded since the start. They were keep in warm isolettes, and fed a mixture of high calorie formula and my breast milk through feeding tubes inserted through their noses and threaded into their stomachs. Every three hours came a diaper change, weighing, blood sugar measurement, temperature measurement and feeding. We watched every number as they rose and fell, and I promised myself I would take notes when they got home so as not to double feed one baby and starve the other. J and M were cared for by the same nurse, so their schedules were offset by 15 minutes. One benefit to having NICU babies was that they were on a clockwork schedule by the time they came home.

There were 3 criteria to be met, we were told, before the girls could come home. They had to weigh 5 lbs (2.25 kg), be able to maintain their own body temperature, and take 8 meals in a row by mouth, drinking at least 31 mls of formula/breast milk each time. Every now and then, when J asks for her “warmed up milk, please,” at breakfast or dinner, I wonder at the way she guzzles 8 oz of milk down and think back to the days I tried to get her drink 1 oz by force of will alone.

We wanted all the girls’ energy to go to growing at first. Somewhere in the first week, I think, they were introduced to doll-sized bottles. It took a few tries to get them to suck, first 1 ml, then 3, more and more each meal. They finally made it up to 31 mls at a time, but couldn’t keep it up two meals in a row. It was just too much work.

M couldn’t finish her bottle at every feeding, but she made an effort. Once, I was even allowed to let her suckle at my breast, although the nurses took her away before she exhausted herself. J was less predictable. She’d suck like a champ and then suddenly get distracted, seemingly more interested in playing with the bottle than drinking from it. Two weeks in, she broke our hearts by refusing two meals in a row and being put back on her feeding tube. It was the only time I saw my husband so upset that he couldn’t stay in the NICU to monitor every last detail of our babies’ care. A friend took him out for a beer.

When our girls were 2 weeks old, the hospital staff pronounced them to be the healthiest babies in the NICU. They could afford to be downgraded to a less fancy-schmancy NICU within the same hospital network. We talked it through and agreed to free up their beds. However, when the paperwork arrived, we were asked to sign a waiver releasing both the hospitals and the ambulance service of responsibility for the babies during their transport. There was no way we were signing that, so the girls stayed put.

Two days later, M was ready to come home. She hadn’t quite made the weight cutoff, but they couldn’t see any reason she wouldn’t be just fine at home. She passed the carseat test, and home we went.

It takes a lot of blankets to secure a baby of less than 5 lbs in a carseat.

J was still on her feeding tube. I felt more torn as a mother of twins in that moment than I ever did before or since. I was celebrating the health of one of my daughters, but leaving the other alone at the hospital, without even her sister with her. My husband was away for an army training exercise, and I was still recovering from my C-section. Fortunately, my father-in-law was able to stay for 3 weeks, and drove us the 30 miles to the hospital every day so that I could deliver breast milk and steal a few moments with J. I couldn’t stay too long, though, since M was in her carseat in the hospital parking garage with Grampy.

After 5 long, agonizing days, J was ready to come home. It finally felt like my life as a parent could start. My friend just ended 48 days of that waiting, and I hope that her heart can finally begin to heal.

Did you get to bring your babies home at the same time?

Sadia’s daughters, M and J, are still short for their nearly 6 years, but Sadia is short for her nearly 33, so it works out nicely. They guzzle milk, grow, and keep each other busy in El Paso, TX.

From the archives: When breastfeeding multiples "fails"

Posted on by
18

I originally wrote this post for HDYDI last April as my boys approached their second birthday. As new readers have come to our blog in that time, I thought I would repost my experience trying to exclusively breastfeed.

I had plans to exclusively breastfeed my boys until they were at least a year old. I read books, attended classes, lined up lactation consultants (LCs), lined up a post-partum doula, and watched videos. I was ready for anything, or so I thought. I would find I was not the least bit prepared for breastfeeding two preemies.

My boys were born at 36w, 3d. At birth, Nate had breathing issues and Alex had “feeding issues.” Every preemie parent knows it is so easy to say “feeding issues” and so hard to deal with those feeding issues. We couldn’t leave the NICU until he gained weight.

In the meantime, we spent 24 hours a day at the hospital. I pumped every 3 hours and Jon labeled precious containers of breastmilk for the boys’ use in the NICU. After two days, they were cleared to try breastfeeding. Every three hours, we’d get seven people together to breastfeed – one nurse to wake up Alex, one nurse to wake up Nate, an LC, me, Jon, Alex, and Nate. For 20 minutes, the nurses would vigorously rub the babies’ heads, stroke their palms, and gently shake them until they woke up. I was then under the gun to try to get a good latch with each baby and get them sucking before they fell asleep again. No pressure or anything!

For the first couple of days, there was no success. They would then get a formula/breastmilk feeding by gravage and I would go back to my room to pump. We eventually got to the point where Nate was feeding well. However Alex’s sucking reflex was so weak we only had one successful feeding the entire week in the NICU.

At home, things rapidly went downhill. Jon and I were exhausted trying to focus on breastfeeding. The routine was – 20 minutes wake baby 1, 30 minutes feed, 20 minutes wake baby 2, 30 minutes feed, 30 minutes Laura pump, 60 minute break and start again. 24 hours a day.

Alex never stayed awake long enough for a feeding and the time he was awake, his sucking reflex was extremely weak. He lost so much weight his skin was sagging off him. We made a joint decision with our pediatrician to supplement with formula. An LC showed us how to cup-feed and SNS-feed. We had an LC at our home trying to help us as well. I broke down in giggling hysterics the first time Alex drank from a cup. Jon cried one night when Alex could barely stay awake through one ounce of formula. We were so worried Alex would die or have to  be re-hospitalized.

During this entire time, Nate was feeding well. I spent hours on the phone and internet with experts on what to do about Alex. We’d try him at the breast with an SNS then try to cup-feed him and eventually had to get out a bottle at each feeding.

I completely exhausted myself to the point of depression trying to get breastfeeding to work. We’d set the alarm to get one hour of sleep and when it would go off, I would cry hysterically. I got to the point that I didn’t want the boys to wake up because I was so tired. I cried and cried and cried. I cried in bed, I cried in the shower, and I cried sitting in my living room. I have a history of depression and I was heading a bad path very quickly.

Here’s where Jon saved me. I learned parenting is a joint decision. Jon said we had to make the best decision for our FAMILY. We were not comfortable with breastfeeding just one of the boys while the other was formula fed.  We decided we would try a new strategy for 24 hours. I would pump and we would bottle-feed the boys. I would get some rest then we would re-assess.

Those 24 hours, I didn’t cry once. I started to enjoy being a mom. I started to enjoy cuddling my babies and staring at their little toes and fingers. I felt the fog lifting once I switched to pumping. I felt like myself again. The despair and depression were gone. I decided to become an exclusive pumper.

We had lined up help for 2 months and when our help left, I found it very difficult to pump and care for the boys at the same time. After much discussion, Jon and I decided I would stop pumping. Our freezer stash lasted until the boys were almost 3 months old.

Looking back, I don’t feel like I failed at breastfeeding. At each step along the way, we made the decision we felt was best for our entire family. And that’s what I didn’t understand about parenting while I was pregnant – these decisions need to include the entire family, not just the babies. I would have loved to have made it to a year, but I feel like we did everything we could to make it successful. I have peace with my almost 3 months of breastfeeding twins as a first-time mother. While breastfeeding didn’t work out the way I planned, I feel ok about it because nothing in parenting has turned out the way I planned yet it continues to far exceed my expectations.

So long, farewell, adieu

Posted on by
12

No, not to you guys!  I’m not going anywhere.

Today, though, we polished off the last dregs of our giant cans of Enfamil Lipil.  Oh, the happy dance I am doing right now!

I was going to say “good riddance,” but I can’t be that negative about something that has kept my kids well-nourished and growing for their entire first year.  But man, I have really resented it at various points along the way.

In the NICU, there was the darker-colored and somehow worse-smelling pre-made stuff. I’m glad it was there to feed my kids, but I was so frustrated that my dutiful pumping was coming to naught.

They came home a week later with instructions to be on the high-cal version for every other feeding, so I’d mix a few quarts at a time: three scoops for every five ounces, instead of the usual one-for-two.  I couldn’t wait to get the all-clear from my pediatrician to stop it, because I felt like it was getting in the way of successful breastfeeding.

In the end, lots of things got in the way of successful breastfeeding, and at eight weeks old, they were full-time on Enfamil.  After that, I went to the warehouse store a couple of times a month, adding the cans to my cart six-at-a-time in addition to the diapers and wipes and laundry detergent.  $33 for a 38-ounce canister, which at the peak of formula consumption around 7-8 months would last us about three days. It was a nearly $80-per-week habit.  I know milk has gotten expensive lately, especially the organic stuff I feel oddly compelled to buy, but still… what an improvement!

Thanks to all for the great suggestions on the milk transition last week.  I decided to go step-by-step and do a formula/milk mix that became more and more milk over the course of 4-5 days, but kept it in their usual bottles.  The last two days, it was all milk with a scoop of formula tossed in for good measure, mostly so the last expensive bits of powder wouldn’t go to waste.  I don’t think my son really needed such a gradual transition, but my daughter is wary of new tastes in general, so we took it a little slower.  Today, we’re going cold-turkey on sippy cups instead of bottles.  Again, Daniel seems to have just shrugged and grabbed his cup.  Rebecca is suspicious, but she’ll come around.

The end of another era, my how time is flying.  At six months old, I could barely believe we had finally stopped swaddling and doing overnight bottles.  At eight, we ditched the infant carseats.  No longer do I live in a world of stationary playmats, exersaucers, bouncy seats, and bottles.  On we go to cups, milk, and gates so they don’t climb the stairs without me.  When did my babies become little kids?!

Ask the Moms – Milk Transition

Posted on by
13

Have a question for the HDYDI moms?  Ask away on our Features page, or in the comments!

— — —

It’s Wednesday, time for Ask the Moms, and I’ve decided to turn it around and ask all of you for advice!  Today’s topic: transitioning from bottles and formula to sippy cups and milk.

Yes, it’s a self-serving one on my part, but one that I know lots of people can relate to.  We’ve hit the magical one-year mark, and I cannot tell you how glad I am to have purchased my very last pallet of formula at the warehouse store.  Milk may have become expensive recently, but it’s nothing compared to the cost of formula.

Here’s what I’ve done so far, please chime in with your favorite tips and tricks for transitioning to milk!

First, my kids started toying with sippy cups around 6 or 7 months, but it was very sporadic.  They started being able to drink water from it with real regularity probably around 10-11 months.  Now, it’s no problem.  They’ll drink water or even some diluted apple juice from any variety of models, though our favorite is probably the Take & Toss ones.  Heck, my daughter even figured out a straw yesterday.  But if I give them a cup of milk?  A sip or two, maybe, but they still want their bottles of formula.

So, I changed my focus to getting them to drink milk, whatever the vessel.  Today’s mix in the bottle is half-formula, half-milk, and it was no problem.  I’m guessing we should be to 100% milk by the end of the weekend.  My son would probably tolerate a more abrupt change than that, but my daughter is wary of new tastes, so we’re taking it a day or two at a time.

Now, any suggestions for the final step of getting the milk into the sippy?  My kids still seem to really want those bottles 3-4 times a day to satisfy a particular type of hunger-thirst.  But handing them their cups at the normal bottle time turns into a revolt.  Hand them a cup of apple juice at snack time, and they practically chug it and slam the cup upside-down like a frat boy.  But a sippy cup of formula when they want a bottle?  How dare I?

Dear readers, what worked for you when waving bye-bye to bottles?  Or for the exclusively-breastfeeding bunch, were there any difficulties for you when going from breast to cups?  I know that true weaning is a different topic entirely (which was discussed recently by both Krissy and Rebecca), but what about the sippy-cup aspect?

Ask the Moms – Ask the Readers!

Posted on by
23

We’ve decided to turn the tables today and ask the readers to help out.  Not because we have a lack of things to say on this topic, but because we know there is no one solution that works for every mom, so we thought we’d throw it out there.

Reader and new mom “Momma Miriam” is struggling with breastfeeding.  Oh my, how we’ve all been there.  While some people are blessed with strong nursers and an abundant supply, many of us were not.  Breastfeeding, for many people, is not easy.  Breastfeeding twins is not only harder, but in my opinion, even more difficult if you don’t get off to a good start.  Some people are able to power through the difficulties and go on to breastfeed exclusively for a year or more.  Some pump, some do a breastmilk/formula combo, and some elect to stop breastfeeding for their own sanity.

We here at HDYDI believe there is no one right way to feed your babies. Breastfeeding is wonderful, and the benefits for mom and babies are numerous.  But that doesn’t mean it’s the only way to go, or the right thing for every family.  We do believe that, sometimes, stopping is the right thing to do.

I’m going to paste Momma Miriam’s question in its entirety after the jump, and invite people to leave their advice in the comments (that includes us HDYDI moms).  I know, this could potentially be stepping into a hornet’s nest, as breastfeeding (or not) can be a very heated and personal issue.  We want everyone’s opinions to be respected, and we reserve the right to delete comments that are hurtful or in any way disrespectful.  Disagreement is fine, insisting that your way is the only way is not.  I’m sure comments will be long, varied, and thorough.  Momma Miriam, and all other new moms, we hope it’s helpful.  To those who have already blogged on this subject, feel free to leave links to earlier entries.  You can also see the HDYDI archive on previous breastfeeding-related entries.

Continue reading →

Ask the Moms, part 18 – Nursing in Public

Posted on by
7

Have a question for the How Do You Do It? moms?  Ask away in the comments or on our Features page!

— — —

The HDYDI moms have made no secret of the fact that we’re big fans of getting out of the house with your babies whenever possible.  But just because we think it’s a good idea doesn’t mean that it’s easy.  Case in point, a question from our reader: how on earth do you get out of the house when you’re exclusively breastfeeding multiple newborns?!  Getting out of the house can be a production on its own, so how can that fit into a life when there are two babies who want to nurse every 1.5-2 hours?  As always, we have some suggestions.

The First Few Outings: Plan ahead, coordinate with feedings, and start small.

In my kids’ earliest days, I felt like I had to plan even the smallest outings at least several hours ahead of time.  First, I had to find the five minutes to actually think of what I was going to do!  Then, think of what I’d need to have with me, how long I’d be out of the house, etc.  The key, for me, was to have everything I needed all ready (packed in a diaper bag, carseats set out, etc.).  Then, I’d feed both babies and everything would be ready to go.  I’d all but bolt out of the house the moment they were fed and burped!  No wasted time.

If you haven’t already, start with just going for a walk (hooray for summer!). You don’t need to take much with you, but well in advance, get your carseats and/or stroller at the ready, maybe hats or receiving blankets for shade, maybe a few burp cloths (if your kids are as spitty as mine were!). The next time your kids are ready to eat, feed them both, and out you go!  The littlest ones will likely fall asleep the moment the stroller starts moving (you’ll miss this when it’s gone!).

This same strategy works for bottlefeeding, and for outings more ambitious than a walk around the neighborhood.  But if you’re nervous, start small and just get out there!  The worst that will happen is your babies will cry, and you’ll turn around, head for home, and be fine.

Branching Out: pick nursing/feeding-friendly spots

Ready for more? Think of a place that will have somewhere conducive to sitting and nursing in public.  Many baby stores have lounges for moms, and hey, didn’t you need something there anyways? Malls are also a great destination: indoors, smooth surfaces for the stroller… and department stores can have nice big dressing rooms.  Nordstrom’s is practically famous amongst new moms for their fabulous bathrooms.  One new one near me not only has chandeliers and couches, but (I kid you not) private nursing rooms with a door that locks from the inside, a recliner, and a changing table.  Even the food court can be an option.  If you have a nice park near you that’s a good walking destination, seek out the benches in the shade.  You probably want to avoid handicap stalls in bathrooms, for both the germ and demoralization factors.  Find someplace that will be comfortable and friendly, and go there.  I’ve even found a blog that lists good nursing rooms!  You can click on tags that list by state, store, etc.

Many of us have also nursed in the back of our cars in parking lots. Many cars have the tinted rear windows, which helps a little, and maybe you park a little farther away from everyone else, but it’s totally do-able.

Better than anything else: go to a friend’s house, especially one who also has babies.  Bring your nursing pillow, set yourself up in your friend’s guest room if you need more privacy.  Join your local MOT club and connect with other moms of new twins, and get together at each other’s places.

Specific strategies: Have the right tools

Yeah, they say it’s a poor craftsman who blames his tools, but sometimes you need the right ones for the job. First and foremost, you need a couple of great nursing bras.  The HDYDI moms recommend those made by Bravado and Medela.  Pricey?  Perhaps.  But you’ll wear them every single day as long as your nursing, so it’s worth the investment.  A crappy bra that you always have to fuss with will only frustrate you.  More important than the brand, however, is the fit.  Find a maternity store or lactation consultant and GET MEASURED.  This is true for all bras, but nursing bras in particular.  If you guess and don’t have the right size, even the fanciest bra won’t be comfortable.

For the sake of modesty, there are plenty of good accessories. I, for one, was more self-conscious about my squishy, stretchmarked belly than I was about the boob factor.  Nursing tanks are great for this, as you can wear them under another shirt, and they keep the belly covered while your providing access to the boob.  Another great “hack” from Emomily is to use the Bella Bands that they make for pregnant moms, and use them to cover and hold in the postpartum belly.  Nursing covers (aka “hooter hiders”) are also a great tool, instead of trying to keep a receiving blanket on baby’s head.

If you have a favorite nursing pillow that you just can’t live without, whether it’s the EZ 2 Nurse one for the tandem folks, or the My Brest Friend for one-at-a-time, bring it with you.  Don’t be shy about having what you’ll need to be successful.  The My Brest Friend totally fits in the basket of the Double Snap N Go.  The EZ 2 Nurse, maybe not (damn, that thing is huge!), but if you’re going somewhere that you’d be comfortable tandem nursing, bring it along!

Even the tandem-nursers in the group generally fed one baby at a time when in public.  Much easier to get situated and maintain a little privacy that way.  And speaking of privacy, many states have laws that specifically protect the right to breastfeed in public.  You do have that right, and I know a few “lactivists” who defend that right by happily tandem-nursing in public with nary a nursing cover in sight. I absolutely defend a woman’s right to nurse her child in public, but I will also say that a little consideration for those around you is never a bad thing.  You should not have to hide when you nurse, but I don’t think you have to shove your boob in your fellow diners’ faces, either.  In all things, moderation.

And, sometimes, you just bring bottles of expressed breastmilk or formula.  If you’re not comfortable nursing in public, that’s really OK.  You bring a bottle or two, you get home and pump if you need to… it’s all good.  As with anything, coordinating outings and feedings is all about practice.  There will be times when it goes well, and there will be times that you all crash and burn.  Keep on trying, and it will become second nature.

When breastfeeding multiples "fails"

Posted on by
24

I had plans to exclusively breastfeed my boys until they were at least a year old. I read books, attended classes, lined up lactation consultants (LCs), lined up a post-partum doula, and watched videos. I was ready for anything, or so I thought. I would find I was not the least bit prepared for breastfeeding two preemies.

My boys were born at 36w, 3d. At birth, Nate had breathing issues and Alex had “feeding issues.” Every preemie parent knows it is so easy to say “feeding issues” and so hard to deal with those feeding issues. We couldn’t leave the NICU until he gained weight.

In the meantime, we spent 24 hours a day at the hospital. I pumped every 3 hours and Jon labeled precious containers of breastmilk for the boys’ use in the NICU. After two days, they were cleared to try breastfeeding. Every three hours, we’d get seven people together to breastfeed – one nurse to wake up Alex, one nurse to wake up Nate, an LC, me, Jon, Alex, and Nate. For 20 minutes, the nurses would vigorously rub the babies’ heads, stroke their palms, and gently shake them until they woke up. I was then under the gun to try to get a good latch with each baby and get them sucking before they fell asleep again. No pressure or anything!

For the first couple of days, there was no success. They would then get a formula/breastmilk feeding by gravage and I would go back to my room to pump. We eventually got to the point where Nate was feeding well. However Alex’s sucking reflex was so weak we only had one successful feeding the entire week in the NICU.

At home, things rapidly went downhill. Jon and I were exhausted trying to focus on breastfeeding. The routine was – 20 minutes wake baby 1, 30 minutes feed, 20 minutes wake baby 2, 30 minutes feed, 30 minutes Laura pump, 60 minute break and start again. 24 hours a day.

Alex never stayed awake long enough for a feeding and the time he was awake, his sucking reflex was extremely weak. He lost so much weight his skin was sagging off him. We made a joint decision with our pediatrician to supplement with formula. An LC showed us how to cup-feed and SNS-feed. We had an LC at our home trying to help us as well. I broke down in giggling hysterics the first time Alex drank from a cup. Jon cried one night when Alex could barely stay awake through one ounce of formula. We were so worried Alex would die or have to  be re-hospitalized.

During this entire time, Nate was feeding well. I spent hours on the phone and internet with experts on what to do about Alex. We’d try him at the breast with an SNS then try to cup-feed him and eventually had to get out a bottle at each feeding.

I completely exhausted myself to the point of depression trying to get breastfeeding to work. We’d set the alarm to get one hour of sleep and when it would go off, I would cry hysterically. I got to the point that I didn’t want the boys to wake up because I was so tired. I cried and cried and cried. I cried in bed, I cried in the shower, and I cried sitting in my living room. I have a history of depression and I was heading a bad path very quickly.

Here’s where Jon saved me. I learned parenting is a joint decision. Jon said we had to make the best decision for our FAMILY. We were not comfortable with breastfeeding just one of the boys while the other was formula fed.  We decided we would try a new strategy for 24 hours. I would pump and we would bottle-feed the boys. I would get some rest then we would re-assess.

Those 24 hours, I didn’t cry once. I started to enjoy being a mom. I started to enjoy cuddling my babies and staring at their little toes and fingers. I felt the fog lifting once I switched to pumping. I felt like myself again. The despair and depression were gone. I decided to become an exclusive pumper.

We had lined up help for 2 months and when our help left, I found it very difficult to pump and care for the boys at the same time. After much discussion, Jon and I decided I would stop pumping. Our freezer stash lasted until the boys were almost 3 months old.

Looking back, I don’t feel like I failed at breastfeeding. At each step along the way, we made the decision we felt was best for our entire family. And that’s what I didn’t understand about parenting while I was pregnant – these decisions need to include the entire family, not just the babies. I would have loved to have made it to a year, but I feel like we did everything we could to make it successful. I have peace with my almost 3 months of breastfeeding twins as a first-time mother. While breastfeeding didn’t work out the way I planned, I feel ok about it because nothing in parenting has turned out the way I planned yet it continues to far exceed my expectations.

The First Months: Actually Leaving the House

Posted on by
6

After a particularly successful outing with my nine month olds, I was reviewing the trip, analyzing it to figure out exactly why it went so well. And although I doubt I could duplicate the success of the day, I have noticed a few themes that occur more often than not on our good days. As such, I would like to pass along a few tidbits I have learned over the last few months…most of which I learned the the hard way!

When I brought home my two little screaming bundles of joy from the hospital, I was so relieved to be freed from the confines of my pregnant belly, that I couldn’t wait to get out and about without the careful chaperoning of my husband. However, as a new MoM, I wasn’t going anywhere with out said shrieking bundles. The first few weeks I had lots of family help, and was chauffeured as I wasn’t able to drive post c-section. But bright and early on a Monday morning, 3 weeks after Faith and Jonathan were born, I was on my own. So what did I do on my first day flying solo? Well, I went to the mall.

I desperately needed to be around people, and simply could not tolerate being in the house another day without going a little stir crazy. I can’t remember much about that trip, but I do remember the drive home, because both babies were WAILING the whole time. My hormonal nerves were frayed, and I begged each red light to change. Obviously, I had pushed the envelope, and was now paying for it. I arrived home with two babies who were certain they were starving, and were going to pass out if they were not fed right now! After feeding them, they quieted, and my stress level lessened. I realized that I should have fed the babies prior to loading them into the car and heading home…and that is tip #1. Always plan your outings around your feedings.

Babies with full tummies travel and tolerate changes much better than hungry babies. Expect your newborns to need to be fed while you are out and about, and prepare for it. If your babies are drinking their milk in bottles, they can be fed two at a time while in their carseats. If you will need a private place to breastfeed, consider nursing in your vehicle, or in a handicapped changing room. The handicapped rooms have enough room for maneuvering a double or triple stroller, and are great for quick diaper changes, far removed from the prying eyes of all those interested in your “double trouble” duo.

My second tip would be to #2. Quit while you are ahead. And by this I mean, reconsider your time-line. Before I was a mom, I could easily go from one store/activity to the next, with barely a bathroom break in between. But my little ones do not have the ability to go from location to location without a break. Lets face it, no matter how scheduled we try to be, there is nothing like two or more infants to throw a wrench in your perfectly choreographed day. If you overbook your day, or your expectations are too high, you might find yourself frustrated, and itching to check just one more thing off of your to-do list. I vividly recall feeling so annoyed that my babies would barely tolerate one (1.7 mile) trip around the park….didn’t they know that Mama does two laps? I definitely had to change my thinking.

Today, we left our outing with enough time to get home for naps, and before the kids melted down. In this way, I ended the trip feeling quite pleased with our day, rather than put out that I couldn’t window shop/walk/sip my coffee longer.

Lastly, I want to talk about # 3. Technique. The idea of loading and unloading my kiddos from the house to the car and getting them into different restaurants/stores/doctor’sappointments was overwhelming for me. Before I gave birth, I couldn’t imagine how to do it. My babies were in infant car seats from 0-6 months. To get us out the door, I would:

1. Load babies into car seats, and place by front door.

2. Run purse, water bottle and diaperbag out to car, and start it with A/C or heat on, depending on the weather.

3. Carry the babies to the car and snap them in. When they got older and heavier, I would leave one on the front porch, and snap the sibling into the carseat base. Repeat.

From six months on, we have been using convertible car seats. The trick that I employ is placing a pac-n-play by the front door as a “staging area.” I will take one child out to the car and come back for their sibling, who was contained in a safe place. This has become especially useful as the babies have recently started to crawl. Using the pac-n-play provides me with peace of mind as I shovel the walkway, or scrape ice from our windshield.

I also like to keep a bjorn or similar carrying device tucked into the basket of my stroller. This has come in very handy during meltdowns, and I can comfort one by carrying them while having my hands free to push the other baby in the stroller. It is hard on the back, but then again, nearly everything about motherhood hurts my back!

Also, whenever possible, I park near handicap entrances, and utilize the ramp, automatic doors and lower curbs. And a good trick for grocery shopping or doing your Target run…place one infant carrier in the front of the cart, and carry the other in a bjorn or sling. This leaves your cart free for your purchases.

Leaving the house with two babies is absolutely possible, and totally necessary for the mental health of MoM. Remember, you are strong and capable! The way I figure it, the very worst thing that could happen is both babies could cry/scream/poop/pee/vomit and you could turn into a hormonal pile of mush. Face it, that could just as easily happen at home! But at least this way, you can make good use of the Starbucks drive-thru!